


Citation

by KingJackson



Series: Anthology [1]
Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: (please keep in mind that this is primarily a JJP fic with hints of Markson), Alternate Universe - College/University, Enemies to Lovers, Jinyoung-Centric, M/M, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Soft!Jaebum, asshole!jinyoung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 22:18:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 115,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8303272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingJackson/pseuds/KingJackson
Summary: When the one book he needs for an important term paper has to remain in the campus library, Jinyoung catches the eye of Jaebum, a library assistant.





	1. Chapter 1

Park Jinyoung started his junior year of college like any other - staying up late the night before an 8 A.M. class time, filling up on junk food at the campus snack bar and putting most of his assignments off until the last minute. It wasn’t that he was a bad student; Jinyoung was gifted and he knew it. High school was a breeze and he didn’t find the first two years of university to be much different. Sure, his level of independence had skyrocketed, no longer needing to check in with his parents when he was leaving their house, but Jinyoung knew what he was capable of in every situation. If he had a test coming up, two hours of cramming the night before were all that he needed. A term paper? Three days, max. Group projects couldn’t even give him a reason to adjust to a heavier workload - he simply handled his portion in his predetermined schedule that everything else fed into; his classmates would have to deal. Not that any of them minded, as they knew Jinyoung was lackadaisical, but brilliant.

Prerequisite classes weren’t entirely exciting and the times they were offered were definitely too early, but Jinyoung powered through, happily entering this semester with a stacked schedule all relevant to his major, Communication Sciences and Disorders. Jinyoung fell into the communication department almost without trying, his observant nature a handy tool in developing a rapid understanding of the subject. While he considered himself an extrovert, Jinyoung was sly and calculated, every word spoken with a purpose to hit his point home to whoever was lucky enough to be listening. He didn’t feel the need to be loud just for the sake of being heard; people would listen if his message conveyed the power necessary. Jinyoung knew what made others tick, what could make them swoon. He could sugarcoat when he found himself in a sticky situation, or dig painfully deep when hurt, like a metaphorical bandage ripping off as every word left his mouth. 

But Jinyoung wanted to use his expertise in reading verbal and nonverbal cues for good, at least in his future professional life, which was why he found himself sitting in the back row of his Language Disorders course a few weeks into his fall semester. So far, the professor had done an adequate job of introducing the course material the first month of classes, assigning some simple worksheets and in-class partner projects. For that, Jinyoung was thankful as he never prioritized out-of-class work, simply pushing it to his overcrowded back burner until an internal timer warned him of a due date.

It was the end of September, and by now, the printed syllabus handed out on the first day had been crammed to the bottom of Jinyoung’s backpack, keeping his (pristine and unmarked) school-provided planner company. He glanced at the clock high up above the doorway, ticking each second slowly until the class would disperse, allowing Jinyoung to catch up with his roommate and grab a bite to eat before a much deserved nap. The professor wrapped up about five minutes earlier than her average, making Jinyoung even more excited to hop out of his chair, until he heard what no university student wants to hear.

“There’s been an adjustment to the week five portion of the syllabus,” his professor stated, heads swiveling around from packing up bags and purses to the image projected against the front wall of the hall. “Not that most of you had been following along anyway.”

A few chuckles rang out amongst the class, followed by some grumbles as the professor outlined what would be the students’ first term paper of the class. Jinyoung reluctantly jotted down the bullets listed into his only notebook, making sure he understood all of the requirements. Even though he was a procrastinator and only put forth a portion of his total effort, Jinyoung didn’t want to be responsible for self-sabotage before midterms even happened.

“Also, I want proof that you used all resources available to you on this campus,” his professor grinned before continuing, “and the rapid growth of technology in recent years has made so many amazing things possible, including academic research. But even the best and brightest can pick up a book, a physical book, and reference it in their work. This is why I will be requiring at least one book available in our reference section in the campus library to be evident in your citations and bibliographies.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. He could count on one hand the number of times he had entered the library and about half of those times were simply to get out of the rain on his way to or from class. Thinking back, Jinyoung knew he hadn’t even touched one of the books inside, choosing to use one of the quiet computer labs or needing to print out a paper before turning it in. The fact that this professor wanted to “reconnect” his class with a physical format made Jinyoung groan internally, knowing it wasn’t necessarily required to enhance a student’s work, but rather appease his professor’s outdated outlook on the state of information and technology.

As soon as the professor finished explaining the paper, the students filed out as usual, Jinyoung gliding down the staircase and out the door. Pausing in the hallway only to place his headphones on his head and start his favorite playlist, Jinyoung sighed heavily, stepping out into the autumn air.

 

Jinyoung had just celebrated his 20th birthday the week prior and was already missing the worry-free teen he once was. The newly announced project weighed heavier on his mind than it normally would and he could only curse under his breath as he passed the brick building on his left, a bronze title plate attached to the building catching the light. The word ‘Library’ was embossed in thick capital letters above a grand entrance, a few groups of students sitting in intervals on the stone stairs. Ivy climbed the wall nearest to Jinyoung, making him slightly gag at the truly picturesque sight in front of him. _Certainly this is what a college brochure’s wet dreams are made of_ , he thought, smirking to himself as his feet casually guided him to the front entrance.

Knowing that there were nine days between the current time and the paper’s due date made Jinyoung hesitate at the revolving door. It wasn’t like him to want to get a head start, but maybe this was his own way of handling an idiotic requirement - simply “getting it out of the way.” He snickered at his own thought process, knowing that taking classes actually relevant to his major and future career could possibly adjust his lackluster academic habits. He pushed through the door, stepping out and following the signs suspended by thin wires from the ceiling to the designated reference area.

Recognizing a few of his classmates from the session that just ended, Jinyoung knew he was in the right section. Bopping along to the songs playing in his ears, he scanned the shelves, searching for anything he could slap between internet articles and online research listings in his resource list. _I could honestly use any of these,_ Jinyoung thought to himself. _They all literally have the word communication listed in the title. She’ll never know._

As he went to slide a red hardback off of the shelf, a few heavy taps to his shoulder startled Jinyoung, causing him to drop the book to the ground. He peeled his headphones back and snapped his head in the direction the interruption came from, a glare already plastered to his face.

In front of him stood a boy with dark hair, carefully parted to the side and styled up behind one ear, tasteful piercings dripping from each lobe. His eyebrows were sharp, leading to an artfully chiseled nose, dipping down into a set of pouty lips curved into a dorky smirk. His eyes reflected his seemingly cheerful demeanor as he read Jinyoung’s stunned and slightly annoyed reaction.

“I said can I help you find anything?” His eyes softened, Jinyoung realizing that he must be one of the student assistants that float through the aisles, normally helping lost freshman during this part of the semester.

“I’m good,” Jinyoung gave a soft smile, hoping it was enough to show that he knew what he was doing, bending over and picking the book up off the ground.

The other boy’s playful grin returned to his face, showing that he wasn’t deterred by one simple statement. He looked over to the cover of the book Jinyoung had grabbed, carefully taking it out of his hands.

“Comm theory, eh?” The boy chuckled, Jinyoung not reacting, unsure of why he of all people looked approachable in his heavy duty headphones and blank expression. As Jinyoung went to spit one of his infamous “get out of the awkward situation immediately” lines, the older boy held his hand out, gripping the book to his chest with his other.

“Jaebum,” he smiled. “Im Jaebum. Library assistant, specifically in the reference area. And you are?”

Jinyoung lifted an eyebrow, glancing at Jaebum’s face.

“I didn’t know every student who visited the library got a personal assistant,” he snorted, holding back a slight giggle of admiration for his own retort.

Jaebum’s face slightly fell, his glossy façade breaking. Jinyoung watched his eyes turn from smiling crescents to piercing fine lines, the mood shifting almost immediately. Suddenly, Jinyoung felt the ball leave his court, and Jaebum placing it firmly in his.

“Well, if you’re a student you must know that this book can’t leave the reference area,” Jaebum stated in a near monotone, compared to his sunnier introduction. “No exceptions.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes, letting out an incredulous sound.

“This is for my Language Disorders course,” he stated simply. “It’s required for my term paper. The professor should have given the library instructions to let us take what we need.”

Jaebum let out a subdued laugh, Jinyoung noticing how his relaxed demeanor had vanished as Jinyoung continued to (apparently) press his buttons. He could have sworn he had the height advantage in the beginning, but Jaebum felt like a tower now, blocking out the surrounding fluorescent light with a knowing grin.

“Hmm… doesn’t ring a bell,” Jaebum shrugged nonchalantly. “But you’re more than welcome to look at it all you want here. I’ll even save you a seat at our best table in the section, all for our special student who needs this for his very important term paper. How does that sound?”

Jinyoung glared at Jaebum as he smirked, flipping through the pages of the book Jinyoung selected just to get in and out of the library with as little human interaction as possible. Not only was he making this ten times more difficult as Jinyoung had anticipated, Jaebum was also unaware of Jinyoung’s implied ownership of every social interaction he participated in.

Jinyoung didn’t appreciate how someone could shift the entire atmosphere of the conversation right in front of his eyes without his permission. That was _his_ thing. Jinyoung was the one in charge of the discussion, mood, body language, length of interaction… _everything_. And now this _Im Jaebum_ was in front of him, challenging his every category over a fucking _book_.

Snatching the book from his arms with a glare, Jinyoung took a step in Jaebum’s direction, trying to retain some of his dominance in this exchange.

“It better be good,” Jinyoung spat, hugging the book to his chest as Jaebum gave him a questioning look before turning on his heel to lead him to the tables available to students.

Jaebum selected a chair at a long table meant for a larger group, but right next to the floor-to-ceiling length windows encompassing the reference area. Jinyoung raised an eyebrow as he placed his backpack in the chair next to his, sliding down and placing the book in front of him. Jaebum’s original eye smile returned, pleased with himself and his ability to convince Jinyoung to follow his way.

“Groups don’t normally meet here,” he waved a hand in the air, signalling to another part of the library. “Something about the other areas having more outlets and chargers and whatever.”

Jinyoung just nodded, his body weak from his defeat of the conversation he previously had with Jaebum. It was stupid, he knew that. It was dumb to pout and act like a baby when he couldn’t get his way with words, but he needed this book and whatever reference he could extract from it before its due date next week.

Jaebum watched Jinyoung as he slowly opened the hardback in front of him, standing back up straight from leaning against the edge.

“I’m here most days,” he motioned to the large curved desk in the center of the room, piled high with books and documents to be sorted. “If you need anything, I promise I’ll do my best to help.” 

Jinyoung hummed in appreciation, giving a slight nod before Jaebum headed to sit behind the desk, immediately involving himself in an accordion-like folder stuffed haphazardly with yellowing newspaper. Jinyoung picked his book up, holding it slightly in front of his face as he slid his headphones back on, stealing a glance at Jaebum every so often as he scanned the book for anything he could use.

He didn’t know why he immediately put up a barrier between him and Jaebum, perhaps it was being touched without his permission to get his attention, or simply that he had no interest in connecting with another human being in that moment. But the more Jinyoung peeked at the other boy, deeply focused on alphabetizing some documents, he realized that it wasn’t Jaebum _himself_ that triggered his sharp tongue, but rather the unexpected task of having to pick up a _book_. He would have to learn to separate the two, the books and Jaebum. Part of him hoped he could.

After doing a perfectly good job of scanning the same page for twenty minutes, Jinyoung’s phone buzzed twice, a message notification lighting up the screen.

 

From: Mark

_Did you get lost? Been waiting for you for almost 30 min in the dining hall._

 

Jinyoung sighed as he shut the book, sliding his chair out and getting up from the table, heading to place it back on the shelf where he found it. But suddenly, a towering body was back in front of him, blocking his path with a soft, goofy smile.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jaebum beamed. “I’ll take care of it. Next time when you need it, just ask me at the desk when you get here.”

Jinyoung chuckled and raised an eyebrow. “Next time?”

Jaebum’s eyes flattened into a knowing glance.

“I can hear a page turn twenty feet away,” he stated, watching Jinyoung tint pink. “I’m sure you’ll get past page one tomorrow.”

With that, Jaebum plucked the book from Jinyoung’s grip, shooting him a grin before disappearing beyond the shelves, leaving Jinyoung to contemplate how he had finally met someone who could shift the tides faster than he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This is my first work in this fandom and first piece of writing in a few years, so I appreciate you taking the time to check it out.
> 
> Next update coming soon :)


	2. Chapter 2

“You look like shit.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes at his roommate’s comment, plopping his body in the chair across from Mark at their usual table in the campus dining hall.

“Thank you so much,” Jinyoung beamed sarcastically. “That means… the world to me to hear those words come from your mouth. My dearest roommate, Mark… what would I ever do without you?”

Mark giggled, taking another bite from his sandwich as he narrowly dodged a slight kick under the table.

“Let me rephrase,” he smiled. “You look absolutely, positively… ready to kick someone’s ass. Please don’t say mine?”

It was Jinyoung’s turn to let out a laugh, some of the tension leaving his body as his face relaxed into a more cheerful look.

Mark and Jinyoung had been friends since Jinyoung’s freshman year of high school, both being a part of the school’s yearbook club. While Jinyoung was looking for something with minimal effort that would still look stellar on a college application, Mark had a budding passion for photography. Mark was one year older, much more subdued and had the ability to capture candid moments with ease, like a fly on the wall. Jinyoung became Mark’s partner on many of his assignments, slowly learning everything Mark could teach about the equipment he used, as well as his stylistic approach. As the years went on, they continued to work together until Mark graduated, leaving him to lead the remaining students in capturing the year’s moments in photos.

Jinyoung would never admit it out loud, but he took pride in his work he did for the school, even continuing to use his personal digital camera throughout the years when time allowed. He never shared his work or uploaded edited photos, but kept the continuing hobby a secret, not wanting any added pressure that would take away the little joy he found in it.

Reconnecting after Jinyoung’s graduation, Mark had agreed to be his roommate without hesitation. The two were more similar than they were different - well-behaved boys from good families that only wanted success for their young scholars. Mark was introverted, even-tempered and had a good sense of humor, all traits that went well with Jinyoung’s sharp tongue and never-ending sarcasm. The older would always say that Jinyoung was an introvert’s extrovert, able to sense when Mark needed space or didn’t want to open up, but always there when needed.

Now that Mark was once again preparing to graduate within the year, Jinyoung tried his best to make every moment count, from attending more parties together, or forcing Mark to give his number to the prettiest girl in his graphic design class. Jinyoung was Mark’s wingman in every aspect of his life and vowed to continue that practice even after they both finished their degrees. No matter where life would take them next, there would always be their friendship, unbreakable by design.

“You art students are so fucking lucky,” Jinyoung snorted, starting to stab at his salad adorned with chunks of chicken tenders. “How many times have you been forced to use the campus library?”

“Hmm… if you don’t count the times you and I hid from the rain,” Mark began, pretending to count on his fingers, “I think my count is at negative five.”

Mark giggled again as Jinyoung rolled his eyes, forcing the vinaigrette-soaked leaves in his mouth, chewing with a sense of unrivaled aggression.

“Anyway, my professor assigned us a new report that is forcing us to use reference books,” Jinyoung scoffed, trying to make the request seem as ridiculous as he found it to be.

Mark only managed to raise an eyebrow, struggling to understand Jinyoung’s sudden annoyance with the printed word.

“Uh,” Mark gave a puzzled look to his friend. “That doesn’t seem so bad. I mean, you walk past the library at least once a day. You can get permi-”

“No! I can’t fucking get permission!” Jinyoung waved his arms as he cut Mark off, apparently unable to convey his distaste of his professor’s requirement.

It was Mark’s turn to roll his eyes, trying not to let out a small chuckle.

“What, do they have some worker there who isn’t letting my Jinyoungie get what he wants?”

Jinyoung’s cheeks flushed at the thought of Jaebum, the rude, yet somewhat accommodating (but definitely rude), assistant. Jinyoung sank back into his seat as he continued to poke at his salad, having no reply to the remark from across the table.

However, picking up on nonverbal cues was also one of Mark’s specialties, and Jinyoung rushed to cover his burning cheeks before Mark could comment, but…

“Who is he?”

_Fuck_.

“It is a he, right?” Mark’s giggle continued to grow until Jinyoung forced himself to look across the table, pointing a finger in his direction.

“You have the wrong idea,” Jinyoung accused, visibly exhausted from every social test he’s withstood since walking into his first class of the day. “He was just this asshole who wasn’t helping my situation at all. He tried to help me when it was clear I didn’t want help.”

“I know that side of you too well,” Mark smiled, sipping his energy drink. “How dare someone offer Park Jinyoung a helping hand!”

“It wasn’t exactly like that,” Jinyoung began. “He came up to me when I was wearing my headphones, he knew I didn’t want to talk.”

Mark shrugged in agreement, knowing he had used the same tactic many times in his college career.

“And then once he so kindly reminded me I couldn’t take the goddamn book, he assigned me some sort of ‘special seat’ I could use in the section,” Jinyoung stated incredulously. “A special seat! Who the fuck do I look like, a kindergartner?”

“You sure as hell don’t sound like one,” Mark commented. “You know, with all the goddamn fucking books you needed…”

The smirk on Mark’s face grew as Jinyoung rolled his eyes again, knowing that Mark wouldn’t be so easily convinced of Jinyoung’s personal struggles.

“Look, I’m sure he was just trying to be friendly,” Mark shrugged. “People can do that, you know. You could give it a try sometime.”

With that, Mark ended up wearing the rest of Jinyoung’s salad.

  


After finding little to no sympathy from his supposed best friend, Jinyoung decided to head back home, sliding his key card in the front door and taking the steps two at a time to the next floor up. After unlocking the door to their apartment-style dorm, he threw his bag on the couch in the living room area, passing the small kitchen area to head down to his separate bedroom.

Of all the perks of being an upperclassman, separate bedrooms had to be in the top five. Not that he minded Mark’s company (even if their most recent exchange was just another stressor to add to that day’s pile), but they were both young adults with needs and it made life easier. They no longer had to fight over their claim for the entire dorm room if a romantic evening was planned, or conversely, find an alternate location in case of roommate emergency. Now they could come (literally) and go as they pleased, never disrupting the other, unless it was deliberately planned.

Jinyoung flopped back onto his half-made bed, comforter cascading over the edge onto the floor, covering up last night’s dirty laundry. Staring up at the ceiling, he let his mind relax, letting go of all the idiotic nonsense he had to experience the first half of his day. He knew holding a grudge was useless in this case, but he wanted so badly to be right, to have the upper hand at all times.

He thought back to the library, how he ended up in the chair at the table Jaebum led him to. Jinyoung could have stood up, walked out and left the book behind, but instead he sat in stunned silence, hardly able to digest the contents of a single page.

Groaning softly, Jinyoung rubbed his face as he replayed Mark’s voice in his head.

_Who is he?_

Jinyoung knew what Mark meant. What Mark was insinuating.

Jinyoung’s history spoke for itself when it came to his romantic pursuits. There had been both men and women, his past mostly made of girls before using college as a perfect excuse to “experiment.” His number was on par with whatever the going university average claimed to be and Jinyoung was used to being pursued for whatever mindless fun someone would propose to him. No strings attached was the way he liked it; it fit in his schedule of letting things and people come and go as they pleased, never needing to amp up his efforts to get someone to stick around. If they found Jinyoung to be as great as he already knew he was, he naturally assumed they would stay.

That assumption was most likely the cause for Jinyoung’s recent dry spell, but he shrugged off the idea of putting any additional effort into finding “the one” at this point in his life. He was twenty years old, absolutely too young to even consider thinking that one of his peers was going to be his “forever love.” In fact, watching couples celebrate multi-year anniversaries, in person or on social media, was nauseating to Jinyoung. The extravagant gifts, well-thought-out trips to landmarks throughout a relationship, public proposals…

Jinyoung made a slight gagging sound as he lay in bed, contemplating the thought of anyone in his life getting down on one knee in front of him during a busy dinner service at a restaurant with white tablecloths. Surely they would understand that Jinyoung liked to keep food and romance as far apart as possible, especially with the possibility of ruining a perfectly good meal with an outdated proposal.

His mind floated back to Jaebum in the library, Jinyoung replaying the hardening of the other’s expression as he remembered his witty comebacks. He giggled to himself in bed, knowing that in his mind, he always had the upper hand.

 

The next morning, Jinyoung forced himself out of bed, heading into his bathroom to wash up. Taking an extra hot shower was one of his favorite things to do on his days without any classes, knowing that most students were out of the building, giving Jinyoung a few extra minutes of steamy bliss.

Stepping out and drying himself off with a towel, Jinyoung checked himself out in the mirror, picking slightly at any imperfections along his jawline, sweeping his hair into his signature side part. Back in his bedroom, he dressed himself in the usual articles - a black-and-white striped pullover sweater layered over relaxed black slacks, rolled up an inch higher than most would choose, paired with low-cut oxfords. He didn’t have much planned for his off day, so the only accessory was a smaller shoulder bag, packed with his digital camera.

As he packed his things, Jinyoung noticed his small note he made during his class the day prior, outlining the requirements for his report. He sighed heavily, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the wall, cursing under his breath.

Jinyoung knew he had to go to the library today. There was no way around it. Wednesdays were Jinyoung’s busiest days and the last thing he wanted to add to his schedule was a trip to the library. Looking through his lack of notes he took in the reference area the day before, Jinyoung reluctantly placed his notepad and pen inside his bag next to his camera, silently convincing himself that a few minutes to grab the quotes he needed from the book wouldn’t completely ruin his day off.

_It won’t be so bad_ , Jinyoung thought. _You already know where the book is and you can put it back when you’re done. Easy enough._

Jinyoung threw the bag over his shoulder, checking himself out in his mirror one last time.

_Maybe he won’t even be there._

A smirk crossed his face as Jinyoung switched his light off, locking the door behind him as he made his way out.

  


Autumn was Jinyoung’s favorite season. Never a fan of showing a ton of skin, he loved to cozy up into his worn-in pullovers and sweaters, pulling the long sleeves over his hands as he drank whatever seasonal flavors the local coffee shop brewed. His first stop of the day was to pick up a small hot beverage, carrying it carefully as he walked along the leaf-filled path. Jinyoung had hoped that the caffeine would carry him through the time he was about to spend in the reference section, already dreading social interactions with little payoff.

Tossing his empty cup before stepping inside the library, Jinyoung slowly crept towards the reference section, peering around the corner to see if he recognized a certain student working at the desk. Noticing the empty space, Jinyoung slinked around the corner, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. He huddled in a corner near the reference section’s entrance, silently fist-pumping to himself that he would be alone and could get what he needed.

Tip-toeing down the aisle he had browsed the day before, Jinyoung made sure to act as silently as possible, foregoing his headphones today to appear extra observant and allowing him to use all of his senses. Suddenly, he felt much like a cat, nearly crouching down as he explored the shelves, ears perking up at the smallest of sounds, ready to flee if startled.

But as Jinyoung approached the familiar row of books from the day before, he noticed a gap where the book - his book - should be. A wave of panic crashed over him, causing Jinyoung to start flipping through the surrounding books haphazardly.

_It was here yesterday,_ he thought to himself. _It’s here, it’s here, I swear to fucking…_

“Here.”

Jinyoung froze from flipping title by title on the bookshelf, slowly swiveling his head to the left. Jaebum smiled with his arm outreached in Jinyoung’s direction, holding the book from the previous day. Jinyoung stared at the other boy for a moment before snatching the book suddenly, causing Jaebum to jump slightly.

“Why the hell wasn’t it on the shelf, are you trying to make my life even more difficult?” Jinyoung gripped the book to his chest.

“Look, someone else had just finished using it and I was about to put it back,” Jaebum soothed. “The whole world isn’t out to get you… at least I’m certainly not.”

A small laugh left Jinyoung’s lips as he adjusted his bag on his arm, holding the book more loosely.

“Is my spot still free?”

  


After Jaebum ushered Jinyoung over to the chair from the previous day, Jinyoung watched as the other boy went back to adjust the shelves Jinyoung had selfishly ravaged through in a panic. Remembering what Jaebum had said the day before about hearing pages turning, Jinyoung made sure to flip through every page with emphasis, sometimes without even reading the contents before moving onto the next. Pulling his notebook out, he was able to jot some thoughts down before noticing Jaebum sitting back behind the large centralized desk, feet up as he cracked open a paperback novel.

Jinyoung couldn’t help but stare as he observed the desk he remembered from the day before. Gone were the large stacks of documents and books to be sorted and filed, and Jinyoung couldn’t help but wonder if Jaebum had gotten through all of that work on his own or if he had some sort of help.

_Who fucking cares. Who the fuck fucking cares, Park Jinyoung?_

Shaking his head and snapping back to his note taking, Jinyoung observed Jaebum as he read peacefully in his own world. Today, Jaebum seemed to understand Jinyoung’s personal boundaries as far as words, space and time were concerned. For that, he was thankful, but it almost made the reference section feel even more lifeless than before, the only sign of warmth being the rays of sunshine peeking through the large paned windows behind Jinyoung’s “assigned” seat.

As Jinyoung went to turn the next page dramatically to ensure an audible noise, he heard heavy fast-paced footsteps turn the same corner he had snuck around to enter the space earlier. However, this time instead of a tall and handsome individual such as Jinyoung showing up, a burst of energy with shocking blond hair raced up to the desk.

“Jaebum! My most favorite library assistant,” the boy beamed as he rested his head in his hands, leaning against the desk in a flirty pose. “I don’t have any books with me, but maybe you could check me out instead?”

Jinyoung couldn’t hold back the gagging noise bubbling in his throat, attempting to hide behind his book as he cleared his throat, hoping that the blond wasn’t keen on accusing others of eavesdropping even when the conversation was nearly impossible to avoid.

Hearing a softer “Who’s that?” and incoherent mumbling from Jaebum meant that Jinyoung was partly in the clear, slowly lowering his book as he went back to staring at the previous page. The two boys at the reference desk continued to chat in a low whisper, purposefully quiet enough so Jinyoung couldn’t pick up on any additional lewd phrases. For that, he was thankful, as it was nearing the time he wanted to exit the library.

However, footsteps slowly approached Jinyoung’s table and all of a sudden, the shorter blond boy with the 100 watt smile sat at the table, grinning ear-to-ear, hands folded politely in front of him.

“Can I… help you?” Jinyoung questioned, closing his book as he gave the boy an odd glance.

“Yes! I do need help, you seem like you can help me,” he rushed, still keeping a smile on his face. “I’m… doing a survey of students here and their choice to live on campus or not.”

Jinyoung’s expression went blank, clearly unamused by why he of all people was deemed approachable two days in a row by strangers in this library.

“Okay?” Jinyoung went to stand up, packing his bag back up. “I live in one of the apartment-type dorms on the other side of campus with my roommate. Anything else?”

Jinyoung meant the last comment rhetorically but the other boy seized the opportunity by holding his hand out.

“Just your name!” He grabbed Jinyoung's hand, clasping his other on top, forcing them into a sturdy handshake against Jinyoung’s will. “I’m Jackson!”

Jinyoung pulled his arm back, careful to steady his camera bag on his arm.

“Jinyoung.”

Shoving past Jackson lightly, Jinyoung took the book he had been using now for two days, heading to the same aisle, not wanting to burden Jaebum with such an arduous task of placing it back on the shelf. Yet, once again, towering over him as he stepped towards the area was Jaebum, gently taking the book from his hand with a playful smirk, his fingertips brushing over the back of Jinyoung’s hand.

“I told you I’d take care of it,” he smiled knowingly. “Jinyoung.”

Goosebumps bubbled up on Jinyoung’s arm as he snatched it away from Jaebum’s view. He felt blood rushing to his cheeks, making him snap his head away from Jaebum, not wanting to leave the library blushing two days in a row.

“Why are you like this?”

Jinyoung didn’t know why he blurted it out, but he couldn’t take it back. Normally, he could handle annoyances like this. Someone wanting to talk to him or do him a favor. But now, instead of processing Jaebum’s verbal and nonverbal cues, Jinyoung had done the one thing he hated to do most - explicitly ask for someone to explain their feelings. And did he actually care why Jaebum was acting this way? He didn’t even know the guy. Hell, Jaebum didn’t even know his name until ten seconds ago. So why was Jinyoung demanding such an explanation 24 hours into being Jaebum’s acquaintance?

Jaebum hummed softly after Jinyoung spat his simple question, his hand resting on his hip. Today Jaebum was wearing a white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, tucked into form-fitting light-washed denim with organized tears down the thighs and shins. He almost looked older than Jinyoung assumed he was, looking polished with a belt and coordinating boots to complete the look.

_Seven out of ten. Plus one for effort._

Wait.

Jinyoung shook his head at the thought, growing impatient as Jaebum seemed to hesitate answering.

“Well? Do you have an answer or is this just what I’ll have to deal with when I need to use this book?”

Jaebum finally smiled, holding the book close to him as he replied.

“You’ll learn to love me.”

And Jinyoung was gagging again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for continuing to read this story! As always, would love to hear your feedback in comments - I'll reply to each and every one :)
> 
> Shout out to JB's recent fanmeet outfit for inspiring his library look this chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mature content.

Leaving abruptly after Jaebum’s final comment, Jinyoung power walked straight out of the library in search of a place where he could be alone. He gripped the strap of his bag, slung across his chest loosely. All he could think about was peering behind the viewfinder of his camera, exploring ways to communicate without words or gestures; that was a place he surprisingly found comfort in.

Slowing his pace as he entered a park adjacent to the northern edge of campus, Jinyoung took a deep breath, counting to ten as he let his worries go. He stood still along the edge of the well-worn path, closing his eyes as he relaxed. Jinyoung knew better than to keep a grudge simply to prove a point, but he couldn’t help it. He always wanted to come out on top, showing that he was the superior person, no matter the cost.

If that was one of the reasons why Jinyoung hadn’t had a significant relationship in over a year, he could deal with it. He was still getting laid and last time he checked, sex without attachment was an achievement few could master quite like himself. He could tell when his partners would get hooked, sensing a pattern always around the third or fourth tryst, the texts more frequent and less about  _ doing it _ and more about  _ how he was doing _ . That wasn’t what Jinyoung wanted; he preferred to get off, get whoever he was with off, then promptly slip back into his predetermined routine of doing just enough to get through the day.

Going through this unexpected period of absolutely no action at all had made Jinyoung more irritable than normal, Mark would constantly note. His roommate might have his own space with a door, but he was paying enough attention to know that Jinyoung wasn’t reeling them in like he used to. In fact, the last time Jinyoung was properly taken care of was a week before he moved back into the dorms, at a house party one of his old high school friends had thrown. Jinyoung and Mark occupied a couch in the living room, sipping craft beers and watching the chaos continue around them until Mark wandered off in search of something stronger. When Mark had failed to return twenty minutes later, Jinyoung took it as a sign that he had found  _ more _ than what he was looking for and decided to find someone for the night as well.

Mark had recapped his entire night to Jinyoung as they moved their things into the dorm the weekend before classes resumed, never diving into much detail about what he got to experience, but rather generalities about the boy he hooked up with, admitting he didn’t get a name or number the one time he actually wanted it. Jinyoung had scoffed at the idea, Mark wanting to revisit what seemed to be a one night only deal, but understood that Mark wasn’t Jinyoung when it came to matters of the heart… or his dick.

All Jinyoung could reply with was a quick anecdote about how his one night stand had moaned another man’s name as he finished, Jinyoung choking back a laugh as he pulled out. That was one more story for the bragging file - Jinyoung fucking someone so good, he jostled repressed memories from the back of their mind.

 

Walking slowly now that he had distanced himself enough from the library and the people inside, Jinyoung pulled his camera from his bag, attaching the lens securely. It was much quieter than the green spaces available for students at the university and Jinyoung found himself lost between the trees, capturing tiny details in the patterns of the leaves.

Without any place to be, Jinyoung spent the remainder of his afternoon outside, taking photos and sitting on one of the park’s benches, observing a few passersby. He watched the sun slowly creep below the top of the forest, signalling Jinyoung to head back to his dorm. Packing the camera securely in his bag, he walked back, hands shoved deep in his pockets.

 

Once back in his room, Jinyoung changed into some worn-in sweatpants, making dinner for himself in the tiny kitchen with two burners and a mini fridge. Mark came in shortly after, nodding at Jinyoung as he went to put his things down in his room, coming back dressed more comfortably.

“So,” Mark grinned, sitting on the counter, hovering over Jinyoung as he cooked. “How was library boy?”

Jinyoung stopped stirring the pasta to give a soft pout to Mark, sighing.

“So mean,” Jinyoung clutched his shirt over his heart for emphasis. “He insisted on helping me put the book back again. The nerve!”

Mark giggled, kicking his legs a bit, obviously amused by Jinyoung’s latest follies in life.

“Why don’t you just suck his dick now and get it over with?”

Jinyoung lunged at his roommate, causing Mark to leap off the counter, giggling like a schoolgirl as he ducked behind the couch across the room, barely escaping in time.

“Oh, Jinyoungie…” Mark sat up, shaking his head. “All of this pent-up sexual frustration is really getting to you. You  _ almost _ caught me that time.”

Rolling his eyes, Jinyoung opened his mouth to eviscerate Mark’s wobbly argument but was stopped by the annoying beep of the kitchen timer. Sighing, Jinyoung drained the water from the pot, combining the rest of his ingredients into a makeshift macaroni and cheese, splitting the contents between two bowls before heading to the couch, handing one to Mark.

The two boys sat together on the couch, Mark clicking the television on as they mindlessly watched whatever channel the other had left on from the night before. Jinyoung stirred the contents of his bowl, carefully arranging his reply in his head.

“At least I’m not fucking around the entire campus to make up for losing  _ the one _ ,” Jinyoung smirked, watching Mark cough as he struggled to catch his breath, needing a sip of water to settle down.

“I never said he was the one!” Mark accused, bowl sitting in his lap, his hands gesturing wildly. “He was some _ one _ that I enjoyed my time with. And I wish I could do it again. Is that so hard to comprehend?”

“A little,” Jinyoung chuckled. “Don’t you think if he was interested he would have given you a sign? A number?  _ His name? _ ”

Mark glared at Jinyoung, going back to finishing his dinner, staring straight at the screen. Jinyoung grinned as he observed Mark’s pout, knowing the mystery boy was still plaguing him weeks after their only encounter.

“He wasn’t a person you would think of me with,” Mark stated, clearly still thinking to himself. “My complete opposite, in fact. That’s why I keep going back to him. I want to know more.”

Jinyoung gave a slight nod, signalling that he heard what Mark had to say, not necessarily agreeing or wanting to argue that point further.

“The boy from the library… you consider him your opposite?”

Jinyoung hummed softly, shrugging a bit, continuing to eat from his bowl.

“No,” Jinyoung laughed quietly. “That’s why I hate him.”

“Christ, can you imagine TWO of you?” Mark laughed, mouth full of macaroni. “But you do seem like the type that would want to date himself.”

Jinyoung laughed genuinely, shrugging his shoulders in agreement, happy to go along with Mark’s suggestion.

“I don’t know,” Jinyoung stated. “I think there’s something up with this guy. One of his friends visited him and made up some lame question about campus housing to ask me so he could figure out my name.”

“How do you know he made it up?” Mark asked, his bowl empty as he got up to place it in the sink. “Can’t someone genuinely want to know that information for a project?”

“It wouldn’t have been weird if he hadn’t immediately used it to address me,” Jinyoung argued back.

“Isn’t that what names are for, to address someone specifically?” Mark giggled softly. “You’re giving this situation very unrealistic standards.”

“Well, it’s  _ my _ situation so I’m applying  _ my _ standards,” Jinyoung said in a matter-of-fact tone, finishing his last bite of food. “If he wants to talk to me, he should have learned my name himself.”

“You’re so dense sometimes, Jinyoungie,” Mark smiled. “It’s adorable.”

Groaning as he got up from the couch to wash his dishes, Jinyoung ignored Mark’s comment, choosing to funnel his annoyance into making the kitchen about as clean as it was when he found it. Grabbing a single beer from the door of the refrigerator, Jinyoung mumbled something about going to his room in Mark’s direction before heading inside, shutting the door behind him.

Jinyoung took a seat at his desk, opening his laptop to work on his paper, taking long sips from his beer. Concerning himself more with the title of his paper and font choice, he eventually pulled out his notes from the library earlier in the day. His handwriting was neat, but rushed and Jinyoung wasn’t sure if what he wrote down made sense even to him.

A deep sigh left his mouth as Jinyoung leaned back in his chair, swiveling it around a bit as he drank some more, trying to remember deeper context to the insufficient notes he brought home. However, instead of picturing the worn page of the book he had been referencing, his mind reminded him of the slight brush of Jaebum’s hand as he slid the book out of his grasp, the subtle goosebumps returning even now just from the brief memory.

_ Don’t _ , Jinyoung warned himself.  _ If you even start to think about him, I swear… _

Thinking back to Mark’s comments about opposites attracting, Jinyoung wasn’t sure he personally would want that experience. Wouldn’t it be easier to be able to predict your partner’s thoughts and actions so you could adapt your own behaviors to combat and prevent future conflict, he thought.  _ But where is the joy in that? _

Jinyoung had to laugh to himself then, not knowing if it was the idea of finding joy in someone’s extended company or the thought of Jaebum speaking more than four sentences in his presence that caused the chuckle. 

In fact, why was he even using Jaebum as an example in his mind during these thoughts? Jinyoung understood that he might be the freshest face in his life (save for the bubbling blond friend that appeared that day), but surely there could be a different placeholder as Jinyoung mused his deepest thoughts.

Sadly, Jinyoung couldn’t think of someone else that fit his mental criteria for the role of “Jinyoung’s predictable pretend boyfriend,” so he continued on, making a mental note that he had now upgraded Jaebum’s white shirt and denim look to a solid nine out of ten.

It hit him then in that moment - Jinyoung wasn’t interested in having an internal debate about the pros and cons of dating someone similar or opposite of your own personality. Jinyoung was horny as fuck and the goosebumps he had reintroduced himself to moments ago sadly sparked a funny feeling in his groin.

_ This is what happens when you can’t shut your fucking brain up _ , he thought to himself.  _ You played yourself. _

Knowing that he had already taken a shower earlier that day, Jinyoung opted to move his laptop to his bed, looking up some of his mental favorites on his preferred porn search engines. His choice in genre recently had been amateur clips - boys that seemed too embarrassed to understand what they were really getting into, not even wanting to flash their abs for the camera before their pants vanished and they were blowing some other guy who appeared out of thin air.

Jinyoung found himself not only getting off to the acts being performed, but rather the awkward and deliciously fake banter and body language between the performer, the cameraman and whoever else showed up in each video. The more predictable, the better. Jinyoung felt some strange sense of pride as he was able to predict within the first moments every line of dialogue, the exact pattern of touches that would lead to the Main Event.

He should be ashamed that he was already palming himself over his sweatpants, the first video barely thirty seconds in as a man his age sat on a worn-in couch in a poorly lit apartment. The actor still had his shirt on and the questions between him and someone off camera had barely moved beyond his name, age and why he wanted to try this, but Jinyoung was loving it.

“He’s gonna want you shirtless,” Jinyoung whispered to the video, almost encouraging the man on his screen before the exact request was repeated. Jinyoung smirked as the boy hesitated, first only lifting his shirt up halfway, letting it fall back down before raising it up and off his body completely.

Watching videos like this sent Jinyoung on some sick power trip, thinking he could know every move and touch, saying the words before they rang from his speakers. As the video continued, Jinyoung shimmied out of his sweats and boxer briefs, finally giving his dick the direct contact he craved. Reaching in his bedside drawer, Jinyoung popped open a small tube of lube, applying a small amount to his hand before placing it back on his length, moaning softly as he gave a quick tug.

Whether he was turned on by the boy in the film or his twisted appreciation for the nuances of communication in amateur porn didn’t matter at this point - Jinyoung had his eyes squeezed shut, hand moving furiously up and down his shaft as he bit back a deep moan. Jerking off became much easier once Mark and Jinyoung had separate rooms with doors, but he still knew the walls weren’t as insulated as a normal apartment, pleading with himself to keep the noises down whenever he could.

As he felt himself get closer and closer, Jinyoung remembered the goosebumps from the slight touch in the library, the smallest touch of skin from Jaebum. Whimpering softly as his orgasm neared, Jinyoung pumped his fist faster, his memory flashing back to the rips in Jaebum’s jeans, the piercings dripping from his ears, the look on his face when -- 

Jinyoung bit down on his free hand as he came, pleasure rushing over him and washing away as quickly as it arrived, leaving Jinyoung to whimper at its absence. Laying back and gently pushing his laptop aside, he squeezed his eyes shut as he caught his breath, using his clean hand to pinch the bridge of his nose.

_ Un-fucking-believable, _ he thought, muttering a select few curses under his breath as he realized what sent him over the edge.  _ You fucking idiot. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to happen! Exciting, right?
> 
> Thanks so much for continuing to read along with this story. Chapters will continue to roll at this pace as long as I can keep up! Comments are always welcome.
> 
> The amount of views and kudos on this story with only a few chapters posted while I'm a first-time author on this site has surprised me in the best way - thank you all!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this a little bit earlier than I originally planned because the story has already hit 100 kudos - thank you all!

Jinyoung never loved Wednesdays. They were busy, classes scheduled from morning until late afternoon, barely enough time to grab something to eat until after the last session. At that point, Jinyoung would usually grab enough takeout for both him and Mark to split, lounging in the shared living space until he deemed himself stress free, able to fall into a deep sleep.

But today? Jinyoung fucking _adored_ Wednesdays. A busy day with no time to stop or think meant he wouldn’t find himself replaying his thoughts from the night prior. No time also meant no library, and no library meant no Jaebum.

Trying to keep his mind preoccupied and distracted from what he really needed to analyze, Jinyoung took detailed notes for the first time in his entire undergraduate tenure. There were bullets and indentations, simple tables and charts and Jinyoung wasn’t sure how it happened, but a yellow highlighter even had the chance to make an appearance. The page looked beautiful, decorated in an organized fashion that could rival any of his classmates. What he was going to do with said notes, Jinyoung had no clue. Is this what effort was? Were his peers _constantly_ doing this, every class, every subject? He couldn’t believe that something like this could be second nature to so many, seeming like the biggest waste of time Jinyoung could imagine.

 

After back-to-back classes in the communications building, Jinyoung adjusted his headphones back on his head, beginning his cross-campus trek to his audiology lab in one of the science halls. Humming softly to himself, a familiar bronze plaque caught his attention from the corner of his eye, forcing a low grumble out of his mouth. Jinyoung didn’t want to stop, but he found himself staring up at the entrance to the library, the sun beaming directly onto the front steps as if it was nature’s way of convincing Jinyoung to go inside.

Instead of giving in to some odd nagging in his chest, Jinyoung resumed his stroll right past the brick walls, giving a mental middle finger to the structure, heading down the main concrete path that cut through the grass. Walking along the tree-lined path, he kicked at a small rock, frustrated that he even had the smallest thought of looking inside. Not for anyone in particular. Just… a peek.

Mark’s giggle rang through Jinyoung’s head, the sound as patronizing as it could be. He hated that his roommate had planted all of these unwanted thoughts and scenarios in his mind, that he wasn’t immediately taking Jinyoung’s side that, yes, Jaebum was a pest sent from hell itself to uncover and press his buttons every day.

_All of this because of a fucking book_ , Jinyoung sighed, taking an enormous amount of selfish pity on himself.

Kicking the pebble off the path, Jinyoung picked his head back up, narrowly avoiding a group of burly guys with gym bags coming from the other direction. He picked up his pace a bit as he reached a crosswalk, looking for the signal to cross.

Instead of a flashing walk symbol, Jinyoung noticed a group of students with camera equipment, from additional lighting to tripods and reflectors, on the adjacent corner of the intersection. A beautifully-styled young woman in a flowy dress that reached the ground was posing in what looked to be a high-fashion shoot, the students using the busy street as a backdrop for their campaign. One student adjusted the model’s hair and outfit between rapid shots, only stopping when the person hunched over behind the camera told her to move.

Jinyoung paused at the edge of the street, observing the shoot with admiration. Whoever picked the scene and organized everything had a natural eye for photography, Jinyoung thought. He also couldn’t help but notice that the photographer had a broad back and strong shoulders, his shirt hugging it all nicely. As his eyes wandered down below the photographer’s lower back, Jinyoung felt a smug grin tugging at his lips, unable to help himself admire more than the photo shoot’s setup.

But just as he was beginning to fantasize about what might lie underneath the photographer’s jeans, the other man turned his head to the side to laugh at a comment another student had made, knocking the wind out of Jinyoung’s sails.

It was Jaebum. The library’s Jaebum, the always-in-his-space Jaebum. Jinyoung’s mouth dropped slightly as he immediately ducked behind a shrub in the grassy area he had just came from, his back against the greenery as he squeezed his eyes shut, cursing under his breath as he stomped lightly. He couldn’t believe that he had missed three chances to cross the intersection all over _Jaebum’s backside_.

Jinyoung’s face twisted into a grimace. He had found Jaebum _attractive_. Not that he knew it was Jaebum at the time, but he couldn’t deny how his eyes sized him up, even if it was only his back. _Okay_ , Jinyoung sighed, _and his ass_.

Turning slowly to peer over the shrub, he noticed Jaebum was back in action, directing everyone and the model again. Jinyoung noticed how focused Jaebum was, more serious than the goofy looks he offered Jinyoung in the reference section. Every so often, Jaebum would let a smile show or laugh again, every tooth in his mouth showing, his eyes crinkling up further into his head.

Jinyoung didn’t know what to do. Here he was, sitting in the middle of campus landscaping, trying to erase his mental inventory of Jaebum’s backside, while also suppressing his memory of getting off while picturing the same boy last night. And now, he was late to his class, woodchips stuck to the back of his slacks.

All of a sudden, Jinyoung needed to flee, not wanting to get caught looking so strange, especially by Jaebum. Nonchalantly standing up and brushing his pants off quickly, Jinyoung darted across the street, hoping to go unnoticed by the photography team. Not stopping to see if he was in the clear, Jinyoung made it to his lab ten minutes late, breath short and head throbbing.

 

Even though he should have been working on the group exercise the class had been split up for, Jinyoung stared off somewhere ahead of him, head resting on his hand propped up on the table. His head was still spinning from encountering Jaebum on the day he was thankful for because he wasn’t _supposed_ to see him at all. Now Jinyoung had more questions, unable to find direct answers or justifications for them in his own mind.

Jinyoung couldn’t have been so dense to think that Jaebum spent every single day in the library, in the same room, doing menial tasks. But he didn’t imagine the other boy doing anything except standing in his way or mocking him silently with a grin. Jinyoung had assumed Jaebum’s space on campus was limited to one building and now it was biting him in the ass.

_Speaking of ass..._ , Jinyoung thought, physically shaking his head to dismiss the mental image.

Already forgetting the great strides in notetaking he made earlier in the day, Jinyoung simply doodled in the edges of his notebook as the students around him talked, zoning out even more. Even worse than not expecting Jaebum to leave his station at the library, Jinyoung was truly surprised to see him behind a camera, almost taking it personally that they had yet another thing in common besides their quick wits and sarcastic undertones. Beyond that, the way Jaebum looked as he directed the shoot was borderline erotic to Jinyoung, secretly admiring his gentle, but commanding motions and cues, the way everyone immediately did as he said.

_Stop_ , he warned himself. _Don’t you fucking dare elaborate on that thought._

Slumping back in his chair and focusing now on the clip of his pen, Jinyoung wondered what else he would be surprised to learn about Jaebum.

_What’s his major? Where does he live on campus? Does he have a roommate? Is it that overbearing blond from the last time in the library? Does he drive a car? How long has he been into photography? Why does he even work at the library to begin with? Does he work out? Why does he have so many holes in his ears? What kind of music is he into? Is he graduating this year? What kind of guys is he into? He’s into guys, right?_

Jinyoung inhaled sharply, causing himself to cough a bit, one of the other students offering him a drink from her water bottle which he politely declined as he steadied his breath. He knew better than to let his mind roam free, digging up questions he didn’t necessarily want to admit he cared about. Filing away every thought, Jinyoung tried his best to join back into the group discussion, most of the words slipping right through his mind as he reverted back to staring blankly at the wall, replacing the model with himself in Jaebum’s photoshoot.

 

Jinyoung declared that Wednesday to be his worst one yet, hoping the fridge back home contained enough of his favorite alcoholic beverages to go along with his usual takeout order. Unlocking his dorm’s door and walking inside, Mark offered a small nod from the couch, submersed in a video game flashing across their television. Jinyoung tossed his backpack in his room before piling his plate high with food in the kitchen, settling next to his roommate on the sofa as he took a long sip from his drink.

“Long day, huh?” Mark smiled, eyes not moving from focusing on the picture ahead.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung shrugged as he began to eat. “You know how it is…”

Mark nodded in agreement, saving whatever level he was on before placing the controller down on the coffee table in front of them. Turning to face Jinyoung, his smile grew a little more, suspicious as ever.

“So,” he began, a giggle softly forming in his throat. “The boy wasn’t at the library today.”

Jinyoung offered a puzzled look, his cheeks stuffed full of rice.

“I know,” he shrugged. “But how do you know?”

“How do _I_ know?” Mark exclaimed, giggling more as if he caught Jinyoung in a lie. “How do _you_ know? Wednesdays are your worst days, you told me this morning you wouldn’t be caught dead there!”

“I didn’t go!” Jinyoung argued, pouting a bit as he swallowed his food. “I fucking swear! I saw him by accident!”

“By accident my ass,” Mark laughed, clearly amused by how flustered Jinyoung was acting, getting up to make himself a plate from the food on the counter. “I went there today, to the library. Wanted to see what all the fuss was about…”

Jinyoung glared at Mark as the older boy settled back in his seat, keeping a comfortable distance so Jinyoung wouldn’t be tempted to reach out and strangle him. Jinyoung squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, forcing himself into a calmer demeanor.

“Mark... my lovely roommate, my closest and greatest of friends,” he began, opening his eyes in a soft expression, a saccharine smile plastered to his face. “Why the _fuck_ did you go to the library?”

“I told you,” Mark grinned. “I wanted to see what all of your anguish looked like in human-form. You know, it was a lot harder to find out he wasn’t working when you wouldn’t even tell me his name…”

Eyes widening, Jinyoung practically threw his half-empty plate to the ground, grabbing Mark’s shoulders, shaking him roughly.

“You didn’t! Don’t even tell me you did!” Jinyoung pleaded, the pout returning to his lips. The panic of Mark asking around the library for a boy that Jinyoung had hardly described was agonizing; Jinyoung had left out most major details on purpose knowing Mark would use any piece of information to undermine Jinyoung’s ability to keep his uncertain feelings private.

Looking straight ahead at Jinyoung, Mark smirked, his eyes twinkling with mischievousness.

“Jaebum,” he smiled, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Cute name. Girl at the front desk knew immediately who I was asking for as soon as I mentioned the reference section. Must be popular…”

Jinyoung let go of Mark’s shoulders, slumping his back into the arm of the sofa, crossing his arms against his chest in defeat.

“He’s not popular,” Jinyoung spat, averting Mark’s knowing gaze. “He works at the library and wears a belt with his shirt tucked in, popular people don’t do that.”

“And you would know?” Mark cracked, a bubbling laugh sneaking out. “The world is tired of only seeing your ankles, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung bit his tongue, refusing to sit up as he continued to pout and look anywhere but Mark’s face.

“So,” Mark said softly, Jinyoung hearing his smirk without having to meet his eyes. “Where did you see him?”

Sitting up slowly and sighing, Jinyoung looked down, finding the bottom hem of his shirt to be the most interesting thing he could focus on during the interrogation.

“I was on my way to audiology,” he stated, replaying the moment in his head. “He was doing a photoshoot near the intersection. He was the photographer…”

Jinyoung proceeded to rub his face as if he had just confessed his deepest, darkest secrets to Mark, the other boy not changing his cheerful expression as he moved his plate to the table next to the couch. Jinyoung hated admitting anything to anyone, especially when it felt like he had been caught red-handed. He was annoyed, overwhelmed and flat-out embarrassed.

“A photographer?” Mark held back another giggle, the smirk only growing on his face. “You don’t say…”

Jinyoung found himself at a loss for words for the first time in a very long time. Grabbing a nearby throw pillow, he proceeded to hit Mark repeatedly over the head with it, the older boy rolling around in a fit of laughter as he tried to avoid the barrage of attacks from Jinyoung’s newfound weapon.

“Why are you mocking me!” Jinyoung whined, surprised that Mark was able to claim control of the entire conversation, once again making Jinyoung feel helpless in his quest to always be on top.

“I’m not!” Mark laughed, shoving the pillow away from his face. “It’s just that… I kind of know him…”

Silence fell over Jinyoung as he froze with the pillow held tight in his fist.

“Know him… how?” Jinyoung asked quietly, lowering his arm, looking at his friend. He started to assume the worst, wondering if Mark was being polite by only saying he _knew of_ Jaebum, not daring to dive into other details to upset Jinyoung.

“I really have to spell this out for you?” Mark laughed again, amused by the entire situation. “This is unbelievable, Jinyoung! You’ve really lost your touch!”

“I haven’t lost my touch, it’s just…” Jinyoung bit his lip, forcing himself to say his best guess. “Was he… your _one_?”

“My _what_?” Mark cackled, doubling over and howling with laughter, kicking his legs as he was unable to control the humor he found in Jinyoung’s question. “Hell no! You think _Jaebum_ is my mystery man? You have officially lost it, Jinyoungie…”

A blush fell over Jinyoung’s face, his hands rushing to rub his cheeks in shame. Choosing to ignore the wash of relief he felt knowing his assumption was wrong, Jinyoung amped up his outward annoyance at his roommate.

“Well, that’s what you were making it seem like!” Jinyoung huffed, arms crossed again. “Just fucking tell me.”

“Photographer,” Mark said simply before pointing to himself. “Photographer. Jinyoung, he’s in all my classes. He’s a fine arts major.”

Jinyoung couldn’t believe it. All this time, Mark had known the boy from the library and probably had his own assumptions about who Jaebum was without even needing Jinyoung snide remarks about the assistant that wouldn’t leave him alone. The mysteries of Im Jaebum could have been (mostly) solved if Jinyoung had just told Mark his name from the first moment. But of course, Jinyoung had to be difficult and “in charge,” causing him to nearly miss out on a golden well of information.

Looking back at his friend, Jinyoung sighed, exhausted from yet another interaction this week. He really was losing his touch, tired of fighting for the steering wheel in every conversation. The old Jinyoung from last week wouldn’t have gone to the library more than a day before his paper was due, the old Jinyoung wouldn’t have sat in a special “assigned seat,” and the old Jinyoung certainly wouldn’t have started subtly lusting over an overbearing punk-ass book jockey.

Sensing Jinyoung’s introspective pause, Mark softened his seemingly-permanent smirk, placing a gentle hand on Jinyoung’s shoulder.

“What do you want to know?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice subtle Parks and Rec reference at the end ;)
> 
> Jinyoung is really losing his touch, isn't he? He's ~shook. Also, I know it has been light on the actual Jaebum/Jinyoung interactions, but that will all change very soon :) I added a little slow build tag to this as a warning to those looking for something more immediate.
> 
> Thanks for your feedback, kudos and everything! As always, comments are always appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

Jinyoung and Mark spent a good portion of their evening now discussing Im Jaebum and everything Mark knew about the mysterious library assistant. Unable to shake his embarrassment, Jinyoung’s voice remained small, the questions slowly coming to mind, choking out each inquiry. Mark seemed to understand the younger boy’s internal struggle, keeping his replies informative and to the point, no longer teasing and prying at Jinyoung. Both were able to unwind more with a few more drinks, a pleasant buzz surrounding the conversation as Jinyoung slowly ran out of things to ask.

He now knew that Jaebum was in the fine arts program, which explained the photoshoot on the corner that day. He was a senior, like Mark, and planned on graduating on time. Even when Jinyoung seemed to ask questions Mark would have absolutely no clue about the answer, his roommate still was patient and as understanding as he could be.

After running out of basic surface facts that Mark had picked up on over the years, Jinyoung dismissed himself to his room for the night, knowing that he was asking a lot of his best friend to remember every excruciating detail since the day he and Jaebum had their first class together. Jinyoung closed his door and sat at his desk, opening his laptop to finish a last minute online quiz before it was due at midnight.

Clicking answers as he used his search engine on his phone for any he didn’t know, Jinyoung still wondered more about Jaebum. He didn’t know what to call his intrigue, but he felt that knowing more about the “enemy” would never hurt him in the long run.

Once he finished his quiz, Jinyoung closed all of his schoolwork-related tabs on his computer, opting to sleuth around on his favorite social networking sites. The easiest option was Facebook, typing in Jaebum’s name and finding his profile with ease. If he said it was the first time he had done this, Jinyoung would be lying. He loved to gather as much information (or ammo, as he sometimes referred to it as) and analyze someone before interacting with them in person, making it seem like the little things he learned from them were tiny surprises and totally new information.

But now Jinyoung was playing catch-up, knowing that his two interactions with Jaebum (two-and-a-half, if he counted the photoshoot ogling) had already given him a huge disadvantage. If he had known a dark haired boy with piercing eyes and a cunningly kind grin would be antagonizing him daily as he tried to take notes, he would have prepared differently.

The first thing Jinyoung noticed about Jaebum’s profile was that it was pretty bare, especially for a college student. His profile photo was his silhouette against a dark backdrop; a light in the background creating a halo effect that carved out his side profile. Jinyoung laughed to himself, considering that it might pass as a stock photo, which now he couldn’t decide if that was an insult or high praises for an aspiring photographer like Jaebum. The cover photo wasn’t any more interesting, simply lights strung across the space between buildings, reminding Jinyoung of an area downtown he had passed through while going to a concert with his friends last year.

Clicking around his profile, there wasn’t much else to see. He had an average amount of friends, none mutual with Jinyoung. Jaebum didn’t seem like the type to play games on the platform, so no annoying posts populated his timeline. He had a few older tagged photos which, once discovered, Jinyoung immediately clicked to open, noticing that one was dated to be what would have been Jaebum’s freshman year at the school. His hair was a rusty copper, styled in a sloppier version of his current cut. Jaebum was trying to pull a serious face at the camera, the angle coming from his right side. Not only were his signature hoops and studs in his ears, but he had one side of his lip pierced, a ring crookedly resting against it.

_That shouldn’t turn me on_ , Jinyoung thought as he continued to stare at the photo in front of him, leaning back in his chair as he admired it like a piece of art. _It suits him._

Jinyoung held back a gag as he quickly clicked away from the photo, muttering under his breath that it wasn’t helping him learn anything he wanted to know. His next option was Twitter, hoping the boy would be sharing his candid thoughts with the public. But even though Jinyoung was trying his best with every trick up his sleeve, Jaebum was nowhere to be found on the platform. He sighed as he navigated away, knowing his last stop might be the juiciest yet.

Heading back to Jaebum’s Facebook, Jinyoung found a direct link to his Instagram, letting the page load completely before he began to scroll. Jinyoung preferred to browse social networks on his computer because he didn’t trust his fingers to _not_ click on something incriminating on his phone, indicating that he was indeed lurking.

Jaebum’s profile was beautiful. Littered with photos he had obviously taken himself, subject matters ranged from sweeping landscapes at dusk to colorful snapshots of lively local festivals. It was clear that Jaebum didn’t limit himself to one type of style, branching out into every genre of photography. Still-lifes, editorial, action… it was all represented with class and elegance. He clearly had a natural talent for the craft and Jinyoung suddenly felt attacked. Jinyoung never posted his work because he didn’t want criticism of any kind, even if it was constructive. He knew he had captured some amazing shots, but now he couldn’t help to compare his mental portfolio to Jaebum’s public digital display.

It made him angry knowing that he could appreciate the work more if he knew it came from Mark or any other unnamed source. He didn’t want to give Jaebum the credit he so clearly deserved; admitting that he was talented out loud would ruin Jinyoung’s mental self-image that he was the best at anything he touched. Jinyoung liked the person he was - callous, independent, and seemingly unattached to anything in his life. Complementing these photos would erase at least two of those traits immediately, and that wasn’t a risk Jinyoung was willing to take.

Shutting his laptop, Jinyoung got up and changed for bed, sliding under the covers before checking his phone one last time before he closed his eyes. A simple message lit up his screen.

 

From: Mark

_Don’t dream of him too much ;)_

 

The next morning, Jinyoung woke up feeling bothered from his lingering thoughts and feelings from all the information he had digested the night before. He stared up at his ceiling, debating if it was even worth getting out of bed for the day, possibly the rest of his life. Jinyoung always felt heavy with regret the night after a deep lurking session, but the information was always juicy and invaluable, so he knew it was a habit he could never break.

Reluctantly, Jinyoung slid out of bed, deciding to grab something to eat at the dining hall before heading to his only class of the day. He took another long shower, washing up as he let the steam attempt to clear his mind. Drying off and getting dressed, Jinyoung also slipped on a black jacket, leaving it unzipped as he left his dorm. It was a chillier afternoon, the sun shining brightly as a light breeze picked up the leaves on the ground, scattering them around. He eventually made it to the cafeteria, picking something quick to eat before going to his class.

It was excruciating. Jinyoung wasn’t sure what chapter they were on or what the notes were even getting at; all he could think about was how much happier he would be if he was back within the walls of his dorm. All of his classes seemed to blend together and he couldn’t be bothered to even give his normal, but sad, amount of attention to the content. He should be paying attention as the subject matter was somewhat important (the history of communication disorders in modern times would certainly be something a person like Jinyoung would need to know if he would take his degree seriously after graduation), but instead he watched the clock tick, waiting until he could jump out of his seat to leave.

As the professor dismissed the students, he overheard his classmates talking about the report assigned in Jinyoung’s Language Disorders class, causing him to stop in his tracks as he packed his pen into his backpack. Somehow, amongst the cloud of guilt from his social media stalking (research) and Mark’s storm of surface details still processing in his mind, Jinyoung had forgotten that he would have to return to the library today to redo his indecipherable notes from the last time he was there.

Needing to retake his notes meant he needed the book. And needing the book meant he had to go the library. And going to the library meant he was bound to see Jaebum.

_I can’t win_ , Jinyoung thought as he groaned, moping out of the classroom and down the hall, hands deep in his jacket’s pockets. _I am the unluckiest person on planet earth and it should swallow me whole right now._

Unfortunately for Jinyoung, his feet kept him right on the path to the library, in through the front entrance and down the hall to the reference area. His paced slowed even more when he noticed Jaebum behind his desk, deeply engrossed in filling a library cart with large books. Taking a few more steps to the aisle where his book resided, Jinyoung felt thankful that he had gone this long undetected by the seemingly always-attentive library assistant.

But like the last trip to get his book, it was missing from its home on the shelf, causing Jinyoung to curl his hand into a fist, cursing softly.

_Is this a mind game? Does he really have nothing better to do than taunt me with some old book I have no personal interest in other than to appease my unrealistic professor?_

Jinyoung sighed, looking back over his shoulder to where Jaebum was still focused on stacking hardbacks in alphabetical order. Today he was wearing dark black form-fitting jeans with a black t-shirt, an army green corduroy jacket, and black leather boots. While he may not have been the most knowledgeable when it came to fashion, Jinyoung was amused by the clashing of the soft ridges and fuzzy nature of the coat paired with the edgy and rugged shoes on his feet.

_How endearing_ , he grinned before shaking his head rapidly, an expletive leaving his mouth with a sigh.

Not wanting to waste any more time, Jinyoung composed himself, slowly walking over in Jaebum’s direction, knowing the fastest way to get what he wanted would be to swallow his pride and just _ask_. But before he could even get near the other boy, he noticed something in front of his usual seat on the table, the red hardback too familiar to Jinyoung at this point.

Walking over to his seat now, Jinyoung realized it was the book he was just searching for without any luck. Running his fingers gently over the cover, Jinyoung wondered why every trip to the library seemed to dig up deep frustrations that even he couldn’t hold back.

As Jinyoung went to open his mouth to openly complain to Jaebum about how the book has a home and specific place on the shelf ( _...and if you’re so concerned about your job and the books in this section, why isn’t the book I need ever where it actually belongs_ ), he was cut off.

“Someone else was just here,” Jaebum stated, not even turning his head in Jinyoung’s direction as he continued working on his cart. “I told them to leave it so I could put it back. Don’t get upset.”

Jinyoung was floored. He had never met someone with the nerve to assume Jinyoung’s feelings so openly and nonchalantly, like he already had Jinyoung all figured out. Sure, he had acted ridiculous in every interaction with Jaebum so far, but the other boy had to understand that he was throwing Jinyoung off his game, that Jinyoung had a disadvantage by not knowing whatever unwritten rules of the library existed. If he wanted to start something with Jinyoung by messing with his book, Jaebum would need to be punished.

_Kinky,_ Jinyoung thought, stomping his foot on the ground.

“No!” He exclaimed out loud, covering his mouth as soon as he realized he wasn’t in his own head.

_Fuck, goddamnit! You_ _are_ _off your game. Mark was right, you fucking idiot!_

Jaebum finally turned from behind the desk, a puzzled expression on his face as he stacked one final book on his pile.

“No?” Jaebum grinned, eyes softening. “No, you’re not going to get upset or no, don’t put the book back? Either way, it looks like both are always bound to happen. Sorry.”

Jinyoung watched Jaebum chuckle to himself and shake his head, finally making his way over to where Jinyoung had frozen in place next to his seat. Standing as still as a statue, Jinyoung only let his eyes move as he watched Jaebum, the other boy sliding out his chair, ducking down at a lower angle, almost as if he was slightly bowing to Jinyoung.

“You looked like you needed a hand,” he smirked, eyes twinkling as he observed Jinyoung’s blank expression. “Go ahead, have a seat. I saved it just for you, as always.”

Breaking his stance, Jinyoung slowly lowered himself down to sit, Jaebum making the situation even more humiliating for Jinyoung as he gently pushed the chair in once he was settled. Jaebum chuckled again as he walked away, clearly aware that he had once again stumped the self-appointed King of Verbal and Nonverbal Communication, Park Jinyoung.

Jinyoung found himself completely stunned. How had he fallen for another one of Jaebum’s suggestions in such a short period of time? Shouldn’t Jinyoung be the one calling him out, giving him biting lines dripping with sarcasm? Shouldn’t Jinyoung be able to handle someone else’s bullshit in situations like this?

Staring down at his book, Jinyoung slowly moved his hands to open the front cover, flipping through to the last page he remembered reading. Everything seemed to slow down as he brought out his notebook, his hand dragging along as he took evenly-spaced and neat notes. He felt robotic, as if showing any emotion or sense of warmness would expose him even deeper. Keeping his eyes down, he continued to write, almost feeling as if he was transcribing the book word for word into his own notebook.

 

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but suddenly the warmth from the sun on his back was gone, and Jinyoung forced himself to look up slowly. It was much darker in the library this late in the day and he wasn’t sure how much longer the building would be open. He glanced over to the desk again to find Jaebum immersed in one of his paperbacks, slowly turning one of the pages.

“Um,” Jinyoung said softly, clearing his throat. “How late is this place even open?”

Jaebum looked up, smiling a bit as he glanced at the clock first.

“Another two hours,” he stated, shrugging a bit. “Feels weird in here without the sun, doesn’t it? I hate how early it gets dark in the fall.”

Jinyoung hummed and nodded in agreement before diving back into his notes, needing a distraction from the other boy as he fought off memories of the photoshoot from the day before and his ammo he gained from lurking his social profiles.

A short while after Jinyoung was refocused on his notes, he noticed a cardboard cup being set down next to him, steam escaping from a small hole in the lid.

“You’ve been here a while, a lot longer than normal. Seemed like you could use it.”

Jinyoung looked up to see Jaebum smiling softly at him, a foot farther away from when he was antagonizing Jinyoung earlier. The other boy had lost his veil of cockiness from that interaction and seemed to remember how much distance Jinyoung prefered when they spoke to one another.

Offering a small, but genuine, smile, Jinyoung nodded gently before taking a sip from the cup, sighing happily as he felt the warmth against his lips. It was the same flavor he had purchased for himself the other day and it tasted twice as good when it was free.

As Jinyoung took his first few sips, Jaebum stood by awkwardly, as if he had something more to say or do while in Jinyoung’s presence. Exhausted from his writing, Jinyoung sighed as he motioned to the chair across from him, giving in to what the other boy clearly wanted. Instead of jumping at the opportunity to sit with Jinyoung, Jaebum offered a confused look, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you sure?” Jaebum asked, knowing that Jinyoung had the tendency to bite his head off, no matter what he said.

“Yes,” Jinyoung replied, sighing as if he had lost another battle in his own personal civil war. “It’s what you want anyway, isn’t it? You won’t stop hovering.”

Jaebum laughed a bit, settling down in the chair across from Jinyoung, setting his own cup of coffee in front of him.

“It’s my job to make sure everyone in the reference area has all the help they need,” he stated. “Today you looked like you needed a pick-me-up. I hope I didn’t cross any lines.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jinyoung scoffed, taking another drink from his gifted beverage.

“All I’m saying is that you barely let me say a full sentence any time you’re in here, so you accepting the coffee is a pretty big deal,” Jaebum smiled. “A truce, if you will.”

Jinyoung had to laugh. If Jaebum thought that giving him a single cup of coffee would erase the embarrassment Jinyoung had felt all week, he was wrong. Utterly, completely wrong.

“So, you admit you’re losing,” Jinyoung smirked a bit, drinking more. “If you thought you were winning, you wouldn’t call it a truce. At least I wouldn’t…”

Jaebum just smiled, obviously more in tune with Jinyoung’s thought process than he originally thought. Looking across the table, Jaebum went to say something, but stumbled on the first two words. Jinyoung’s face lit up, a shining opportunity suddenly exposing itself right in front of him as if the universe was trying to make up for the torturous week he had to spend under Jaebum’s glance.

“That’s what I thought,” Jinyoung grinned, boasting with newfound confidence. “I’m glad you could finally come around and see my side of this story. Maybe now you’ll know better than to force yourself into a stranger’s day, hm?”

“I just want to get to know you!” Jaebum blurted out, eyes wide with a sense of panic. He was leaning over the table, butt raised out of his seat like he could reach over and grab Jinyoung by the neck at any moment.

_Also kinky,_ Jinyoung giggled mentally, refusing to scold himself.

As Jinyoung stared ahead, arms crossed over his chest in an attempt to stand his ground, Jaebum slinked back into his seat, sinking down lower as he focused on playing with the lid of his cup.

“Is that so bad?”

Jaebum’s voice was so soft that Jinyoung felt another jab could force him to break. Holding himself back from another verbal spat, Jinyoung remained quiet as the tension settled. As the other boy stared down, Jinyoung took advantage of the moment to get a good look at the boy’s features from this close distance. Taking note of his furrowed brows and perfectly acceptable bone structure, Jinyoung noticed for the first time two marks above his left eye, seeming too perfect to have happened naturally. The dots were charming, making Jaebum’s features even more striking and unique in Jinyoung’s head.

Remembering all he had learned from Mark the night before, Jinyoung knew Jaebum wasn’t necessarily a _bad_ person. Sure, he had been intruding on Jinyoung’s physical and mental personal space, but it seemed it only came from a good place in Jaebum’s heart. While his persistence may have been too much for Jinyoung to process, maybe he needed to understand that humans interacting with each other was a thing that happened willingly for many across the entire world. Just because Jinyoung had started the first weeks of his semester sulking and taking out his frustrations on his roommate and anyone who dared to enter his bubble didn’t mean that he should retaliate to innocent bystanders.

The old Jinyoung never would have thought that way, just like the old Jinyoung wouldn’t have walked into the library earlier than he absolutely needed to for his damn report. But maybe he was growing tired of the effort needed to keep trying to be his old self, to keep building up his walls until no one could see him, let alone break through. But selfish habits die hard and Jinyoung was as stubborn as they could come.

“What do you want me to say?” Jinyoung asked, his delivery more rough than he wanted.

Jaebum hardly flinched, almost like he expected to be accused of some high crime for even admitting what was on his mind.

“Okay,” he stated. “That’s all I want for you to say. For you to look at me without that permanent glare you only get once you notice I’m around. To talk to me, like this, no expectations. You seem like someone who I could get along with and I’m not afraid to admit that because you seem to not understand my actions… or maybe you do and you’re trying to ignore me. But either way, just tell me okay and let me talk to you. Okay?”

Jinyoung felt something he hadn’t in a very long time - guilt. The fact that he had written someone off so quickly and they continued to pursue even a simple conversation with him showed that he was being unfair and flat-out mean. In his trips to the library, Jinyoung had taken every precaution to ward off unwanted interactions, but Jaebum always found a way to weasel his way into Jinyoung’s mind, and here he was nearly regretting being so thoughtless in the first place.

Meeting Jaebum’s glance across the table, Jinyoung tipped his head gently.

“Okay.”

 

After Jinyoung’s small concession, the two boys began a simple conversation of basic questions, starting with their names and where they were from. Jaebum asked more about Jinyoung’s academic career, including where he resided and Jinyoung asked him about working at the library. Jaebum said he did it mostly to earn extra money before he graduated, but also admitted that it was a fairly easy position that let him relax and unwind while still getting paid. Jinyoung laughed at this statement, never guessing that the other would outright say such a thing while he was still on the clock.

They eventually moved on to talk about what they did in their spare time when they weren’t butting heads in the library, Jinyoung mentioning that he liked to do things alone, like take his camera off campus to find something interesting to capture. Jaebum beamed at the mention of photography, beginning to explain everything Jinyoung had learned on his own from Mark and the internet.

“In fact,” Jaebum smiled. “I just wrapped a shoot yesterday for one of my classes. We had to pick a magazine and develop a photoshoot concept based on something that would actually fit within one of their issues. I wanted to try something new, so I picked a fashion shoot.”

“I know,” Jinyoung replied, covering his mouth as he realized he once again exposed himself. “I-I mean, I s-saw…”

Jaebum laughed a bit, amused by his admission.

“You did? How did it look?” Jaebum asked genuinely, knowing he had pushed Jinyoung into a corner. The younger boy relaxed and shrugged a bit.

“I was just on my way to class,” Jinyoung replied, refusing to address his brief romp in the university’s landscaping. “But it looked cool.”

“Cool?” Jaebum smiled, crossing his arms. “Not really the highest praise, but I’ll take any compliment that you can force out.”

Initially gritting his teeth, Jinyoung heard himself let out an airy laugh, letting himself enjoy the other boy’s company. _You’re allowed_ , he thought, relaxing a bit more. _Don’t worry about it. It means nothing to be nice, just this once._

After talking a little bit more, Jaebum glanced at the clock, noticing how late it had gotten, standing up from the table.

“I know you’ve been dying to hear me say this all night, but you have to go,” Jaebum said. “It’s closing time and I have to finish up.”

“I get it,” Jinyoung smiled, standing up as well, packing his bag. “You’re tired of me. It’s fine.”

“You’re always on, aren’t you?” Jaebum chuckled, shaking his head. “To think I actually wanted to talk to you, I must be the crazy one.”

“You said it, not me,” Jinyoung shrugged, a smile still on his face as he pushed his chair in, reaching for the book he had long forgotten.

Looking at it, Jinyoung knew he had two options. He could try and place it back on the shelf, knowing that route always lead to a Jaebum-centric dead end, or…

“Here.” Jinyoung handed the book to Jaebum, the older boy taking it as he did, a smile on his face. “I know you get weird about it, so I won’t even bother.”

“Thanks,” Jaebum replied, tucking the book under his arm. “And thanks for talking to me… I know it must not be easy to be you.”

Jinyoung could sense the heavy sarcastic undertones in his words, but for once he was actually amused, knowing he certainly had met his equal in more ways than one.

Smiling at Jaebum as he left, Jinyoung offered a simple final statement.

“Trust me,” he laughed. “You have no idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter yet AND the most Jinyoung and Jaebum have interacted. Funny how that works out!
> 
> Thanks so much for continuing to read, subscribe and give kudos! There's so much yet to come and I hope you'll all stick around for it.
> 
> Since Mark asked Jinyoung this same question, I'd love to know your thoughts - what would YOU want to know about Jaebum?


	6. Chapter 6

For the first time since receiving his assignment, Jinyoung left the library feeling on top of the world. Not only had he managed to get all of the notes he needed for his paper, but Jinyoung also had made it through a full conversation with Jaebum without breaking down. He was proud of himself for retaining some of what was considered his natural charm while also entertaining the other boy’s wishes for a civil discussion about each other.

Even though it may have seemed that Jinyoung opened up, he knew to keep his cards close, never revealing too much at a time. While it wasn’t ideal to let his photography hobby slip out, it helped coerce Jaebum into speaking about the day before and everything Jinyoung already knew, giving him the perfect cover up to his online lurking. Jinyoung was extremely talented at making people think they were leading the conversation, but he knew he was pulling all the strings.

Once he got back to his dorm, Mark was lounging back on the couch, absentmindedly watching television. Jinyoung threw his bag down in its usual place, shoving his roommate’s legs over just enough to squeeze next to him. Mark fought back, placing his legs in Jinyoung’s lap, much happier with the arrangement of their bodies together.

“I saw him,” Jinyoung said, staring at the tv. “And we talked. For a long time.”

Mark raised an eyebrow, tilting his head towards the older boy, obviously interested in the rapid progression of their relationship.

“About what?” Mark grinned. “How the two of you should just bone and get it over with? I agree, it’s been too long, Jinyoung. I’m starting to get worried…”

“Shut up,” Jinyoung grunted, nudging Mark’s legs. “I actually fucking tried for once, okay? He said he wanted to get to know me.”

“No shit,” Mark laughed softly. “I swear, any time you update me about this mess of a pre-relationship, I want to smack some sense into you.”

“Pre-relationship?” Jinyoung had to hold back the sick feeling rising in his throat. “First of all, that’s not a real thing. Secondly, even if it was a real thing, I would never want to hear that term again because it’s disgusting.”

“Fine,” Mark laughed a little louder. “I don’t know how to phrase it, but you both clearly have some sort of kink for egging each other on. One day you’ll both realize it and I’ll come home to you bent over the kitchen counter and I’m not looking forward to it!”

Jinyoung’s eyes bulged out of his head, taken aback by his roommate’s ballsiness.

“How come I’m the one bent over? Jesus Christ, please don’t answer that...,” Jinyoung lamented, holding his head in his hands as his best friend collapsed in a fit of giggles.

“It wouldn’t be anything I haven’t seen before,” Mark joked. “Besides, I’ve heard some things…”

If Jinyoung was pink with blush before, he was cherry red now.

“H-heard what?” Jinyoung peeked through his fingers still covering his eyes.

“Nothing…,” Mark smirked, lounging back against the arm of the sofa again. “You didn’t ask last night so I figured you wanted to find out for yourself.”

“Find out what?” Jinyoung was desperate now, gripping Mark’s shins tight. “You know I want to know! Tell me!”

“You seriously didn’t even think to ask what he’d be like in bed?” Mark giggled. “He might not be the guy I hooked up with this summer, but I’m quiet. I can hear things people talk about when they think no one else is listening.”

Jinyoung was leaning in closer now, eyes wider than ever before, like a kid on Christmas morning, about to unwrap the biggest gift left under the tree.

“What have you heard?” Jinyoung said, almost in a whisper. “What have they said?”

“Well,” Mark said, sitting up a bit. “Remember how I was telling you that Jaebum always seemed a little bit darker and edgier than you’ve been describing him? Last year, he got caught by one of our classmates in a very compromising position with another student in one of the supply closets, like balls deep in this other guy. After it happened, Jaebum got in a lot of trouble with the department heads about how he was a talented student and wasn’t showing a good example.”

Jinyoung’s jaw dropped slightly, his mind processing this information as quickly as Mark was telling it.

“The other kid never got in trouble like Jaebum did,” Mark continued. “And then all of a sudden, Jaebum wasn’t around as much in the photo lab or art studio. When he would come in, he would look so ashamed and embarrassed, but everyone had said it was only because the school threatened some sort of punishment, not because he got caught.”

Jinyoung swallowed dryly, nibbling on his lip as he considered what that might entail.

“Anyway,” Mark waved his hand a bit before continuing, “Next thing I know he reappeared as your hunky library dream man, wearing light washed denim and tucking his shirts in.”

“And why the fuck did you not tell me all of this last night!” Jinyoung whined. “This is the best piece of information you’ve shared!”

“Because,” Mark smiled. “Last night, I could tell that you genuinely wanted to know about  _ him _ . I didn’t want to start at the top with something like this. It’s no fun to let you have everything you want at once.”

Jinyoung huffed and crossed his arms, pouting again like the spoiled child he was.

“You could have at least warned me he topped at least once,” Jinyoung suggested. “You know, so I could mentally prepare myself.”

“Is your brain the only thing you need to prepare?”

As Mark burst into a fit of high-pitched laughter, Jinyoung’s face returned to a deep-red hue, a burning sensation shooting through his entire body.

 

The next morning, Jinyoung decided to plan out his day, not wanting to cohabitate with his traitor of a roommate who seemed to be enjoying Jinyoung’s emotional anguish a little too much. He packed his bag with his laptop, notebook and phone, heading out of the dorm in a bit of a different ensemble. Instead of his neatly cropped slacks and salaryman button downs, Jinyoung was sporting form-fitting skinny black jeans, a black turtleneck and a tailored sport coat with a large grid print pattern. It was Friday and he wanted to look and feel his best, and this outfit certainly put him in a great starting position.

While he may have looked a bit more studious and professional than the previous days, his attentiveness and effort in his classes was the same if not worse as he waited for time to pass until he could officially call it the weekend. Jinyoung wanted nothing more than time away from pointless responsibilities and forgotten deadlines, and he knew it would be here within only a few hours time.

As he had planned before leaving his room in the morning, Jinyoung ate his lunch in the dining hall alone before working up the nerve to step back into the library, albeit for a different reason than the times prior.

Jinyoung wasn’t here for the book, oh heavens, no! Jinyoung was here to avoid Mark and maybe, possibly, definitely see Jaebum.

See, now that Jinyoung had heard the raunchy tale from Mark, he found himself even more interested in what else he didn’t already know about the boy behind the desk at the library. If he was bold enough to take someone on school property, specifically a public space, Jinyoung naturally wondered what else Jaebum had previously done that had gone unspoken by his classmates and undiscovered by school staff.

To put it simply, Jaebum seemed like the kind of guy who would blush even holding hands in public, let alone be caught with his pants down around his ankles with another guy next to canvases and acrylic paint.

That’s why Jinyoung found himself strolling into the reference section on a late Friday afternoon, head held high, pride fully intact.

As Jinyoung made his way to his seat at the table near the windows, he noticed Jaebum behind the desk, expression clearly surprised. A smile quickly spread across his face as he realized the night before hadn’t been a total waste of effort on his part to convince Jinyoung to stick around, and he seemed thankful to see the other boy as he offered a soft nod in Jinyoung’s direction.

Jinyoung proceeded to set up his laptop, plugging his charger into one of the few outlets near his seat, pulling his notes out and beginning to work. All of this felt so foreign to him, yet came so naturally, like Jinyoung could be giving this kind of effort to his work more than just this one time and he wouldn’t suffer because of it.

Pushing that feeling deep down inside of himself, Jinyoung began to lazily type away at his keyboard, sluggishly working on his paper. He tried his best to act nonchalant, like he always picked Friday  afternoons to come to the library to get important schoolwork done way ahead of time. Using some of the notes he had taken plus some random online references, Jinyoung felt the time slowly slipping by as he was able to focus on the task at hand.

What else Jinyoung was able to focus on was the heavy gaze he felt radiating from behind the large wooden reference desk. Jaebum had yet to approach him and Jinyoung was feeling impatient. Going over a mental checklist of his entrance’s tone (beaming positivity, a smile on his face) and his current body language (back straight in his chair, eyes focused on his work), Jinyoung couldn’t figure out why the other boy hadn’t at least offered him a small comment or even an accusatory glance.

Knowing how to press Jaebum’s buttons, Jinyoung all of a sudden forced out an overdramatic groan, kicking the chair across from him at the table, trying his best to appear slightly frustrated. Hanging his head down low, it was almost on cue that Jinyoung heard footsteps approaching, the familiar black motorcycle boots appearing near him on the floor. Jaebum had fallen right into Jinyoung’s subtle trap for attention and it gave Jinyoung a boost of confidence he didn’t know he was craving.

“I’m sorry, it’s here,” Jaebum shoved the familiar red book into Jinyoung’s field of vision, reacting just the way Jinyoung expected. “I thought we made some progress yesterday so I figured you would just ask me…”

Jinyoung smiled and lifted his head, his eyes shaped like two crescents as he chuckled softly.

“Thanks, but I don’t need it anymore,” Jinyoung shrugged, reverting back to his high level of indifference. “Got everything I needed yesterday. You can finally keep it back under lock and key away from me like you always wanted.”

Jaebum slumped as he retracted his hand holding the book, sighing quietly as he took a step back.

“Oh,” he sighed. “I get it. I’ll just… yeah. Okay.”

Jinyoung went back to typing loudly on his laptop, watching Jaebum mope back behind his desk from the corner of his eye. The other boy slid the book he was just holding along the top of the counter, flopping back in his chair as he picked up a novel to flip through.

He couldn’t help but smirk. For the first time all week, Jinyoung was killing it. He was on top of his game, putting Jaebum in his place like he should have done the very first time they interacted. His simple game of triggering Jaebum’s incessant need to cater to Jinyoung’s reference needs was the perfect response to his defeats in earlier conversations. This time, Jinyoung had every advantage to wedge more distance between the two boys until they felt miles apart, actual physical space be damned.

But now, Jinyoung felt a little… regretful? Looking over at Jaebum again, he noticed the other boy staring blankly at the same page, not turning to the next even after a solid five minutes had passed. His expression was stern, mouth firmly in a line, jaw seemingly tightened. If Jinyoung could guess anything, he would say that Jaebum was upset. Not in a sad way, but in a lose-his-temper-and-oh-god-that-mental-image-is-hot kind of way, Jinyoung fantasized.

_ You’re winning! Don’t give in! That’s what he wants and you know it, Jinyoung. You’re totally in charge right now, you can knock him out and he’ll never bother again. Just hold your ground and don’t let up - he’ll reach his breaking point fast enough. _

Jinyoung sighed softly, going against everything he had ever stood for as he got up and slowly walked towards the desk, breath a little shaky and palms sweaty. What he was about to do made his stomach churn, his legs wobbly and his lips tremble. Each step felt heavier than the last, a dead man walking to his final destination. Once he was close enough to the desk, Jinyoung gripped the edge tightly to support himself, dangerously close to passing out even at the idea of what he was about to do.

Opening up his mouth, he stuttered on his first word, causing Jaebum to look up at him from his worn-in chair, eyes curious.

Jinyoung composed himself, and then let his words free.

“I’m sorry.”

Immediately squeezing his eyes shut, Jinyoung braced himself to feel the earth quake, anticipating a shift in the atmosphere surrounding himself. The world was surely ending as Jinyoung never used those words unless he felt a gun to his head, but there they were, out in the open for Jaebum to do whatever he wished with them. Jinyoung was choosing to admit his own wrongdoing all over a simple rejection of taking a  _ book, _ but suddenly it felt like so much more than that and Jinyoung couldn’t help but want to slow the bleeding before he could find the root of his real problem.

Jinyoung anticipated his world to collapse, but instead he heard an airy laugh followed by a hopeful sigh.

“Sorry, eh?” Jaebum smiled as Jinyoung slowly opened his eyes one at a time to face him. “I didn’t think you knew the word.”

Letting a small smile crawl back on his face, Jinyoung stood back up straight, adjusting his jacket and his stance against the counter, now leaning his hip into it.

“Maybe being around all these books this week is having an effect on me,” Jinyoung joked, laughing a bit too much for someone who was clearly losing his mind.

“Maybe it’s not just the books,” Jaebum slyly suggested, Jinyoung nearly losing his balance even though he was standing evenly on his own two feet. Jaebum looked away, clearing his throat as he felt the embarrassment shift his way, needing to change the subject.

He was used to Jaebum pushing the limits of a possible friendship, but Jinyoung knew flirting when he heard it. He didn’t care that Jaebum was trying to convince Jinyoung that he was the reason for his sudden wave of empathy; Jinyoung now only cared about making it through the rest of his library trip, cleaning up what mess the train had made as it apparently fell off the tracks. Was he supposed to reply to that with an even sweeter pick-up line? Or was he supposed to feign disgust as he had been perfecting since the day they met, some attempts better than others.

Jinyoung settled for a middle ground, laughing softly as to advert any awkwardness away from their shared space.

“Who knows,” Jinyoung shrugged casually. “But I would say this place isn’t as bad as I made it out to be.”

Just when he thought he had seen every expression of happiness Jaebum could offer a stranger like himself, Jinyoung realized how much brighter he beamed after his subtle confession about his workplace. It was true, Jinyoung didn’t feel trapped or cornered in every visit now, but rather free to explore other places within the building. What kept him coming back to this same place was becoming more obvious, even if he didn’t have the balls to admit it to himself.

“I’m shocked, Jinyoung,” Jaebum nearly giggled. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay? No fever, headache, nausea?”

“I’m fine,” Jinyoung rolled his eyes playfully, smiling as he started to lose grip of the conversation he so proudly claimed as his own before he had to ruin everything by apologizing.

Jaebum seemed satisfied with the interaction, putting his book away as he got up and approached a nearby cart full of books, pushing it around the front of the desk.

“If you’re at a good stopping point, maybe you could join me?”

 

He didn’t know how, but now Jinyoung found himself in the dusty back corners of the reference section he didn’t know existed until four seconds ago. Jaebum was forcing old encyclopedias that had long been outdated into a bottom shelf as he let Jinyoung follow him around carelessly, the two of them making easy conversation as if some sort of metaphorical bridge between them had been crossed in an instant.

Jinyoung didn’t know if they would ever be able to pick up a conversation from a previous day without having some sort of tug-of-war contest first, figuring out who would be that day’s figurative “loser” before continuing. What he also didn’t know is why he kept thinking about seeing Jaebum the day after today, the day after that, the day after that, and maybe, just maybe, the day after that.

He should feel horrid; the memories of the words he had exchanged with Jaebum should be setting off alarms in his head, making his entire body flush with disgust. This wasn’t who he was, some boy talking to another boy, body crammed into an empty bookshelf as he waited for the other to finish a task. He shouldn’t be telling Jaebum about his paper (wait, he was actually retaining information now?), he shouldn’t be explaining his class schedule to him, and he knew he shouldn’t be feeling the wings of a single butterfly in his stomach.

But Jinyoung couldn’t help but subtly enjoy the unfamiliar smile on his face as Jaebum explained his next photo assignment, capturing beauty in his everyday life. The prompt was simple, but Jaebum seemed to show unhinged excitement for the opportunity as the school was allowing him to be the first student to display their art in a new gallery wall being installed in the library’s main walkway, an area Jinyoung had grown uncomfortably familiar with.

Jinyoung took advantage of this time together to ask some more questions that had been on his mind, knowing that he and Jaebum both seemed to be in a better mood than any other day they had been together so far.

“That guy that was in here the other day, with the blond hair?” Jinyoung asked. “Who is he?”

Jaebum laughed immediately as if there was some unspoken joke that everyone should understand without question, smiling fondly as he paused before answering.

“Jackson,” Jaebum grinned. “What can I say about Jackson Wang?”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes a bit, smirking as he watched Jaebum’s expression.

“Someone’s got hearts in his eyes,” Jinyoung joked, Jaebum cackling from the assumption.

“It’s not like that, trust me,” Jaebum smiled, continuing to do his work. “Jackson is the most outrageous person I have ever met in my entire life, and even saying  _ that _ feels like an understatement.”

Jinyoung reflected back to the day Jackson had so rudely introduced himself, too stunned to tell the bubbling blond to fuck off or never speak to him again. In his hazy positivity, Jinyoung scolded his past self, happy he hadn’t chewed Jackson’s head off at a simple greeting.

“Jackson loves everyone,” Jaebum continued, clearly only beginning his answer to Jinyoung’s simple question. “He’s one of those people that can do anything to anyone and totally get away with it. He’s got everyone wrapped around his finger… I guess that includes me.”

Jinyoung laughed a bit at the idea of Jaebum falling for the shorter blond’s simple requests, not quite sure if he pegged Jaebum as the submissive type.

_ You already know what type you think he is, you babbling, foolish imbecile. _

“I’m sure what you actually want to know is how we met,” Jaebum asked, Jinyoung nodding a bit.

“Our freshman year, Jackson and I ended up in the same history class,” Jaebum began. “When we had an assignment we needed to partner up on, Jackson marched right over to me and demanded to be my partner, saying that no one else in the class could outshine his talents in any subject, especially history. But once we started working together, I found out that he wasn’t very good at the subject, in fact… he was horrible. He needed me more than I needed him… that kind of became the foundation of our friendship.”

Jinyoung considered what Jaebum had explained so far, understanding that Jackson seemed overly confident, outgoing and simply twice as overbearing as Jinyoung could handle from anyone. How Jaebum could put up with befriending someone with energy rivaling the sun was anyone’s guess.

“We stuck together after that class,” Jaebum sighed nostalgically. “If you didn’t guess, I was the stereotypical brooding artsy introvert and didn’t have a lot of friends. Jackson helped me get out there and make friends and warm up to university life and in return, I listened to him whenever he needed it, which was surprisingly a lot. His family lives far away, so I kind of became that for him here, as cheesy as you’re definitely thinking that sounds.”

Jinyoung chuckled, nodding as he shrugged in subtle agreement, happy that Jaebum could catch on to some of his habits.

“So, I guess that’s the general story of us, Jackson and I,” Jaebum smiled. “I hope he didn’t freak you out too much. He’s a flirt, but he’s terrible at the follow-through. A good wingman, though. Always willing to help me out.”

Jaebum looked up from his task of alphabetizing the books, meeting Jinyoung’s gaze as the younger boy remembered how easily Jackson had coaxed his name from him, the task for Jaebum completed with ease and Jackson’s quick thinking. They shared a quick smile before Jinyoung forced himself to look away, acting like he had just received a new message from one of his contacts on his phone, typing a fake reply to no one in particular.

“There’s a party tomorrow,” Jaebum blurted out suddenly, almost as if he couldn’t stand for Jinyoung to act so indifferent to a shared look between the two. “You should come.”

“Tomorrow?” Jinyoung questioned. “Is it going to be a bunch of stuck-up art students who only drink red wine and won’t play a single song by any band on the radio?”

“No! You’re giving us a bad image,” Jaebum pleaded. “I swear it will be a good time. It’s off campus, so things can get a little crazy. I know Jackson is going, but I’d like to see you there too.”

“Well, I can never say no to a party,” Jinyoung replied. “As long as there’s free booze.”

“Always,” Jaebum grinned. “Don’t worry.”

And with that, Jinyoung saved the address Jaebum proceeded to rattle off, sending a quick text to his roommate.

 

To: Mark

_ You’ll help me get through this one, right? _

 

After placing the last volume on the shelf, Jaebum’s cart was finally empty and Jinyoung took it as a sign to walk back to his seat and pack his things. However, Jaebum held onto his forearm gently before he had the chance, offering a kind smile.

“Have a seat,” Jaebum motioned to the cart, grinning a bit.

“You’re fucking joking,” Jinyoung deadpanned, scoffing at the other’s suggestion. If Jaebum thought Jinyoung wanted to go for a ride, he was surely mistaken.

_ At least when it comes to a ride like this, _ Jinyoung joked to himself.

“I promise I won’t do anything stupid,” Jaebum was unphased, smiling and gesturing to the cart once again. “Besides, the library is already closed so no one will find us fucking around.”

Jinyoung paled at Jaebum’s choice of words, the story Mark shared earlier feeling too close to his own personal reality at that moment. Jaebum sensed that his phrase didn’t sit with Jinyoung well for whatever reason, clearing his throat awkwardly.

“I-I mean,” he stammered. “Whatever, you know what I mean. Just get on?”

Hesitating as he approached the cart to sit, Jinyoung’s mind was still fighting another battle of its never-ending civil war; his head and heart miles apart on where his true loyalties should be. On one hand, Jinyoung wanted to knock the cart over in one swift move, cackling in Jaebum’s face as he realizes that Jinyoung was only caught up in the moment and not personally invested in whatever budding friendship (romance?) was scratching at the door. Conversely, Jinyoung knew deep down he was already slipping under, Jaebum’s control over the tides pulling him in deeper with every moment they spent together. It was gentle and gradual, the way the pieces were starting to fall into place, and Jinyoung found himself wanting to float amongst it all instead of powering through every thought, every feeling just to make it to dry land.

So, it was there in the library, moments after the front doors had been locked, all of the remaining students ushered out, that Jinyoung climbed on the library cart, smiling at Jaebum as the older boy pushed him down the linoleum-tiled aisles, his fluffy hair streaming through the wind as he sailed past rows and rows of dictionaries and almanacs, his heart finally earning its first victory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, how about that :)
> 
> Also, hope you enjoyed a little bit more about Jaebum and Jackson's friendship. I know we haven't seen the latter recently, but that will all change soon...
> 
> Hope you are all continuing to enjoy everything! Thank you for all of your views and comments, kudos too!


	7. Chapter 7

Beaming. Jinyoung was beaming as he made his way back across campus to his dorm, not caring if he seemed like one of those students on the commercials his school made for television. He actually had fun with Jaebum and he wouldn’t allow himself to bury that feeling just yet. After Jaebum pushed him down each long aisle filled with heavy reference materials, Jinyoung had stumbled off the cart, making Jaebum climb on instead as he purposefully aimed towards large obstacles, like the conference tables or back walls. On his last push, Jinyoung had successfully knocked the other into his own desk, causing Jaebum to fall over with the cart, both boys erupting in a fit of giggles.

The old Jinyoung would have gagged. The new Jinyoung helped Jaebum off the floor and onto his feet, making sure he only received minor bruises.

After watching Jinyoung pack his things, Jaebum put the cart away and grabbed his own bag, switching off the lights before showing Jinyoung to the employee exit. The two left the building together, Jaebum smiling softly as he walked backwards slowly in the opposite direction Jinyoung was heading.

“Tomorrow… the party?” Jaebum asked, a hopeful expression on his face.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung smiled, holding onto the strap of his bag. “See you then.”

Jaebum nodded and gave a slight wave before turning his body, beginning to walk at a normal pace. Jinyoung exhaled, walking in his normal direction, the smile still tugging at his cheeks.

Now back inside his shared living room, Jinyoung started to feel the all-too-familiar sense of dread creep back into his body. Everything that had happened at the library should feel like a mistake, a giant misunderstanding that Jinyoung should have easily found his way out of without a problem. There shouldn’t have been an apology, there shouldn’t have been an in-depth conversation about whatever was happening in their lives, and there definitely shouldn’t have been any giggle-infested shenanigans that made Jinyoung’s heart flutter more than he would have liked to admit.

Grabbing a snack and falling back against the sofa, Jinyoung let his mind move him to where he would always go mentally - down a rabbit hole, dark and dreary, allowing his insecurities and assumptions eat away at him. He started to mentally scold himself, analyzing every interaction and word spoken like there was some sort of hidden clue that would get him out of this mess he was starting to wade through, walking deeper and deeper until he was sure there would be no escape. It was a sick punishment he had practiced many times before when he himself started to feel attached after a one night stand or random hookup and he assured himself it could work again on what was looking to be a simple crush.

A crush.

Jinyoung hated that word. It had too many implications of what something could be or even mean to a person. There was no reason he should have a crush on anyone, deeming it a total waste of time and energy, unlikely to amount to anything worthwhile or long-lasting. It was hilarious to think of himself pining after someone without them at least sucking him off first; he found that his few infatuations were mostly linked to how good they bedded Jinyoung and he never minded that fact. Crushes were for people with no grip on reality, for those who clearly had lost control of their minds and had no idea of what they were doing.

Yet, Jinyoung was thirsty. He knew the last time he had been active was the party during the summer and he found it easy to assign blame for the crush on that. It could have been anyone in Jaebum’s shoes; the older boy simply showed enough interest to get Jinyoung’s mind racing. In fact, if he had met Jackson first, maybe that boy would be in Jaebum’s place.

Yeah, right, Jinyoung groaned to himself. That’s a lie. You know that’s a lie and I swear if you keep trying to rationalize this like that, I’m gonna-

Jinyoung’s train of thought was interrupted as Mark arrived back home, smiling as he slid his shoes off at the door.

“What’s the matter?” Mark asked, now joining his roommate on the couch. “You should be thrilled he invited you to a party. In fact, I’m thrilled because now I get to work some magic.”

Mark held his hands out, moving his fingers around to simulate him stirring up some faux enchantment.

“That will be unnecessary and you know it,” Jinyoung said, shoveling more crackers in his mouth. “I don’t need your help because I can get what I want.”

Mark’s eyes went wide as a smirk spread across his face. Jinyoung glanced over, his expression shifting into panic mode, sitting upright quickly and knocking his box of food to the ground.

“W-what I meant was, if I wanted it, I could get it and I wouldn’t need your help,” Jinyoung tried his best to clarify. “But I don’t want it and so your romantic wizarding services will not be necessary.”

Giggling and shrugging a bit, Mark relaxed back into his seat, content with his roommate’s reaction.

“Fine by me,” Mark smiled, arm behind his head. “Maybe I’ll use some of my powers on myself. Find someone who can help me forget that other guy.”

“I can’t believe you’re still thinking about him,” Jinyoung replied. “Every single day you bring him up and I can’t let you do this. I can’t let you turn into one of those people who thinks they’ll never get over the one that got away.”

“I still have hope,” Mark grinned. “And that’s more than you seem to have, Jinyoungie.”

Remembering the thrill of sliding down past books of maps, pamphlets and atlases, gripping his hand tight on the edge of the library cart, Jinyoung only smiled to himself, knowing that lurking beneath his self-imposed layer of emotionless darkness was a core of hope that things wouldn’t always eat him up from the inside out.

 

  
Jinyoung slept past noon the next day, his inner turmoil giving him the best excuse to stay wrapped in his blankets and not face anything the world had to offer him today until he went to the party. He didn’t sleep exceptionally well, tossing and turning as his mind kept replaying the time spent in the library, Jinyoung letting Jaebum in a little too close for comfort. If his mind was a wreck, his body was slowly catching up, trying to function with every newfound emotion.

Even after he woke up, Jinyoung remained within his own room, listening to some music as he lazily worked on his report a little more. He hadn’t spent all of that time in the library putting up with Jaebum to turn in a rushed final product, so he knew it might be his most well-thought out paper to date. Jinyoung was thankful that his unpleasant feelings from the night before had somewhat receded, allowing him to regain full control over the context of what he actually wanted to think about. Now he was able to stay out of the darkness, helping his true emotions come to light.

Before he knew it, it was time for Jinyoung to eat something before heading to the party, devouring a sandwich as he listened to his music a little louder to get into the spirit. As he flipped through his closet in search of something to wear, Mark knocked on his door lightly, inviting himself in with a devilish grin on his face.

“What?” Jinyoung questioned, mouth mostly full of bread.

“If you aren’t going to let me help you at the party, you have to let me help you prepare for it,” Mark motioned to Jinyoung’s body and the hangers of shirts and pants in front of him. “I am your stylist tonight and you can’t say no.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes, swallowing the last bite of food.

“What do you know about looking good,” he laughed, clearly feeling that Mark knew just as much as him when it came to making a fashion statement.

“It’s more than clothes,” Mark smiled, coming inside as he pulled a few things from the closet, arranging them on Jinyoung’s bed in pairs. “It’s the attitude you’ll wear when you walk in, you want everyone to know who you are before they have to ask. And if I know you as well as I think I do, I bet that’s a very appealing concept to you.”

Jinyoung smiled and nodded, actually feeling appreciative for his friend’s explanation. He knew Mark only wanted to help, and if this was the most painless way, it couldn’t hurt.

“Now, does Jaebum prefer you hard or soft?”

Whipping his head towards the bed, Mark only giggled, gesturing to the outfits, obviously loving the reaction he had forced out of Jinyoung, his face reddening with embarrassment from the assumption he had made from the other boy’s statement.

“Is he into something more innocent or a little bit more rebellious,” Mark clarified, still keeping a smug smile on.

“You could have just started with that,” Jinyoung complained. “And he’s never said anything like that to me. I don’t understand why you think we’ve even discussed that.”

“It was just a question,” Mark smiled, going back to staring at the outfits with great concentration, eventually handing Jinyoung a small pile to change into. Jinyoung switched into the selected articles as Mark watched, ready to grade his first choices.

Mark had managed to dig out Jinyoung’s tightest pair of black jeans, some rips naturally occurring along the thighs. They accentuated his ass in ways many would describe as godly, and Jinyoung couldn’t help but admire his backside in the skinny mirror on the back of his bedroom door. Jinyoung also sported a black long-sleeved shirt which Mark proceeded to tuck into the front of Jinyoung’s jeans, the younger boy slapping his roommate’s hands away as they lingered far too long jokingly. Feeding a belt through the loops of the jeans, Mark buckled it before having Jinyoung wait patiently while he fetched something from his own room.

Moments later, Mark returned with one of his oversized leather jackets, helping Jinyoung slide it onto his shoulders, the fit much more appropriate for the taller boy. Forcing Jinyoung to sit down, Mark pulled a single stick of black eyeliner from his back pocket.

“Close your eyes,” Mark soothed, rubbing Jinyoung’s shoulders gently. “It will be the perfect finishing touch.”

Sighing as he gave into Mark’s request, Jinyoung closed his eyes, listening to the music in the background to ignore any bubbling worries in his stomach. Mark expertly shaded the corners of his lids, careful to not go overboard. Once he finished, he smiled contently at his finished product.

“Jinyoungie,” Mark grinned, pulling him up and forcing him back in front of the mirror, running his fingers through Jinyoung’s locks to style them roughly. “Who knew you had this in you?”

Jinyoung opened his eyes to the sight reflected back at him. He knew it was himself, striking and all. But whatever magic Mark had actually conjured to make Jinyoung feel as hot as he knew he could be was impressive - he never knew that he could be that guy at the party that everyone was whispering about as soon as he walked through the doors. He felt edgy but comfortable, knowing the leather jacket was the only thing truly on the borders of his comfort zone, but still appreciating how it tied everything together.

Now he could only hope Jaebum liked him hard… in more ways than one.

 

 

After completing Jinyoung’s transformation, Mark got himself dolled up as well before the two boys started to walk to the party, the address nearly burned into Jinyoung’s retinas. It wasn’t a long walk, but it certainly wasn’t ideal for a couple of college students who would most likely be navigating the same path back when it would be much darker and they would be much less sober.

His brain wouldn’t turn off now. It was almost instantaneous - as soon as Jinyoung remembered that he wasn’t going to the library and he wasn’t there for a school-related excused, his thoughts went into overdrive, his heart rate slowly increasing as the panic settled in. Once Jinyoung would walk into the party, the charade would be over. He couldn’t look at Jaebum again without knowing that he willingly accepted an offer to an event the other boy extended, no questions asked (outside of the availability of liquor). There was no attempt at an excuse, not even a push-off to see if his roommate would be free to go with him. There was a natural acceptance that didn’t trip the alarm quick enough and now Jinyoung’s mind and heart were at war once again.

Mark must have noticed his internal struggle brewing because suddenly his roommate’s arm was linked with his, causing Jinyoung to smile down at his friend.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Mark reassured him. “I know I’ve given you an impossibly hard time and I know you’re fighting with yourself, but I’m glad you’re only at 50% of the level of asshole you usually are.”

Jinyoung managed to laugh, able to relax from the brief moment of humor the two shared.

“That means… so much to me,” Jinyoung pulled Mark closer to him, arm wrapped around his shoulders. “I promise to continue to uphold such high standards I have now set for myself and my natural level of annoyance for the world around me.”

The two shared one last laugh together before they found themselves walking up the path to the house, party-goers draped all over the outside porch. Unlinking themselves from one another, Mark gave Jinyoung an encouraging thumbs up before he opened the door to step inside.

While the house looked packed, yet somewhat peaceful, from the outside, the party was definitely raging inside. Music was blasting as people his own age crowded around Jinyoung as he pushed through the crowd, allowing Mark to hold onto his hand as they searched for an open area to claim as their own for the night. Jinyoung’s instinct was to head for a corner, but every single one he approached already seemed to be filled with a couple already too far gone, feeling each other up, or a loner, quietly sipping away at his red cup.

Eventually making their way over to a recently vacated space near the staircase, Jinyoung and Mark took a breath, acting as if their entrance to the party was a marathon, all of their energy already spent. Jinyoung leaned back against the wall, surveying the space. It was the typical party scene, kids of all types all crammed into whatever poor soul volunteered his home for the inevitable debauchery for the night. His mind kept nudging him about Jaebum, wanting to pull him back in the direction he just came from to find the other boy, but Jinyoung had a bigger priority.

Booze.

Jinyoung needed a drink. It had been a long week and sure, a beer with dinner or in his room was great, but it was nothing compared to what was available at a social gathering like this. Getting smashed was on the to-do list tonight for more reasons than one, and he needed that hint of liquid courage before he would address any other lingering ideas his brain decided to suggest, about Jaebum or otherwise.

“I’ll go get us something to drink,” Jinyoung shouted into Mark’s ear, requesting that he hold the boys’ new area as he turned to find the kitchen.

Weaving through the crowd in another direction, Jinyoung found himself to be in the correct flow of traffic, miraculously standing in the middle of the kitchen, counters and tables piled high with bottles of all types of half-emptied liquor, mixers, and ice. Opting to grab a beer for his roommate (who was a total lightweight), Jinyoung haphazardly mixed himself something strong with coke and rum, not caring if his ratios were acceptable by a bar’s standards. A handful of ice topped the drink off before he started walking, heading back to his designated space.

However, instead of merging back into the flow of people that had so kindly spit him out at his current location, Jinyoung had managed to turn the corner and directly bump into another body head on, his cup spilling over the edge and to the floor, dipping on a pair of familiar black boots.

“How long have you been waiting to throw your drink at me?”

Jinyoung felt a chill down his spine as he adjusted his posture and looked forward, noticing that the other body was most definitely Jaebum, hair slicked back, two dots perfectly aligned above his eye, smirk sliding onto his face.

“That didn’t count,” Jinyoung scoffed, almost playfully. “I’d like a re-do.”

He couldn’t help but smile as Jaebum laughed warmly, taking a sip from the beer he was nursing. The older boy leaned to the side as his eyes scanned Jinyoung’s body from bottom to top in a less than subtle glance, eyes finally settling his gaze on the younger boy’s face.

“I’m really glad you’re here.”

Jinyoung fought off an immediate genuine smile, instead offering a know-it-all grin, trying to ignore the fact that Jaebum had so explicitly checked him out without a second thought.

“It’s a party, there’s liquor,” he stated, shrugging nonchalantly. “I told you that’s all I needed.”

“Easy to please,” Jaebum replied, a glint in his eye. “I like that.”

Jinyoung swallowed before downing a large gulp from his cup, the movement of the crowd gently nudging Jinyoung towards Jaebum again, his balance wobbly. Jaebum braced Jinyoung’s shoulders gently so he wouldn’t fall, keeping him upright as he shifted them both a few steps off to the side. Jinyoung felt his arms line with goosebumps under his shirt and jacket, the grip of Jaebum’s hands already too much contact for this early into the night.

He wasn’t used to dealing with Jaebum in the library, so why did Jinyoung ever think he could handle him here, in public, drink in hand?

This was a fucking mistake, he thought to himself. He lured you right into his trap and now you’re stuck here. How could you let this happen to yourself? Who the fuck are you?

Regaining a small sliver of his sanity, Jinyoung straightened his stance, pushing the dark thoughts deep down inside of his head.

“If you’re going to act like that, let’s at least get out of the way first.”

 

 

Leading the way back to the space he had left prior, Jinyoung made Jaebum follow him over to where Mark was still standing, the two exchanging a head nod as Jinyoung passed his drink to his roommate. Mark gave him a curious glance, knowing that Jaebum most likely put himself in the right place at the right time, which explained the sense of panic Jinyoung was then radiating.

Realizing that the three of them were standing completely silent as the crowd raged around them, Jinyoung motioned between the two of them, needing the tension to be broken somehow.

“This is Mark,” Jinyoung gestured to his right. “He’s my roommate, but I’m sure you’ve seen him around.”

“Of course!” Jaebum smiled brightly, reaching out and shaking Mark’s hand. “We’ve always had similar schedules, but we’ve never talked. You’re pretty quiet, always in the zone. It’s admirable.”

“Wow, you’re the first person to say that,” Mark laughed a bit, obviously comfortable with his familiar face. “Normally people tell me I’m weird or ask me what’s wrong because I just stay in my own space. It’s nice to know someone gets it.”

Jinyoung feigned an expression of hurt, clutching at his jacket.

“Are you saying I don’t?” Jinyoung whined, sighing dramatically. “And to think I thought I knew you best…”

“Fucking save it, Jinyoungie,” Mark laughed. “The Academy Awards aren’t taking any new submissions tonight.”

Jinyoung giggled as he resumed drinking from his cup, trying to ignore the fond gaze Jaebum had shifted to as the other two boys interacted. He didn’t like it one bit. Jinyoung knew that his attitude around Mark was certainly somewhat different than the vibes he displayed in the library, but he didn’t need to see Jaebum looking so completely satisfied in his judgements as he watched them together. Jinyoung also knew that Jaebum was the type to remember everything someone did or said during any interaction, mentally logging it away until it became useful in a future confrontation.

Jinyoung knew this because he was the same way. It was a dangerous situation.

“I didn’t know Jinyoung had anyone to keep him in check like that,” Jaebum smiled in Mark’s direction. “In fact, had I known you were at least trying to, I would have given him a harder time.”

“A harder time?” Jinyoung pondered out loud. “You’re joking, right? This whole week has been the most difficult of my life and you and that book account for nearly all of it!”

“The book,” Jaebum hummed softly, taking a sip from his beer. “It’s always about the book.”

Jinyoung couldn’t read Jaebum’s expression or inflection of his words, the liquor slowly seeping into his body and starting to delay how quick his wit could be. Leaning back against the wall again, he slipped into a comfortable trance as he watched the party, allowing Jaebum and Mark to talk about some major-related topics, bonding over mutual interests and issues within their program. It was interesting to see these two separate parts of Jinyoung’s life converging in a place like this, but Jinyoung was tired from the long week and he couldn’t help but begin to feel the familiar haze of a buzz from his drink.

As Jinyoung felt himself zoning out, he noticed a small commotion parting the crowd as it moved in their general direction, the three boys all stopping their conversation as partygoers were forced out of the way by the unknown source. Giving a puzzled look at the edge of the crowd, Jinyoung started to recognize the smaller blond boy eventually popping out completely, sauntering over to Jaebum like every move he made was deliberate.

“Jaebum!” Jackson shrieked, both arms reaching up as he caused a scene, Jinyoung ducking his head down to avoid any association with him. Jaebum only laughed, pulling Jackson into a hug, their relationship much more relaxed now that Jaebum was away from his post at the reference desk.

“I knew I would find you over here, you’re always trying to watch everyone and not get involved in the fun,” Jackson rambled at a million miles a minute. “But at least you came, I know you don’t always like to go!”

Jinyoung glanced at Jaebum as he swore he saw the other blush slightly, his enthusiasm to convince Jinyoung to attend the party seeming to be less than genuine.

“Yeah, I know,” Jaebum conceded. “But I needed it, right? I’m having a good time so far!”

Jackson smiled brightly, nodding fast as he agreed with his friend, looking like nothing the other could say would change his outlook on the situation.

“And you brought Jinyoung!” Jackson giggled, gripping onto Jinyoung’s shoulder, intruding into what little space he tried to project as his own. “That’s adorable! I knew there was-”

“Nothing!” Jaebum’s hand made it across Jackson’s mouth, effectively shutting him up immediately. “He knew there was no college student who would turn down a party. With alcohol, right?”

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow at Jaebum’s nervous bout of laughter, smirking as he read his nervous expression, hand still covering Jackson’s mouth. Gritting his teeth, Jaebum let go of Jackson as he pried himself free, bouncing over to the other side of Jinyoung, accidentally bumping into Mark who had sunk into the background like wallpaper, eyes wide as saucers, mouth slightly agape.

“I’m so sorry! I'm such an idiot, I…” Jackson turned to apologize, hand holding Mark’s bicep loosely over his baggy sweatshirt. As their eyes met, Jackson froze over, emotion draining from his face as his grip on the other boy’s arm slightly intensified. Jinyoung and Jaebum both turned to each other to share a confused expression before analyzing their friends’ clumsy introduction; both of them had failed to move at this point, eyes locked in a straight line, lips slightly parted.

It was like a scene from a movie; time had come to a standstill as Jinyoung and Jaebum watched the two slowly defrost, observing a slight smile tugging at Mark’s lips. Jackson was unsurprisingly the first to move, his arm slowly sliding up Mark’s shoulder and neck, finally resting on his cheek, cupping it gently. Mark didn’t seem to mind, leaning into it gently, eyes closing contently as Jackson stroked his face with his thumb.

Jinyoung found the entire scene to be baffling. A second ago, Jinyoung was about to introduce his roommate to Jaebum’s closest friend. But instead, Mark had wrapped himself into the blond’s gentle touch, soaking up the little attention he was pouring onto him. It was flat-out revolting to watch the exchange of slight touches and small smiles. For once in his life, Jinyoung wished he didn't read too much into social interactions amongst his peers.

How could two people meet, never exchange names, yet be so intimate with subtle touches?

Suddenly, a wave of realization washed over Jinyoung as he attempted to pry Mark’s eye contact away from his current fixation, needing to share a bit of their natural nonverbal communication. All of the pieces were there and Jinyoung had been so stupid to take more than a few moments to realize that Jackson was Mark’s dream boy from the summer, their reunion currently unfolding in front of them for the world to see.

Jaebum nudged Jinyoung’s shoulder gently, making a questioning gesture in Jackson’s direction, obviously not in tune with either what was happening now or why it had to be so dramatic. Jinyoung could only shrug, finding it to be more funny than it was gross, letting the two reunited lovers slowly come to terms with reality.

“I thought…,” Mark said softly, looking into Jackson’s eyes like a lost puppy dog.

“I know,” Jackson replied knowingly, returning his glance with a smile. “I did, too.”

Jinyoung held back a laugh, the entire conversation more like a drama than anything he had observed in his few years of college partying. Of course Mark’s lost lover would be Jackson, why wouldn’t something in Jinyoung’s life not connect him back to the library and Jaebum at this point?

In their trance, Jackson reached down for Mark’s hand, the older boy taking it and lacing their fingers together before they began to climb the stairs near their location, Jinyoung forcing out a quick protest to feign interest in intervening in their reconnection.

“No… wait…,” Jinyoung acted out, pretending to reach for them even as they already stepped out to the next level above. “Come back here…”

Jaebum laughed. Jinyoung couldn’t be sure to assign it to his amazing selection of jokes he had pulled out all night so far or if he couldn’t believe what he had just witnessed between Mark and Jackson, but either way Jinyoung had to laugh along with him, finishing his drink as their chuckles tapered off.

Noticing his cup was now only filled with ice, Jaebum placed his hand on Jinyoung’s back, the younger boy looking back at him suspiciously.

“Let’s get you a refill,” Jaebum suggested. “I think we both need it after whatever the fuck that was.”

Jinyoung laughed again, nodding as they turned to go back around the corner to where they had run into each other, bee-lining it directly towards the fridge. Acting as a perfect gentleman, Jaebum plucked two bottles of beer from the fridge, handing one to Jinyoung with a smile on his face. Mockingly, Jinyoung bowed in appreciation as he took the beer before reopening the fridge and grabbing two more, grinning.

“It’s a party,” he stated. “Not a family function.”

Letting out a hearty laugh, Jaebum wrapped his arm around Jinyoung’s shoulders, shaking him a bit as he continued to snicker at Jinyoung’s reasoning. The younger boy wasn’t sure what to feel with Jaebum’s arm pulling him against his chest slightly, the tight grip of his hand on the leather reminding Jinyoung of how close he was actually standing to someone he never even wanted to exchange more than five words with a few days ago.

But things had started to change and Jinyoung was refusing to acknowledge his unspoken acceptance of that fact. It was easiest to ignore how his mind had progressed to this point as Jaebum ushered them onto the back patio, empty of other students except for some in the distance surrounding a fire pit. Jaebum pushed two chairs closer together, settling down into them with Jinyoung, both of them beginning to enjoy their drinks together.

Jaebum sighed, leaning his head back and closing his eyes, letting out another gentle laugh.

“So, just to be clear,” he began, “Your roommate and Jackson were… or did… or had…”

“Yep,” Jinyoung replied, taking another long sip. “Mark had been telling me about this perfect guy he met at this party we went to before move-in day and how he didn’t catch his name. Can you believe that?”

“I can’t believe it was Jackson,” Jaebum giggled. “He wears his heart on his sleeve, I can’t believe he wasn’t trying to track Mark down by any means necessary!”

Giggling as he drank more, Jinyoung considered the possibility of what would have happened if he never had to go to the library for his assignment. Was fate so twisted that even if his report hadn’t been added to the syllabus, Jinyoung and Jaebum were destined to meet, the stars forcing themselves to align so these two individuals could form an unexpected and challenging bond that Jinyoung had yet to decipher?

It’s all bullshit. Fate, destiny, the stars predicting and forcing our every move. You’re getting soft.

He sighed, catching up on his own thoughts in his head. So much had already happened in the short time between their arrival and this moment he was spending relaxing away from most of the noise. Jinyoung was so used to either being with Mark or being with a potential lay that he wasn’t sure what he should be doing, so settling back in his chair and closing his eyes as he felt the alcohol shifting through his system felt like the next best thing.

“Are you okay?” Jaebum asked, looking over at him, already finished with one of his two beers.

Jinyoung shrugged, opening one eye in his direction.

“Why, do I look like I have a reason to not be?” He smiled, giggling softly from his buzz.

“Not what I meant,” Jaebum insisted. “I just wanted to make sure you were having a good time. All we’ve done is drank and witnessed a reunion that seemed to be pulled from a movie script.”

“That’s a slightly less nauseating way to look at it,” Jinyoung cackled, sitting up a bit more, finishing his first bottle. “But I’m fine. It’s the weekend, I’m relaxing, I have a beer…”

“You’re with me,” Jaebum added, a humorous tone hanging off his last word. Jinyoung snapped his head in Jaebum’s direction, causing the older boy to let out another laugh.

“I thought you said you were relaxed,” he chuckled. “Looks like you’ve got a long way to go. Anything I can do to help?”

“Hmm…,” Jinyoung wondered aloud, stroking his chin gently. “If Mark was here, he would say all I need is to get laid, but I don’t think that’s the solution to all my problems.”

“Sometimes sex can help you let out frustrations you didn’t even know you were dealing with,” Jaebum offered. “Or it can make your problems worse, sometimes out of your control.”

“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience,” Jinyoung said, looking at Jaebum from his seat.

Jaebum shrugged, smiling as his body language seemed to admit it.

“Did Mark tell you about the closet sex?”

Jinyoung coughed as the sip of beer he was attempting to swallow got caught in his throat, catching his breath a bit as Jaebum watched him smugly.

“That’s a yes,” he laughed solemnly. “Everyone that’s in the arts department knows. It’s like an urban legend at this point, so I just try to embrace it when it’s mentioned.”

“You regret it?” Jinyoung wondered, waiting patiently for Jaebum to answer.

The older boy simply shrugged, smiling a bit as he clearly thought things through in his head before offering a reply.

“Not really,” Jaebum laughed, shaking his head. “Because of it, I had to figure out a way to show that I was serious about school and serious about being a better reflection of my fine arts program, which is how I ended up with a campus job at the library. I took that so I could slowly build my reputation back up to where it used to be, to where everyone remembered me as the good kid.”

“That’s not such a terrible reason,” Jinyoung soothed. “I’m sure working there hasn’t been as bad as some other jobs around the university.”

“Yeah,” Jaebum smiled fondly, playing with the paper label on his beer bottle. “And I wouldn’t have met you.”

Jinyoung’s breath got caught in his throat, the blunt admission from Jaebum once again catching him off-guard. He should have prepared for this - it was blatantly obvious that Jaebum was interested in testing the limits of Jinyoung’s friendliness and this was another battle to be fought. He had a few options, but the two that were most compelling were one, giving in and expressing his own small feelings, even though they were questionable at best, or two, telling Jaebum to fuck off to the highest degree in the most obnoxious way imaginable.

But Jinyoung watched Jaebum’s expression stand firm as he smiled gently at Jinyoung, waiting for his response to his simple admission, the implications of what it really meant making Jinyoung feel bubbly and high, twisting with the rising blood alcohol content in his veins. As he was about to speak, Jaebum continued with something even more black and white.

“By the way,” he began. “Did you borrow those clothes from Mark? Because your ankles aren’t exposed and I’m not sure if I should be concerned.”

Jinyoung’s face flared up in hyperbolized rage, raising his hand to slap Jaebum’s thigh as the other burst into giggles, his statement achieving his goal of loosening the mood and snapping Jinyoung’s attention back to him.

“No!” Jinyoung was whining again. “These are mine! I wear stuff like this all the time, just not recently!”

Standing up to express his distaste for Jaebum’s comment, Jinyoung proceeded to highlight individual parts of his outfit to bore Jaebum back into his placid state. He showed off all the zippers and straps on the borrowed jacket, the brand of the belt he was styled with. But the most fun came when Jinyoung turned to the side, emphasizing his backside as he curved his hand around his clothed bottom.

“To think this has always been right here the entire time and you only had eyes for my ankles,” Jinyoung teased. “What kind of pervert are you?”

“One who also observed your ass but didn’t want to scare you away by saying that outloud,” Jaebum revealed, causing Jinyoung to grip onto the railing next to him as he processed that mental image of his eyes sizing up Jinyoung’s perfectly shaped peach.

“Keep it to yourself still, okay?” Jinyoung fussed, sitting promptly back in his seat.

Jaebum only stared at him longer, smile twice as fond as Jinyoung’s disappearing inhibitions allowed him to leave his walls temporarily down, Jaebum able to coerce information and action from him easier than ever before.

“I have a question for you,” Jaebum mused, leaning towards Jinyoung’s direction. “And I want you to be honest. No sarcasm, none of your normal bullshit, okay?”

Jinyoung scoffed, rolling his eyes before reluctantly nodding, leaning his head against his arm.

“Shoot.”

With a smug look on his face, Jaebum inched his chair closer, his face uncomfortably close to Jinyoung’s, forcing the younger boy to sink back a bit.

“Do you know what I actually think of you?” Jaebum uttered, meeting Jinyoung’s eyes. “What I have thought about you since the day we met?”

Jinyoung gulped. This was it. The moment he had feared most. The point of no return. Jaebum was going to confess his feelings and Jinyoung wasn’t sure if he could feign indifference.

Sitting in pensive silence, Jinyoung thought back to their first meeting, never expecting that by the end of that same week he would be sitting uncomfortably close to the other, having a casual discussion about Jaebum’s NC-17 romp in the art supply stock room and Jinyoung’s perfectly shaped butt. Perhaps Jinyoung had been overzealous with his sharp, cutting insults to Jaebum, but it was a defense mechanism that had failed; the one butterfly in Jinyoung’s stomach now felt like a thousand, fluttering just at the idea of spending the rest of the night just talking to Jaebum.

Waiting for Jinyoung’s reply, Jaebum kept his eyes firmly in place, demonstrating that he would not budge even if the other boy chose not to reply. It was another mindgame, one that was sure to keep Jinyoung in check just like every other communicative duel the two had participated in thus far. Jinyoung wanted so badly to win, to overpower the heavy gaze and break through with undisputed sarcasm, once again reclaiming his crown. But now, his heart was in the game, wreaking havoc on his ill-advised actions.

He meant to be honest, just as Jaebum had asked. It was the least he could do. Instead, Jinyoung leaned forward again, a smirk curling his lip up.

“I think the more important question you should ask is if I care,” Jinyoung replied, casually shrugging, displaying a perfectly calculated amount of fake indifference.

Unlike any other girl or boy Jinyoung had faced a similar question with, Jaebum knew better than to feed into what was so obviously a ploy to divert from the real question and undertone of the conversation. He took Jinyoung’s reaction and digested it, letting his own smirk plaster his face.

“You showed up tonight, didn’t you?” Jaebum asked, cornering Jinyoung metaphorically once again, moving into his space again. “You didn’t chase after your safety-blanket of a friend, you willingly have sat out here in the cold for way longer than anyone should, and I can’t imagine why you would do any of that if you didn’t feel something too.”

Jinyoung was caught. He knew he didn’t fight hard enough to act like he didn’t want to be there, that he didn’t want Mark to run off with his dream boy. He didn’t think twice about lounging outside even when the temperatures were seasonally average, but definitely dipping into autumn’s usual chill. Looking down at his lap, Jinyoung swirled the last few drops of beer in his bottle around, once again feeling humiliated and exposed.

“The day we met I thought you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen,” Jaebum spoke with sincerity so pure, it cut Jinyoung to the core, causing him to flinch slightly. “But it wasn’t until I saw you smiling last night that I thought you could ever see me as more than a roadblock in your way.”

As his breath hitched in his throat, Jinyoung’s guilt rose to unprecedented levels, unaware that Jaebum could think so highly of him when all Jinyoung tried to do was tear him down. He knew Jaebum could read him easily - it was obvious in the way that he took control over Jinyoung’s mastered conversations, the way he shifted everything back in his favor. But now it was out in the open, black and white like the words on the pages of all the books Jaebum surrounded himself with on a daily basis, and Jinyoung had to deal with the consequences.

Finally peeking up, Jinyoung slowly raised his head, trying to look anywhere but Jaebum’s eyes, but fuck, if that wasn’t the first place his heart wanted him to.

He was smiling. Jaebum had admitted something anyone could consider slightly heartbreaking and he was still looking at Jinyoung so fondly, causing the younger to wonder if he could ever be considered beautiful if all he wanted to do was destroy everything at the first sense of emotional attachment. Trying to sort through his feelings was an arduous task and he wanted to hate Jaebum so badly for forcing him to do it now in front of him, panic settling into his stomach.

Could Jinyoung ever change from the callous and selfish person he prided himself on being? Was there ever a real reason or purpose for him to be that way to begin with, the anguish of keeping up the façade that he was better than everyone a weight too heavy to bear any longer? Is this what happens when someone can’t admit that they’re just scared and worried of the unknown, that they need to realize there’s more emotions on the spectrum than just happiness, indifference, and sadness?

“If I actually wanted you out of my way, don’t you think I would be capable of doing so?” Jinyoung suggested, voice a bit smaller than he anticipated.

Jaebum’s smile went from cautious to hopeful, his hand grazing Jinyoung’s knee closest to him.

“So,” Jaebum grinned, a winning expression exposing itself little by little. “What are you saying, Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung groaned loudly, swatting the other boy’s hand away from his leg, annoyed that Jaebum was still pushing him deeper into the corner he already didn’t want to find his way out of. He couldn’t just win this easily, Jinyoung thought. He couldn’t let me do it my way.

“I’m saying that I came here because I hoped to see you,” Jinyoung confessed. “Fuck, not even hoped… I wanted to see you. I wanted to be coaxed into this entire conversation that has all been a ploy for you to get me to admit that I don’t find you as irritating as I want to. Is that what you want to hear?”

Looking satisfied, Jaebum laughed, setting his empty bottle on the ground next to his chair.

“Close enough,” he smiled, Jinyoung’s cheeks burning up from his secrets being exposed. “I was hoping you’d say something else, though.”

“Like what!” Jinyoung whined, hopping out of his chair to gesture dramatically as he spoke. “This isn’t that deep, Jaebum! It’s not like I’m in lo-”

It was a blur. A body leaping from a chair in front of him. And then, lips. Lips on his own, hands on either side of his face, holding it tenderly in place. Words forgotten as Jinyoung eased his eyes shut, his hands finding Jaebum’s sides as he accepted the kiss from the other boy, inhibitions be damned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you to all who are enjoying this!
> 
> I'd love to hear your comments and predictions as always!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mature content.

Did Jinyoung imagine kissing Jaebum before that moment? Obviously. Did he picture it would be like what was currently unfolding, alone on some porch at a party, Jaebum guiding his lips to Jinyoung’s? Absolutely not.

But that was in Jinyoung’s dreams and this was _now_.

Jaebum’s lips made slow, deliberate movements against Jinyoung’s, the younger boy still at a loss for words or movement as he slipped into a trance. Not only had he lost the battle, he had lost the war, conquered by someone who couldn’t even force Jinyoung to tell him his name. His mind was racing at a million miles a minute, the snarky comebacks and petty jabs that would normally come so easily to his mouth seemingly filed away for a situation much worse than this. Jinyoung couldn’t help but think that this was the end, his reputation ruined forever, no longer able to brag about his exploits in communication.

Noticing that Jinyoung was once again stuck within his own head, Jaebum pulled away slowly, eyes hooded as he studied Jinyoung’s rather blank expression. His eyes were wide and his lips were glistening from Jaebum’s surprise kiss, stunned beyond words.

“I-I’m sorry,” Jaebum stuttered, obviously startled by his own choice in actions. “That was totally the wrong thing to do to you…”

Jinyoung’s hands remained planted on Jaebum’s sides, his eyes looking down at the lack of space between them, eyes flickering back up to his face. If he could blame his reluctance to move away on the fact that he had been drinking, Jinyoung would be more than satisfied. He had used that excuse many times before and found that no one questions your emotions if you clue them in on the fact that alcohol was involved. It was a reliable get-out-of-jail-free card that always remained in his back pocket, but now it felt too easy, too expected of him.

“It’s, um,” Jinyoung began, stumbling as much as Jaebum did. “Yeah. It’s fine.”

While Jinyoung had yet to move his hands, Jaebum’s palms had moved from Jinyoung’s flushed cheeks to his shoulders, gripping them gently as if he were trying to comfort him. It was almost comical that the two couldn’t speak, but wouldn’t move away from each other as if a moment was still forming, a chance to ruin it inevitable. The silence was heavy and Jinyoung’s mind kept pulling him back, the temporary warmth and soft brush of Jaebum’s lips replaying again and again, reminding him that yes, it was real, it happened, he wanted it and _you did too._

If this was any other random party hookup, Jinyoung would be doubled over with laughter, chastising the other party for approaching him with such a chaste kiss instead of savagely attacking his mouth. It was a waste of time to build up from something two kids could share on the playground to what would inevitably end in Jinyoung penetrating _something_ , so he ridded it from his routine years ago.

Jinyoung shouldn’t have been surprised that Jaebum would be the one to make him want to reconsider ever forgetting the simple joys of a small kiss between… well, whatever someone would call them.

“Jinyoung?” Jaebum tilted his head down a bit, trying to gain the attention of the other boy. “Did you hear me?

“Hm?” Jinyoung replied lazily, still stuck in his head, the insults and clever remarks unable to break through to the surface.

“Can I do it again?”

A sense of panic struck Jinyoung, eyes wide again, pulled from the haze of his never-ending thoughts.

_What did you really think was going to happen? He would kiss you once, you’d say something dumb and then you both would forget any of it ever happened? Maybe if you had just stuck to your normal way of doing things you wouldn’t even be here. By the way, you’re a fucking idiot._

“Yes.”

With Jinyoung’s explicit permission, Jaebum leaned in again, applying the same amount of pressure with his lips, capturing Jinyoung’s gently. Able to force himself to actively participate this round, Jinyoung began to move along with Jaebum, their mouths slotting together perfectly, lips parted and eyes delicately closed. Jaebum’s one hand returned to Jinyoung’s cheek, lifting his face up gently as the moment continued.

Jinyoung finally let himself _feel_. He embraced the butterflies in his stomach, the fluttering spreading from deep in his belly to his fingertips and toes, the wash of pure elation that a moment could feel this sweet, almost too much for his body to handle both mentally and physically. He felt so light that if Jaebum wasn’t holding him as carefully as he was in that moment, Jinyoung felt he could float away, tossing his age-old rules and habits for good.

It was absolutely insane that Jinyoung was reeling over an innocent peck. Shouldn’t feelings like this only be saved for first times and truly orgasmic experiences? In Jinyoung’s head, he was pushing Jaebum away by his chest, shouting at him about getting to the point or forgetting about doing anything completely, putting his veil of supremacy back on. However, Jinyoung was starting to melt as the kiss stalled, his icy shield apparently breached by his newfound feelings he begrudgingly began to accept.

Suddenly, Jinyoung felt Jaebum attempt to deepen the kiss, tongue darting out to part Jinyoung’s lips further, Jaebum’s hand now resting on the side of his neck.

_Now we’re getting somewhere._

Feeling like he was finally back in his wheelhouse, Jinyoung seized the opportunity to guide the next step, gripping Jaebum’s sides tighter as he moved the kiss to the next level, possibly skipping one or two steps with less tongue. Jaebum twitched in surprise, relaxing his hand on Jinyoung as the younger boy expertly guided them into what was certainly a passionate lip-lock; anything more would draw other guests’ eyes onto them, providing an unwanted audience. Jinyoung was absolutely loving how he felt his power returning to his body, even if it was through action instead of words.

What Jinyoung didn’t remember in the midst of his kiss was that Jaebum was the only person he had ever encountered that could even be considered close to his equal and that Jaebum had his own tricks and talents. As Jinyoung went to pull away to catch his breath, Jaebum slipped his hand to the back of Jinyoung’s head, threading his fingers through his hair as the kiss intensified even more than before. Jinyoung’s eyes went wide, awkwardly observing Jaebum as he began to dominate the kiss, subconsciously backing Jinyoung up against the house’s outerwall, pinning his arms against it.

In that moment, it was like a switch was flipped inside of Jinyoung. As soon as Jaebum had him pressed against the wall, bodies nearly touching, Jinyoung’s internal butterflies flew south… _way_ south. His mind reminded him of the time he had hate-masturbated to Jaebum’s image and how he had felt so disgusting after finishing. But now, Jinyoung wanted nothing more to get off with the real thing, knowing that his curiosity and desires had taken total control.

Making out in a storm, Jaebum continued to be the strong, silent type, communicating only with his wet mouth and strong hands, holding Jinyoung in place as he found his rhythm. Knowing that he needed to make his move sooner rather than later, Jinyoung slowly nudged his knee up and into Jaebum’s groin, eliciting a low groan from the other as he finally pulled away instantaneously.

“What was that for?” Jaebum mumbled, a whine barely audible in his undertone. “You could have just asked me to stop…”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Jinyoung asked, confused at the other’s reaction. “You were actually doing quite well, I was trying to give you some encouragement… manually…”

Jaebum’s concerned expression transformed into a knowing one, realizing what Jinyoung was suggesting.

“Fuck,” Jaebum chuckled lowly. “Don’t kill me, but knowing it was you I was kissing… I thought you were kicking me in the balls to stop…”

Jinyoung stifled a laugh before covering his mouth, careful to not expose his delighted grin completely.

“Oh my god,” he shook his head, processing Jaebum’s reply. “Am I really that bad?”

Jaebum smiled fondly, still hovering over Jinyoung against the wall, face only inches away from the other’s glance.

“You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you, Jinyoung?” Jaebum smirked, eyes sizing the other up with a mischievous accent. “The jacket, the jeans, the eyeliner… you think you’re so bad.”

“N-not what I meant…,” Jinyoung stammered, eyes shaky under such a dominating stare.

Jaebum licked his lips, chuckling as he dipped down to capture Jinyoung’s lips again, resuming where they had left off. Jinyoung sighed happily into it, avoiding more of Jaebum’s smoldering glances and suggestive commentary as long as his mouth was connected to his. The kiss seemed to have much more purpose now that Jaebum had realized that Jinyoung wasn’t going to shy away from taking it to the next level; there was no going back from this moment on.

Suddenly, the back door swung open, a few rowdy attendees pouring through to join the backyard bonfire. The screen door had slammed next to where they were crowded against the wall causing Jinyoung to jump back, breaking their kiss once again. Luckily, the people who had interrupted them didn’t even notice what was transpiring as they passed, leaving Jinyoung and Jaebum to stand apart for the first time in minutes, catching their respective breaths.

“Should we,” Jinyoung sighed, regulating his breathing, motioning his hand towards the door.

“Yeah, inside,” Jaebum nodded fast, reaching for Jinyoung’s hand before pulling him inside, splitting the crowd as he headed up the stairs with the younger boy trailing behind him.

As Jaebum led the way, Jinyoung could only stare at the firm grip Jaebum had on his wrist, strong and commanding, yet gentle enough to not bruise or strain. He couldn’t remember the last time he held anyone’s hand except maybe Mark’s; the two of them sharing innocent affections like that after a night of partying. In a relationship, Jinyoung skipped the small stuff, never needing to savor it longer than absolutely necessary.

But as Jaebum tugged him up the stairs and down the hallway, Jinyoung couldn’t help but think about what would happen next, if they would even move beyond kissing that night. If they didn’t, would he be upset? Would the night be a total waste? Jinyoung could almost live with himself if his lips spent the next few hours on Jaebum’s, taking it nice and slow. He could totally handle that. Blame it on his buzz, his dry spell, whatever… Jinyoung would take anything he could get and he assumed Jaebum would be the one to surprise him.

The surprise that Jinyoung didn’t count on was the view he got once Jaebum swung open a door at the end of the hallway: his roommate and Jaebum’s best friend in an extremely explicit position, lights on and everything. As Jaebum went to step in the room, Jackson let out an odd shout that landed somewhere between embarrassment and genuine amusement. Mark hardly looked up from his placement behind the other boy, Jinyoung yanking Jaebum back into the hallway as the door slammed shut behind their escape.

As Jaebum gaped in horror as he took a moment to brace himself against the wall, Jinyoung cracked up, hand covering his mouth as he burst into a huge fit of laughter.

“Holy shit,” he giggled, pointing at Jaebum. “You should see your face right now. It’s an instant classic.”

“How can you react like that to what we just saw?” Jaebum asked incredulously. “I didn’t need to see that!”

“I’ve seen it enough,” Jinyoung replied, shrugging as his laughs tapered off. “We could go back and sneak another peek if you really can’t believe it…”

“No!” Jaebum pleaded, hands clasped together as he begged. “Just promise me we’ll lock the door once we’re inside?”

Jinyoung’s laugh was cut short as he gulped, realizing that, oh yeah, he and Jaebum were on their way to have their own private moment as well before witnessing the consummation of Mark and Jackson’s reunion. His mind began to race again, pondering what Jaebum had in mind that would require a reminder to lock the door, hoping that the mood wouldn’t be dampened by what they both had seen.

While Jinyoung continued to be lost in his head, Jaebum was suddenly there in front of him, pinning the younger boy against the wall, dipping his head near his ear.

“You can’t back out now,” Jaebum nearly purred, causing Jinyoung’s breath to momentarily stop in his throat. “Come on.”

Backing away slowly, Jaebum trailed his hand from the top of Jinyoung’s shoulder down his arm to his hand, guiding him to the next room. Knocking before entering, he pulled Jinyoung inside, locking the door as he mentioned earlier.

The room was dark and Jaebum hadn’t flipped on the lightswitch; Jinyoung could barely move under the weight of his own thoughts. Light from the bonfire outside flickered through the one window, dancing across Jaebum’s piercing stare, sending a shiver down Jinyoung’s spine.

_You’re so fucked._

Jaebum slowly made his way over to the other boy, his hands moving to Jinyoung’s hips, holding them firmly. Looking up into Jaebum’s eyes, Jinyoung gulped, hands moving slowly to Jaebum’s chest and shoulders. He had never felt so unsure of himself in a situation like this; normally he was the one calling the shots and arranging the sequence of future events in his head. Jinyoung didn’t know how to submit to someone, to let them set the pace. If he didn’t put his foot down in that moment, Jaebum would surely get the wrong idea and exploit the younger boy’s weaknesses.

“I don’t care what we do,” Jinyoung blurted out, feigning nonchalance. “But don’t make any fucking assumptions.”

Jinyoung couldn’t believe his ears as Jaebum laughed, hands loosening their grip before applying more pressure, rubbing tiny circles over Jinyoung’s shirt. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact tone ( _mocking, it surely had to be mocking_ ), but Jinyoung held his head high, showing off that Jaebum didn’t hold any power over him in that moment.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Jaebum replied, grinning lopsidedly. “I’ll stop making assumptions the moment you do, too. How about that, _Jinyoungie?_ ”

He could puke. Jinyoung could gag and throw up, causing a scene as he never gave Jaebum a sliver of permission to use the pet name solely used by Mark in recent years. Jinyoung could barely stand the normal connotations the name implied, and Jaebum was making it even tougher to swallow the three-syllable nickname he had grown to tolerate. Sure, he had made assumptions about Jaebum, but none were as detrimental as Jaebum assuming he could utter the word _Jinyoungie_ without a fight.

“Don’t,” Jinyoung composed himself, sighing. “Don’t call me that. Or I’ll have to make up a name to call you.”

“Wow, so threatening,” Jaebum giggled, hands pulling Jinyoung closer as the other boy tried to dig his heels into the carpet. “But if you insist, I already have one picked out for you.”

“If you’re about to say daddy, fucking save it,” Jinyoung put his hands up accusingly, panic flashing through his body.

_Kinky! So kinky! Do you even listen to yourself before you speak, you idiot!_

“Save it? If you insist.” Jaebum chuckled lowly, dipping his head to Jinyoung’s ear again. “For now, try _Jaebummie._ ”

Jaebum wasted no time in moving his lips to press a soft kiss to the shell of Jinyoung’s ear, his hot breath causing Jinyoung to visibly shiver. As Jinyoung closed his eyes in anticipation of Jaebum’s next move, the older boy trailed his mouth lazily along Jinyoung’s jawline, tilting his head back in the process. Jinyoung’s hands found themselves back against Jaebum’s broad chest, bracing himself for the wave of enjoyment he had tried his best to avoid.

As Jaebum’s lips made their way back to Jinyoung’s mouth, they slowly moved together back towards the bed, Jaebum helping Jinyoung slide back onto the pillows as he climbed on top, hands supporting his weight on either side of Jinyoung’s head. Slipping his hands around Jaebum’s neck, Jinyoung allowed himself to fall back into his happy daze, mouths moving together without a fight as he played with the hairs at the nape of Jaebum’s neck.

If he couldn’t admit it earlier, Jinyoung was certainly confessing it now - Jaebum was a hell of a kisser. It wasn’t only that every move seemed natural and fitting, but also how he knew when to slow it down and speed it up to match their needs that really appealed to Jinyoung. The nickname comments had vanished from his mind as Jaebum nibbled at his lip, eliciting a sigh that was uncomfortably close to a moan from Jinyoung. His eyes snapped open, breaking the kiss to catch his breath.

Jinyoung stared up at Jaebum, assuming that he would be teased again for something he wasn’t thinking at all, but all the other boy offered was a soft smile, moving his one hand to slowly brush Jinyoung’s bangs back. The whole thing was honestly leaning too romantic for Jinyoung, but he couldn’t help but get wrapped into the fuzzy feeling unraveling in his gut.

“You okay?” Jaebum asked seriously, still in tune with Jinyoung’s usual reactions. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

“No,” Jinyoung breathed out, looking up. “It’s not you. Promise.”

_Promise?! Disgusting, do you hear yourself?_

Jaebum smiled and nodded before resuming the kiss, deepening it from where they had left off. Feeling unprepared in his position so far, Jinyoung knew he had to do something to make himself more comfortable in this situation, even if it meant exposing his incessant need to always be on top - literally.

Moving his leg around the other boy in one swift motion, Jinyoung pushed up on Jaebum’s chest, forcing the other boy on his back. Claiming his rightful place as the leader of their makeout session, Jinyoung giggled softly as he now left a trail of kisses from Jaebum’s lips down his chin and throat, the older boy sighing almost in relief.

“Was waiting for that,” he sighed, grinning still. “Knew you wouldn’t give in that easily…”

Jinyoung smirked as he bit gently across the soft skin, sucking lightly as he made his way along Jaebum’s neck, secretly loving the way Jaebum’s breath would rise and break with every movement he made. He felt amazing in that moment, seizing control as his hands began to feel Jaebum up, mouths moving back together. Progressing their kiss to the next level, Jinyoung felt the hunger inside of him rise, experimenting by gently rolling his hips against the other’s.

He should have expected Jaebum to be showing signs of arousal, but for some reason Jinyoung was the first to let out a quiet moan at the feeling of the other’s strained erection pressing against his jeans, both in need of some relief. Jinyoung hesitated as he readjusted their bodies, now straddling Jaebum’s thigh, flush against his crotch with one of the older boy’s legs wrapped in place around Jinyoung’s waist, allowing him to grind on the other at the best angle possible.

While the old Jinyoung would have laughed for hours at the idea of grinding fully clothed while sharing the hottest kiss he’s had in months, the new Jinyoung rolled his hips like he never had before, holding Jaebum’s leg back as he forced the boy below him to moan for the first time. The kiss was hot and wet, tongues slipping together, in and out of their mouths, breaths extremely heavy. Every sound they shared together only made Jinyoung’s focus grow hazier, the teenage dry-humping far too embarrassing to comprehend.

As Jinyoung exercised a particularly forceful pressure onto the other’s groin, Jaebum reached out to Jinyoung’s belt to steady himself as he used his forward momentum to force Jinyoung on his back once again. Before Jinyoung could put up a fight, Jaebum lowered his head to kiss Jinyoung once again, distracting the younger as he slowly started to unbuckle the barrier to the skinny jeans that had been a distraction all night.

If Jinyoung was hazy before, now he was lost in the thickest fog, senses clogging up before his eyes. Was Jaebum really sliding the belt from the front of his pants, popping open the button before slowly sliding the zipper down? Was Jaebum palming him over the tight denim as Jinyoung bit his lip, forcing back the whiniest of moans? Was Jaebum sliding his hands under Jinyoung’s ass to guide his body up so he could yank the jeans down lower, exposing Jinyoung’s black boxer briefs, cock now straining against the fabric?

Jinyoung forced himself to look down as Jaebum’s head was too close to his dick for comfort, the entire experience either too real or too crazy to be happening. Jaebum could only offer a hopeful look up to the other before beginning to palm at the front of Jinyoung’s underwear, too interested in what was hidden underneath to express himself verbally.

The annoying library assistant with a smart mouth and know-it-all attitude was touching Jinyoung and he was liking it. Not just liking it, flat-out _loving_ it. Jinyoung hadn’t been touched like he was currently being handled in months and he felt the familiar sensations return to his body like long lost friends coming home from a long trip. Suddenly, he needed more than just a hand, but couldn’t find the words to spit out, mumbling what sounded like a whine and a grunt forced into one sound. Luckily, Jinyoung was with Jaebum, who seemed to know what the other needed without real words or phrases, and he acted without hesitation, mouthing at the tip of Jinyoung’s length through the cotton layer.

“F-fuck,” Jinyoung managed to mumble, the simple sensation arousing him more than it ever could before he went this far with another man or woman. He didn’t want to admit it, but maybe everything was twice as good because it was _Jaebum_ and not just because it was a multi-week span of only his own hand being able to reenact these touches.

Just as Jinyoung’s mind went to freak out over _that_ internal admission, Jaebum reached down into Jinyoung’s briefs, slowly exposing his hardened length. Sighing in relief, Jinyoung tilted his head back against the bed, awaiting the inevitable next steps the other boy would surely take.

Jaebum sized Jinyoung’s entire body up from head to toe, licking his lips as he observed Jinyoung’s hardened cock curving up against his body, heavy with need. As he grasped the base firmly, Jaebum wasted no time in darting his tongue out to taste the moistened tip, forcing out a strained moan from the other boy. Jinyoung forced himself to stay still as Jaebum proceeded to wrap his mouth around the entire head, beginning to bob his head up and down, taking more of his cock in with each thrust of his mouth.

Bliss. It was purely blissful to observe Jaebum take his cock in as he was, Jinyoung’s arm propping his head up behind his neck. _This_ was the kind of angle that Jinyoung was used to - having another succumb to the desires of pleasuring _him_ instead of Jinyoung giving into his weaknesses. Just like the times in the library when he would get the upper-hand in a conversation with Jaebum, Jinyoung sailed off on another power trip, dirty thoughts and phrases slipping from his mouth as his hand grasped a chunk of Jaebum’s silken black locks.

“Look so fucking good sucking my cock,” he spat, the filthiness of his vocabulary only making Jinyoung swell with more pride. “Bet you thought about this the moment we fucking met…”

Jaebum only hummed against Jinyoung’s cock as he continued to work, taking more of his length in with each thrust, holding down Jinyoung’s hips in an attempt to reign in some control of his own. His other hand worked the section that wouldn’t fit in his mouth at once; the delicious combination keeping Jinyoung enthralled with each movement between them.

Jinyoung was the fucking _king_. _Who else could take visiting the library for an assignment and turn it into_ _this_ , he thought, hips struggling to work against Jaebum’s mouth. _All of that bullshit was worth it._

Just as Jinyoung was preparing another round of unsolicited dirty talk, Jaebum swallowed him to the hilt unexpectedly, forcing a rather embarrassing moan from Jinyoung’s lips, the whine that followed it even more blush-inducing than the first. Pulling on Jaebum’s hair, Jinyoung could only observe with admiration the way his cock was being handled, not too gentle but definitely not rough; Jaebum’s ability to read his mind coming more in handy than ever before.

Jaebum slowly pulled off with a pop, catching his breath and meeting Jinyoung’s gaze for the first time in a few moments. His eyes were wide and his lips were swollen, and Jinyoung could swear he felt his cock twitch with anticipation of what would be next. Licking his lips, Jaebum slowly lowered himself back to Jinyoung’s cock, his eye contact never wavering as he took it back in his mouth, bobbing his head back in the previous rhythm.

Jinyoung let his moans fly freely, convinced that he was near his breaking point. Jaebum kept up his quick pace, tongue pressing against the sensitive underside, forcing Jinyoung to give a warning tug to the handful of hair he was still grasping. When Jaebum seemed to ignore his simple warning, still slurping along his length, Jinyoung tugged again, forcing Jaebum to slap his wrist away with the hand that was previously holding his hips in place. Now free to move, Jinyoung took the hint as Jaebum locked his jaw into place, letting Jinyoung pump his hips up and down, fucking Jaebum’s mouth at whatever pace he desired.

It was like a scene from a movie, except perhaps one that was pornographic in nature rather than the romantic reunion he had watched unfold in the living room earlier that night. Jinyoung had never seen anything hotter than a boy he could never win against completely surrendering to getting his mouth fucked out within moments of hooking up. It was fucking _heaven_.

Knowing that Jaebum would take whatever Jinyoung forced him to, he thrusted slowly once, twice, three times before he came, holding the back of Jaebum’s neck as the orgasm shot through his body, a strained moan filling the room before silence fell on the pair. Acting like a pro, Jaebum slowly pulled away, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, sitting back slowly as he caught his breath, visibly wrecked. Jinyoung waited until he had his own breath steadied before sitting up on his elbows, observing the other boy for the first time post-blow job.

Jaebum in the library wore his shirts tucked in, boots laced tight and hair perfectly coifed. This Jaebum in front of him didn’t seem to care that his hair was sticking out in twelve different directions or that his outfit seemed slightly disheveled from the angle he was laying on the bed. His lips were red and puffy, eyes slightly wet with tears from taking Jinyoung’s length at once, repeatedly. Jinyoung could only offer a smirk in his direction.

“Didn’t think you had it in you…,” he managed to rasp out, a satisfied grin still on his face.

Jaebum finally curled his lips into his own smile, sighing and shrugging.

“I had imagined it before,” he stated honestly, licking his lips. “Except you were the one with his lips wrapped around me.”

Jinyoung’s brain went haywire as he imagined getting on his knees for Jaebum, the older boy’s cock bobbing in his face as he prepared himself to blow. Jinyoung had grown so used to being serviced without asking that the idea of reciprocating _now_ after he had done _that_ felt somewhat intimidating, especially with how hard and thick Jaebum seemed to be, judging by the tent in his pants. The mental image caused him to blush, Jaebum moving closer to rub his cheek.

“You always space out this much during times like this?” Jaebum chuckled, an uncomfortable sense of fondness dancing on his words.

“S’been a while,” Jinyoung shrugged it off, sighing. “Won’t happen again.”

_Again?! Stop it! Stop assuming this is the first of many!_

“Don’t worry about it,” Jaebum smiled as he shifted uncomfortably as he sat up, his jeans providing too much friction to be pleasant.

Jinyoung felt the newly-recognizable pang of guilt hit his stomach, forcing him to do something he never would have done a little over seven days ago: offer a helping hand. Literally.

“Get over here,” he mumbled, leaning over to pull Jaebum closer to him by his waist, popping open the button of his jeans. Jaebum feigned opposition, half-heartedly shooing Jinyoung’s hands away, but the younger boy knew better than to not offer _something_ in return for that earth-shattering blow job he had just received.

Jaebum seemed to get the hint as he shimmied out of his jeans, Jinyoung forcing his boxers down along with them, reverting back to his more impatient ways as he gained control of the situation. It was hard not to give his full attention to Jaebum’s erection standing tall in front of him, girth generous and veins prominent. Admitting that it might be the best cock he had encountered on his sexual conquests would be another confession he wasn’t ready to deal with, yet he knew in that moment it was true.

Wrapping his fist around Jaebum’s cock, Jinyoung offered a gentle tug before gauging Jaebum’s reaction, noting that the other boy had already closed his eyes, sighing from the needed relief. A few more pumps had him sighing soft praises of Jinyoung’s style, allowing Jinyoung to smirk as he observed Jaebum’s breathing grow heavier. He looked simply heavenly under Jinyoung’s slender fingers guiding him to orgasm, so close and only moments into the experience.

Jinyoung removed his hand only to add his own spit to it, resuming the steady pace he had established with removed friction. A satisfied expression blanketed Jaebum’s face, making Jinyoung feel an odd sense of pride in his routine handiwork. A hand job should never feel this intimate, this important in sex, but Jaebum seemed to savor every pull and grip, bucking up to meet Jinyoung’s pace.

Leaning down to kiss Jaebum’s neck as his orgasm loomed, Jinyoung flicked his wrist with expertise, forcing a delectable series of mewls from the boy in his hand. He knew he was good, but Jaebum was making it seem like Jinyoung was the _master_ of hand jobs, every movement deserving of a gold star. If this is how Jaebum would act any time Jinyoung would touch him, he could never be satisfied; Jinyoung would want to hear this every night for the rest of his life, other potential suitors be damned.

Without warning, Jaebum came in his fist with a throaty moan, his load coating Jinyoung’s hand and narrowly avoiding anything more than the sheets surrounding them. Jinyoung couldn’t help but watch as Jaebum squeezed his eyes shut, biting his lip, a nearly-closed piercing hole from where his lip ring once was. His face relaxed into an even deeper level of contentment, lips curling into a smile as he opened his eyes to face Jinyoung.

“That… that was good,” he stumbled out, seemingly unaware that Jinyoung never cared much for pillow talk.

“Mhmm,” Jinyoung nodded, reaching for something to wipe his hand off with, the sticky substance slowly beginning to dry.

Just as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, Jinyoung felt his usual habits bubbling under the surface, his previous levels of horniness and desire slowly swapping out with feelings of dread and impatience. Right now, he wanted to put his dick back in his pants and bolt, never giving the other a chance to speak or make sense of what had just happened. But could Jinyoung do that to Jaebum, the boy who had just let him attack his mouth like no one else ever had? Could Jinyoung walk out on what was looking like a budding romance, nevermind the fact that they had skipped right to the seedier chapters? Could Jinyoung resist the change that was inevitable at this point?

_Absolutely._

Pulling up his pants as he stood, Jinyoung rudely flipped on the lights, searching for a mirror to fix himself up in. Jaebum hissed at the sudden change of brightness, reluctantly doing the same once he realized Jinyoung’s rush to look presentable.

“I need a drink,” Jinyoung groaned, fixing his hair back into his normal part. “A big, strong drink. Or ten big, strong drinks. That sounds delightful.”

Jaebum joined him in the mirror, offering a puzzled glance.

“Good thing we’re still at a party,” he shrugged, adjusting his outfit as well, trying to match Jinyoung’s level of detachment. An awkward tension filled the limited space between them, a sense of no return still lingering in the air, no matter how hard Jinyoung tried to bury it deep down inside. He had never been one to show weakness before and he wasn’t going to start at a college party with a boy he had never wanted to fall for in the first place.

“Let’s go, buddy,” Jinyoung grinned smugly, putting a hand on Jaebum’s shoulder as they turned to head out of the room where Jinyoung would pretend that nothing had happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .........did you survive?
> 
> As I've mentioned in comments before, we are far from the end :) lots to sort through from Jinyoung's perspective. Couldn't help myself by throwing the 'Jaebummie' reference in there as well.
> 
> Thank you so much for continuing to read (hi, over 2500 views?!), leave kudos (250+ <3) and subscribe - it means everything to me!
> 
> I'd love to hear from all of you who are reading - I'll be replying to comments as soon as possible.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, another chapter so soon because it's finished and I can't wait. Enjoy!

Jinyoung loved the versatility of vodka. While other men his age would scoff at the seemingly rookie-level liquor, he found it to be quite fun to sample all of the possibilities: moscow mules, cosmopolitans, screwdrivers, Bloody Marys, just to name a few. If he was a tired before a party, a little red bull with his vodka wouldn’t hurt. Bottle almost empty? Toss it with whatever other spirits you have in stock - a long island iced tea was a certified classic. But perhaps the best choice was the most simple of all: straight-up shots.

Five or six shots, to be precise. At least, that’s the last number Jinyoung counted as he downed them as fast as the random girls in the kitchen would pour them, challenging each other to a makeshift drinking contest with no rules or winners expected. Jinyoung couldn’t remember the last time he willingly interacted with others at a function like this without the intentions of bedding them, but his dick had already been sucked, so what else was he to do except socialize? As Jinyoung continued to drink, Jaebum stood by idly, tapping out after the first two rounds, witnessing Jinyoung embrace the rowdy party nature that had overcome the house in the time they spent locked away upstairs.

If anyone around them were to make a guess, no one would assume that only moments before Jinyoung flipped into party mode that he and Jaebum were essentially an item, making out in the chill of the autumn air before rushing inside to a more private area. He definitely preferred it to stay that way, Jinyoung purposefully keeping himself at least an arm’s length away from the other boy in fear that inquiring minds would begin to make assumptions. Everything felt different than it did when the two boys were chatting outside on the house’s deck, no pressure to do anything except talk and relax. That may have changed once Jaebum kissed Jinyoung the first time, but now Jinyoung was back in control, trying to show how “okay” he was with forgetting nearly their entire romp in bed. However, no matter how much Jinyoung drank or how far he moved in the kitchen, Jaebum’s gaze remained on the younger boy, protective yet irritated.

This was all part of Jinyoung’s (drunken) master plan: get so wasted he could ignore the rumbling feelings in his stomach and also perhaps show Jaebum an undesirable side to himself, forcing the other to think twice about wanting a repeat of what had happened upstairs away from the crowd. Even if only half the plan worked, Jinyoung would consider it a success as he really didn’t feel like dedicating more effort than necessary to ease out of the complicated situation. It would be like everything else in Jinyoung’s life: easy to slip into, difficult to withstand.

Reaching for another shot as the girls surrounding him let out a shrill yell, Jinyoung felt dizzy as he knocked it back, slamming the shot glass back onto the table it came from. He erupted in a fit of giggles, slinging his arm around the two women nearest to his body, none of them laughing at anything in particular. Jinyoung felt bubbly and free, his mind sloshing around in thoughts that took him anywhere but here, caught in a new fog much different from the tension experience with Jaebum. As one of his newly-minted “friends” left his side to grab more liquor, Jinyoung felt himself stumble backwards, body going limp to brace the impact of the impending fall.

It was almost on cue that the girl was replaced by a much stronger grip, thick bicep and shoulder to match. Jaebum had darted from his unassuming position in the corner, catching Jinyoung in the nick of time. Almost unaware of what was about to happen if Jaebum wasn’t watching him like a hawk, Jinyoung giggled loudly, trying to stand up straight, ending up with both of his arms around Jaebum’s neck to steady his posture.

“Stupid, I was fine,” Jinyoung slurred, giggles continuing out. “Don’t have to help me, you always want to help me…”

Jaebum tried his best to keep his stoic expression locked on, but softened at Jinyoung’s ramblings, holding him up straighter.

“Trust me,” he sighed, holding the younger boy up. “I know better than anyone that you don’t need me…”

Jinyoung turned his head to face Jaebum, their gazes finally aligning for the first time outside of the bed they once shared. Jaebum had Jinyoung slightly dipped below him, as if he could lean down for a romantic kiss at any moment. There was something different in Jaebum’s eyes that wasn’t there before, almost sad and shrouded in the mystery that was Im Jaebum himself. Giggling softly, Jinyoung reached up to grasp onto Jaebum’s shoulder better, almost bringing them both down at once. Jaebum, refusing to give into the other’s drunken antics, manhandled him into a firmer grip, beginning to lead him away from the flowing booze and out of the house carefully.

It was easier to leave than it was to get in, Jaebum doing ninety percent of the work to cut through the crowd and out the door. The front stairs were a bit more challenging, Jaebum leading Jinyoung with the patience of a parent teaching their child to walk for the first time, only without the gentle words of encouragement. Jinyoung continued to flop around on the path back through campus, Jaebum assuming the direction he needed to take to get him back.

Jinyoung was not about to let Jaebum win silently, intentionally propelling his body forward to loosen himself from the iron hold he was restrained in. Instead of gently shaking from Jaebum’s arms, Jinyoung tripped on the concrete path, landing on his side before Jaebum could catch him. If Jaebum even attempted to stop the fall, Jinyoung wasn’t sure, but he more than made up for it as he proceeded to lift Jinyoung with both arms, carrying him bridal style along the same route Mark and Jinyoung had taken to the party.

Snaking his arms around Jaebum’s neck, Jinyoung nuzzled his face into the crook of his shoulder, closing his eyes as he subtly inhaled his scent. Notes of fresh laundry and vanilla mixed with whatever cologne Jaebum chose as his signature scent luring Jinyoung into complete contentment as he was carried back home. He may have been drunk and he may have lost control near the end of the night, but perhaps Jinyoung’s twisted mindset has led him directly to where he needed (and maybe even desired) to be: Jaebum’s arms.

 

 

After a night like his, the last place Jinyoung expected to be when he woke up was in his own bed, cozy under the blankets and in freshly laundered pajamas. As he opened his eyes, Jinyoung’s head began to remind him of exactly how much he had to drink during the second half of the party, an unwelcome rumble in his stomach forcing him to sprint to the bathroom, expelling the contents of his stomach into the toilet. After what he assumed would be the final heave, Jinyoung stood up carefully, rinsing his mouth and brushing his teeth before going back to his room, looking for his phone.

Back on his desk, Jinyoung noticed his screen lighting up, a reminder that he needed to write some of his paper today if he wanted to make it through the first few days of the week with ease. Groaning and swiping the notification away, Jinyoung didn’t notice anything else weird, just a few messages from Mark he was too inebriated the night before to answer, letting his roommate know he was already heading back home, hours before Jinyoung remembered leaving the party himself, leaving him to wonder…

_ If Mark left without you and way before you, how did you get here? What did you do? Who got you here and made sure you were… _

Jinyoung smacked the side of his head, only one answer surfacing as he recalled the earlier parts of the party, Jaebum wrapped around his dick like his life depended on it, Jinyoung blissed out on the sheets below him. He shouldn’t be surprised at the idea of Jaebum bringing him home, but it was all a blur, no concrete details aligning in his mind to understand what actually happened. Figuring it wouldn’t hurt to ask his roommate what he knew, Jinyoung opened the door to the hall, hearing sounds of cartoons coming from the living room with a high pitched laugh that didn’t fit in with Jinyoung’s idea of Mark’s usual Sunday morning.

Walking into the living room, Jinyoung finally was able to put a face to the laugh as Jackson was sitting upright on their sofa, Mark laying across it with his head in Jackson’s lap, the blond playing with the older boy’s hair. It was the strangest thing Jinyoung had witnessed in their dorm, and there had been some questionable moments between the two roommates. Jinyoung wasn’t sure if the queasy feeling in his stomach was the fact that he was in dire need of sustenance or the fact that his roommate was entangled in the most disgusting display of domestic happiness he had ever seen.

Not bothering to interrupt their marathon of childish cartoons, Jinyoung went to the pantry, pouring himself a bowl of cereal before hunting for the milk in the fridge, pouring it over his frosted flakes. He took a seat at the counter, focusing on shoveling the food into his mouth as fast as possible, not sure of how long he could handle being in the same room as a pair of long-lost soulmates.

“I see you survived,” Mark giggled, tilting his head back in Jackson’s lap to peer over at Jinyoung. “I’m surprised you’re even functioning with the way Jaebum said you acted at the end of the night.”

The clinking of his metal spoon slipping from his hand and onto the floor caused Jinyoung to jump in surprise, snatching it off the ground as quickly as possible, trying his best to ignore Mark’s condescending giggle. Jinyoung wasn’t sure what he knew about the previous night, so he had to choose his words carefully as to not back himself into a corner, allowing himself a safe escape route if necessary.

“Jaebum brought me back?” Jinyoung asked lightly, shrugging a bit. “Everything was kind of a blur once you both ran away into the sunset.”

“Was that before or after Jaebum nearly tossed the both of you into our room?” Jackson giggled, causing Jinyoung to blush slightly at the repressed memory making its way back to the front of his mind.

“You know what I meant,” Jinyoung scoffed, going to grab another spoon from the drawer, resuming his feast of a meal.

“You didn’t make it easy on him,” Mark smiled, sitting up now, butt planted in Jackson’s lap. Jinyoung wondered if he would ever be able to see Mark on his own, an unbreakable bond had formed so quickly between the blond and his roommate that he wasn’t sure they would ever separate physically. “I don’t know how he knew to bring you here, but he had to dig your keys from your pocket to bring you inside. You’re lucky I always make you bring your own instead of relying on me.”

“I didn’t ask him to do anything,” Jinyoung snorted, mouth half full. “He could’ve left me there if he wanted to leave so badly.”

Jinyoung watched as Jackson squeezed Mark’s side, the older boy turning to face him as they shared a knowing glance, giggling softly. If it was any other day when he wasn’t so hungover, Jinyoung would be outraged, on his feet, scolding his best friend and accusing him of picking someone else’s side over his own. He wasn’t used to being left out, normally having Mark on his team no matter what. But if Jackson was going to become a permanent fixture in Mark’s life, Jinyoung would have to get used to tiny battles such as these, as much as they pained him to fight.

“He was just trying to be nice,” Jackson smiled softly, shrugging as he looked at Jinyoung. “He didn’t mind. Trust me.”

Jinyoung sighed, finishing the rest of his food in peace as Jackson and Mark turned their attention back to the television, Jackson now laying his head in Mark’s lap. There was so much he wanted to ask about what had transpired between their reunion and that moment, but Jinyoung forced himself to give them space, heading back to his bedroom and shutting the door.

Taking a few painkillers and downing a few glasses of water, Jinyoung lounged back on his bed, waiting for his headache to die down before he would begin work on his assignment. If he was confused before he left his room, Jinyoung was even more in the dark after Mark and Jackson’s comments, leaving him to wonder why Jaebum even bothered helping him if he was acting the way he normally would while drunk. Jinyoung couldn’t imagine it to be pretty; he had basically acted like he had used Jaebum to only get off, not needing his companionship after the deed was done. Granted, Jinyoung did reciprocate the act on a lopsided scale of fairness, but he couldn’t picture being in Jaebum’s shoes and acting so chivalrous to bring him home in one piece.

After contemplating his general existence and current miseries, Jinyoung eventually sat up, making his way in front of his laptop at his desk, beginning to sort through his only notebook for the notes necessary for his paper. There was no set way Jinyoung liked to complete assignments like this and he wasn’t exactly sure what his goal was, but forcing himself to type for hours usually did the trick, producing what was certainly a passable essay. As his fingers clicked along his keyboard, Jinyoung reigned in his brain every time it started to drift back to the night before, reminding him of the pure ecstasy he felt as Jaebum pressed his tongue beneath his shaft, hollowing out his cheeks as his eyes met Jinyoung’s…

Jinyoung grabbed the nearest piece of paper, crumpling it up and tossing it as hard as he could at the screen in front of him, groaning with annoyance. How was he supposed to get any work done knowing  _ that _ was what he was doing less than 24 hours ago? Surely, blow jobs come and go, but none had ever been like that, so obviously  _ more _ than the standard fare, begging to be retired to Jinyoung’s mental hall-of-fame.

Right now, all his dick wanted him to do was call up Jaebum, coerce him into purring what he’d do to Jinyoung into the speaker, letting Jinyoung’s hand do the rest as he forgot about his paper entirely. However, even after everything that had happened between them, Jinyoung didn’t have the older boy’s number and didn’t think it would be appropriate to approach him over social media for such a favor.

Jinyoung was above this. He was on a different level than using backroad ways to contact someone; Jinyoung was never the one to seek out a need or desire, those people were the ones to crawl to him. Even with Jaebum’s best friend one wall away, Jinyoung couldn’t dare himself to muster the courage, swallowing his pride to ask for the unique set of digits that would make his life easier, but his ego deflate.

So, instead of advancing on any sexual urges that plagued him, Jinyoung forced himself to type through it, weathering the tortuous path of Language Disorders.

 

 

Finding a good place to stop was as easy as any task, Jinyoung shutting his laptop mid-sentence of his important paper. The sun had already started to set in the few short hours he had been awake and Jinyoung’s stomach was begging for something more than the single bowl of cereal he had barely enjoyed in the company of Jackson’s overbearing personality. Slipping out of his room quietly, Jinyoung carefully looked around the corner to find his roommate finally alone in the same place as before, seemingly much lonelier than he may admit.

Entering the kitchen, Jinyoung grabbed a frozen pizza pocket from the freezer, sliding it into its microwavable sleeve before tossing it gently into the appliance, starting it up for the desired amount of time. Once the timer completed, Jinyoung brought his delectable dinner with him as he sat next to Mark in his usual space, his roommate barely moving.

“Are you going to explain anything that has happened in the past day?” Jinyoung smiled, taking his first bite of food. “Because I’m starting to get a little freaked out.”

Mark smiled fondly, sighing happily as his posture relaxed, leaning back into the sofa.

“Can you believe it was him?” Mark asked, stars in his eyes. “All this time I never knew where to look, and there he was… at some random party. This is all thanks to you.”

“To me?” Jinyoung asked, confused as he continued to stuff his face. “I didn’t fucking know that dude was yours…”

“No, but,” Mark began, smiling even more. “Fate brought you to Jaebum so he could bring me Jackson. Without you meeting Jaebum, it probably would have taken me even longer to find him. You need to thank him.”

“I am  _ not _ thanking him,” Jinyoung rolled his eyes, swallowing his food. “Like you said, you would have found Jackson eventually. This was just a coincidence. Fate has nothing to do with me and Jaebum.”

“Mhm,” Mark giggled softly, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. “Fate has nothing to do with this just like you and Jaebum didn’t get it on in the room next to ours last night, you freak.”

Jinyoung turned red as the sauce on the corners of his mouth, furiously wiping it away as he tossed the other half of his sandwich on the cluttered coffee table.

“We didn’t ‘get it on,’” Jinyoung used air quotes, mocking Mark’s choice of words. “And if I ever have to see you pounding some helpless kid again, I’m going to tear my hair out! I told you to start locking doors and I’m  _ still _ the one even at a  _ stranger’s _ house that gets greeted by you slamming your dick in!”

“First of all, we were making love,” Mark giggled, purposefully choosing those words as he watched Jinyoung reenact his favorite gagging charade. “And secondly, if you don’t want me to find out about what you did, maybe you should remember that Jaebum’s best friend is Jackson, and Jackson can’t keep a secret to save his life.”

“Oh, so now you know everything about a boy you didn’t even know the name of this time yesterday?” Jinyoung asked. “What else did he tell you? That Jaebum went down on me, not the other way around? You know I don’t offer it first!”

“Well, he didn’t say that much, but at least I know now,” Mark laughed, holding his stomach. “Normally it takes a lot more than this to rile you up. Thanks for the details, Jinyoungie.”

“Please don’t use that name again…,” Jinyoung whined, covering his face as he remembered the syllables rolling off of Jaebum’s tongue.  _ His hot, slick, talented tongue… _

“Oh no,” Mark giggled more. “He used it, didn’t he? Was it when he was doing you? Oh, this is fucking gold…”

“No!” Jinyoung shouted, standing up again as he once again lost control of the conversation. “We didn’t fucking do it! Christ, he only sucked me off and I gave him a hand job. There, is that enough for you? Or do you want to know all the things I said that got him hard, too? You’re such a fucking freak, you dick.”

Mark was rolling on his section of the couch, the level of crassness of the conversation nothing new for the two roommates, though it might have been months since certain terms were tossed around so carelessly. Jinyoung slumped back onto the couch, scoffing verbally as he whipped his head to the side.

“It’s complicated,” Jinyoung huffed. “I don’t even have his number.”

“Well, I have good news,” Mark smiled as he caught his breath, wiping the stray tears from the corners of his eyes. “The library is open tomorrow.”

“I’m done with the library, remember?” Jinyoung reminded his roommate, knowing he had boasted about never needing his god-forsaken book again.

“Don’t act so dense,” Mark nudged his side gently. “You know what I mean.”

Sighing in defeat, Jinyoung sprawled out, trying to reel in his racing mind, organizing his thoughts and insults back into their proper folders. If he wanted to retain his upper hand in anything he would be doing from here on out, Jinyoung needed to relearn how to control himself and his emotions, only letting certain details out at specific times instead of all of them at once. The load was becoming too heavy, but Jinyoung would have to grin and bear it for the time being, having no other options but sticking it out.

Knowing he had just put Mark through the ringer, he looked over, a softer tone expressed through his words.

“You seem happy,” he offered a small smile, trying to not get caught up in the sugary-sweet tale of their romance. Mark smiled wide again and nodded, a slight blush creeping onto his face.

“I won’t say anything too mushy,” he offered, shrugging. “But I feel like I’ve know him my entire life. That sounds so batshit crazy and I can see you dry-heaving from here, but,  _ fuck _ …”

Mark could only smile as he gazed into the distance of their small apartment, letting another happy sigh out through his lips.

“You’ll get here one day, Jinyoungie,” Mark smiled, the thought genuine. “I’m rooting for you.”

Jinyoung hummed in appreciation, thinking back to the way Jaebum looked at him on the back deck of the house the night before, Jinyoung pressed against the siding. Jaebum’s smile was so fond, so full of hope, his eyes darting between Jinyoung’s eyes and lips, the two moles aligned on his left eyelid still mockingly beautiful even in the evening light.

Maybe he hadn’t completely fallen yet, but Jinyoung tried his best to ignore the fluttering of the single butterfly in his stomach, a chill running through his body as it continued to grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you enjoyed the peek inside of Jinyoung's head as he still comes to terms with what happened and how he'll move forward with Jaebum from here... and I hope you also liked Mark and Jinyoung's friendly bickering :)
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mature content.

It felt like deja vu. Jinyoung woke up the next morning after a terrible night of “sleep,” head still slightly throbbing from the previous day’s hangover. As he rolled out of bed and traipsed into his bathroom, Jinyoung felt his own personal raincloud following high above him, casting a dark shadow over what was bound to be another unnecessarily stressful day. Looking into the mirror above his sink, Jinyoung rubbed at the bags under his eyes, darker than normal from the past week of his life shifting his morals and beliefs, never giving him a chance to breathe from the changes. Seven days ago at this moment, Jinyoung knew nothing of Im Jaebum and he still had an ounce of sanity.

  
_All because something inside of you wanted to get a head start,_ Jinyoung thought to himself, brushing his teeth roughly. _If you were in your right mind, today would have been the first day you stepped foot inside the reference section. Maybe things would be different._

  
But would they really? Mark had mentioned it only to rile him up last night, but Jinyoung couldn’t shake the idea that fate had something to do with his sudden change of heart when it came to matters of academia… and an observant, patient and equally-sarcastic library assistant.

  
_With a photogenic dick. Check._

  
Jinyoung proceeded to turn on the shower and step inside, letting the steam cloud around him as he endured the blazing hot stream of water hitting his back. He had barely let himself think about the acts Jaebum and himself had participated in days prior, but now he wanted to so badly, hand already snaking around his half-hardened length.

  
As he jerked it lazily, Jinyoung closed his eyes and leaned against the cool tiles surrounding the shower, thinking back to wrestling with Jaebum in bed, the rough grinding of their bodies before Jaebum seized the moment, nearly clawing at Jinyoung’s jeans to open them. Jinyoung hadn’t thought of it then, but Jaebum assuming a submissive role so easily made Jinyoung wonder how the other boy saw himself. From Mark’s story of the supply closet that Jaebum had confirmed, Jinyoung knew he wasn’t always the one taking it, making a shiver run down his spine.

  
Versatility was a huge turn-on for Jinyoung as his preferences shifted person to person, night to night. With women, he didn’t have much of a choice, but with men there was always an interesting conversation that had to happen before pants came off, unless he wanted to enter the situation making terrible assumptions. Jinyoung loved that he could use his fingers and cock to get another man off, the power he held in that position unrivaled. But even with the roles reversed, Jinyoung retained that control, never letting the other participant yield more power.

  
If Jaebum’s actions during their low-level hookup the other night were any indication, Jinyoung would be satisfied no matter what. Sure, he would love to be the one in charge, forcing Jaebum to take him in to the hilt, legs spread and mouth agape, but he also could imagine him tied up below Jinyoung, mercilessly riding him out through a mind-blowing orgasm, never giving him a chance to claim control of the situation.

  
Jinyoung’s hand was working overtime now, the intricate thoughts of actually having sex with Jaebum driving him crazy, forcing him to finish in half the time he usually did. As the pleasure faded away, Jinyoung resumed his shower tasks, washing his hair, staring straight ahead, knowing he was slipping into the deep end again, not wanting to come up for air.

 

  
The morning lecture was another snoozefest for Jinyoung, the doodles in his notebook showing no indication of the current course materials. It had been hard to focus on anything since he imagined Jaebum sprawled out completely naked below him, imagining more than just his tongue inside of him at once. Forcing to forget the super explicit closeups his mind so generously provided, Jinyoung went the opposite route, choosing to contemplate the more analytical side of what their recent interactions could mean.

  
They didn’t have sex. Jinyoung couldn’t figure that out. The pattern was odd and zigzagged back and forth ten times as much as a normal party lay, but they all ended up the same: bedroom, locked door, clothes off, dick in _someone_. But the usual push and pull only resulted in a Grade-A blow job and hasty hand job, pants still around ankles and knees, the top halves of their bodies still fully covered. Jinyoung hadn’t noticed any dark marks on his neck and his lip was only slightly swollen, but with the heavy thoughts racing through his mind constantly, Jinyoung felt like it had been more, been something extremely taxing that made comprehension impossible.

  
Had Jaebum wanted to go all the way? Maybe. Jinyoung wasn’t sure. Honestly, what was Jinyoung sure of when it came to the other boy, instincts completely shot whenever he was in a twenty foot radius of Jaebum. Certainly, Jinyoung hadn’t shown much interest in more than what happened, considering the way he forced it to end, escaping the room as quickly as they had entered. If Jinyoung was truly desperate, he definitely would have stuck around, putting up with the awkward tension just to get some. But maybe he didn’t care if it went any further that night because he wanted something else to hold onto, something to save for another future encounter.

  
All of this thinking made Jinyoung sick to his stomach, butterflies flopping around, unchecked thoughts of actual concern and interest throwing his entire existence askew. Tossing his things in his bag, Jinyoung snuck out the back of the lecture, placing his headphones on his ears as he played a soundtrack to walk him to the person he needed to speak with most.

  
The sun outside made it seem at least a degree or two warmer than it actually was, the leaves still falling from the trees surrounding the quad with ease. Jinyoung covered his hands with his sleeves, his feet heavy as he dragged himself towards the library, a sight he hadn’t seen since Friday, before the kisses and moans, after his heart convinced him to climb on a library cart that definitely was not built to support the weight of a fully-grown man. Not even bothering to pause at the door before pushing his way inside, Jinyoung made a straight line for the desk he knew so well, heart beating faster with anticipation.

  
But once inside the designated area, Jaebum was nowhere to be found. Jinyoung knew there was a possibility he might be within the shelves, filing documents and old books away, but it was almost as if he could sense his presence, or lack thereof in this case, the room not feeling as warm as it would be with Jaebum’s feet propped up on the desk, worn-out paperback novel in hand.

  
Instead, a petite young woman was scanning barcodes in a seat Jinyoung had only seen Jaebum in, making the uneasiness in Jinyoung’s belly double. He didn’t like to see another person here that wasn’t who he expected; if Jinyoung was anyone else, he could laugh at knowing he used to avoid the other boy, only to be disappointed today in his absence. While Jinyoung was disappointed, he couldn’t help but approach the desk anyway, still somewhat hopeful.

  
“Excuse me, but is Jaebum working today?” Jinyoung asked politely, a kind (phony) smile tugging at his lips.

  
“No, he’s off,” the girl smiled, pausing her current task and reaching for something behind the counter. “But are you Jinyoung?”

  
Puzzled, Jinyoung hesitated to nod, instead crossing his arms over his chest.

  
“Why?” He asked quickly, a little too harsh to keep up his unassuming quest to find the other boy.

  
“I have this for you,” she smiled and held up the familiar red hardback book Jinyoung had been using the previous week, a sticky note with Jaebum’s name on the front cover. “Jaebum let me know you might stop by and would need it.”

  
Jinyoung bit back a grin, his heart beating fast at the thought of Jaebum preparing ahead to reserve the book for Jinyoung away from prying hands who might take it off the shelf, using it as their own in the little reference area. It was a small, but meaningful gesture, showing that even after Jinyoung’s episode after the weekend’s events, he at least had the heart to keep Jinyoung in his thoughts.

  
As Jinyoung’s mind slipped into a pleasant daydream of Jaebum leaving him hints and clues that everything would be okay between the two of them, he heard a familiar scan of a barcode, the reference worker looking as if she was checking out the book for Jinyoung’s personal use… outside of the library itself.

  
“Wait, you can’t do that!” Jinyoung nearly shouted, eliciting a shush from a nearby table as he instructed the girl on the practices he had become too familiar with. “I don’t know if you’re new or something, but you can’t give that to me. It has to stay in this room. You know, like all of the other reference books.”

  
The other girl gave him a questioning look before giggling softly, sliding the book on the counter in front of him.

  
“I’m not sure who told you that,” she smiled, clueless to the trials and tribulations Jinyoung had experienced in this same spot. “But this book is from the one row in this room you can check out, whoever you spoke to was sorely mistaken.”

  
Jinyoung was floored. Stunned into complete silence, expression one-hundred percent blank. The butterflies vanished, replaced by an unstoppable sinking feeling, causing Jinyoung to grip onto the counter, knuckles white. His mind raked through every thought, every interaction he had in the library, in this very room. All the time he had spent here because of this stupid fucking book and its restrictions holding it hostage to the one room with the overbearing library assistant with stars in his eyes…

  
“You’re all set…”

  
Snapping his eyes up from the book at the counter, Jinyoung shot the worker an undeserving glare as he snatched the hardback away, storming out of the room in a fury. Not stopping to let students into the building, Jinyoung continued his tirade from the library back to his dorm, indescribably furious at what he had just learned.

  
The book was free to go with him at any time. The first day he held it in his hands, Jaebum should have offered to check it out, giving him a firm due date to bring it back. Instead, the other boy had taunted him with it, assigning him a goddamn fucking designated seat where he could watch over him all he wanted. It was more than unfair that Jaebum had done this to Jinyoung, especially after knowing more about the other boy, understanding that Jinyoung had his own rules he played by and ignored everyone else’s.

  
How had he been so blind? Jaebum was too friendly from the start, too eager to get to know Jinyoung in any way, shape or form possible. His genuine kindness was all a sham to keep Jinyoung within reach, to not let him out of his sight. He felt sick at the idea of someone trapping him in, knowing that he allowed himself to fall into the trap, as stupid as it may sound.

  
Obviously, some choices were his own, like riding the library cart or returning to visit Jaebum today, but Jinyoung would never have let himself go that far if he had known that Jaebum wasn’t honest from the start. Even worse than losing some sense of loose trust they had established, Jinyoung wasn’t sure what to make of everything they had shared together, disregarding the way he handled the end of the night.

  
As Jinyoung had always assumed, everything was too good to be true, too interesting and exciting to have blossomed from pure intentions. Some might have said that he was being dramatic with his trail of thought, but he had only proved himself right, that no one else was worth Jinyoung’s precious time or effort.

  
Bursting through the door of his dorm room, Jinyoung yelled in frustration as had interrupted Mark and Jackson in another interesting pose, the blond dipping his head between Mark’s legs as he tilted his head against the sofa, clearly enjoying the one-on-one attention. Having no time for patience for subtlety, Jinyoung threw his bag near the couch, forcing Mark to jump, gagging Jackson in the process.

  
“Shit! Jinyoung, what the fuck?!” Mark shouted, voice strained as he checked on Jackson’s well being, using a throw pillow to cover himself in the meantime.

  
“What the fuck, Jinyoung? What the fuck to you, Mark Yi-En Tuan!” Jinyoung shouted, overblowing the interaction with his roommate, pulling out the full name he refused to let anyone use. “Forgot you have a room for this kind of shit? I get it, you’re in love or whatever bullshit concept you want to believe in now, but learn to lock a fucking door!”

  
“The door was locked, you asshole,” Mark spat, Jackson retreating to the corner of the sofa, cheeks flushed with embarrassment from being caught in the crossfire. “Aren’t you supposed to be in class? Or at least at the library making goo-goo eyes at your loverboy?”

  
“Funny you should mention that,” Jinyoung laughed, his entire aura coated with a thick layer of sarcasm. “He wasn’t there! But another worker so kindly rang out the book I had been using all week, wasn’t that nice of her?”

  
Mark raised an eyebrow as Jinyoung tossed the book on the counter, meeting Jinyoung’s stare.

  
“Why did she give it to you? Isn’t it supposed to stay there?”

  
“A-haaa,” Jinyoung giggled in the worst way, completely out of his mind. “Wouldn’t you know that _Jaebum_ had been _lying_ to my face the whole time. The whole fucking time! I could have taken this out whenever I wanted, I didn’t have to stay there! It was all a goddamn lie.”

  
Mark sighed as he took the information in, mood completely changed from the aggression he previously shared with Jinyoung, now processing his meltdown. If anyone could understand why Jinyoung was reacting the way he was, it was Mark - he knew that Jinyoung didn’t like to be taken advantage of, even if it was in a small way like this. Jinyoung didn’t trust easily and this would not only hurt whatever would be left of his interactions with Jaebum, but anyone else entering his life from here on out.

  
“Why would he do that?” Mark came over, rubbing the side of Jinyoung’s arm gently. “Are you okay?”

  
“Fuck no,” Jinyoung growled, knowing Mark wouldn’t take offense now that he saw it from Jinyoung’s angle. “I’m beyond pissed. I feel like such an idiot. I knew something was up.”

  
As Mark tried his best to calm Jinyoung down, Jackson cleared his throat, making his presence known once again as both boys looked in his direction.

  
“Um, Jinyoung,” Jackson peeped up from the corner, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but maybe I could help…”

  
“What, do you know why he did this?” Jinyoung frowned even deeper. “Were you in on this too? Unbelievable…”

  
“I wasn’t, promise,” the other boy sighed, exhausted from hearing the petty argument. “But Jaebum wouldn’t do something like this to hurt you. If anything, he only did it because he liked you. Isn’t that reason enough to try and talk it out with him?”

  
Jinyoung burst out laughing, absolutely stunned at the audacity Jackson had to suggest that Jinyoung would be flattered by Jaebum’s actions.

  
“That’s rich,” he giggled, pretending to wipe tears from his eyes. “Where is the bastard hiding? I’d love to have a civil and adult conversation about all of this.”

  
Jackson looked nervous to reveal any more information, but Mark was suddenly at his side, encouraging the boy to share anything he knew with Jinyoung, knowing it was the only way to get him off Jackson’s case.

  
“He told me he took the day off to work on something in the photo lab,” Jackson stated, a more stoic expression on his face as Mark supported him by rubbing his back gently. “Don’t tell him I sent you...”

  
Jinyoung reached over to pull his bag back over his shoulder, shoving the book deep inside before turning to the door, Mark sliding in front to stop him in his tracks.

  
“Please don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Mark offered with a small grin and subtle wink, Jinyoung softening his glare to nod in recognition before gently shoving his roommate out of the way, heading back through the door.

 

  
Jinyoung assumed he looked ridiculous as he jogged back across campus to the art building, stomping past other students and faculty, glaring straight ahead. The cropped black slacks he had chosen to wear this morning kept riding up his body, making the entire day even more uncomfortable than he thought was possible. Nothing was going his way, but that wasn’t about to stop him from putting an end to the charade Jaebum had been orchestrating for the past week.

  
After nearly knocking over a student carrying a large canvas out of the building, Jinyoung forced himself inside, following the signs to the photo lab on the lowest level, taking the steps two at a time. In his head, he was arranging the perfect list of accusations, wanting to hit first and hit hard, knocking Jaebum out of whatever argument would ensue. This time, Jinyoung would have a plan and stick to it, Jaebum never knowing what was coming. It was the perfect ending to the week-long tug-of-war, explosive and definitive. Jinyoung couldn’t wait to relish in the other boy’s reaction as he was exposed, his plan revealed for the world to judge.

  
Jinyoung checked the large room used for framing and finishing first, not finding the other boy anywhere. Taking a short walk down a hallway off of the main area, Jinyoung noticed two doors on either side of the walkway used for developing film. Wasting no more of his precious time, Jinyoung began to bang his fist on each one, waiting to see if anyone would squeak out a reply.

  
What Jinyoung didn’t expect was for one of the doors to fly open immediately, Jaebum looking completely outraged as he looked for whoever was causing the scene.

  
“What the fuck is happening out here!” Jaebum basically shouted, startling Jinyoung as he never expected such a reaction from the other. Clearly surprised to see Jinyoung standing on the other side of the doorway, Jaebum’s expression did a 180 degree turn, staring at the other boy, body relaxing back against the wall.

  
“J-Jinyoung,” he stumbled, trying to play off his semi-outrageous outburst. “What are you doing here, how did you find me?”

  
Jinyoung was drawing a blank. He hadn’t expected Jaebum to yell in his face, to throw him off his game yet again. It wasn’t fair. He had planned for this moment and it was all for naught. The whole walk over was dedicated to declaring a clear statement the first moment his eyes locked with Jaebum’s, but now he was silent against his strong will. Jinyoung was starting to feel like he would never win a battle, let alone the war between them, and it wouldn’t be Jaebum’s fault.

  
“Book,” was all Jinyoung could manage to say, eyes dipping to the ground as he slowly regained order of everything he needed to spit out. “You… didn’t…”

  
“Didn’t what?” Jaebum sounded impatient, yet concerned. “It’s there, I made sure of it…”

  
“Yeah, but…” Jinyoung slowly reached into his back, pulling it out, a receipt with the due date printed on it peeking over the edge. As Jaebum’s line of sight moved down to look at the object, his eyes went wide, a visible gulp being swallowed as he showed faint signs of panic.

  
_There we go. That’s my cue._

  
“Do you want to explain to me how I’m able to have this in my hands right now?” Jinyoung started, head clear, bullet points back in order. “How some other person that was working today assumed I knew I could check it out? How they laughed when I told them that wasn’t true? Can you explain why I have spent the past week of my fucking life at that damn table when I could have been anywhere else in the world with this fucking book?”

  
Jaebum stayed silent, eyes to the ground, accepting Jinyoung’s beratement without a fight.

  
“Who in their right mind wouldn’t just do their job right the first time? Who would keep lying every single time over something as dumb as this?” Jinyoung forced the book into Jaebum’s face, growing more frustrated and upset with every question asked. “What was the fucking point, Jaebum? You think it was funny to watch me, someone who clearly never uses the library, just assume you were right about not being able to take the book? You get off on taunting other kids like me who are just too dumb to understand what’s happening?”

  
“It wasn’t like that,” Jaebum said in a small voice. “It’s still not like that, Jinyoung. I swear, I-”

  
“Save it,” Jinyoung shoved the book into Jaebum’s chest, sure it would leave some sort of bruise with the amount of force he applied. “I didn’t even fucking need it today. I just wanted to… fuck it, nevermind.”

  
Turning on his heel, Jinyoung stormed away, a more emotional sense of dread overwhelming him as he flew through the hallway, back up the stairs and out of the building, leaving Jaebum to stand in a daze, holding the one thing that brought the two of them together in the library exactly one week ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone still with me? Buckle up, it's going to be a bumpy ride...
> 
> Do you think Jinyoung reacted appropriately? Or is he just being his old self?
> 
> Thank you all for your kind words - hopefully my replies have been satisfactory and your questions are being addressed there or by details in the story! :)


	11. Chapter 11

Once back in the safety of his own dorm (and after verifying that Mark wasn’t sprawled out, entangled with a certain blond boy), Jinyoung tried to blank his mind from everything swirling around in it. While the crime drama on tv wasn’t helping much, the few beers he had “borrowed” from Mark’s stock in the fridge seemed to be, lifting Jinyoung into a blissfully passive state, ushering him away from any worries lingering in his gut. He normally needed a cool-off period after a one-sided argument like the one he just had with Jaebum, but it was taking twice as long as normal, affecting Jinyoung in ways he couldn’t bear to address.

Jinyoung eventually felt numb enough to complete some work for his classes, most of it having gone untouched in recent days due to his inexplicable infatuation with a boy he clearly barely knew. He slumped back in the chair at his desk, repeating the same method of lazily typing whatever came to mind into his assignment’s document, stretching out certain lines for emphasis and word count. It was a mindless task that helped passed the time until Jinyoung’s pleasant buzz would fade into drowsiness, a sleepy tide sweeping him to his bed.

Writing more than expected, Jinyoung compared his seemingly-finished product to the checklist the professor had provided for the essay, all of the boxes checked. Dedicating a silent fist pump to his overwhelming and underrated brilliance, Jinyoung happily added a final page for his bibliography, copying and pasting the formatting from a generator online. He was absolutely shocked he had finished something so early, a whole day before the actual due date; Jinyoung was sure it was a new personal record.

However, as Jinyoung went to organize his final citation, he realized his worst fear had become a reality: he never took down the information from the book he used at the library, even after wasting pages and pages of physical paper on the notes, the cover burned into his brain for unwelcomed reasons. There was no mention of the author and Jinyoung could only remember a few words of the title; he wasn’t sure how useful “communication” and “disorders” were when every other source on his list included the same handful of terms. Even typing passages into search engines didn’t help, all of the results too vague or too new to be the book he used, his internet sleuthing skills failing him when he needed them most.

He couldn’t go back. Jinyoung had no desire to walk back into the library ever again, swearing it off completely as he knew what might happen if he visited once more. His bad luck had continued beyond the revelations and arguments earlier in the day, the cloud from that morning still fixed directly above where he sat. It wasn’t like Jinyoung to be so forgetful, but it wasn’t like him to finish a report this timely either. Mark’s voice suddenly popped into his head, reminding Jinyoung of an unpleasant and highly unrealistic reason for all of it.

_Fate._

Could outside forces honestly impact his life in such a negative way purposefully? Jinyoung never considered the absurd concept of fate to be real, but if it happened to be true, why would it ever exist to hurt someone? Shouldn’t destiny and the stars be more concerned with creating positivity and happiness instead of existential dread and regret?

Sighing as he closed his computer, retreating to his bed, Jinyoung flipped his lights out, crawling under the heavy comforter. Staring up at the ceiling, he wondered if Jaebum knew what he was getting into, showing so much interest in Jinyoung. The younger boy thought he knew how to warn people without explicitly stating so, his walls strongly reinforced around him with metaphorical cement and steel, towering high in his mind to never let anyone through. How could Jaebum see through it all, assuming he could get to Jinyoung?

_It’s all his fault. It all started with the book, how he didn’t let you take it. He did that on purpose. He wanted you to keep coming back into his world so he could play by his rules. He wanted that power over you, he didn’t want you to feel like you had any advantages at all. The seat at the table? Bullshit. The coffee he got for you? Bullshit. Inviting you to the party? Guess what, bullshit! It’s all a ploy to manipulate you into thinking and feeling things you wouldn’t naturally. Fuck whatever he said on the porch, fuck whatever you may have felt beyond the normal arousals. You’re too good to be tricked like this._

Jinyoung couldn’t help but close his eyes slowly, the toxicity of his thoughts overwhelming the small battles his heart had fought so hard to win, his true feelings still buried deep within.

  


Waking up the next morning, Jinyoung started to piece together a simple plan to get the information he needed without going into the library at all. It was almost too easy how everything fell together in his mind, but there was only one part he couldn’t do on his own.

_Okay, so maybe the one part is the_ _whole_ _part, but it’s my plan, so it still counts, right?_

Leaving his own room and walking through the shared living space to the other side, Jinyoung stood outside of his roommate’s door, knocking softly instead of barging in like he normally would. Ever since Jackson and Mark had made it known that they didn’t care about locking doors or staying out of sight, Jinyoung knew better now than to assume he was alone.

“Maaaark,” Jinyoung whined quietly against the door. “Are you still in there? I need help…”

Jinyoung heard a small commotion on the other side, the door eventually cracking open with Mark’s face appearing, still puffy from his slumber.

“This better be important,” he mumbled, his voice still raspy from his rude awakening. “And before you ask, he’s not in here.”

“Don’t care,” Jinyoung shrugged. “Even if he was, I’d still need your help.”

“Okay…,” Mark sighed, swinging the door open, letting Jinyoung inside as he searched for semi-clean clothes to put on over his boxers. Jinyoung went to sit on the bed, but stopped himself before he did, realizing what could have been happening on the sheets the past few days. Slightly disgusted but still in desperate need of help, Jinyoung leaned against the doorframe.

“I need you to go to the library for me,” Jinyoung stated. “I need to know the name of the book I was using.”

“You’re joking,” Mark looked up from tying the drawstring on his pants. “Why do you need to know that?”

“I need it for my sources,” Jinyoung sighed. “When I found Jaebum yesterday, I possibly gave it back to him… politely, of course.”

Mark raised an eyebrow, trying to fight back a laugh as he knew that Jinyoung wouldn’t be the type to go quietly.

“I kind of forgot to write it down for my bibliography and I’ll be damned if I went through all of this only to have it missing from my paper,” Jinyoung continued to babble, trying his best to convince the other boy to do his dirty work for him. “I would feel even dumber than I do right now!”

“You’re telling me that you went through all of that only to need it again?” Mark chuckled quietly, slipping on an oversized pullover sweatshirt. “This isn’t like you, Jinyoungie…”

“What did I say about using that name?” Jinyoung whined, running his fingers through his hair, Jaebum’s voice repeating it in the back of his mind. “I’ll do anything you want in return, just name it!”

“I want the entire dorm to myself for the rest of today,” Mark immediately replied. “And you do not get to ask what I plan to use it for.”

“That’s gross,” Jinyoung replied, disgusted with Marks’ implications. “But as long as you leave my room unscathed, I guess I’m okay with it.”

“Good,” Mark grinned, satisfied with his reward. “Jackson lives in the regular dorms and he doesn’t have any privacy. Did you know he’s a screamer?”

Jinyoung covered his mouth as he pretended to gag, a real one not too far off.

“If this is how you’re going to be the entire length of your relationship, spare me,” Jinyoung waved Mark off as the other boy burst into a fit of giggles.

“Get used to it forever,” Mark smiled, shooing Jinyoung out of his room. “Get ready and I’ll go help you with whatever it is you need.”

Jinyoung went back to his room, changing into some comfortable jeans and a sweater, not putting too much effort into his look as he wasn’t planning on impressing anyone, even if he came across a boy his same height, soft dark hair swept up and back, looking in his direction.

Shaking the mental image of accidentally stumbling into Jaebum’s path, Jinyoung grabbed his bag and packed it like a normal Tuesday - camera, lens, pen and paper - just in case. Slipping into some shoes, he met Mark back at the door, heading out with his roommate, beginning the walk across campus.

 

As they approached the library, Jinyoung felt an eerily familiar sensation in his stomach, the butterflies reappearing at the sight of where they began. It was odd that Jinyoung could feel anything through his annoyance and anger at Jaebum, but he realized that the subtle feelings of joy may take a while to fully dissipate, never to be felt again. The goosebumps and hopeful thoughts would have to be forced out, alleviating Jinyoung’s worries that there may be more to everything than he assumed.

Stopping just at the bottom of the stairs leading inside, Jinyoung sighed, looking up at the building, the establishment looking as picturesque as ever. Handing Mark a pen and some paper, he instructed the other boy where he could find the book, if it has been returned. If not, Mark would have to ask whoever was working to lookup the name somehow, or even worse - ask for Jaebum by name. Mark didn’t seem bothered by anything Jinyoung was requesting of him. In fact, he seemed almost too glad to help, like he had some ulterior motives to accepting the favor.

Mark eventually walked inside, leaving Jinyoung to wait on a nearby bench, impatiently tapping his foot on the ground as he tried to distract himself with his phone. It wasn’t like him to worry like this, but he wasn’t going to let what Jaebum did sabotage the hard work he did for once in his life. Once he could turn the paper in tomorrow, Jinyoung could forget the entire situation, logging Jaebum in the back of his head, locking up the terrible experiences from the past seven days away.

_Except the blow job. You can still think about the blow job._

Groaning, Jinyoung closed his eyes and tilted his head back, sighing as he waited a little while more, Mark taking a bit longer than he assumed it would be. The sun was shining again, rays dancing on Jinyoung’s face as he sat, reminding him of when he would sit in the seat Jaebum had chosen for him, the big windows behind Jinyoung directing the sun onto his back, keeping him warm and cozy. It was a fuzzy feeling Jinyoung had enjoyed in the moments it existed, but now only moved to the shadier side of the bench, avoiding the thought.

Moments later, Jinyoung heard footsteps approaching, lifting his head to see Mark striding towards him, paper in hand. Standing up to meet him, Jinyoung took it from his roommate, offering a smile.

“Thanks again,” Jinyoung nodded. “I know you could have said no, but I’m glad you listened to me, as you should.”

“Whatever,” Mark giggled, the mischievous glint back in his eyes. “You have to hold up your end of the deal, okay? It would be a shame for you to get back early, you might get to see the eighth wonder of the world with your own eyes.”

“So wrong!” Jinyoung accused, pointing at Mark as the other backed away, waving as he giggled. “Stay out of my stuff!”

Once Mark was on his way, Jinyoung took his first look at the paper he hadn’t noticed he was gripping so hard. Smoothing it out, his eyes adjusted as he read all of the information he had asked Mark for written down, neat and in a straight line. What threw him off was the fact that it was _definitely_ not Mark’s handwriting and _definitely_ not the paper he had given Mark to use in the first place. Reading it over again, Jinyoung turned the single sheet to the other side, backing into his previous seat on the bench as he noticed what was written.

 

_Jinyoung,_

_I know you seem like the type to hate handwritten letters, but I’m giving this a shot because even if I tried to find you to talk, I feel it wouldn’t end well. I’m sorry about what I did. It was childish to lie about the book having to stay in the library. Once you came back to my section the other days, I wanted to tell you, but feared you would react the way you did yesterday. I could have avoided all of that and just been honest from the start, but I can’t help but feel that we wouldn’t have connected like we did, so quickly, even if you tried not to._

_We’re not too different. I can only hope you’ll give me a chance to show you how. If you want to try, meet me here tomorrow right before closing time._

_Sincerely,_

_Jaebum_

 

Stunned. Jinyoung didn’t know what to feel after reading Jaebum’s short note, ignoring his first instinct to tear it up into a million little pieces, reminding himself of the valuable information on the other side. Instead, he found his thumb tracing over Jaebum’s precise handwriting ( _what did you expect it to look like, of course it would look perfect_ ), mind flipping back to their conversations they had together at the party, in their own little world, Jinyoung barely having second thoughts about anything happening.

How could Jaebum want to keep trying to get to him, trying to break through his barriers? First of all, Jinyoung had acted like a total ass since the very first day they met. Each visit was similar to the first until Jaebum convinced him to stay after, riding around the empty building on a cart built only for books. Then, it was everything that had happened at the party. Jinyoung listening to Jaebum as the older boy spilled his heart out to him, admitting how he had admired Jinyoung the entire time they interacted. Their last interaction was miserable at best; Jinyoung winced to himself as he remembered how hard he shoved the book into Jaebum’s chest.

It’s not like Jinyoung regretted how he had acted; there was no way he would change his attitude and beliefs so quickly, especially to please another person. Jinyoung simply couldn’t understand how someone would put up a fight, arguing back with tiny gestures like carrying him back to his dorm after Jinyoung got drunk or passing along handwritten notes through his roommate. Those things were the opposite of what Jinyoung normally experienced. Jaebum was trying to kill him with kindness, no matter how nasty Jinyoung wanted be.

_Nasty? You do want to be nasty. With Jaebum. You know it, don’t lie._

Sighing as he read the note again, Jinyoung slipped the paper into his pants, getting off the bench slowly to head to the dining hall to pick up something quick to eat. His body felt weak, head light and dizzy, eyes barely able to focus on the path ahead of him. The old Jinyoung would have blamed it on waking up too early on his day off and not dedicating time to eat before doing anything else. But this Jinyoung, the new and (slightly) improving Jinyoung, knew it was more than that, the piece of library letterhead burning in his pocket.

  


Trying his best to act like it was any other Tuesday, Jinyoung engrossed himself in his photography, spending countless hours in the nearby park, losing himself in the trees. He didn’t want to think. He didn’t want to start to consider what the note said again, trying his hardest to forget it existed, which coincidentally made it that much harder to do just that. Maybe he should have gone into the library himself, shoving past Jaebum if he had tried to stop Jinyoung for any reason, looking up the information fast and easy before strolling out, head held high. Instead, his trustworthy roommate betrayed him once again, letting Jaebum infiltrate his barriers unknowingly. The worst part about every feeling weighing on his chest was that Jinyoung knew he could rid himself of all of it in a second. If Jinyoung could reach down deep inside of himself and pull out an ounce of courage and admit he felt something, _anything_ for Jaebum, his baggage would be cut in half, feelings and doubts much easier to sort through.

Jinyoung’s lack of desire to engage with another human romantically beyond sexual acts was beginning to turn on him. If he had at least participated in a few small relationships for trial and error, testing to see what worked and what didn’t when it came to communicating and figuring out his internal feelings, perhaps Jinyoung wouldn’t feel as lost as he did. If he would go to the library the next night and admit he was wrong and that he did have feelings for Jaebum, he would feel so weak and worthless, practically surrendering without even a push back. If he went the other route and didn’t bother to show up or find any way to contact Jaebum for the rest of his life, Jinyoung would beat himself up for not knowing the “what ifs” of a situation for the first time in his entire existence. He wanted to know what the outcome was. He wanted to see Jaebum fall apart or shine brightly, depending on which way Jinyoung would take once he visited the boy at the library.

As twisted as it sounded, Jinyoung would be satisfied with either result - seeing Jaebum smile would make that weird feeling in his stomach occur more frequently, possibly setting him up with, at minimum, a solid hookup who was totally into him. On the other hand, if Jinyoung was to be the gritty person he usually was, pushing Jaebum down and out of his life would inflate Jinyoung’s large ego even more, the power all his to do whatever he wanted with it.

  


Determining that enough time had passed for him to safely return to his dorm without running into his roommate’s endless sexual escapades, Jinyoung headed back from the park, stopping to pick up a quick coffee, needing some caffeine in his system for a quick pick-me-up. The cafe was fairly busy for an autumn evening, students of all kinds needing a boost of energy to complete assignments or something hot to warm their insides from the slight chill of the weather. Looking up at the board fastened to the wall behind the cashier, Jinyoung noticed the special brewed flavor of the day was cinnamon clove, the same flavor Jaebum had brought him last week, a reminder of the taste suddenly weighing on his tongue. Sighing as he debated internally whether or not ordering the same flavor would mean anything in the long run, Jinyoung eventually gave in to his palate’s desires, craving the special brew for more reasons than one.

After retrieving his beverage from a barista who butchered his name (seriously, who was _Junior?_ ), Jinyoung turned to leave the small shop, about to head through the door when he noticed a familiar silhouette of a boy outside with dark hair and pierced ears who had a thing for soft jackets and heavy boots. It was Jaebum, but instead of his usual slicked back style, his hair laid flat against his head, causing Jinyoung to stare five seconds too long if he had planned on making a fast getaway. Jaebum was heading for the door of the shop, a panic suddenly rushing over Jinyoung, causing him to knock over the nearest chair as he bolted for the door at twice the speed he normally would.

In a perfect world, Jinyoung would have slid out the door, his own jacket masking his face as he jogged in the other direction. Sure, he would have looked rude to any possible bystanders, but he wouldn’t have to face the one person on campus he prayed to never see until he was ready. Instead, Jinyoung swung the door open with all of his might, nearly knocking Jaebum over in the process, stumbling out onto the sidewalk, the other boy bracing his fall instinctively.

“Whoa, are you okay?” Jaebum asked sincerely, obviously unaware of who had so clumsily exited the shop in front of him. As Jinyoung was still somewhat slumped over, coffee firmly in hand, Jaebum tried to help him stand straighter and steady himself, alarms sounding off in Jinyoung’s head.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck! Get out of here - now! What are you waiting for? Run, fucker, run! What are you going to do when he realizes it’s you? You haven’t even decided what you’ll do when you see him tomorrow. Wait… you are seeing him tomorrow, right?_

“Jinyoung?”

Lifting his head slowly as he righted his posture, Jinyoung slowly backed away from the soft voice, not wanting to make eye contact with Jaebum, knowing he wasn’t ready to face him. As he stood with his back towards the boy from the library, Jinyoung adjusted his bag, making sure he didn’t appear too disheveled before he started to walk away, trying to avoid the impending awkwardness.

“Jinyoung, I…” He heard Jaebum start, followed by a deeply concerned and frustrated sigh as Jinyoung refused to turn around, his pace suspiciously slow as if he was waiting on the other to make a bold move.

“Just tell me if you’ll be there tomorrow?”

Spinning around quickly now that he was at least twenty feet away from the other boy, Jinyoung looked at Jaebum as he stood on the edge of the road, hands in his pockets, waiting for an answer. He hated this pressure Jaebum was applying to the situation - he had already forced Jinyoung to read a handwritten letter, why was he needing an answer now? Was Jaebum that desperate that he couldn’t wait 24 hours to see if Jinyoung cared even a quarter as much as he would like him to? If Jinyoung chose not to show up the next day, would Jaebum accept that rejection without any follow up arguments?

If Jinyoung had Jaebum figured out like he thought, the meeting at the library was only a formality. The note inviting him there was an invitation to keep things fair before Jaebum took things into his own hands, forcing answers out of Jinyoung like no one else had ever been able to do. With that in mind, Jinyoung made up his mind, taking a few steps towards Jaebum who held his ground, feet firmly in place. Looking straight ahead at the other boy, Jinyoung took a sip from his coffee, putting on his toughest layer of emotional armor.

“Don’t worry about me, _Jaebummie_ ,” Jinyoung said softly, a mocking tone unavoidable with the use of the other’s nickname. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

Jaebum’s blank expression never wavered, the boy offering a small nod in recognition that he had at least _heard_ whatever underwhelming comeback Jinyoung was unnecessarily proud of. Offering a condescending smirk, Jinyoung turned back around, heading in the direction of his dorm, already beginning the master plan of everything he needed to say to Jaebum behind closed doors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much to think about! I will say the next chapter is looking... well, it's a big one :)
> 
> Thanks so much for your comments, kudos, and subscriptions. Hope you enjoyed this one as well!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mature content.

It was finally done. Jinyoung beamed at his computer screen as he pressed the submit button, his paper uploaded and sent off to his professor in a flash. He had never been happier to get rid of an assignment so fast, hoping that everything he had experienced because of it wouldn’t continue to bite him in the ass. From the first moment he had heard the assignment, Jinyoung knew it would be a hassle, but it became even clearer as time went on that something out there in the universe had it out for him considering how difficult his life had become because of it.

Looking over at the wrinkled paper next to his keyboard, Jinyoung hesitated before picking up the note from Jaebum, rereading it for what seemed to be the hundredth time. Could Jinyoung accept Jaebum’s apology? He wasn’t sure. Jinyoung felt like a total idiot, completely oblivious to Jaebum’s “master plan,” going along with everything that had happened only because he didn’t know the truth. It was wrong to assume that Jinyoung would never find out, that somehow he could get away with using his knowledge of the library and its system to trick the younger boy into returning day after day, only to be constantly observed and nonconsensually figured out.

_But what if he had been honest with you? What if he had asked you out that first day? Don’t lie to yourself and say you would have given him a chance! Look at how hard you’re being on him now and you already know what he can do with his mouth. Try to tell yourself you’re not still thinking about that while considering everything else._

Not only did Jinyoung hate being lied to, but he hated that what came of it wasn’t as bad as he made it out to be. Sure, they had petty arguments and Jinyoung was never as in control of the conversation as he wanted to be, but there was undeniable chemistry between them at the party, Jinyoung willingly keeping Jaebum company as their friends skipped off into the sunset, leaving them to wait around in the dust. Jaebum had opened up to him, exposed his feelings and Jinyoung had been as gentle as he could be, still cracking wise, but ultimately giving in to his deep desires, kissing and touching the other boy with something stirring inside of him that was more than an idea of just getting off.

Jinyoung shook his head, groaning in frustration as he pushed his seat back quickly, pacing around the room. He was supposed to be coming up with a list of reasons why Jaebum should fuck off and mind his own business, but instead he was deep in his own thoughts, trying to pick them apart rather than believe the so-called “truths” his mind was making up. Figuring that the only thing he could do was sleep off the bad vibes, Jinyoung changed for bed, pulling the covers over his head as he prepared himself for the next day, reluctantly drifting into a deep slumber.

  


If Jinyoung thought he hated Wednesdays before, this one surely locked that opinion in stone. Not only were his classes mindlessly crushing as ever, but the big meeting with Jaebum loomed over his head, creeping into every thought, never relenting on his power to remind Jinyoung of what he was nervous to face.

_You, nervous? Get a fucking grip, Jinyoung._

It was torture. Sitting in a class, watching every other student go about their day without worrying about what Jinyoung was about to go through… he envied them. Jinyoung wasn’t sure what he did to deserve such a dark cloud fixed above him, but he swore to himself that once the entire ordeal was over, no matter the outcome, he should reward himself with something special, like a new video game for him and Mark to play or the nicest bottle of liquor for sale at the corner shop. Either choice would help him calm his nerves and soothe his internal aggressions… one was only slightly healthier than the other.

_Just what you need right now! To reward yourself for having feelings and shockingly dealing with them! Seriously, what is wrong with you?_

Unable to keep his mind from wandering off into “what ifs,” Jinyoung did something he rarely did on Wednesdays - he skipped out on his schedule after the first half of his day. For someone like Jinyoung who seemed like a total slacker, someone with the brains but not the drive, one would think that he had done this frequently, only going to class when necessary. But Jinyoung knew once that habit started, he could never stop it, opting only to skip when he couldn’t bear another second of his schedule for any reason.

Jinyoung left his class, putting on his headphones and favorite playlist as he walked out of the building, traveling back down the path. It was starting to get a little chillier as the days went on, Jinyoung pulling the sleeves of his sweater down to cover his hands completely. A gentle gust of wind made Jinyoung crave a dark cup of coffee, but that brought up memories of running into Jaebum unexpectedly last night, forcing him to come face to face with the boy he thought he had somewhat figured out. His legs continued to do the thinking for him, abruptly stopping in a disgustingly familiar spot.

The library looked ten times taller today, intimidating Jinyoung with what was in store for him later that night… if he decided to go through with his meeting with Jaebum. Gulping down his nerves, Jinyoung took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He knew that Jaebum wanted to meet hours after the current time, but Jinyoung just wanted to get it all over with, putting his thoughts on the table so they wouldn’t keep tearing up his insides. Jinyoung figured Jaebum would be willing, accepting that Jinyoung wanting to meet early was a better sign than him not showing up at all later that night.

With that justification in mind, Jinyoung headed into the building, following a similar path to the one he previously took when he was sneaking around, trying to avoid Jaebum just to get his book. It was comical that Jinyoung wasn’t trying to avoid Jaebum this time, but rather give himself the option to leave if he couldn’t go through with his original plan. Peeking through one of the first shelves he could hide behind, Jinyoung observed the large desk in the center of the room, Jaebum nowhere in sight. Exhaling a bit, Jinyoung took a few cautious steps to the desk, approaching the same girl who was working last time he made the mistake of visiting.

“Uh,” Jinyoung cleared his throat, trying to act casual. “Is Jaebum around?”

The girl smiled, shaking her head, her knowing look not going unnoticed by Jinyoung. It reminded him too much of the face Mark had been using ever since Jinyoung met Jaebum and he started to worry that more people outside of his tiny bubble were beginning to make assumptions that _something_ was going on between them.

_Um… duh. There is something going on between you. That’s why you’re here, remember?”_

“He’s not,” she smiled, continuing to stack some books on the cart Jinyoung once rode. “He’ll be here tonight, though.”

The fit of giggles after her last statement were enough to make Jinyoung worry more, wishing that Jaebum wasn’t so obvious about his intentions around people that weren’t Jinyoung himself. Nodding and excusing himself, Jinyoung started to walk out of the library, subtly noticing the chair he always used when he would be taking notes from the book Jaebum had taunted him with. While he never thought of the moments here as pleasant, Jinyoung now considered those moments to be bittersweet, on the verge of meaning something before everything went to absolute shit.

Leaving the library feeling even more tense than when he entered, Jinyoung knew he had to find Jaebum before their scheduled time, knowing his newfound anxiety would continue to creep through his body without regard for his well-being. He combed through his mind, thinking of all the places Jaebum could be, wishing he at least had gotten his number by now. But asking for someone’s number wasn’t Jinyoung’s style and Jaebum hadn’t pushed the issue, so Jinyoung had to use his brain to think of any possible locations. Then, it hit him.

Jinyoung immediately picked up his pace as he headed towards his destination, silently hoping that Jaebum would be there to ease his worries. It was a different feeling to _want_ to do something like this, to get it out of the way so it wouldn’t continue to burden him. That reaction wasn’t too dissimilar to Jinyoung’s reasoning to go to the library to start his project a week before he normally would, which put him into this entire mess in the first place. Catching Jaebum off guard at a different location at the wrong time would certainly give Jinyoung the advantage he had been striving for, obviously ready to take charge of the conversation.

Arriving at his destination, Jinyoung followed the same path he had taken into the art building last time he confronted Jaebum, traveling down to the photo area, checking the workroom before approaching the exact door of the lab Jaebum was using the other day. Taking a deep breath as he stared at the door, Jinyoung knocked at a normal rate, taking a step back. Hearing something unlock and a door knob turn, Jaebum was once again in front of him, a stunned expression on his face.

“Jinyoung?” He asked unnecessarily as the other boy rolled his eyes gently, crossing his arms. “What are you doing here?”

“I want to talk now,” Jinyoung said firmly, staring ahead. “It can’t wait and you can’t tell me no.”

Jaebum nodded a bit, stepping to the side to let Jinyoung in the small room with him, shutting the door after he was in. Inside the room was equipment for developing film, a sink, and a shelf filled with bottles of chemicals Jinyoung was unfamiliar with. A single chair with Jaebum’s bag on it rested against the opposite wall, the space dimly lit from the reduced wattage of bulb necessary for a dark room. Jinyoung leaned against the door, Jaebum choosing to rest his hip against the sink. Both of them were quiet until Jaebum stood up straighter, looking in Jinyoung’s direction.

“I really am sorry,” he said, voice as soft as it was the night before outside of the coffeeshop. “I never meant to lead you on or trick you…”

“But you did,” Jinyoung spat, not having any patience for Jaebum’s weak excuses. “You lied to me for your own personal gain. There’s no reason you should have done that, period. I’m not stupid, you know.”

“I never thought you were,” Jaebum interjected, his soft demeanor slipping into a more panicked state. “This isn’t as simple as you’re trying to make it.”

“How so?” Jinyoung argued back, standing up straighter, his hands more active as he talked. “From what I experienced, it was easy. I ask for book, you keep book, I come back for book, you keep it again, and the cycle repeats.”

“It’s always about that fucking book, isn’t it Jinyoung?” Jaebum gritted his teeth, his anger clearly rising. “The book made you come back every day, sure. But did the book force you to sit that close to me? Did the book make you talk to me like a normal human being who doesn’t always think the world is out to get him? What about that time you stayed with me after hours, did the book help you climb onto the shelf where you listened to me talk for absolutely no reason at all? Or maybe the book guilted you into the half-hearted hand job you offered me after your dick was in my-”

“Oh, shut up!” Jinyoung yelled back, getting more in Jaebum’s space. “Don’t even act like you didn’t love it, you should have seen your face. I didn’t ask you to blow me anyway, you can’t hold it against me.”

“I don’t!” Jaebum shouted, getting closer to Jinyoung, his height having a clear advantage in the current proximity. “You are so fucking clueless, Jinyoung. Didn’t you listen to a word I said that night, before we kissed? I said exactly how I felt. Just because I held the book back so I wouldn’t lose a chance with you doesn’t mean my feelings weren’t valid. Fuck, they’re _still_ valid because I can’t get you out of my head. It’s more than just the book, Jinyoung. Can’t you see?”

“No, I can’t!” Jinyoung fought back, the argument extremely tense in such a small space, the sound probably bleeding through to unwanted lurkers outside the door. “If you actually felt something for me, felt anything for me that was positive, it doesn’t matter because you lied. I’m not some dumb lovestruck boy who thinks of this faux storyline as a dream scenario. If you did it because I looked unapproachable and uninterested, then you’re the idiot for not reading my signals. I didn’t want this, any of this to happen!”

“You were so different,” Jaebum sighed, hand filtering through his own hair, the style looking even more appealing to Jinyoung who immediately crushed the thought in his head. “If I didn’t do something, you would have left. You never would have come back. If I did something, you would have done the same, only louder. I took a chance by breaking the rules. I just wanted to know you…”

“Well, how the hell do you like me now?” Jinyoung cracked, laughing mockingly. “Aren’t I a bright shining star, a warm, cozy hug? I bet you’re so happy you tried to get close to me! Tell me, does it hurt as bad as you’re making it look? Because I have a pretty damn good track record with that…”

“Stop it…,” Jaebum sighed, retreating back to lean against the sink, Jinyoung’s latest blows actually inflicting damage that went an inch too deep. The older boy nearly flinched as Jinyoung stepped closer, putting a hand out to stop his advances.

“When am I talking to the real Jinyoung? ” Jaebum asked, his voice starting soft but escalating with malice as he continued. “Is it this one, right here, in front of me, with his waving hands and arms, repeating the same tired arguments about a book like a barking dog that won’t shut up? The one who denies he has any feelings when I can feel him begin to smile against my lips, feeling his hands tighten their grip on my sides? Or is it the one who sat in that chair I offered, letting the sun set behind him, practically glowing and not even noticing how perfect he looked with his nose buried in a book, worn out from note taking? The one who I carried home after that stupid party because I cared too much and you don’t care at all and fuck, I can’t…”

Overcome with emotions, Jaebum covered his face with his hands, sighing and taking a breath from his train of thought. Jinyoung stood in stiff silence, trying to keep his armor intact, noticing a crack in it as Jaebum put his heart on the line yet again, a risk that Jinyoung would never understand. A conversation like this, with someone he had only known of for a little over a week, was insane. There was no reason to have his insides torn up by emotions, repressing the unsavory and embracing the callous. Before Jinyoung had the chance to speak again, Jaebum closed the distance between them, only a small gap remaining.

“I’ll cut through the bullshit for you, _Jinyoungie_ ,” Jaebum smirked lightly, raising his eyebrows. “I like you. A lot. Whatever you feel right now in this moment, whether it’s hate, anger, embarrassment… I’ve felt it too. I get it, and I know I get you. If you don’t like the way I was able to get you to stick around so we could connect at the party last weekend the way we did, whatever. I can live with you hating me for breaking your trust. But for now, to save whatever we started… please…”

Jinyoung looked down as Jaebum took his hands into his, squeezing gently as his expression turned softer, his eyes smiling on their own as they met Jinyoung’s.

“Can you just try for once?”

How was Jaebum so good at this? How did he force himself into the driver’s seat, kicking Jinyoung to the curb? How could Jaebum dive right into Jinyoung’s mind, solving the endless puzzle before even he could, exposing the simple truths that made Jinyoung cower? Jinyoung knew he didn’t like to try. Quitting before things even began could even be considered one of his favorite pastimes. But was he already in too deep? Did Jinyoung miss the cut-off to drop out of this mess between them, Jaebum already counting him in? More importantly, was Jinyoung really trying to break things off, to make sure Jaebum knew where he stood? Or was his heart secretly plotting against him, tricking him into situations it so desperately wanted him to be a part of?

Because Jinyoung never truly felt disgusted by Jaebum. He remembered the countless compliments that popped up in his mind every time he saw the boy, from appreciating Jaebum’s eclectic wardrobe choices to admiring the perfect two dots above his left eye. Remembering their talks as he sat at the table at the windows, Jinyoung didn’t hold any grudges for sitting there. Did he actually enjoy the warmth that Jaebum provided from keeping a comfortable, but noticeable distance, never butting in unless it was to bring Jinyoung a coffee? Wasn’t he the one who came back to work on his paper on his laptop, knowing full well that Jaebum had said other rooms were better equipped for that kind of work?

In fact, if Jinyoung really, sincerely hated Jaebum as much as he was trying to prove, wouldn’t he have ignored the note, tossing it in the trash the second he copied his citation from it? Wouldn’t the old Jinyoung have waltzed into the library without Mark’s help, shoving it in Jaebum’s face that he didn’t give a fuck about how they left the party, making a scene as he made it known that he was only there for the book, never to visit the reference area again? All of Jinyoung’s missed opportunities to showcase how big of an asshole he claimed to be started to crumble his walls, breaking through to show that no, he wasn’t trying his hardest to make this fail and no, he didn’t actually want Jaebum to get out of his life.

If he was being honest with himself, Jinyoung was scared. He was worried out of his mind that everything he had thought of himself to be true had been changing right in front of his eyes. Maybe it had started because of Jaebum, but maybe it was how he felt ever since the party before school started, feeling lazy and uninspired to find someone, even for a one night stand. Maybe Jinyoung was sick of moving from person to person each week or month or whenever he would get fed up with trying. Maybe he actually longed for more, a tiny pang of jealousy bubbling inside his chest whenever Mark would speak of his mystery boy from that same night. Maybe it was the idea of getting this far in life and having nothing to show for it, no one to always be there for him and look at him like the person he always saw himself as - the best.

Would it be the worst feeling in the world if he tried? Matter of fact, would it be so bad to try if it was with Jaebum, someone so patient and stubborn that he hadn’t given up on Jinyoung after everything the younger boy had put him through? If that wasn’t a sign that the other boy was completely serious about him, what was Jinyoung waiting for? Jaebum wasn’t a last resort, he was a first round draft pick and all Jinyoung had to say was…

“I want to,” Jinyoung blurted out, breaking the awkward silence that had filled the room. “Try. I want to try.”

_Try what? Try to feel emotions like a regular functioning human being? Or try to not fuck this up more than you already attempted? Please, for your own sanity, do both…_

Jaebum’s eyes widened as he took a step back, dropping Jinyoung’s hands, obviously surprised at his reply, cocking his head to the side as he studied the other boy.

“Really?” Jaebum asked sincerely, stroking his chin. “You want to try? Like… honestly?”

“Please don’t make me repeat myself,” Jinyoung whined, hanging his head, obscuring his embarrassment clearly displayed on his cheeks.

“I won’t,” Jaebum said gently, still in a state of shock that Jinyoung agreed to work together on whatever their relationship was.

As Jinyoung continued to look down, Jaebum stood firm against the sink, knowing he had already pushed Jinyoung to his limits. The air between them felt calm yet thick, a nervousness settling in as they would need to figure out the next steps. Jinyoung knew Jaebum was waiting on him, not daring to cross the line between them that was slowly fading away. Lifting his head up slowly, Jinyoung swallowed his last crumb of pride left in his body, reaching for Jaebum’s hands again, pulling him flush against his chest.

“Don’t make me fucking regret this…,” Jinyoung growled under his breath before pressing his lips onto Jaebum’s, the older boy’s eyes even wider than before, stunned by Jinyoung’s sudden passion. Instead of the first kiss they shared on the back porch at the party, Jinyoung was 100% in charge, his body well aware of every movement his was making, knowing exactly what he was doing. Holding Jaebum’s face in his hands, Jinyoung felt his self-confidence return, the situation so different than it was moments ago.

While Jinyoung may have been dazed and confused their first time together, Jaebum filled that role extremely well this time around, Jinyoung having to pry at his lips to get the other boy to respond. As soon as Jinyoung nipped at his bottom lip, Jaebum snapped back to reality, parting his lips to allow Jinyoung to explore his mouth, the kiss deepening instantaneously. Both let their postures relax, allowing their hands to roam each other’s bodies, feeling each other up in the dim space they currently occupied.

There was no better way for Jinyoung to let his aggressions go, freeing himself of all of the emotional weight he had been carrying around for nine days. The kiss was rough and messy at times, but he liked it that way, showing that even Jaebum, who always tried his best to come across as put-together, was willing to let go as well. Jinyoung knew that Jaebum had a hidden dark side to him that he never showed around him and the idea of learning more about it was such a turn on.

As the kiss grew too intense for their current position, Jaebum threw his bag from the chair, sitting back on it as he pulled Jinyoung into his lap, the younger boy straddling his hips as they resumed their kiss, Jinyoung trailing his mouth along Jaebum’s jaw line, kissing down his throat as the older boy tilted his head back, sighing. Jinyoung wasted no time in softly biting the exposed skin, sucking gently across it, not caring if Jaebum was against a lasting impression. If his soft breaths were any indication, Jaebum was entranced by everything Jinyoung was doing, from giving him small hickeys across his neck, to the subtle movements against his crotch.

Jinyoung didn’t expect for any of this to happen. He truly believed he would be able to find Jaebum, tell him how he felt, and march off into the sunset, feelings and emotions left to rot. But his heart had finally convinced him to give it a shot, to do something different for once. If everything Jinyoung had a habit of doing was causing him to lose sleep or grow more irritable by the day, why keep repeating the same things over and over? Why not listen to what his body was clearly drawn to and what his mind couldn’t think enough about? Jaebum was more than the library assistant who made his life slightly more difficult by keeping the book with him; he was someone who gave a shit about Jinyoung when it was clear it would be a difficult and bumpy road. Jinyoung showed him every warning sign, every possible reaction in his book and Jaebum could only force ahead, the unspoken challenge accepted.

Making sure Jinyoung wasn’t slipping into a coma from overthinking, Jaebum thrusted up, causing Jinyoung to moan softly, immediately craving more than the friction their jeans was allowing. Jinyoung reached for his own pants, getting the zipper down without a problem, Jaebum pulling them down below his ass before palming the younger boy over his strained boxer briefs. It still wasn’t enough for Jinyoung who proceeded to stand up, removing his pants completely before doing the same to Jaebum, crawling back on top of him once they were both clad only in their underwear. Jaebum was wearing a black button down which Jinyoung found to be simple, yet sexy, hugging his biceps in all the right places. Popping each button open, Jinyoung kissed each bit of chest that became exposed, rocking his hips against Jaebum’s as he moved down. Eventually sliding his shirt off his own shoulders, Jaebum reached to the sweater Jinyoung was wearing, grabbing it by the hem to lift it over his head. Jinyoung blushed as Jaebum let his hands roam over his chest, breath hitching in his throat as Jaebum grazed his nipples with the pads of his fingers, the sensation sending a dazzling chill through his body.

Two days ago in this very same room, Jinyoung yelled as loud as he could, wishing he could erase every idea of Jaebum from his mind. But in this moment, Jinyoung was in a trance, letting his body do the talking as Jaebum resumed their passionate kiss, pulling Jinyoung down in his lap, making Jinyoung bite back a quiet moan. Jaebum’s hands felt bigger than they looked as they held Jinyoung’s hips, rubbing them softly as they moved together, the kiss sloppy at times, but never wavering. Jaebum returned Jinyoung’s earlier favor by sucking a similar mark onto his collarbone, kissing back up his neck.

Sighing as he regained control of a few of his senses, Jinyoung reached down, rubbing Jaebum over his underwear, starting to feel impatient by the lack of progress they were making. Jaebum moved his hand to meet Jinyoung’s, grasping his wrist and guiding his hand to Jaebum’s waistband, hinting at something more than Jinyoung was currently offering. Getting the hint without a second thought, Jinyoung pushed the garment down, taking hold of of Jaebum’s cock, stroking it to ease the tension. As Jaebum sighed under his touches, Jinyoung thanked whoever was looking down on him that afternoon, blessing them with a private spot on campus with a door and a lock.

“G-good,” Jaebum rasped, sighing under Jinyoung’s touch. “You’re good…”

Jinyoung tried his best to hold back the laugh he would normally vocalize at this point, understanding that things were different in this case - Jaebum was genuinely enjoying himself and wasn’t going to be very eloquent at expressing it. Instead of mocking the older boy, Jinyoung only went faster, applying more pressure and kissing his lips again. If fate was real, it showed by the way their bodies moved together, the fact that no one had ever kissed Jinyoung like Jaebum had, never an awkward bump or bite.

Craving more himself, Jinyoung moved his hand away from Jaebum, slipping out of his underwear before pressing his own erection against the boy’s below him, eliciting a deep groan from Jaebum. The air suddenly felt hotter, thicker and dense, Jinyoung’s own desires floating to the surface, needing to be recognized immediately. Sliding their lengths together, Jinyoung rolled his hips into Jaebum’s, groaning a bit himself. This was the kind of physical foreplay he was used to, not the sugary sweet kisses and sighs him and Jaebum had experienced so far; sex was meant to be slick and sticky, hazy and delicious. Jaebum responded by pushing his hips up, moaning softly at the sensation.

After finding a pace that worked for the both of them, Jinyoung slid his fingers through Jaebum’s tousled locks, holding the boy’s head in place as he devoured his lips again, eating up Jaebum’s low moans. Even though Jinyoung had surrendered his pride to get to this point, he still felt an odd sense of accomplishment by being on top, controlling the entire situation. However, he didn’t feel guilty about it, Jaebum seemingly accepting and embracing his role below Jinyoung. Perhaps that’s what turned Jinyoung on the most from being with Jaebum: outside of being intimate, he seemed like Jinyoung’s total equal in wit and attitude, but when it came to matters of a sexual nature, Jaebum wasted no time showing he was meant to surrender to Jinyoung’s demands.

As Jinyoung continued to attack Jaebum’s mouth, lips and neck, Jaebum had other ideas, gripping Jinyoung’s plump bottom as he moved on top, caressing the round cheeks before squeezing gently. Jinyoung was memorizing every touch, appreciating the gentle nature but not shying away from the sensation of Jaebum groping him, spreading him apart along with it. His hands were rougher than Jinyoung’s, his dedication to art and creating it surely the culprit. The way they handled Jinyoung was almost as if he were some sort of sculpture, carved from the finest marble you could buy, a piece of art in his own right.

After massaging his ass, Jaebum snaked one hand back between them, gripping their erections together and starting to jerk, stroking them at the same time. Jinyoung finally let a throaty moan slip, titling his head back from the added pressure. It was one thing to feel the slick friction building between them without any outside manual stimulation, but what Jaebum was doing felt obscenely incredible, taking Jinyoung’s breath away.

_If this is how a combination hand job feels, can you imagine what real sex will be like? You’re one lucky bastard, kid._

Jinyoung wasn’t sure how the small chair was holding both of them at once, their bodies moving haphazardly together, the random thrusting no longer in sync with each other. Each of them was dangerously close to the edge, but neither wanted to stop, too deep into the pleasure they were receiving. As Jaebum let out an extremely strained moan, Jinyoung felt himself tense up before he started to come, gasping back a loud groan, a sticky substance shooting onto Jaebum’s chest. After witnessing the younger boy finish, Jaebum came shortly after, erasing the hint of embarrassment Jinyoung would have felt if he was the one brought to orgasm way before the other.

Resting with their bodies flush against each other, Jinyoung wiped his forehead, breath heavy with pleasure. Moving to lay his head on Jaebum’s shoulder, he sat in the other’s lap, one hand rubbing his side. Jaebum relaxed his arms as they wrapped around Jinyoung’s midsection, holding him in place to not slip off the chair, in fear that it wouldn’t hold both of them much longer.

It was quieter than the last time they were in a locked room together, a faint sound of running water from one of the nearby labs in the background. Jaebum continued to massage Jinyoung’s back gently, his arms begging Jinyoung not to get up and run like he did last time, only to proceed getting black-out drunk in record time. But this time, Jinyoung didn’t want to bolt. Sure, he felt uneasy and skeptical of so many things running through his mind, but he had to give credit to Jaebum for finally breaking through to him and his senses.

_Oh, and for the mind-blowing… well, whatever the hell just happened. The really good not-sex._

Sighing as his breath was finally steady, Jinyoung looked up at Jaebum as his head rested on his shoulder. Jaebum looked down almost on cue, brushing Jinyoung’s hair back gently, a small grin tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Do you want to complain about the book now?” Jaebum asked softly, poking Jinyoung’s side.

“No,” Jinyoung sighed, only faking his annoyance with the boy below him. “I think the book and I are on better terms now.”

“Oh, is that what you think?” Jaebum chuckled, sitting more upright, his sturdy arms keeping Jinyoung in the same place on his shoulder as he did. “Because I recall a much different attitude before your dick was out and in my hand…”

“Shove it,” Jinyoung giggled softly, swatting Jaebum’s hands away as they reached for Jinyoung’s face, a slight blush still present. “Just because all of this happened… again… doesn’t mean I’ve completely forgiven you.”

“I guess I can live with that,” Jaebum smiled, kissing the top of Jinyoung’s head fondly.

This is the moment when Jinyoung should feel like gagging, an unpleasant bubbling sensation in his stomach. This is when he would get up and flee, turning his back on someone who so obviously cared when Jinyoung himself swore not to get attached. But that was the old Jinyoung and this was the new. The dreaded vomit-inducing panic never came and Jinyoung didn’t zone out to find it, instead choosing to welcome the butterflies taking up permanent residence across his entire body.

 

 

Even after cleaning himself up and adjusting his hair and outfit cleaner than it looked before he left his room that morning, Jinyoung was worried he would be figured out one second after stepping back inside his dorm, his roommate able to tell when something had happened without needing to analyze Jinyoung like he would to anyone else. Thankfully, Jaebum carried a vial of whatever cologne he wore in his bag, blushing in embarrassment as Jinyoung chastised him for always being too prepared for any moment.

“When I asked for something to make me smell not like sweaty guilt, I didn’t think you’d actually have something in there,” Jinyoung cracked, spritzing the refreshing scent all over his body liberally. “If I asked for a snack, would you hand me a bag of crackers? Or maybe a juice pouch, you know, to quench my thirst?”

“Oh, was your thirst not satisfied by what happened?” Jaebum giggled softly, taking the cologne sample back, spraying his body as well. “Snacks are only for boys who are honest about how they feel about things…”

“Guess I’m going hungry,” Jinyoung replied, smiling so genuinely it made a past version of himself inside of him gag twice as hard as normal. Jaebum only laughed as he finished cleaning up the room, escorting Jinyoung out once he determined that no one had been around to hear their… explosive discussion.

After experiencing what Jinyoung was like after the first time they fooled around, Jaebum kept a comfortable distance between them as they left the building, beginning to walk in the same direction. Jinyoung silently prayed in his head to someone, _anyone_ , that Jaebum wouldn’t try to slip an arm around his shoulders or brush his hand across the other’s. There was awkward tension, sure, but Jinyoung felt lighter and clearer than he had in months, subtly realizing his opinions about Jaebum were only blown out of proportion by things already brewing inside of him. As they reached a busy intersection to cross, Jaebum noticed Jinyoung beginning to cross the street in the opposite direction he was, gently tugging on his elbow to pull him back in time.

“Can I give you my number?” Jaebum asked directly, Jinyoung noticing how he gave him the option of what to do next, but still implying that he’d like a way to talk to Jinyoung outside of moments like this.

“Sure,” Jinyoung smiled, getting his phone out, taking down his information in a new contact slot. After he saved everything, he slipped his phone in his pocket, looking up at Jaebum, the other boy looking a bit confused.

“Aren’t you going to text me so I know yours too?” He smiled, rolling back and forth on his feet, a bit too cheerful even if Jinyoung was coming around to accepting his sunnier disposition.

“Well,” Jinyoung began, grinning and giggling lowly. “Seeing how you taunted me with the book was honestly, truly inspiring. I’ve been wondering what it would feel like to have that same power over you… I guess I’ve found my way.”

“And here I thought you were a changed man,” Jaebum smirked, nudging Jinyoung’s arm with his elbow. “I get it. Don’t want to get too attached, I know I’m irresistible.”

“Whatever,” Jinyoung scoffed, playfully giggling after, unable to hide his happiness slowly rising inside. “You disgust me.”

Leaning in towards Jinyoung’s ear with his troublemaking grin, Jaebum pressed his lips to the shell of it gently, mumbling so only he could hear.

“Save the dirty talk for next time, _Jinyoungie._ ”

As Jaebum pulled away, waving his eyebrow seductively, Jinyoung felt his breath stop short in his throat, reminding him that yeah, maybe Jaebum had figured him out a little _too_ well already. Stumbling back to begin to cross the street again, Jinyoung barely noticed that the walk signal was no longer on, a car halting abruptly and slamming on its horn to jolt Jinyoung back to the curb. Grasping onto the nearby light pole, Jinyoung observed Jaebum already across the street in the other direction, shaking his head as he laughed at the other boy’s fumbling, waving a bit before he turned to keep walking.

_Fuck. You’ve got it bad, Park Jinyoung. So undeniably bad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look how far Jinyoung has come, both literally and figuratively! We're making progress! Everything is looking up!
> 
> But how long will it last? :)
> 
> THANK YOU again for the amazing comments, kudos, bookmarks and everything. Everyone who reads this, tweets about it (hi, I lurk for mentions), adds to to a fic rec on tumblr... you're incredible. Thank you for your continued support!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mature content.

The next day should have been his usual Thursday, the same boring classes and worthless discussions over class material Jinyoung was sure to forget within 48 hours. However, Jinyoung’s mind was still reeling from the events that had occurred the day before, how his meeting with Jaebum had turned into something else entirely that wasn’t the forceful shakedown Jinyoung had tried to plan ahead of time. Embarrassed by his lack of restraint in a semi-public area, Jinyoung pushed some of the chain of events out of his memories, unwilling to address them in his current state of mind.

Jinyoung knew he was good with words. He was a master of communication and understood body language better than anyone, knowing with only a glance what someone else was thinking or feeling. But even as he reflected on his actions in the past ten days, Jinyoung couldn’t rationalize most things he had done, from visiting the library an unnecessary amount of times when it should have taken a few hours at most to get what he needed, to straddling Jaebum in a rickety chair shrouded in darkness, grinding their bodies together in an amateur rhythm. If he was looking at anyone else from the outside, Jinyoung would claim infatuation. Lust. Desire. Instead, Jinyoung only saw confusion, unable to admit to even himself that he wanted every single disgusting interaction that he had with Jaebum.

The overwhelming blanket of happiness Jinyoung wrapped himself in immediately after leaving the photo lab the day before had been discarded, replaced with a veil of clouded thoughts and forced self-pity as Jinyoung traipsed back to his shared dorm, exaggerating his mopiness to hopefully elicit some sort of comforting actions from his roommate. Silently praying that Jackson had other things to do that didn’t include his roommate, Jinyoung opened the door and put his things down, basking in the near silence he had grown accustomed to before Mark had reunited with his other half. As Jinyoung began to cook something frozen for himself in the microwave, he heard the soft opening of a door, followed by a single pair of footsteps into the kitchenette. Jinyoung stepped to the side as Mark dug through the small freezer, prepping something to microwave as Jinyoung’s meal finished, the older boy removing his food and retreating to the living room couch once the timer had completed.

Once Mark had done the same with his frozen entree of choice, he joined Jinyoung on the couch, both boys eating in comfortable silence, something that Jinyoung had took for granted the entire time they had been roommates, sending a silent thanks to whoever made it possible for Jackson to realize that he and Mark needed some personal space and time together, too. Jinyoung figured it wouldn’t hurt to also send a silent prayer for Mark to not address what seemed to be the giant elephant in the room, but his expectations were dashed almost immediately as Mark couldn’t help but wear his mischievous grin as the two ate together.

“So,” Mark began, Jinyoung already closing his eyes and sighing in annoyance. “Did you go?”

It wasn’t a surprise that Mark prodded about the meeting, Jinyoung guessing that Jaebum understood Mark would read the note he had passed after grabbing the citation Jinyoung so desperately needed for his paper. Jinyoung just wasn’t sure where to begin, what he actually wanted to divulge to his roommate, his ever-increasing accidental full transparency beginning to be a bigger problem than anticipated.

“Uh,” Jinyoung stuttered out, stuffing his face with noodles. “Yeah, you could say that. We, um, definitely met… up…”

As a slight blush crept onto his cheeks, Jinyoung regretted his choice of words, knowing that they were too vague to mean anything but what Mark would assume, and if Jinyoung knew anything about Mark it was that he was silent but deadly, just waiting for the right moment to jump onto a weakness. Jinyoung wasn’t aware if Mark had always been that way or if his skills in that area had started to take after Jinyoung’s brooding example, but he wasn’t in a place to accept such a backhanded compliment.

“Met up?” Mark giggled, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “You could just say you went to the library when he asked. You know, like a normal person?”

“Please tell me why I asked you to help me out if I knew you would interfere somehow,” Jinyoung sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, sidestepping the question as much as he could.

“Hey, don’t blame me,” Mark continued to chuckle. “When you asked me to go to the library, I didn’t plan on actually seeing him, too. Unlike you, I don’t have a million master plans ready to be put into action just to make someone else’s life a little more difficult.”

“I do _not_ have a million plans,” Jinyoung scoffed, putting the container from his food onto the table in front of the sofa. “It’s more like… suggested paths to a solution that has my best interest at heart.”

“Whatever,” Mark waved his hand, smiling. “All I’m saying is that Jaebum already had that note ready to go. When I walked in to get what you needed, he looked relieved. I don’t think he thought you would come back, but he was ready to have something to say if you did.”

Jinyoung hummed quietly to himself. Should he be surprised Jaebum hoped he would return, even after his charade with the book had been exposed? Was it that crazy to expect Jinyoung to walk back through the doors and up to the desk, even if it was to curse Jaebum out, to continue to berate him for one mistake that Jinyoung had already started to move on from?

_Wait, who said you were already over it? Is this because of his dick? No one should let you make decisions in a dark room, Jinyoung. I’m disappointed._

“I couldn’t wait until the time he wanted,” Jinyoung blurted out mid-thought, catching Mark’s attention completely. “I found him at the photo lab. We…. we talked. And things are better.”

“Better how?” Mark asked, tilting his head to the side as he popped another dumpling in his mouth, chewing a bit too loudly for Jinyoung’s liking. He didn’t like to be forced into a corner like this, but Mark would be subtly relentless, never giving up until Jinyoung shared all of the details he was holding back.

“Better meaning that we’re okay,” Jinyoung shrugged, not sure how to put their conversation into words without explicitly explaining how Jaebum had cracked his thinning shield, pulling out the feelings Jinyoung tried incredibly hard to bury. “I don’t hate him anymore.”

“Wow, that’s big,” Mark laughed, completely amused by his roommate’s experiences, Jinyoung continuing to shake his head. “Tell me, did you feel the hatred vanish when his mouth was around your dick again?”

“What! N-no!” Jinyoung stood up, outraged at Mark’s accusations as he watched the boy double over with laughter. “He didn’t blow me again, it wasn’t like that at all! I mean… maybe it was a little like that, but mouths weren’t involved so much as his hand was and christ, why am I saying all of this to you?”

“Because you always tell me the good shit, Jinyoungie!” Mark giggled, his face flushed red with amusement as Jinyoung burned up in shame. “I know you and I know when you’re getting some of _something_. Your posture isn’t so strict, your face isn’t as tense. Even if it was a hate-fuck, you look like the weight of the world is lifted from your shoulders.”

“Not a hate-fuck, would you stop assuming such things?” Jinyoung asked incredulously, needing some air once this conversation would end. “We just got a little… heated during our discussion. Sometimes it ends up like that.”

“Wait, you’re telling me he still wanted some sexy time with you after you were a complete asshole?” Mark chuckled, shaking his head. “I never thought you would find someone who _also_ gets off on arguing, but maybe you’ve met your match.”

There it was. Jinyoung’s internalized fear had been verbalized by his best friend, someone who may have some sort of guess as to what was going on in Jinyoung’s mind, but certainly not the entire scope of his feelings. It was one of the things that worried Jinyoung the most: seeing Jaebum as an equal. While their personalities seemed to clash initially, Jinyoung couldn’t help but see how they began to compliment each other as his walls began to crumble, Jaebum able to break through just by being himself. If Jaebum brought out a slightly more mushy and vulnerable side to Jinyoung, then he was bringing out the fire and curt sensibilities the other boy clearly had inside of himself.

“Yeah, well,” Jinyoung deflated, slumping back into the corner of the couch. “We’ll see.”

Mark smiled, reaching over to pinch Jinyoung’s cheek, the younger boy grabbing him by his wrists to fight him off as the two roommates wrestled playfully, Jinyoung sending another thought up to whoever was able to listen.

_Save me from this hell._

 

 

Jinyoung didn’t know what to expect when Jaebum gave him his number, but the sense of responsibility to find the right time and day to text him was too much for him to handle. Sure, Jinyoung could have acted like a rational adult, texting him only moments after they parted the day he received the number, allowing Jaebum to have his number. However, Jinyoung had psyched himself out. Normally, he would develop some sort of plot, allowing Jaebum to feel as if Jinyoung had picked a spontaneous moment to contact him, only to have fallen into an elaborate scheme Jinyoung had drawn up as he determined the perfect moment. He found this chain of events to be successful in nearly all instances, but when it came time to do the same for Jaebum, his mind was blank, fingers hovering over the keyboard in a fresh text message with little to no progress on the horizon.

Surely, enough time began to pass that Jinyoung not only felt more and more pressure to execute such a plan, but also a sense of awkwardness that he would be caught in his own tricks. If he texted Jaebum a simple “hi” now, it would be obvious that he had no idea what he was doing. However, if Jinyoung texted him something more complex, Jaebum might see through his words easier. It was as simple as that.

_Is it really, though? He likes you, dumbass. He isn’t going to care what you say as long as you say something at all. Why is that so scary?_

Jinyoung was beginning to hate having so much time alone, the vortex of his inner struggles sucking him deep into a pit of uneasiness; his body and mind unable to work together to make any progress on schoolwork, personal ideas or otherwise. Television had become his main escape, spending countless hours engrossed in streaming marathons of shows that had been on the air for nearly a decade, losing himself in characters’ storylines and self-woven webs of problems. Jinyoung enjoyed figuring other people’s problems out so much that he began to worry if the solution for his was just as simple, his conscious quickly squashing that thought as soon as it bubbled to the surface.

 

 

Noticing that the seasonal flavor had shifted to salted caramel, Jinyoung ordered himself the largest cup of coffee possible at the local shop, not bothering to add any cream or sugar before taking a seat along the stools in the front window. The weather outside had continued to grow chillier; the pair of gloves stuffed into Jinyoung’s pockets a reminder that Halloween was right around the corner and that the autumn air would be replace by something much colder. As he drank from his cup, Jinyoung sighed happily to himself, enjoying the peaceful moment where the background noise was easy to ignore, yet the atmosphere comfortable and cozy.

It was almost as if fate was real as Jinyoung noticed Jaebum begin to walk in front of the shop on the same sidewalk Jinyoung had run into him on previously, Jinyoung trying to obscure himself with the sign posted in the window 3 stools to his left. Yet, Jaebum had some sort of cue to glance in Jinyoung’s direction, the younger boy cowering below the narrow drink rail, clearly caught in the act. Jaebum paused as he smiled down at Jinyoung through the window, offering a small wave. Swearing under his breath, Jinyoung managed to raise his hand in response, sending back an uneasy grin. Jaebum took the small greeting as an invitation inside, causing Jinyoung to curse under his breath, moving to stand up and hitting his head on the bar he had just ducked under.

“Fuck!” Jinyoung exclaimed a little louder, holding his head before a pair of hands was at his back, steadying his body as he stood up slowly. As he rubbed the portion of skull he was sure to bruise, Jinyoung couldn’t bring himself to address who was still holding him upright, rubbing a soft circle against his lower back.

“Are you okay?” Jaebum asked sincerely, quiet enough to not draw any more attention to Jinyoung than the younger boy had caused himself. “I didn’t mean to scare you…”

“I dropped something,” Jinyoung cut in, nudging Jaebum away subtly, turning to face him for the first time.

Jinyoung didn’t recall when he started realizing how attractive Jaebum was immediately upon seeing him without needing an internal battle to decide if he could admit that to himself or not, but there he was in the coffee shop, staring at Jaebum like he had never met the boy in his life. He was wearing black skinny jeans and a graphic t-shirt layered under a leather jacket not too dissimilar to the one Jinyoung had borrowed from Mark for the party a few weeks prior. His familiar boots finally complimented the clothing he had chosen, a black camera back slung across his chest to complete it. His hair was styled back, allowing Jinyoung to see the two simple dots above his left eye. As Jinyoung continued to steady himself (and analyze Jaebum from head to toe), the older boy smiled, his eyes disappearing as they did when he was truly happy.

“Can I join you?” Jaebum asked, hands now in his pockets. “You don’t have to say yes, but I haven’t heard from you in a while…”

“Uh, sure,” Jinyoung shrugged as he sat back on his stool. “I’ll be here.”

Jaebum nodded with a small grin, heading to the register to get his own drink. Jinyoung rested his elbows on the ledge, putting his head in his hands, unable to believe his luck when it came to matters of interacting with Jaebum. Before he could dive into his brain’s inner workings, Jaebum had already placed himself in the stool adjacent to his, taking a sip from a cup much like Jinyoung’s.

“How’s your head?” Jaebum asked, looking over at Jinyoung, a small sense of concern on his face.

“S’fine,” Jinyoung shrugged, drinking more of his own coffee, knowing that if the cup was touching his lips he wouldn’t have to be the one speaking.

“Good,” Jaebum nodded, doing the same, staring out of the window. The silence between them grew heavier than it had been before, Jinyoung not wanting to say anything incriminating, hoping Jaebum would sense his hesitations. Nevertheless, Jaebum didn’t dance around what Jinyoung was thinking, saying what he knew was on both of their minds.

“You haven’t texted me,” Jaebum stated plainly, not trying to show his cards to Jinyoung just yet.

“I know,” Jinyoung replied, now staring out the front in the same direction as Jaebum, unable to meet his eyes.

“Did I do something wrong?”

Jinyoung turned to face Jaebum, the older boy now looking soft and a bit worried, obviously not wanting to rock the boat, but clearly incapable of figuring Jinyoung’s motivations out. He didn’t like to see Jaebum worried over something as dumb as a text or call, but he brought this upon himself, waiting too long for the right thing to say, the right moment to act. Now, Jinyoung had to face Jaebum and get out of the situation on the fly. As Jinyoung went to answer, Jaebum held his hand up to stop him before continuing.

“I shouldn’t have asked,” Jaebum sighed. “I know you’re not… like other people when it comes to that kind of stuff. And you have every reason to be skeptical still after what I did. But I just want to talk to you. It can be about anything, nothing serious. I’m not looking for daily check-ins or small talk about how your day was and how mine was. It can be casual, but not useless. I know you wouldn’t waste your time on it if you felt that way.”

If Jinyoung had felt exposed every other time he and Jaebum had chatted, this was just another example to add to the pile, the older boy able to get under his skin, peeling back the layers until he found the root of the problem. Jinyoung had been so caught up in his own head that he didn’t realize that Jaebum could see through his inability to send even a one word text, understanding how Jinyoung might still feel. It was a kind gesture that Jinyoung took to heart, wanting his reply now to be just as warm.

“It wasn’t that,” Jinyoung replied, looking at Jaebum as he twisted in his seat. “Don’t make assumptions, okay?”

_Well, that wasn’t exactly “warm,” now was it? Try again, you idiot._

When Jaebum didn’t reply and only looked down at his cup again, Jinyoung cleared his throat, setting his cup on the counter.

“What I meant was…,” Jinyoung began, sighing and composing himself before he continued. “It’s not because of what you did. I’m not mad, I swear. I’m just… processing things.”

“Processing?” Jaebum looked over, a quizzical look on his face.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung nodded, not wanting to elaborate on a deeper level. “Processing.”

While he thought Jaebum might continue to mope, Jinyoung noticed the other boy sit up a bit straighter, smiling a little brighter as he took another drink from his cup.

“Processing is better than flat-out ignoring me, I guess,” Jaebum grinned, sending a subtle wink in Jinyoung’s direction. Visibly flinching at the small amount of flirting, Jinyoung immediately went to take another sip from his cup, Jaebum laughing at his reaction. Instead of letting Jinyoung sulk in peace, Jaebum reached over, grabbing Jinyoung’s neck from behind, pulling him into his space more, smiling fondly. After a few seconds, he let go, patting Jinyoung on the back a few times before standing up with his coffee in hand.

“I gotta go to the lab,” Jaebum smiled, leaving Jinyoung to replay whatever just happened again and again in his mind. “Text me?”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung mumbled out, nodding slightly. “I’ll try.”

“That’s all I can ask,” Jaebum offered another small wave as he headed for the door, Jinyoung staying firm in his stool as he watched Jaebum from the window.

Raising a hand in acknowledgement as he passed, Jinyoung’s eyes remained locked on Jaebum’s, the older boy winking again, reigniting the butterflies that Jinyoung swore had since flown away the last time Jaebum had kissed him.

 

 

As he found himself in the midst of another based-on-true-life crime drama binge watching session, something heavy slammed on the outside of Jinyoung’s dorm door, sounding like some awkward struggle that Jinyoung couldn’t find himself to care much about. However, as he heard the doorknob rattle and metal slipping in through the lock, he braced himself mentally (and physically by grabbing a pillow in case he needed to shield his eyes) for what was surely about to crash through the door.

As expected, it flew open, Mark and Jackson nearly tumbling to the ground together as they fell inside, lips never leaving each other’s mouths. The two moved in sync from their place near the floor to back against the now-ajar door, Mark pressing Jackson hard against it, pinning his wrists above his head. Jackson whined as he struggled against Mark’s surprisingly firm grip, the older boy not showing any mercy as he pressed his body flush against Jackson’s, causing the blond to gasp, Mark moving to bite along his jawline.

Jinyoung wasn’t sure if he should be disgusted or amazed that a month ago Mark didn’t even know Jackson’s name, yet he was sure his roommate could now recite Jackson’s birthday, blood type, address, phone number, favorite food, shape, color… at the drop of a hat. Their passion was endless and Jinyoung knew he had to step in before their “passion” ended up all over half of the apartment they shared.

“Can you at least shut the door before you both whip it out?” Jinyoung pleaded, motioning to the obvious space leading to the hallway. Jinyoung’s simple statement caused Mark to pull away immediately, his face reddening quicker than Jinyoung had seen in recent interactions, understanding that maybe _he_ had been the one doing most of the blushing in their shared space.

“J-Jinyoung,” Mark stuttered, pushing Jackson out of the way before slamming the door shut. “Weren’t you there when I left? I thought you’d be at the park or something. Don’t you usually take your camera out today? It’s beautiful outside, a little cold, but nice! You’d find a lot of great things to capture…”

It had been so long since Jinyoung had seen Mark stumble over his words, a place Jinyoung had felt so uncomfortable in as he had been exploring his feelings for Jaebum. The universe felt like it was back to normal, Jinyoung with the upper hand as Mark caught his breath, Jackson standing beside him with a playful smile as he seemed to enjoy watching his partner-in-crime get flustered.

“Didn’t feel like it,” Jinyoung shrugged nonchalantly, giggling softly. “Still don’t. Guess you’ll have to adjust your plans accordingly because I’m not leaving this spot.”

“But,” Mark pouted a bit, coming over as if Jackson wouldn’t be able to overhear what he wanted to discuss with his roommate. “I’m like… _ready to go_. You know what I mean? It can’t wait…”

“First of all, gross,” Jinyoung grimmaced, not caring if Mark felt insulted. “And secondly, I’m not leaving. You made a bad assumption. Now, you’ll have to deal with it. You have a fucking room, dummy. I know you haven’t always needed the _entire_ apartment empty when you’ve done the deed.”

“But it’s different now,” Mark continued to whine, stomping his feet in a bit of a tantrum. “Jacks and I always do it at this time and you’ll overhear, it’s not fair!”

“Honestly, I don’t mind,” Jackson interjected, cutting in between the roommates with his hands. “Seriously, like, it doesn’t matter to me as long as I get taken care of soon. Okay? Jinyoung can stay. I’m not joking. Mark, don’t look at me like that…”

Jinyoung wasn’t sure what he was watching as Jackson and Mark bickered back and forth about their routine fuck, Mark complaining that he wouldn’t be comfortable to do all of the things they usually do and Jackson replying that he knows Mark gets off on knowing how good of a job he’s doing in bed. It was like watching a couple that had been through it all over decades by each other’s sides, the petty details of what would happen next completely irrelevant as Jinyoung knew Mark would give in, the older boy a total sucker for the bubbly blond with no limits.

“I’m going to my room,” Jinyoung raised his voice above their lovers’ quarrel, excusing himself in the direction of his door. “But please, go to yours as well, okay Mark?”

“Fine,” Mark groaned, grabbing Jackson by the wrist as the younger let out an exaggerated giggle, high-pitched and complimentary to Mark’s. Jinyoung shook his head, walking into his room and shutting the door behind him, moving to lay on his bed, hoping that all of the sounds Mark had described in lewd detail couldn’t travel through multiple walls.

 

 

Even though he couldn’t hear much, Jinyoung still had sex on his mind, thinking back to previous trysts he had once prided himself on. College had been a lot of fun, meeting people and discovering new things about himself and what he liked. There weren’t many people Jinyoung didn’t go all the way during a first hookup; the time and energy needed to keep reconnecting to build on their previous sexual acts too much for Jinyoung to care about. However, his mind kept pulling him back to Jaebum, their first time doing anything together at the party he had been invited to, Jaebum giving him head like no one else ever did, completely submitting to Jinyoung’s lowkey dominance. Then, the second time at the photo lab, both completely exposed as they moved together, Jaebum offering his hand to bring them both to orgasm.

Jinyoung couldn’t deny it was hot. He had never experience a sequence of events like this and he wanted to know what would be next, if there was a next time. Jinyoung still hadn’t contacted Jaebum, more days going by since the subtle confrontation at the coffee shop. Nothing he wanted to text met his previous standards and he was beginning to think this is how it would end, Jinyoung not able to swallow his pride to send one single word electronically.

A painfully loud noise shot through Jinyoung’s wall causing the boy to groan, covering his face with his pillow as his brain kept bringing him back to his dirty thoughts. If his roommate could be getting some at that moment, Jinyoung figured he might as well take advantage of his alone time, moving to open his laptop to go to his frequently visited websites. Sitting back against his pillows, Jinyoung already felt a familiar longing in his body, the searches showing nothing new or exciting, causing him to settle for a video he had seen before of some amateur that was clearly in over his head (or at least acting like it).

While Jinyoung loved the routines found in these videos, he didn’t expect to wonder what Jaebum would be like in these exact scenarios. It was impossible for him to place Jaebum as the innocent guy, always considering him as the one with more experience. Jinyoung didn’t have a problem with that; he had begun to accept that if he and Jaebum were to move beyond whatever they had already done, Jinyoung would have to be prepared to go either way, leaning more towards Jaebum’s preference at any given time. It was a nerve-wracking thought to mentally process the idea of Jaebum doing anything more to Jinyoung than already had been done, but he was craving the touch and needed it more than ever. The party in the summer was now so far behind him that it almost felt like he hadn’t been fucked or had someone to fuck in years; Jinyoung finally felt his impatience getting to him.

Jinyoung palmed himself over his sweatpants, eventually ridding them to his floor, hand deep into his boxers as he grew harder. The process of inserting himself and Jaebum into the videos mentally was making it difficult for him to get to the point he wanted to be as fast as he usually did, Jinyoung struggling to find anything in the videos applicable to their situation.

_You know, he’s real. And you have his number. And he’d absolutely love to hear from you…_

Looking down at his bed, Jinyoung noticed his phone and picked it up quickly, not pausing in case he would back out of his brilliant idea he just concocted.

To: Jaebum

_Hey, it’s Jinyoung. Are you alone?_

Jinyoung held his breath as he pressed send, closing his eyes tight as he gripped his phone in one hand, hoping that Jaebum would reply quickly, actually needing to talk to him more than ever before. Luckily, his reply was almost instantaneous, the notification buzzing in his hand.

**Jaebum**

_This is what you came up with for your first text? ;) What are you up to, Jinyoungie?_

Jinyoung’s breath hitched in his throat as he forced his laptop shut and onto his desk, sitting up in bed more, trying to figure out if Jaebum knew what he was up to or was just messing around like he usually was. To be fair, Jinyoung had always gone the second route, never actually meaning anything in a sexual way unless, well, they were naked and intertwined.

**Jinyoung**

_What better way to give you my number than to ask if you’re just as bored as me…_

He wasn’t sure why he was backtracking on his initial blunt statement, but it suddenly started to feel real, very real. Jinyoung needed Jaebum to understand that he was serious, that he wanted to chat in a way they hadn’t before, Jinyoung needing a release that apparently would only be satisfied by Jaebum’s words.

**Jaebum**

_What’s your definition of “bored?” Because I might be bored too, but in a different way…_

If Jinyoung was nervous a second ago, he was freaking out now, Jaebum almost insinuating that this was either about to go amazingly right or so awfully, terribly wrong. Swallowing his last bit of inhibitions, Jinyoung chose to dive right in, hoping Jaebum was able to figure him out as easily as he had been doing since they met in the library.

**Jinyoung**

_My definition is that I’m alone. And I can’t stop thinking about you._

Ten seconds. Twenty seconds. Thirty seconds. A full minute. Two minutes. Jinyoung was about to lose his mind. Did he not make it clear that he was _bored_ , and _alone_ , and _he wanted to talk to Jaebum_? What other ways could he have said what he wanted to? Jinyoung wasn’t about to flat out say he was horny and needed Jaebum’s help; he wanted the other boy to be on the exact same page as him, in the same place, in need of Jinyoung’s words too. It was the only way this would work and the only way Jinyoung would feel completely satisfied.

_Aren’t you asking a lot? He doesn’t owe you this. You never text him and the first thing you want is a virtual fuck? You have lost your goddamn mind for the eighth time this month. Calm. The fuck. Down._

As Jinyoung continued his internal struggle, a small vibration from his hand forced his eyes open to read the text he had received.

**Jaebum**

_Tell me what else is on your mind, Jinyoungie…_

It was crazy, but Jinyoung could swear he could hear Jaebum’s voice in the room, lips pressed up against his ear, purring the statement against it, sending shivers up his spine.

**Jinyoung**

_I was thinking about what we’ve done together so far and how I’d like to do it again. Or maybe something more…_

**Jaebum**

_Something more? You’ll have to be more specific._

What Jinyoung noticed through his horny haze was the fact that Jaebum texted exactly how he spoke in real life - and it was driving the younger boy crazy. It was flirty and drawn out, making Jinyoung want him to spit out everything at once, the teasing almost too much to handle in a time like this.

**Jinyoung**

_You. Inside of me. How is that for specific?_

This time Jinyoung couldn’t bother to wait in anticipation for what would come next. His boxers were shoved down past his knees, length in one hand as he started to work on himself, the idea that he had just admitted he wanted to do _that_ with _Jaebum_ not fully sinking in through every layer of his brain. It was shocking how much Jinyoung could admit when he was under the spell of getting himself off, saying things he hadn’t even really examined from a well-rounded perspective. Another buzz from his phone suddenly made the situation more serious and real, Jinyoung squinting to read the black text.

**Jaebum**

_Holy shit, Jinyoung._

Did he say too much? Was he shocked at what he had said or did Jinyoung read into this all wrong? What if he had triggered Jaebum into remembering something that made him uncomfortable, unwilling to ever go that far with Jinyoung in the first place? Was Jaebum only interested in something purely romantic before going that far or was Jinyoung just driving himself crazy because the first fucking text he decided to send wasn’t even a text, but a sext to a boy he could barely look in the eyes without getting angry over a stupid fucking _book_.

**Jaebum**

_Don’t stop there, keep going…_

Jinyoung couldn’t believe his eyes. He swore he had crossed a line to never come back, but instead he had pulled Jaebum right into the same mindset, knowing they were finally on the same page. Before he replied, Jinyoung managed to get a drop of lube from his bedside drawer, jerking himself slowly with one hand as the other continued to reply.

**Jinyoung**

_I keep thinking about how you would bend me over, maybe in that photo lab. Right over the sink. It’s dark, but you already know what you’re doing. I can take it all. I want it so bad…_

**Jaebum**

_Are you reading my fucking mind? Would have done that weeks ago if I had known you wanted me so bad. Fuck…_

Before Jinyoung could reply, another message came through, however it was nothing like the last few. Opening the attachment, Jinyoung got to see Jaebum’s dick for the first time completely sober and in a well-lit area, hardened by whatever was turning Jaebum on. Jinyoung only hoped it was his clumsy texts that were doing it for him, wanting it to be all about how he took initiative to begin whatever textual intercourse they were experiencing. Wanting to return the favor, Jinyoung snapped his own, sending it Jaebum’s way with a disclaimer his old self automatically typed.

**Jinyoung**

_I know exactly which ones I send to who, so I better not see this floating around online._

Smirking to himself, Jinyoung swallowed deeply as he read the next incoming text.

**Jaebum**

_Why would I want to share when I want you to be only mine?_

Jinyoung could totally get used to this. The flirty banter, the cocky demands. His roommate was most likely right about Jaebum existing as his perfect match. If Jackson complemented Mark like the stars to the moon, Jaebum and Jinyoung were like dawn and dusk; if Jinyoung dragged the other into the dark and night, Jaebum was the one to pull them back up to the sun, exposing who they were together and the feelings they could share.

Continuing to lazily jerk off, Jinyoung let a few soft moans fall from his mouth, the simple admission from the other boy suddenly a turn on when Jinyoung would normally run in the opposite direction if he had heard it from anyone else.

**Jinyoung**

_Fuck, I’m so hard and I keep thinking about you slamming into me. Tell me how it feels…_

**Jaebum**

_So fucking good, Jinyoungie… you have no idea. Hope you’re touching yourself for me, I know I can’t stop thinking about you…_

**Jinyoung**

_I am, shit… I’m already so close. You drive me fucking crazy, you know that, right?_

**Jaebum**

_However crazy I make you is not even half of what you do to me. Fuck…_

A few moments passed where Jinyoung couldn’t bring himself to reply, so lost in pleasuring himself, fisting his cock hard and fast as he thought about everything he and Jaebum had experience together so far, flashing ahead to his fantasy in the photo lab, Jaebum pressed deep inside of him. It had been so long since he had gotten laid that Jinyoung knew he would be tight, Jaebum needing more time to really work him out; Jinyoung would be happy to remain that way if they continued to hook up beyond that moment as well. Mumbling to himself, Jinyoung lost total control, sighing out Jaebum’s name as he finished all too quickly, the mess splattered on his hand and body.

Taking a breather, Jinyoung fell back against his bed, using his clean hand to push back his hair from his forehead, trying to process everything that had just happened. He didn’t want to sort through it; the thoughts would be too heavy for his current mental state. What Jinyoung did know is that his first text to Jaebum had been asking him if he was alone and Jaebum hadn’t been completely repulsed, given the responses he had received.

_Duh, you have been through this. He likes you. Sucked your dick. Touched it. A lot. Seriously…_

Knowing he had tapped out of the conversation a bit… prematurely, Jinyoung wiped his hands clean before picking his phone up again, nearly dropping it to the floor once he read the remaining series of responses Jaebum had continued to send.

**Jaebum**

_I’m still going so hard just thinking about your perfect ass, did I ever tell you how perfect it is?_

**Jaebum**

_Still there? I bet you are, bet you couldn’t last another second… I won’t either…_

**Jaebum**

_Hope you’re okay, I know I feel… so good. Wow. Thanks for finally texting me?_

**Jaebum**

_Oh, and by the way… next time, I’d prefer you on top._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so sorry for the lack of updates in a week, but things got a little crazy and I went to see GOT7 in Canada last weekend, so I should be back on track for good now. Hopefully the length of this one made up for no updates in a few days :)
> 
> I know a lot of questions worry about when the story will end, so I will publicly say we have anywhere from 5-7 chapters to go, depending on how I split up the remainder of the plot. Most of it will be juicy and fun, including a little segue into Halloween-timed stuff, so you'll have that to look forward to.
> 
> As always, love to hear your thoughts and guesses - are you liking where Jinyoung is headed? Are you surprised by anything Jaebum says? Is Markson completely, horrendously cheesy beyond belief?
> 
> Thanks as always for reading and all of your comments, kudos, subscriptions and bookmarks.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: it's a long one. Hopefully it makes up for the lack of updates recently!

“What the hell are you doing, Park Jinyoung?”

Facing his reflection in the mirror, Jinyoung spent the first few minutes after his morning shower analyzing his face, doing some light maintenance on his eyebrows while simultaneously giving himself the pep talk of the century. The dust had finally settled from his sexting escapades with Jaebum, the younger boy feeling annoyed with himself for letting such words look so concrete in black and white text on his phone. If there was a way to reach into his phone and delete them from Jaebum’s device, he’d pay a hefty sum to make it happen. It wasn’t that he was worried Jaebum would show anyone the nasty things he couldn't bear to repeat, but rather that he was embarrassed with himself for saying those things to anyone outside of his own head.

_ Why would I want to share when I want you to be only mine? _

Jaebum’s one message continued to echo in his mind, the words having the deepest meaning of any texts exchanged. Even after the time at the party, their fun in the photo lab and everything else, Jaebum hadn’t clued Jinyoung in on locking him down, never indicating anything except that he liked Jinyoung very much and it would be great if Jinyoung liked him too. Whether this was to ease Jinyoung’s mind when it came to concrete statements and commitments or rather something else Jaebum hadn’t disclosed in their few conversations so far, Jinyoung started to feel anxious not knowing what Jaebum expected from him in the long run. If this was up to the old Jinyoung, they would have already done the deed and there would no longer be a line of communication between them, even as friends. However, due to Jinyoung’s rocky start to accepting Jaebum into his life in any form, their relationship on any level was growing at a painfully reduced rate.

_ If he asked you to be his boyfriend, what would you even reply? Are you saying that you’d go from being a detached son of a bitch to happily spoken for? You’re unbelievable. _

Finishing up his morning routine, Jinyoung went back to his room, changing into some fresh clothes before lounging back in bed, checking his phone. It was the Saturday before Halloween making it the unofficial party night and Jinyoung had to preserve his energy for whatever fun he might get invited to later on. Mark had briefly mentioned a “low key get-together” which could mean a variety of things, so Jinyoung didn’t want to press his luck by doing anything more than lying around all day. As he checked his email and social media, a notification banner lit up his screen, causing him to groan a bit.

**Jaebum**

_ Hey, up to anything fun tonight? _

It wasn’t the first text he had received from Jaebum since they exchanged heated messages and explicit photos. In fact, Jinyoung had lost track of them, deleting them as they came in, only offering one word replies if he was feeling generous at the time. Having the power to erase the conversation offered Jinyoung some sort of control he went overboard with, leaving Jaebum hanging on simple questions and answers that would barely take Jinyoung five seconds to reply with if he only dared to respond. He wasn’t necessarily trying to get rid of Jaebum, as it was obvious he was always on Jinyoung’s mind. But it was difficult to see the path ahead, to decipher what everything meant. Jinyoung constantly wished he had met Jaebum under different circumstances, at a different point in his life or in a different place. Jinyoung knew too much to keep calm about where things to go, so his only instinct was apparently self-sabotage.

Jinyoung considered replying, typing that he didn’t know what he’d be doing or where his roommate was planning on dragging him to, but he held the backspace key down, erasing everything before pressing the power button and tossing his phone to the side. What would it matter if he told Jaebum that he wasn’t sure what his night looked like? It all felt so pointless again, waiting to see if he would ever have anything to say to Jaebum, ignoring his questions for days on end.

To pass the time, Jinyoung pulled up a movie to stream, lounging back in the privacy of his room. As Jackson and Mark had grown even closer, Jinyoung started to avoid their shared spaces, not because he didn’t like Jackson, but because he hated arguing with Mark over little things, like how loud it could get or why someone’s naked butt shouldn’t be on the kitchen counter, even if it is thoroughly sanitized immediately after. It was all part of being roommates - the good comes with the bad and Jinyoung was so caught up in his own problems that they seemed to amplify his annoyance with Mark’s relationship unfairly. For once, Jinyoung tried extremely hard to keep things civil so he and Mark wouldn’t tarnish their friendship; it had survived so much and he always wanted to be able to count on the other boy.

After making it through the first hour of his movie, there was a knock at Jinyoung’s door, followed by Mark asking permission to come in, turning the door handle as he asked, negating the question completely.

“I thought I heard Star Trek in here, you nerd,” Mark giggled, taking a step inside. “We have a television in the other room, you should try to use it sometime.”

“Trust me, I’m good in here,” Jinyoung smiled, pausing his movie as he sensed Mark had more to say. “I know who has been on every surface and I’m not afraid to touch my pillows.”

“Oh, come on,” Mark smiled, inviting himself to sit next to Jinyoung on his bed. “Don’t you like Jackson? He’s not that bad…”

“It’s not Jackson,” Jinyoung leaned against the wall, shrugging a bit. “It’s nothing personal. I guess I’ve just been enjoying my own space on my own time.”

“Sounds boring,” Mark replied. “You were a lot more fun when you were going to the library while writing that paper.”

“Fun?” Jinyoung scoffed, laughing sarcastically. “That was the most stressful week of my life! It wasn’t that long ago, how could you have already forgotten my struggle?”

“The world doesn’t revolve around you and your made up problems, Jinyoungie.” Mark giggled again, covering his face with his arms as Jinyoung smacked him with a nearby pillow, causing the other boy to move to the opposite side of the bed.

“I haven’t made up anything,” Jinyoung stated in a matter-of-fact tone. “Every day presents a new set of issues that test me. It’s not my fault I’m apparently always a target.”

“Jackson told me that Jaebum said you’re ignoring him,” Mark raised an eyebrow in Jinyoung’s direction, crossing his arms over his chest. “Care to explain how you aren’t causing these problems yourself?”

How did this happen? Why did the person he was having  _ relations  _ with have to be best friends with his best friend’s romantic interest? And did Mark’s soulmate have to have such a big mouth to spread whatever Jaebum told him? Was something truly up in the universe, dictating how difficult Jinyoung’s life had to be? Did Jinyoung do something in a past life for him to get tangled up in such a crazy web that didn’t let him run from anything?

“I’m not ignoring him,” Jinyoung said at a quieter volume. “I just… have nothing to say.”

“You’re hilarious,” Mark smiled, nudging Jinyoung’s leg with his foot. “But seriously, Jaebum thinks he scared you off again. I don’t know what’s stopping you from going for it, but he’s not an idiot. He won’t wait around forever if you keep acting like a dick.”

“I’m not asking him to wait around,” Jinyoung waved his hand, dismissing Mark’s claims. “So what if I haven’t been good at texting or making plans, who is at my age?”

“Um, literally everyone?” Mark laughed, kicking Jinyoung again. “How are you still in college when you act like you’re 48? At least that explains the wardrobe…”

“My clothes are respectable!” Jinyoung yelled before launching himself at Mark, wrestling around in his bed, using his pillow as a weapon again. “Respectable! Casual! Comfortable!”

“That’s how I know Jaebum actually likes you!” Mark spoke, his voice muffled by the blows from the cushion. “He may have made out with you when I dressed you, but he fell for you when you were wearing those horrid pants and sweater.”

“Well, I’m glad I don’t have to change my preferences for some  _ boy _ ,” Jinyoung hit Mark once more before sitting back, sighing. “But maybe it wouldn’t hurt to have some more form-fitting pieces… like those jeans I hardly ever wear.”

“The ones that show your butt actually has a shape?” Mark raised an eyebrow, suddenly giggling again. “But I thought you don’t have to change for a boy…”

“Stop it,” Jinyoung sighed, putting his hands up. “I just know I have a good ass. It’s time to embrace it.”

“Time for you to embrace it?” Mark smirked, tossing another pillow. “I think it’s overdue for some external embracing. You know, from another guy. Named Jaebum. Who likes you. And your ass.”

Rolling his eyes, Jinyoung got off the bed, coming over and smacking his roommate with the pillow once more, pointing at him sternly.

“Language, Tuan,” Jinyoung pointed back and forth between their eyes. “I’m watching you.”

“Get over it,” Mark rolled his eyes, giggling more as he watched Jinyoung grab a drink of water. “By the way, do you even have a costume for tonight?”

“Uh, no,” Jinyoung shook his head, sitting back in his desk chair. “You didn’t really mention that being part of the deal when you said I was going to the party with you.”

“Ah,” Mark replied, wagging his finger. “Me and Jackson. Sorry, pal.”

“Ugh, really?” Jinyoung groaned, tilting his chair back as he spun back and forth. “Not only did I not think of anything to wear, but now I have to rely on both of you to stick around to talk to if I don’t know anyone? This sounds like you’re setting me up for something.”

“We tried,” Mark admitted, smiling as he shrugged. “Jackson tried so hard to get Jaebum to ask you to go, but once he told Jackson how you had been ignoring him… well, the plan didn’t really make any sense. I don’t think he’ll be there, but you should still go even if it’s just with Jacks and I.”

“I don’t know,” Jinyoung shrugged. “I don’t have a costume and I don’t think I can handle being trapped in your bubble all night.”

“Free booze, Jinyoungie,” Mark replied, practically singing the phrase as he stood up from the bed, coming over and slinging his arm around Jinyoung’s shoulders, motioning all around them. “Booze for days, miles, forever. It’s calling your name.”

“That didn’t make any sense,” Jinyoung shrugged Mark off of him, getting up from his chair. “But I could use something to get my mind off of Jae-... things. And stuff.”

“Mhm,” Mark giggled, biting back a smirk as he went to leave Jinyoung’s room. “I see.”

Jinyoung ran in his direction, chasing after him with his pillow of choice, not afraid to beat some sense into his roommate.

 

 

Jinyoung suddenly realized he hated Halloween. Staring into his closet, he swore he could piece together something that was semi-acceptable by lax college party rules, but for some reason nothing was coming to him that wouldn’t passive-aggressively insult his wardrobe he enjoyed wearing. It was a nightmare to imagine himself sandwiched between Mark and Jackson as they swooned over each other, always needing to touch one another and never separate. Jinyoung started to realize he wished he had someone like Jaebum to act as another buffer, to lean on when things were getting too mushy and lovey-dovey.

_ If only you replied to his text messages! What a concept that would have been. _

Pulling out the black skinny jeans and turtleneck he wore to the last party, Jinyoung placed the clothes neatly on his desk, grabbing his wallet and keys before heading out of his dorm, taking a quick walk to the drugstore to get the last few pieces for his costume. Knowing Mark and Jackson had something ridiculous in mind, Jinyoung wanted to keep it simple to not associate with their antics, able to blend in if they got out of hand as he expected them to. As he made his way across campus, he crossed his fingers in hopes he would find exactly what he was looking for.

 

 

Once he returned with a plastic bag in hand, Jinyoung unlocked the dorm’s door, heading inside and shutting it behind him. Recently, he had gotten used to the many surprises Mark and Jackson would spring on him without warning, but he honestly should have anticipated seeing both boys dressed in matching costumes for the party that night: Mario and Luigi.

“Aren’t these amazing?” Jackson beamed, motioning up and down his body, then over to Mark. “Can you believe he agreed to my suggestion? We look awesome.”

“Yah!” Mark nudged the blond, struggling with his coordinating green hat, his hair sticking up in a million directions from the static electricity. “Shut up and help me finish getting ready before you scare Jinyoung, he’s already skeptical of even tagging along.”

“Jinyoung, you can’t skip out on us!” Jackson pleaded, eyes wide like a young puppy. “It’s going to be so much fun, I swear!”

“Whatever you say,” Jinyoung forced a smile, holding his bag up. “I already bought my costume anyway, so I’m not letting the five dollars I spent on this go to waste.”

“Wow, five whole dollars,” Mark giggled, Jackson leaning over to fix the older boy’s cap. “You really went all out.”

“I’m sorry I don’t have someone to coordinate with like you two,” Jinyoung shrugged, waving as he headed back to his room to change, leaving Mark and Jackson alone to adhere fake mustaches to each other’s mouths before the big party.

Locking the door behind him, Jinyoung swapped out of his casual clothes into the ones he selected earlier, squeezing into his tight black jeans and coordinating black top, the sleeves dripping down past his wrists. While it had been washed since the last time he had worn it, Jinyoung remembered taking in the faint scent of bonfire and sex before dumping it in the washer and using three dryer sheets to erase any lingering memories. Now, it only smelled like mountain breeze and Jinyoung felt himself missing the unique combination that once seemed so bitter.

After buckling his belt on, Jinyoung dumped the contents of the bag from the drugstore out onto his desk, picking up the headband adorned with black cat ears, sliding it onto his head as he looked into the mirror on the back of his door. It wasn’t the most creative costume, but it was certainly the least expensive, and if it was the ticket for Jinyoung to have access to anything he wanted to drink all night, he would accept any criticism he would receive for taking the easy way out.

Rummaging through everything on his desk, Jinyoung retrieved a new pencil of black eyeliner, opening his door to return to the living room for some assistance from his roommate. Once again, he should have known that Mark and Jackson were anything but normal and that Halloween was going to bring out the worst in both of them. The costumes only seemed to multiply their over-the-top antics, Mark pressing a virtual button on his phone over and over again to play the jumping sound effect from Super Mario Bros. as Jackson hopped across their furniture. Both boys were in a fit of their now-trademarked giggles, obviously amused by their own stupidity.

“Sorry to interrupt whatever chaos you both can’t live without,” Jinyoung cut in, moving close to Mark and shoving the eyeliner into view. “But I trust your help with this.”

Looking up from his phone, Mark smiled as he took in Jinyoung’s simple costume, giggling once again as he snatched the liner away.

“I am always happy to assist,” Mark giggled, forcing Jinyoung to sit in front of him, Jackson undeterred by the lack of sound effects, adding them in himself as he leapt around the small kitchen and living room.

For not wearing a lot of makeup, Mark was honestly talented in using a subtle amount to bring out someone’s best features, enhancing them in such a natural way the untrained eye could never tell what was used. Jinyoung liked to wear eyeliner when they would go out, go to a party or other functions - it brought out a different side to him and made him feel more confident in whatever he would be doing. His eyes twitched a bit as Mark ran the stick gently along his waterline, careful enough to not cause any unnecessary tears to appear. As Jinyoung swore Mark was finishing, he felt a few cold lines streak across each cheek, then a smudge on the tip of his nose.

“There we go,” Mark sighed happily, content with his work. “Now you look as unlucky as any black cat I’ve ever seen.”

“Gee, thanks,” Jinyoung deadpanned, tossing the pencil onto the coffee table, getting up to shove his keys into his pocket before it was time to head out. As Mark gathered his things, Jackson appeared from the kitchen, stopping in his tracks as his eyes looked Jinyoung up and down.

“Oh my god, look how good my Markiepooh did!” Jackson exclaimed, rushing over to examine Mark’s makeup artistry approximately one centimeter from Jinyoung’s face. Swatting him away, Jinyoung approached the door, Mark following close behind.

“All set?” Jinyoung asked, needing something twice as strong as the beer he had enjoyed the previous night.

“Of course,” Mark patted his roommate on the back, offering an encouraging smile, it saying  _ I know you need this right now, just trust me. _ Swinging open the door, the three boys stepped out, Jinyoung turning to lock up before they’d head to the stairs. But before Jinyoung could finish the deadbolt, Jackson was in his personal space again, giggling like he knew the world’s biggest secret and he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“Yes, Jackson?” Jinyoung groaned, standing upright as he began to stroll to the stairwell.

“Jaebum’s favorite animals are cats,” Jackson smirked playfully, shrugging a bit as he walked backwards to meet Mark down the hall. “Just saying…”

The old Jinyoung would have torn his headband off, thrown it at the ground and screamed in frustration. The new Jinyoung watched his friends skip down the hallway and into the stairwell before he smiled to himself, biting back an actual grin at his dumb luck.

 

 

In Mark’s vocabulary, “low key get-together” must mean “richest students near campus open up their unnecessarily large house for underage debauchery without any form of supervision for one night only.” Jinyoung couldn’t help but shake his head as he made his way up to the doors with Mark and Jackson in tow, both of them holding hands and imitating the voices of their namesakes without an end in sight. If he thought he needed a drink before, their banter was multiplying how many would satisfy his thirst.

Inside the house, elaborate decorations lined the walls and staircase, black and orange tinsel and streamers dripping from the banisters. Cute cutouts of spooky monsters and ghosts were applied to the walls and fake spiderwebs were in abundance. Music was blasting, though it wasn’t necessarily following the theme; Rihanna and Calvin Harris were accepted in any party situation. Because it was a larger home, activities seemed to have their own designated areas and Jinyoung found it much easier to move from place to place, leading their little group to grab drinks first.

Mark wasn’t wrong - Jinyoung hadn’t seen this kind of vast selection of liquor and beer at a party thrown by fellow students. Anything he could ever wish for was on display and he didn’t know where to begin, craving five different drinks at once. Noticing a special cooler that most people were tapping their drinks from, Jinyoung grabbed an empty plastic cup and took some of the mysterious concoction for himself, taking a long sip before topping off his cup again. It was sweet but had a serious bite, something sour mixed inside to fit with the theme. Mark and Jackson continued their banter as they each grabbed something for themselves, knocking a shot back with their arms laced together in some sort of intricate couple’s embrace.

Would it be so bad to have to associate with them all night? Jinyoung couldn’t answer the question, feeling a small pang of jealousy along with his disgust as he observed the two boys. Over the past few weeks, Jinyoung had put up with them in many situations, but deep down he understood how Mark felt for Jackson and could see it was more than mutual. Once they had found each other again at the last party they were all at, life seemed to slow down for Mark, slipping easily into a routine that other couples could only hope for. Jackson and Mark were comfortable and easy-going, never giving in to the outside noise that surrounded them. If soulmates did exist, Mark and Jackson were the poster children, a prime example of how good life can be if you’re so lucky to find your other half.

On the other hand, Jinyoung didn’t know if he believed he had a soulmate. Sure, he was only in his twenties and still in school, but at what point do you stop believing and just say “fuck it?” Nothing during this time in his life was permanent (except his award-winning sarcasm and wit), so how could another person slot into his life and never leave that place? Could it be possible that only certain people were connected, leaving the rest of the poor, unfortunate losers to have to fight for whoever they thought should be in their lives? It was a complicated question that Jinyoung didn’t know how to answer and only made him more uncomfortable with the fact that the person he used as his own example was  _ Jaebum _ who twisted fate to work in his favor, dragging Jinyoung into foggy territory.

Shaking himself back to reality, Jinyoung continued to drink the sketchy punch he had poured for himself, his body warming up from the sweet booze. Leaning against a wall, he was able to observe the mass amounts of people cycling around the rooms, girls dressed as comic book heroines and boys covered in fake blood and tattered rags. Mark and Jackson had kept their unspoken promise to stay within eyesight, continuing to use the Mario sound effects app on their phones, using the coin noise every time Jackson thrusted his hips to the beat of the music. Jinyoung wasn’t sure if Mark’s laugh had always been so loud and powerful, so full of glitter, sparkles and bullshit, but ever since Jackson had appeared, the smile hadn’t left his face, amplifying their cackles to an unregistered decibel level.

After they had finished the liquid in their cups, Jackson tugged Mark into the large crowd of bodies swaying to the music a self-titled “DJ” was selecting, giving Jinyoung some alone time to reflect on his choice to even come to this place. Remembering that he used to love parties, Jinyoung thought back to his more social times, able to strike up conversations with whoever caught his eye, analyzing their hand movements and body language, always ready with the perfect line. But things had never felt more different, the extroverted tendencies fading into the background as Jinyoung no longer had his partner-in-crime all to himself. 

He must have looked ridiculous leaning against the wall, his face sketched up like a feline to accent his only accessory on his head. As people passed by him to grab their own refills, some offered tiny compliments of nods of acknowledgement, Jinyoung simply nodding his head slightly to show he had heard it all. Taking the last sip from his cup, Jinyoung didn’t hear footsteps approaching him closer and closer, his cup obscuring his entire view as he tipped it all the way back.

“I figured you’d be over here.”

Jinyoung didn’t want to put the cup down. Sure, he could keep it tilted back, acting like there was a never-ending stream of liquid to drink. Maybe he could act like he had a cough, find an escape route and hide out in a bedroom with a door with a lock. There was an easy path outside from the kitchen and Jinyoung could totally turn without catching the eye of the person in front of him. Totally.

_ Or… you could suck it up and say something, dipshit. _

“Jaebum…,” Jinyoung smiled a bit as he moved the cup down, looking ahead. “It’s been a while…”

Jaebum’s costume was nearly as simple as Jinyoung’s with a few exceptions. He, too, was in all black from head to toe, his jeans with twice as many tears up and down each leg, a tattered graphic tank top hanging from his broad shoulders, a well-worn leather jacket with patches, zippers and buttons topping it off. Jinyoung noticed his hands in fingerless gloves, his nails painted vinyl black. A quick glance at his face revealed a light touch of makeup, his hair pushed back into a greasy part, and…

_ Holy fuck, is that the lip ring? What on earth did you do to deserve the honor of seeing this in person, Park Jinyoung? You must have been touched by an angel.  _

“Yeah, I wonder why,” Jaebum replied, the words a bit sharper than his usual remarks, a smirk still creeping from the corners of his mouth. Jinyoung nervously motioned to the liquor to his left, the awkward smile still beaming from his face.

“Did you want something, rockstar?” He asked jokingly, pointing to some bottles. “I’m sure there’s something here you can handle.”

“Something I can handle?” Jaebum scoffed, snatching Jinyoung’s cup from his hand and sniffing it. “You know you are drinking the most lethal thing available, right? Let me make you something better.”

Before he could object, Jaebum was selecting bottles and mixers, throwing it all together with ice and giving it a good shake before distributing it between two cups, handing one to Jinyoung before sipping from his own, sighing happily.

“Much better,” Jaebum stated, already seeming more relaxed than when he had approached Jinyoung a few minutes prior. “Tell me how you like it.”

Hesitating before taking a large sip, Jinyoung swallowed it down, letting it burn as he tasted fruity notes, nothing as crazy as his first choice of the night.

“Not bad,” he smiled, taking another long gulp. “You know, for an art student.”

“Give it a rest,” Jaebum laughed, nudging Jinyoung’s arm with his elbow. “I would think by now you wouldn’t consider me a freak.”

“Isn’t that something you should save for the bedroom?” Jinyoung smirked, the alcohol already helping him with his self-realized anxiety about his friends ditching him for god only knows what.

“Hmm,” Jaebum shrugged, a little less full of life than he was before, taking his own long sip. “Wouldn’t you like to find out.”

Choking back the alcohol, Jinyoung’s breath got caught in his throat, sending him into a light coughing fit he immediately remedied with the alcohol in his hand. Jaebum hardly moved from his stance next to the boy, just grinning at the reaction he had forced from Jinyoung.

“I assume you came with the lovebirds,” Jaebum looked at him, smiling. “Did they already run off to Vegas together?”

“Not sure,” Jinyoung shrugged, motioning to the crowd crammed near the speakers. “They deserted me and now I’m stuck with you.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Jaebum replied. “And to think we were making such good progress.”

“Progress?” Jinyoung laughed, covering his exposed open mouth with his hand. “Is that what you think? I’ve barely seen you since I finished that goddamn report and it’s not like we talk much.”

“You mean it’s not like  _ you _ talk much,” Jaebum argued. “I know you’ve been getting my messages. Why haven’t you replied?”

Of all the places to confront Jinyoung about hit shitty, terrible choices, an incredible Halloween party wasn’t a good option, effectively ruining any fun buzz Jinyoung had been building all alone. Jinyoung wasn’t sure if Jaebum lacked the subtlety to ask these questions in a less populated area or if he just wanted to press Jinyoung’s buttons, knowing what would make him tick and come to a boiling point faster than anything else he could try.

“I don’t know,” Jinyoung shrugged, trying his best to act like it was no big deal. “I guess I’ve been… occupied.”

“Occupied?” Jaebum rolled his eyes, placing his hand on his hip. “Why are you even bothering to come up with a lie? You act like I’m completely oblivious to the kind of person you are.”

“The kind of person I  _ am _ ?” Jinyoung replied condescendingly, his irritation beginning to bubble over as Jaebum prodded at his weaknesses. “How many times do I have to tell you that you don’t know me? When will you stop making assumptions?”

“I’ll stop the moment you admit you’re making your own life more difficult than anyone else on the outside ever could,” Jaebum ripped, the comment shaking Jinyoung’s crumbling walls, hurting a bit more than it would have a few weeks ago. If Jinyoung looked annoyed, Jaebum was unreadable, his face blank as he waited for the other boy’s answer, the reply to dictate his next move both physically and verbally.

“I didn’t ask you to stick around,” Jinyoung uttered, voice detached and cold, a singular arrow aimed straight for Jaebum’s chest, the target easy to hit, a total bullseye.

He was doing so well. Jinyoung could see the change before his eyes, the brighter outlook on things, the low amounts of gagging he experienced. He remembered the grudges he held against so many people, how they all seemed to fade away once he had met someone to focus a portion of his energy on, the weight on his back becoming lighter with every positive interaction. But in that moment, Jinyoung felt like he was staring at a stranger, like the day they had met in the aisle of the library, the moment Jaebum went from helpful library assistant to stone-cold wall, not letting anything show to those around him.

The two stared at each other in stiff silence, the party moving around them as time seemed to stop. How had Jinyoung let things get this way? Why couldn’t he let himself embrace someone he clearly had feelings for, that he consistently denied over and over again until he was blue in the face? Did it make any sense for Jinyoung to be insulting Jaebum to his face knowing they both wanted each other in ways too risque to express? If only Jinyoung had been honest with himself, giving in to each temptation one by one, slowly building up his acceptance of his feelings instead of outright banning them from lingering in his mind.

Jaebum was the first to break their trance, finishing the remainder of his drink before taking two long strides towards Jinyoung, the younger boy firmly planted into the hardwood floor. His usual boots gave him a slight advantage in his height, his chin tilted down at an angle as it jutted out in annoyance.

“If you think this is a game, we’ll play it that way,” he stated, Jinyoung visibly gulping at the unexpected statement. “Just promise me you won’t whine too much when you lose.”

_ Wait, is this the same guy who suggested he wouldn't mind you on top? _

Jinyoung pouted his lips as menacingly as he could, Jaebum’s hand moving to touch the ears still in place in Jinyoung’s dark locks. A tiny smirk tugged at Jaebum’s lips, his hand feeling the soft fabric and fur attached to the feline accessory.

“Now, if only these had a matching collar with a bell on it so I knew where you were at all times,” Jaebum snickered, Jinyoung turning the deepest shade of red in the crayon box.

 

 

After Jaebum had left him stunned in the kitchen, Jinyoung turned back to his syrupy-sweet mystery liquid, downing it as quickly as he could without making himself sick. He had clearly tried to attempt pre-relationship (ew) suicide to which Jaebum could only smirk and turn the tables once again. It was a routine Jinyoung had trapped himself into the minute he walked into the library when he should have gone straight to his dorm, ignoring his assignment and never meeting Im Jaebum in the first place.

The DJ had shifted into some oddly pop-ified versions of classic Halloween songs and Jinyoung was drunk. The alcohol had hit him all at once, letting him loosen up and mingle with the crowd, seeing random classmates and chatting about absolutely nothing coherent. He didn’t know where Jaebum went, he was sure Mark and Jackson were in a state no one should observe and he didn’t care anymore. Jinyoung was drinking for himself and he would dance for himself, too. Sliding up against other bodies, Jinyoung let the movement of the crowd dictate where he went next, shimmying and sliding through acquaintances and strangers, the liquor fooling him into a temporary happiness.

As the playlist shifted back to real pop music, a hand tapped Jinyoung on the shoulder, causing him to spin, wobbling back into the person who had just approached him. Using the stranger’s shoulders to brace himself, Jinyoung blinked a few times to focus his vision, analyzing the new person he was gripping tightly. A boy with white-blond hair and eyes much like his own smiled at him, moving his hand to settle on Jinyoung’s side to steady him. He was dressed as a vampire, stark white formal shirt tucked into tight black slacks, a shiny black cape lined with red satin tied with a bow around his shoulders. Jinyoung would assume some plastic fangs might be involved, but didn’t blame the other boy for not wanting to hide his blinding smile. They were the same height which made eye contact inevitable, Jinyoung mumbling what he assumed sounded like an appropriate apology.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” the stranger smiled genuinely, clearly not as into the party punch as Jinyoung was. “But I couldn’t help but notice that you’re a good dancer.”

“Me? Good?” Jinyoung giggled, covering his mouth as he finally could stand on his own. “That’s a new one. I don’t really like to do it…”

“Could’ve fooled me,” he grinned, running his hand through his hair, offering a cocky wink that made Jinyoung feel dizzy. “I’m Wonho, and you must be…”

“Jinyoung,” he replied, stepping closer to his new acquaintance. He had been left to rot at the party by his best friend, his best friend’s other half and the man who had turned his world into a living hell for the past month. Taking the other boy’s sudden appearance and interruption as a subtle sign, Jinyoung didn’t miss a beat. “Maybe you could dance good with me? If you think I’m so great…”

“Funny, I was about to suggest the same thing,” Wonho grinned, tugging Jinyoung back into the crowd where they could lose themselves together. Once in a more rowdy (and moist) place, they started to dance together, Jinyoung slipping back into his happily-inebriated state. As he was doing before, Jinyoung went along with the flow of bodies around them, only this time he was kept company by the bubbly personality he exchanged names with. Jinyoung was never one to accept a dance at a party so quickly, but with his guard down and blood alcohol content high, Wonho was the perfect invitation to accept.

Jinyoung should have anticipated the next series of events, from dancing together without any friction, to moving closer to the other boy, to Wonho eventually slipping behind him, hips dangerously close to his own. Feeling hands sliding down his sides to rest on his waist, Jinyoung squeezed his eyes shut in anticipation of the next feeling, Wonho loosely grinding against his backside. If he wanted to fight it, he could have, but instead, Jinyoung embraced it, the sensation too enjoyable to stop. As they “danced” in the sea of bodies, Jinyoung felt his body burst into flames, desires rising and heart rate increasing. Waiting months to get laid was his own fault, but maybe he could fix that problem sooner than he thought, the idea of hooking up without a romantic comedy backstory to get in the way more appealing than ever before.

_ So, you’re saying you’re already ready to get with this random guy when you’ve known him less than an hour, but Jaebum has tried to prove to you over and over again that he has feelings for you and you immediately are tossing him to the curb? And what happened to your feelings, idiot? The ones you’ve been suppressing with self-destructive behaviors and alcohol? Just because you’ve had too much punch doesn’t mean they’ll disappear. You’re a nightmare. _

Ignoring his inner thoughts that seemed to be screaming at him from deep down, Jinyoung tilted his head back onto Wonho’s shoulder, the blond making good reference to his costume as he moved his lips to Jinyoung’s neck, continuing to move their bodies as he kissed and sucked from the side to Jinyoung’s adam’s apple. It was clear the other boy was a tease, a grin pressed into Jinyoung’s skin as he continued to kiss what could be exposed from Jinyoung’s choice of shirt. When Jinyoung felt the lips move away, he opened his eyes slightly to turn to face Wonho, studying his faded expression. Everything felt steamy and hazy, Jinyoung’s hooded eyes trying to determine where he should be focusing. As they landed on Wonho’s moist lips, the other boy grabbed the back of Jinyoung’s neck ( _ much like Jaebum had done in the coffee shop _ , Jinyoung noted) and pulled him into a kiss that didn’t have a chance to start off small and sweet. He tasted like cigarettes and soju, and Jinyoung suddenly found himself craving the peppermint and coffee Jaebum always had on his tongue, the memory too close to touch.

While Jinyoung had assumed they would be safe within a crowd, their privacy was short lived as a familiar voice rang out, tugging him backwards from Wonho’s loose grip.

“Jinyoungie!” Mark gritted through a forced smile, mouth tight, hand fisted in his black turtleneck. “There you are! I have been looking for you. All. Night.”

Jinyoung could only giggle, the drunken stupor he had entered still clogging his reactions and choice of words, even if it was his best friend he was talking to.

“Don’t lie,” he smirked, poking Mark’s side repeatedly. “You left me all alone to go fuck Jackson and you don’t care at all about me! Just admit it!”

“Clearly, I  _ do _ care about you,” Mark groaned, his hand now wrapped around Jinyoung’s bicep, squeezing it too tightly to not insinuate that Mark had clearly observed what Jinyoung had been up to as he “danced” with his new friend. “Who’s the guy?”

“Hm? Guy?” Jinyoung laughed, nearly stumbling over, even in Mark’s iron grip. “Ohhhh! My new friend, Wonho. He liked how I dance, so we danced. It felt… good.”

“If he was actually your friend, he wouldn’t compliment whatever you call your ‘dancing,’” Mark spat, yanking on Jinyoung’s arm, forcing a small yelp from the younger boy. “Come on, a bunch of us are going to play a game and I’m not leaving you alone.”

“Fine,” Jinyoung whined, pouting as he ripped his arm away. “But I’m bringing Wonho. He’s nice, unlike some people.”

“Whatever,” Mark waved his hand, letting Jinyoung approach his old dance partner to invite him along, eventually following his roommate to a different space in the house. During the short trek, Jinyoung and Wonho continued to laugh and giggle together, the blond not afraid to keep his hands on any part of Jinyoung he wished. 

Eventually reaching a separate family room with a scary movie on the television in the background, Mark sat on the ground next to Jackson, letting Jinyoung fall on his butt next to the blond, Wonho parking next to him. A few others that Jackson apparently knew filed in, filling in the empty spots to form a circle, Mark whispering into Jackson’s ear as he giggled loudly.

“We’re playing suck and blow!” Jackson yelled, clapping his hands together to excite the small crowd around him, Mark handing him a deck of cards. “If you don’t know how to play, just figure it out. It’s not that hard!”

Jinyoung was usually really good at suck and blow, using his facial expressions and strong lungs to overpower his opponents and gain an advantage. But Jinyoung wasn’t usually plastered in cat ears and smudged eyeliner, giggling and leaning against a random boy who had the courage to approach him in a crowded room. He knew Mark meant well bringing him here away from the madness where he could be watched, but now he was nervous everything he had practiced at so many parties would go to waste, time not spent well.

As he watched Jackson demonstrate with Mark the right and wrong ways to pass the card back and forth, Jinyoung felt a shoe nudge him away from Jackson, forcing him to tumble into Wonho next to him. Plopping down in the vacant space, Jaebum offered a cold smirk, eyes piercing through Jinyoung’s soul. He felt open and exposed, like Jaebum was reading him like the old paperback novels he kept behind his desk in the library; the soft, ethereal vibes he emitted in the past now replaced with sparks and razorblades, a vengeful gleam in his eye.

“Hope you don’t mind me cutting in,” he nudged Jackson on the shoulder, the younger blond squealing in excitement.

“Of course not!” Jackson had clearly had something excellent to drink, his positivity even brighter than normal. “You’re so good at this game, I know you’ll be the best again.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes, giggling as he righted his posture, adjusting the ears that had since gone crooked on his head. Of course, Jaebum would show up now that he had found a perfectly acceptable piece of ass for the night, all grumpy and mad at the world.

_ Wow, sounds familiar. Is he already starting to take after you? _

“Wonho,” Jaebum turned the other way, offering a smirk and slight nod of his head to the boy on the other side of Jinyoung. “Good to see you’re still making positive decisions.”

“Hi,” Wonho said nervously, biting his lip, shifting awkwardly as he sat cross-legged, barely able to make eye contact. Jinyoung looked from Wonho to Jaebum, back to Wonho again, trying to analyze the tension, body language and choice of words, but kept falling short, the alcohol in his system doing absolutely no favors at this point. Drinking as much as he had was turning out to be a double-edged sword, unable to do what Jinyoung thought he was best at.

Jinyoung never thought he would find himself in a position like this: drunk off of god only know what, a boy to his right he was on the path to a happy ending with just moments before Mark dragged him to the room, and a boy to his left he had a sordid and difficult history with (and possibly, just maybe, actual feelings for). If that wasn’t awkward enough, Jackson’s enthusiasm for the game was overbearing, making Jinyoung regret listening to his roommate.

After another minute, Jackson deemed it to be the start of the game, passing the first card around, everyone completing it with very little mishaps, like a practice round. Jinyoung felt a little strange getting so close to both boys the way he was, but he tried to remember that this was a game he so desperately wanted to win, shielding his pride from another blow. The next round began shortly after, going a bit faster, Jackson adding a second card in for fun. As people in the circle missed the card or dropped it on their partner, they drank for punishment, everyone finding some humor in the misfortune.

As another round started, Jinyoung’s polite chatter with Wonho was interrupted, his eyes still watching the impending arrival of the card, Jaebum’s breath hot on his ear.

“Are you ready to lose?”

Jinyoung swallowed, turning to face Jaebum for a moment, face flushed from the excitement of the room. He had no idea what Jaebum meant, if he was referring to the game itself or something on a larger scale, but he had no time to consider his exact intentions, the card getting dangerously close to him, Mark passing it to Jackson, Jackson to Jaebum… 

Facing Jaebum to receive the card, Jinyoung leaned in, waiting for the clean pass he and Jaebum had executed more than enough times in a row in the past rounds. Instead, Jinyoung watched in slow motion as the card fell between them, Jaebum’s eyes lingering on Jinyoung’s lips, crashing them together, far too intense to be a slip or accident. Jinyoung’s eyes went wide, Jaebum snaking his hand to the back of Jinyoung’s neck, holding him in place as the kiss intensified, the party-goers around them cheering and yelling in the scandalous excitement. He hadn’t kissed Jaebum in front of anyone yet and it felt too permanent, too definitive. Jinyoung wasn’t his and Jaebum was acting so different than the person he had learned so much about this semester. Jinyoung pushed Jaebum’s shoulders, but the older boy persisted for another few seconds, eventually pulling apart with a heavy breath and glaring smirk. Jinyoung looked around the room, the spectators surrounding him still clapping and hollering, Jackson shaking Jaebum’s shoulders in delight, and Mark with a knowing smile on his face, shaking his head side-to-side slowly.

Embarrassed. Jinyoung turned a bright shade of pink, rubbing his cheeks and smearing his whiskers around his face. The tips of his ears were red and he felt an uneasy bubbling in his stomach that he knew to listen to, pushing himself off the ground and running out of the room, down a hall and to the nearest bathroom. After trying multiple doors, he finally stumbled into one, slamming the door and locking it before throwing up the contents in his stomach into the porcelain bowl, body heaving with regret. Jinyoung wanted to blame it on the alcohol so badly, that he felt so sick, so crazy, but Jaebum was the real reason why, humiliating him in front of his friends by outlandishly kissing him without permission, losing the person he had just met in the crowd while dancing.

Once he felt he had nothing left to puke up, Jinyoung leaned his back against the tub, wiping his mouth on the back of his sleeve. This wasn’t who he was. There wasn’t a single factor he had control over, from his roommate forcing him to come, to the game they had played, to Jaebum demonstrating that he had some sort of crazy power over Jinyoung… he felt so tired. The night was a complete disaster and all he could think about was going home, getting into bed and forgetting all of it happened, snapping his stupid cat ears and throwing them in the trash.

But Jinyoung didn’t feel numb enough, choosing to leave the bathroom, hair and makeup disheveled, returning to the drink station he had befriended upon his arrival. Steering clear of the infamous party punch, Jinyoung reverted back to straight shots of vodka, taking them with some tall and skinny man dressed as the forgetful fish from some Pixar movie he never bothered to see. Jinyoung didn’t care who he was with as long as they’d keep encouraging him to down more, needing the metaphorical blanket of coziness that wrapped around him when completely wasted.

Just as he was about to take another round, he noticed Jaebum slip into the kitchen, his cocky expression he had worn all night gone, replaced with soft concern. He looked nervous as he approached Jinyoung, almost as if he was walking on eggshells, more than likely in a state of regret for what he did to the younger boy in front of a crowded room. As Jinyoung went to lift the glass to his mouth, Jaebum grabbed his wrist, removing the shot from his grip and setting it on the table.

“Jinyoung, enough,” Jaebum said calmly. “You’re going to make yourself sick.”

“Too late,” Jinyoung sneered, trying to wrestle himself away, reaching for his abandoned glass. “Already puked after we kissed. Felt so refreshing.”

“Then why are you back here, doing all of this?” Jaebum asked, ignoring the intended jab Jinyoung had let out. “You should go home, come on… I’ll walk you there.”

“I don’t need your fucking help,” Jinyoung glared, pointing at Jaebum directly. “You showed up, insulted me in front of my friends, scared off my romantic interest for the night… you’ve helped enough already.”

“You don’t want to hook up with him,” Jaebum pleaded, eyes a bit wider. “Just trust me on this.”

“Why not?” Jinyoung smirked, tilting his head to the side. “Jealous?”

“Hardly,” Jaebum scoffed, crossing his arms against his chest. “I’m not getting into this with you now. Please, let me take you home…”

“Where’s Mark and Jackson?” Jinyoung snuck the final shot Jaebum had stolen from him, slurring his speech. “They can take me home. I don’t care if they’re fucking in those costumes, I trust them.”

“Already left,” Jaebum replied, shrugging a bit. “Told me to take care of you.”

“Typical,” Jinyoung snorted, laughing and covering his mouth, nearly falling into a nearby table of cups, Jaebum stepping in at the last moment to catch him.

“We’re leaving,” Jaebum said definitively, adjusting his arm around Jinyoung’s middle, obviously more prepared to deal with Jinyoung’s limp and intoxicated body than the last time he tried to drink away his feelings. Jinyoung tried to fight but had grown fatigued from arguing, leaning into Jaebum as the older boy navigated them out of the party and into the cold fall air.

Jinyoung had been prepared to chew Jaebum out the moment he saw him next, to fight him with words and cutting sarcasm. He wanted to stick up for himself, declare himself competent to make his own decisions, to tell Jaebum to back off. Instead, the last thing he remembered was Jaebum slipping his leather jacket over Jinyoung’s shoulders, once again carrying him with both arms, but this time in an unfamiliar direction that wasn’t going to lead Jinyoung back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't even know what to say here anymore because there's so much I could spoil! I will just leave it open for your comments and questions that I love to read and answer :)
> 
> I keep lurking on twitter to see what everyone says (I see you bottom!jaebum antis) and it's always so fun to see you guys asking for it to update or talking about it with each other. It's my first GOT7 fic and I feel so thankful that you're enjoying the concept and my writing.
> 
> As a side note, I am beginning work on my next fic - what pairings do you guys like best besides JJP? Thinking about Markson, but might wander off to a Markjin, Jinson or Jackbum route to shake it up. Let me know!
> 
> Thanks for your continued support!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't wait to update again, so think of it as a reward for this reaching 500 kudos :) thank you all!

Cloudy. Hot. Sweaty. Clammy. Hazy.

Jinyoung jolted awake under the covers, immediately pushing them off his body in an attempt to cool down, the insulation too much for his hungover body to handle. Normally after returning from a party, Jinyoung always changed before bed, even if it was just down to his boxers, tossing the previous night’s clothing to the floor. However, Jinyoung was still in his halloween costume, black eyeliner streaking the pillowcase he had slept on. As he observed the dark lines, he slowly realized that it wasn’t his bed he was in, a creeping panic rising inside of his body. Darting his eyes around the room, taking in every little detail he could, Jinyoung tried to figure out where he was, whose bed he was in and how he got there, every single detail so hazy from the night before.

It was a bedroom much larger than his, the bed nearly twice the size as the one from the dorm in a frame that kept it low to the ground. There was a nightstand with an alarm clock and a door that Jinyoung assumed led to a small closet. It was minimalistically decorated, only a few frames hung from the walls in straight lines containing simple photographs. The only other large piece of furniture was a desk with a big desktop computer on top, a camera connected by USB and a leather jacket slung over the back of the chair.

_Jaebum._

Jinyoung immediately realized where he was as his eyes landed on the camera and jacket, the pieces coming together quickly. Suddenly, the bubbly sick feeling he had forgotten about made its presence known again, forcing Jinyoung out of bed and to another connecting door, praying it was the bathroom. On his knees again, he let go of everything inside his stomach, praying Jaebum couldn’t hear what was happening inside. It was a terrible feeling: waking up feeling so lost, half of his memories wiped from his brain from the night prior, the sick feeling barely leaving with his dry heaving.

Assuming he had nothing left to give, Jinyoung stood up slowly, rinsing his mouth in the sink and cleaning his face off, staring at his reflection in the mirror. The whiskers Mark had been so proud of the night before had rubbed all over his cheeks, streaking down to his chin. The nose so perfectly crafted was barely an outline, every indication that he was a cat now fading away. Jinyoung ruffled his hand in his hair, missing the presence of the cheap ears he bought on a whim, sighing heavily as he dampened a tissue to remove the last bits of black liner.

It was a sad sight. Jinyoung found himself on the verge of tears for no reason at all, his hardened disposition now a shell of who he used to be, feeling so broken from everything he had put himself through. Ever since he had met Jaebum, his life felt like an incomplete rollercoaster: able to start and function to a point, enjoying the ups and regretting the downs, coming to an abrupt crash ending he would never have expected. Sure, Jinyoung should never have invested himself in any feelings one way or another, but amongst his negativity and arrogance, there was something more, something real and he needed to face the fact that he had fallen head over heels in love with Jaebum by total accident.

That’s why he went to the library when he didn’t need to. It’s why he rode a library cart around after closing time, Jaebum laughing loudly as he nearly crashed him into a table. Maybe it was why he was so upset when he found out Jaebum had lied about access to the book because maybe, just maybe, Jinyoung was afraid it was a lie, a sham that Jaebum wanted him for real. It was why Jinyoung went to make up with him, why he kissed Jaebum in the photo lab, why he couldn’t bring himself to text him because he knew he’d fuck it up. It was why Jinyoung ran the complete opposite direction into a stranger’s arms the night before, willing to bury the barely-realized feelings six feet under. Jinyoung had been changing and he was so fucking scared of what that would mean for himself.

_Wow, what a great time to realize all of this. You couldn’t have done all of this, hmm… I don’t know, a month ago? Even a week ago would be better than now. You were a total dick to him and now you’re in his room, in his goddamn bathroom, feeling sick because you can’t live with your fucked up choices. You’re such a drama queen. Get it together, Jinyoung. You can do it._

Attempting to wipe the last bit of makeup from his nose with only water, Jinyoung sighed and gathered his thoughts, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down. If he was going to have a mental breakdown, it wasn’t about to be in Jaebum’s bathroom, still dressed in his unofficial party gear. Smoothing out his turtleneck, Jinyoung turned the doorknob to leave and gather the rest of his things, but ran into Jaebum standing right on the other side, holding a small bag.

“Toothbrush and toothpaste,” he said simply, handing it to Jinyoung. “And let me help you with your face.”

“S’fine,” Jinyoung muttered, pushing past him to get his keys he had noticed on the nightstand next to the bed. “Gotta go anyway.”

“No.” Jaebum said firmly, reaching for Jinyoung’s shoulder, attempting to pull him back to face him. “I heard you puke. Brush your teeth, it’s gross.”

“You’re gross,” Jinyoung replied halfheartedly, not in the mood for the games Jaebum was trying to pull.

“It wasn’t a suggestion,” Jaebum replied, pulling Jinyoung back into the bathroom, ripping open the cardboard on the new toothbrush and forcing it into Jinyoung’s hand, dispensing an average amount of toothpaste on the bristles before wetting it.

“Brush.”

Knowing that there was no escaping around Jaebum’s large frame blocking the doorway, Jinyoung rolled his eyes and began to brush his teeth. As he worked his way around his mouth, he felt a cool and damp cotton pad swiping gently across his cheeks, Jaebum using true makeup remover to rid him of any evidence the night before had actually happened. Moving away once the last bits were gone, Jinyoung spat into the sink, using a disposable paper cup to rinse.

“Better?” Jinyoung quirked his eyebrow at Jaebum, putting a hand on his hip as he waited for the other boy to move. “If that’s all you needed me to do, I’ll be going now.”

“I don’t think so,” Jaebum replied, holding his hand up to stop Jinyoung from attempting to leave, his voice firm, but still resonating with a touch of concern. “We need to talk.”

Jinyoung gulped. Was he ready to talk? To have _the_ talk to end all talks? No one says those four words without a huge meaning behind them, and Jinyoung wasn’t completely in the mood to have that conversation. But with Jaebum holding him in place and Jinyoung too weak to physically or mentally fight free, he simply nodded, sitting on the edge of the mattress, Jaebum sinking in next to him.

“Is this your place?” Jinyoung asked nervously, half-knowing the answer already as Jaebum nodded.

“Yeah, nothing special,” he shrugged. “Working at the library and selling some prints of my photos helps me not have to live on campus property, so I’m pretty thankful.”

“Must be nice,” Jinyoung sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “I’ve never minded living with Mark, but I can tell he’s starting to want his own space. Jackson is quite a handful.”

“Could’ve told you that,” Jaebum chuckled quietly, adjusting his position he was sitting in, facing Jinyoung more head-on. “But enough with the stalling…”

“Yeah, whatever,” Jinyoung sighed, waving his hand around. “Get on with whatever you want to say to me.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” Jaebum groaned, looking annoyed in Jinyoung’s direction. “Quit the whole victim angle. It’s tired. You should feel fucking blessed I’m even talking to you right now.”

_Ouch._

Jinyoung hadn’t had anyone tell him to shut up before, at least not in a serious manner like Jaebum did. He could barely look the older boy in the eyes, knowing he was staring him down, expression cold. He noticed Jaebum’s hands resting against his lap, both turned into fists, knuckles white from holding himself back from god only knows what. Jaebum looked like a different person, no longer soft and accommodating like the day they met, but agitated and angry, ready to strike, but plotting his next move carefully. The tension was thick, but unlike the other times they had been alone in private together, Jinyoung knew it wasn’t because of their unspoken sexual attraction for one another. It was worse - Jinyoung was in trouble.

“I showed up last night, at the party, because I knew you would be there,” Jaebum began, Jinyoung readying himself for a lengthy lecture from the boy next to him. “I texted you in the morning to see if I could get you to say one goddamn word to me, and you still didn’t budge. I wanted you to admit one simple thing, one super obvious thing, that you would be there with Jackson and Mark, and you couldn’t even do that. So, I went.

“I didn’t even have a costume, I just put on whatever I could find and left the warmth of this stupid apartment because I wanted to see you. Of course, you would give me a hard time right off the bat, but I thought it would evolve into a normal conversation, you wanting to spend time with me, talk to me more. But you still didn’t get it. I had to walk away before I said too much, before you felt like you had the upper-hand because you don’t, Jinyoung. You never have.”

Jinyoung slowly looked up, finally looking Jaebum directly, his arms now crossed against his chest. He looked frustrated, confused and upset, but didn’t give Jinyoung any indication he was done, continuing his rant as the other boy was forced to listen.

“And by the time I had cooled off a bit, I go to look for you because maybe by that point you’ve had a few drinks, you’ve loosened up a bit, maybe you would want to talk to me. But no, you’re out dancing with fucking Wonho, of all people! For christ’s sake, Jinyoung! And not only are you dancing with that prick, but his hands are all over you and his mouth is on you next and I wanted to bust through the crowd and yank him off of you, but I couldn’t. And you want to know why, Jinyoung? Why I didn’t do that?”

Jinyoung shook his head nervously, peeking from the corner of his eye as Jaebum stood up, pacing a bit before continuing on.

“Because you’re not mine. You’ve never been mine and I don’t know if you ever will be. The moment we met I wanted something more with you, whatever that fucking means, but instead you string me along, giving me just enough hope that maybe you’ll snap out of your goddamn internal monologue of pity and listen to something I have to say or figure out that you want the same thing. You take and you take and you take and I can’t even get a fucking text back to know you’re alive, that you even know who I am. What a bunch of bullshit, Jinyoung. You’re so fucking full of it.”

Flinching at Jaebum’s harsh choice of words, Jinyoung put his head in his hands, rubbing his face as he sighed deeply. He had never been in a situation like this, one where someone decided to rake him over the coals and he actually chose to stay. No one had ever wanted to try to change Jinyoung; they all felt he was too set in his ways, too full of himself to give up even a small piece of his heart to make things right. But now, Jaebum was in front of him, exposing every lie, every misconception Jinyoung had tried so hard to ignore, sweeping away the dust and rubble where his walls once stood.

“You know, I used to be like you,” Jaebum snorted, laughing a bit sarcastically. “I used to think that I had it all figured out, that if someone wanted me, they would deal with all of my baggage, all of my bad habits. If that person couldn’t handle me at my perpetual worse, why bother? Why fucking give a shit about anything? But it got me into trouble and I had to find out who I actually wanted to be, what meant something to me. I was so fucking lonely, Jinyoung. I drank, I smoked, I hooked up with _people_ named _Wonho_ in _supply closets…_ ”

The last sentence’s emphasis wasn’t lost on Jinyoung, the pieces coming together that _oh_ , maybe there was history between Jaebum and Wonho that he had been so blind to see. Jaebum wasn’t only jealous, but it was amplified that Jinyoung had found possibly the last person Jaebum wanted to see him with that wasn’t himself. Jinyoung thought it was a random meeting, a chance encounter, but Jaebum probably saw it as so much more, the other person involved having directly affected his life in some way.

“I-I didn’t know…,” Jinyoung replied, voice shaky, mind scattered all over the place.

“Would it have stopped you if you did?” Jaebum cut back, his own words causing his voice to crack, exposing some emotions other than anger were in play. Jinyoung looked back down, unsure of what he would have done, if it would have mattered either way. Maybe in his sick mind, hooking up with Wonho would have been the perfect way to get back at Jaebum, for letting Jinyoung develop feelings for the other boy. Sleeping with him after he had gone through so much with Jaebum as barely-friends would have been the final nail in the coffin, the last thing either of them would put up with regarding the other.

_I’m glad you’re realizing how disgusting these plots of yours are, you idiot._

“Typical,” Jaebum scoffed, his amusement purely running on resentment from Jinyoung’s actions. “Can’t even argue that you wouldn’t have tried something anyway. I thought you were different, Jinyoung. Even through all of this garbage, I still know you are. At least… I hope I’m right.”

Jinyoung watched as Jaebum left the room, shutting the door behind him, leaving Jinyoung all alone in his personal space. His mind was screaming at him, telling him to go after Jaebum, to tell him he’s wrong, that Jinyoung is in this, that he didn’t mean a thing, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell something other than the truth. Watching Jaebum spill his heart out like that made Jinyoung hate himself even more, seeing how his dumb decisions caused a ripple effect to the people surrounding him. He wasn’t protecting his ego, he was bruising Jaebum’s feelings, taking them for granted. If he couldn’t be honest, Jinyoung would remain in bed, laying back and staring up at the ceiling.

It could all be over. He could walk right out of the bedroom, find Jaebum, look him in his eyes and say that he means nothing at all. Jinyoung could argue that everything that had happened up until this point was a careless mistake. It was all a test to see if Jinyoung actually cared for Jaebum as more than just a random stranger he had met along the way. He could laugh about the time at the party, the time in the photo lab, the kiss Jaebum had surprised him with. It was so easy, all Jinyoung had to do was say it out loud.

But he couldn’t, because none of that was true. Jinyoung was already in too deep, too far to come back to shore. He knew that Jaebum was different from the moment they met, so why couldn’t he realize everything else he began to feel after that day? His old habits fought him every step, his lack of empathy for others getting in the way. He wanted Jaebum when they kissed at the party. He went to the photo lab all because he knew he felt _something_ and it wasn’t time to let go just yet. It was painstakingly obvious how many opportunities Jinyoung had if he wanted out, if he could force it through his entire body that Jaebum meant nothing.

But, he did. He meant something Jinyoung had never felt before, and he was going to have to learn how to deal with that. Standing up after he figured a significant amount of time had passed, Jinyoung squeezed his eyes shut, mumbling a vague outline of what he wanted to say to Jaebum. He knew he had to do three simple things: apologize, explain his feelings, and ask what Jaebum felt in that moment. It was a simple plan and one he figured he could do under any circumstances, even if Jaebum felt like it was too little too late.

Opening the door slowly, Jinyoung took a look around the corner to guide his next steps, following some sounds that seemed like they belonged in a kitchen. Walking quietly, Jinyoung eventually reached the small area where Jaebum was cooking something in a pan on the stove, two place settings on his small table against the wall with mugs full of hot coffee. He never expected to see the other boy in a manner like this, but he wasn’t sure if he expected Jaebum to be sulking in a corner either.

“Take a seat,” Jaebum motioned to the table, not looking up from his concoction. “It will be ready soon.”

Knowing better now, Jinyoung nodded and took his seat at the table, grabbing the coffee cup with both hands before taking a big sip. The familiar notes of caramel settled into his tongue, taking him back to the coffee shop where he last ran into Jaebum. It was a comforting taste, calming his nerves a bit more as Jaebum brought over enough food for both of them, dividing it between their plates before taking a seat. After mumbling out a quick thank you, Jinyoung began to eat, picking slowly at what had been prepared. It was starchy and salty, the perfect combination for the night after a party, filling up Jinyoung’s empty stomach easily.

“No one’s ever cooked for me before,” Jinyoung said quietly in between bites. “It’s really good.”

“Does this really count?” Jaebum asked, a confused look on his face. “It would be rude to force you to stay over and not feed you before you left. It wasn’t your choice to come here last night, but I couldn’t leave you alone at the party. I was…”

“Worried,” Jinyoung finished for him, offering a small smile. “I got that. Well, now that I’m sober and have had some coffee, I do.”

Jaebum’s lips perked up a bit, but he focused back on his food, the emotion draining back away from his face. It was clear he was still hurt from earlier, Jinyoung wasn’t that dumb to not realize what had happened. He would have to wait until their peace treaty meal was complete before responding to everything Jaebum had told before, his hands sweaty in anticipation.

Once Jinyoung had finished his last bite, Jaebum was quick to remove all the dishes and place them in his sink, refilling both of their coffee mugs before motioning to Jaebum’s couch. It was a well-loved sofa, the edges worn and faded, but it seemed to fit his aesthetic perfectly, the artsy simple persona Jinyoung had found a soft spot for. Choosing to sit in the corner, Jaebum took the other, placing his cup on the end table.

“I don’t know where to start,” Jinyoung sighed, knowing this time was all about him. “But, I’m sorry. You’re right… I’ve been a total asshole. And I know I’m an asshole, but being around you made it _worse_ and it wasn’t even your fault. You did nothing to deserve the way I’ve been treating you and I’ve been so caught up in myself that I couldn’t stop it.”

Jaebum didn’t say a word, drinking from his cup as his eyes watched Jinyoung, the two simple dots above his left eye looking even more striking than normal.

“When I met you, I didn’t understand what your deal was,” he continued. “And once I found out you had lied to me, I placed all the blame there. All of my weird feelings, the butterflies, the useless smiling… it all had to be because you lied to me. And isn’t that the dumbest thing I could have done? But you still stuck around even after that and I couldn’t figure out why. I kept pushing you away. I figured if I didn’t talk to you, you would lose interest. I could move on and go back to the way I was, the way I was used to. But you didn’t, and I couldn’t.”

“So, you decide the party is the perfect place to really end it?” Jaebum asked, half-curious, half-sarcastically.

“No,” Jinyoung shook his head, sighing. “I didn’t go to the party with that in mind. I know you saw me drinking and apparently with that guy dancing, but it’s not why I went. It’s not why I didn’t tell you I was going. I just wanted to lose myself. I wanted to keep trying to forget what all of this felt like because it’s been too much for me to handle. I’m… I’m not good with feelings.”

Jaebum tried his best to hold back a quiet snicker, covering his mouth and biting back a grin once he uncovered his face. Jinyoung remained unamused, trying his best to explain to Jaebum where he was coming from, forcing the other boy to clear his throat, motioning for him to continue.

“No one has ever forced me to… to try?” Jinyoung squeaked out, hands tightly wrapped around his mug. “And you show up, and you give me a fucking run for my money… you don’t put up with my shit, you don’t give into my dumb actions and you call me out on everything. And you don’t quit, so I freaked out. A lot. And it didn’t help that our best friends have to act so insane together, I’m losing my mind seeing them together all the time. My brain is short-circuiting with the idea that maybe that’s what we’ll end up being and it’s scary to me…”

“Jesus christ, no way,” Jaebum’s eyes went wide, his hands up. “There is no way in hell I would expect that from anyone that wants to be with me. It’s unfathomable how a couple can act like that at all times… possibly, unnatural?”

“Oh my god,” Jinyoung sighed in relief. “It feels so good to hear someone else say that. I don’t know how much more I can take…”

“This is why you get your own apartment,” Jaebum chuckled, shrugging a bit. “But I’m sorry… I cut you off, keep going…”

“Oh, yeah,” Jinyoung sighed, placing his cup on the table. “I’m normally really good with words. But somehow, around you… it doesn’t seem to matter how much I plan. The way you treat me throws me for a loop and I haven’t been able to understand who you are completely. That’s a new challenge for me and I’m starting to embrace it. God, it sounds so disgusting, but…”

“But?” Jaebum asked, expression hopeful, leaning closer to the younger boy.

“But,” Jinyoung began, a smile curling on the edge of his lips. “Maybe I’d like to figure you out. You’re so mysterious and it’s kind of… sexy?”

“Sexy?” Jaebum tried his best not to expose his genuine amusement, biting back his grin again. “Did you just say that? That I’m mysterious and sexy?”

“Please don’t dwell on that…,” Jinyoung whined, covering his face. “Do you see why I am the way I am? I’m supposed to be the cocky one who teases someone, not the recipient of this abuse.”

“Oh, Jinyoungie,” Jaebum giggled softly. “If we’re going to be together, you’re going to have to get used to it. We _both_ can’t be the sarcastic asshole in the relationship.”

“But, what if, now just hear me out,” Jinyoung finally smiled, finding comfort in the lighter banter. “What if we both could be? And that’s just our thing. Because it’s been working so far…”

“Has it really?” Jaebum laughed. “Because up until a few hours ago, it wasn’t. I thought you would wake up and leave without trying.”

“But I _am_ trying now,” Jinyoung replied, more serious at the accusation. “I hope you can see that. Maybe you won’t fully trust me and you won’t believe it right away, but I’d like to try to prove it to you.”

“Prove it?” Jaebum asked, playfully touching the hem of Jinyoung’s sleeve. “What is ‘it’ exactly?”

“That I… maybe… possibly… have some sort of… _thing_ … for you,” Jinyoung mumbled, immediately taking another drink from his cup. “And that I want to try to make something work between us.”

“Ah,” Jaebum smiled, shaking his finger at the other boy. “It feels so damn good to hear those words come out of your mouth. Must have been the delicious breakfast I made.”

“Or maybe it was always inside of me and you helped me realize everything I should have already known?” Jinyoung suggested, giggling softly. “Not that I’d know what that’s like…”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Jaebum snickered, nudging Jinyoung in the side. “You have a lot to learn about relationships, _Jinyoungie_.”

“And you have a lot to learn about the privilege of using that nickname,” Jinyoung replied, pushing Jaebum away. “ _Jaebummie_ …”

“You’re such an idio-”

Without a second thought, Jinyoung pressed his lips against Jaebum’s, the pleasant mixture of peppermint toothpaste and bitter caramel coffee lingering between them, his hand framing the older boy’s face. They had kissed before, definitely crazier than this, but somehow it felt brand new. Maybe it was the fact that they knew they were okay, that everything was looking up, or maybe it was Jinyoung’s simple admission that wow, he could feel something too. No matter what the reasons were, Jinyoung couldn’t help but smile into it, feeling the weight disappear off his back, the butterflies flocking back to his stomach by the thousands.

It always felt natural to kiss Jaebum, their mouths fitting together perfectly, bodies synced together to move at the exact same time to make something happen. As their coffee was long forgotten about, Jinyoung had pinned Jaebum to the couch, kissing him deeply and passionately as the other boy ran his fingers up under Jinyoung’s turtleneck, eager for more. While they both clearly were used to being the one in control, Jaebum didn’t seem to mind being the one being held down because moments later, he was able to position himself to flip Jinyoung on his back, doing the same to him.

The natural push and pull of power between him and Jaebum was intoxicating. Jinyoung had never met someone who could read his body language the way Jaebum did, his hands touching and grazing over his arms, sides and hips so smoothly. His turtleneck was the first thing to go, Jaebum sliding his hands up and down on Jinyoung’s chest as he kissed him deeply, resting his grip right above his waist. Growing impatient himself, Jinyoung tugged at the hem of Jaebum’s oversized crewneck sweatshirt, pulling it over his head before resuming their kiss, bodies flush together.

The slow deliberate back and forth of undressing each other was something new to Jinyoung who was guilty of undressing himself and forcing his partner to do the same before they were to touch again, abruptly rushing in without little foreplay. With Jaebum, there were kisses on his neck, on his chest, the ghosting of hot breath over his nipples as Jaebum nipped small bites and pecks all over his upper body. He never realized how much this turned him on, every tiny detail Jaebum knew to do driving his blood pressure up. It wasn’t long before Jaebum had pressed Jinyoung back into the corner of his couch, his lips down below Jinyoung’s belly button, right above his jeans.

“Off, please?” Jaebum suggested, already working on the buckle of his belt and button of his fly. Jinyoung nodded, helping Jaebum finish the job, lifting himself up as Jaebum wriggled the denim off his body. Kissing the other boy’s lips again, Jaebum began to rub Jinyoung over his boxers, the fabric becoming tighter with every touch. Jinyoung rested his hands on the sofa, kissing Jaebum lazily as he sighed in pleasure, letting himself slip into uninterrupted simple bliss. Breaking the connection, Jaebum slid his lips down Jinyoung’s neck, sucking gently against his adam’s apple as he continued down, not bothering to stop anywhere until the band of his underwear, moving to mouth at the head of Jinyoung’s cock through the fabric.

Moaning extremely quietly as to not show that he was enjoying it _too_ much already, Jinyoung raised his butt off the couch again, allowing Jaebum to get his underwear off as well, his hardened cock angled away from his body. Wasting no time, Jaebum took it in his hand, pumping the length slowly as he watched Jinyoung’s face shift into a pleasurable expression, soft sighs falling from his lips. It was clear that Jaebum lived to please, never once forcing Jinyoung to go first, his eyes flicking up to meet the younger boy’s, a soft grin appearing on his face. Jinyoung bit his lip, Jaebum taking it as a cue to finally go down on the other, mouth wrapped around the tip of Jinyoung’s length. Placing his hand on the nape of his neck, Jinyoung pulled Jaebum forward, forcing him to take more in, jumpstarting the blowjob that Jaebum had been so talented giving the previous time.

This time, Jinyoung was _there_. He was one-hundred-percent sober, so focused on what the other was doing, not caring if he was already too loud for his usual levels. Jaebum knew how to give and _fuck_ , if this wasn’t something he was going to look forward to every day if they were to become something serious. Jinyoung didn’t care how much practice Jaebum had, how many guys he had to do this on to get this good because now he was Jinyoung’s, no one else would ever get to experience the mind-blowing pleasure of his mouth. The only difference Jinyoung could determine this time was that Jaebum was more in control, not letting his instincts get the best of him, keeping it on a blowjob level rather than the face-fucking he had endured at the party. For that, Jinyoung was thankful; the anticipation of what may be coming next making him worry about his stamina.

_You’ve got this, Jinyoung. Don’t worry. He’s right there with you._

Pulling off with a pop, Jaebum offered a playful smirk before sitting up, ridding himself of his pants and underwear as well, returning to mouth at Jinyoung’s neck. It was nice and soft, but Jinyoung became somewhat impatient, swapping places with Jaebum as he straddled the older boy, grinding their bodies together much like the last time, Jaebum’s hands gripping onto Jinyoung’s plump bottom. Jinyoung had never felt small or frail, but Jaebum’s grasp on his body felt so large, so dominate, it made him weak, just another thing to add to the pile of turn-ons he had never experienced before messing around with Jaebum.

Needing to know what Jaebum tasted like, Jinyoung moved back off his lap, kissing down much like the other did, taking a few extra moments to kiss around his hips and thighs, nibbling at the sensitive exposed skin. He never noticed how breathy Jaebum was during times like these, obviously trying to restrain himself from making an embarrassing noise. Jinyoung could only grin, lifting his stiff length up as he continued to press kisses along his skin, licking one straight line up from the base of his cock to the tip, sensing a small shiver from the other boy. It wasn’t long before his erection was in Jinyoung’s mouth, his hollowed cheeks moving up and down, using his hand where his mouth couldn’t quite reach yet. The lack of head he had given in recent months proved to be a detriment as he tried so hard to take it to the hilt, nearly gagging in the process.

“F-fuck, Jin-Jinyoung…,” Jaebum muttered, pulling on the other’s hair gently. “You don’t… fuck, you don’t have to…”

“Mhm,” Jinyoung had hummed against the dick pressing into his cheek, reverting back to his safety zone of rhythm and length. Jaebum didn’t seem to mind either way, his breath heavier and stomach tightening with every stroke. As Jinyoung went to attempt another earth-shattering gulp, Jaebum pulled him by his hair back, sighing and groaning a bit.

“N-not because I don’t like it,” he breathed heavy, looking at Jinyoung as the younger wiped his mouth. “Just… just won’t last, okay?”

A blush crept across Jaebum’s face, Jinyoung smirking in a silent reply, his mouth returning to Jaebum’s as they resumed their steamy make out from before their clothes were removed. It was a new feeling, to go so far and want something simple again before pushing forward, that foreplay could intertwine with the steps leading up to actual sex, that Jinyoung could enjoy the tug-of-war he and Jaebum had set in place the day they met. Jaebum’s hand had eventually returned to Jinyoung’s cock, the friction not doing enough anymore, Jinyoung needing to speak up and admit what he actually craved before he caved in too soon.

“Can we please go to your room?” Jinyoung gasped softly, his cheeks red. “I need you. I need you so much more than this…”

The look of fondness Jaebum offered in return wasn’t exactly what Jinyoung had expected, but what else should he have assumed? There was no questioning Jaebum’s feelings for him, that he had felt something extremely deep from their chance encounter at the library. It would be silly to think that Jaebum would switch into dark mode their first time, swallowing any romantic air, replacing it with thick tension. Instead of forcing him up and shoving him into the room, Jaebum lifted Jinyoung with both arms like he had done after both parties, bringing him to his bed, kicking the door shut behind him.

Placing Jinyoung on the bed like a fragile ornament being packed away after the holidays, Jaebum climbed over top of him, giving him a purposeful kiss, his hand drifting back down between them as he stroked Jinyoung once again. At this point, Jinyoung should have been worrying about who was going inside of who and the argument that would surely follow, but it seemed unspoken that Jaebum wanted Jinyoung this way, under him, leaving him in charge of what may happen next. For once, Jinyoung felt satisfied by that assumption, barely flinching as Jaebum reached over into his nightstand, fetching out a recently-unsealed bottle of lube. Never one to pass up on a golden opportunity for a joke, Jinyoung couldn’t help but comment.

“Looks brand new, hm?” he breathed, Jaebum still working his length. “Saving it for a special occasion?”

“Well, I was,” Jaebum replied, not missing a beat. “But sometimes you get impatient waiting for fate to take action and you have to occupy yourself somehow.”

Jinyoung and Jaebum shared a glance, both bursting into a subtle fit of giggles, their faux insults barely scratching each other’s armor, their banter now a part of their act. It felt good to embrace a little thing like that, to not ignore the fact that they could still joke and look like this together, almost completely intertwined on the older boy’s bed.

“I’m going to touch you now,” Jaebum said firmly after their laughter subsided, a more serious, yet calm undertone to his words. “And you have to tell me if it’s too much, too rough… anything. I know you will.”

Jinyoung gulped slightly, offering a kind smile and nod as he watched Jaebum slick up his fingers, wetting Jinyoung’s entrance with lube as well. It felt icy cold, the sensation foreign after months of inaction. Jaebum moved back over him as Jinyoung bent his legs back, their mouths meeting once again as Jaebum circled one finger around before slightly pressing in, Jinyoung letting out a tiny gasp. Barely waiting for a sign of approval, Jaebum continued to press inside, being careful to not go too fast, keeping in mind that it may had been a while since Jinyoung had experienced what was inevitable at this point.

Maybe Jinyoung should have observed Jaebum’s fingers closer, because they felt like _heaven_. He stopped paying attention after there were two inside, stretching himself out and preparing him for what was yet to come. If he wasn’t so desperate to finally seal the deal between he and Jaebum, he could just remain in this position, letting Jaebum work him to multiple orgasms, his fingers the only tool necessary. He easily found his most pleasurable spot, Jinyoung yelping and covering his mouth, the sound too humiliating to address outright. However, Jaebum didn’t seem to mind, actually working more to hear Jinyoung whimper again, the sounds delicious to his ears.

Once he had reached the perfect point, Jaebum removed his fingers, reaching back into the same drawer for a condom that he slipped on expertly after tearing open the package with his teeth. Picking up the tube again to slick up his cock, Jaebum pushed Jinyoung’s legs apart and back a bit more, giving the boy a small kiss of encouragement.

“Don’t kill me for saying this,” he mumbled. “But you look so beautiful here with me.”

Wasn’t this the point where he should want to gag? This was definitely the point where he should laugh, or maybe it was the time when he should kick Jaebum in the crotch, daring him to say it again? But no, Jinyoung was through with those thoughts, the insults to what he clearly was into, what he clearly wanted. He listened and he understood, he looked up at Jaebum, he smiled.

“I could never kill you,” Jinyoung sighed. “I need you.”

With that, Jaebum gripped Jinyoung’s hands tight, their fingers slotting together as he pressed the tip of his cock against Jinyoung’s entrance, pressing his head inside. Jinyoung’s face tensed up, realizing that maybe, yeah, not having sex in _this_ position in months wasn’t making things easy for him. On the other hand, Jaebum was gentle and caring, pushing in excruciating slow, Jinyoung relearning how it felt to be stretched apart only to be put back together again. He let a low and deep moan out, Jaebum’s head snapping up to meet his eyes at Jinyoung licked his lips, biting his lip to encourage the other boy to keep going and not worry about breaking him, he could handle it. Jaebum seemed to get the hint as he slid himself in fully, leaning down to kiss Jinyoung tenderly as he adjusted to the once-familiar feeling.

“You are…, um,” Jaebum stuttered, almost afraid to say anything too direct, still somewhat worried about how Jinyoung would react. “Feels good, yeah… shit. Real good.”

“You can say I’m tight,” Jinyoung smirked as he sighed, another soft moan escaping. “But I’m ready for something other than you just parked inside…”

“What?” Jaebum replied, shaking his head, seeming to understand once again. “Oh! Uh, yeah… right… move…”

And move he did - his cock sliding completely out of Jinyoung before he pushed the entire length back in with one pump, Jinyoung holding back a yelp of pleasure. He noticed Jaebum smirking as he began to pick a pace to pump his hips back and forth, observing Jinyoung’s facial expressions, only looking down when things were getting to be a little too crazy, the sound of the lube and their fluids unpleasant to their ears.

But Jinyoung? Fuck, if Jinyoung wasn’t in heaven, knowing that _this_ was worth the wait, the fighting and dumb arguments, the stupid idea of the book being the reason why he had to go to the library. He wanted _this moment_ with Jaebum, the time where they could become one together, Jaebum hovering over him and groaning as Jinyoung took everything he gave, both mumbling simple words to show that, _yes_ this was good and _shit_ , it was _real_.

Jaebum’s hands held back Jinyoung’s knees to allow himself to get as deep as he could, finding that perfect angle he had with his fingers that made Jinyoung’s eyes roll back, his mouth go slack. Suddenly, it was like he got sucker-punched: the butterflies that had been free to fly became stars, glowing and bursting right before his eyes, the dust settling around his body as it cause him to beam with pride. He was floating in the sky, shooting into space, able to drift and be free from all the restrictions he had put on himself and the people around him, embracing the bright and colorful swirls encasing him. The purely gratifying feeling of Jaebum relentlessly pounding into the same area again and again forcing the loudest noises Jinyoung had ever let slip from his mouth out, his body beginning to tremble as he reached down to his cock, in desperate need to finish the job.

“Don’t you dare touch yourself,” Jaebum growled, swatting his hand away, his eyes the deepest shade of brown before they could be considered black. “Just look at me.”

Jinyoung’s eyes widened at the command, his focus only on Jaebum’s face as he continued to grunt and pant, his movements more jagged and varied, clearly getting closer to the edge himself. He thought all he wanted was to get off and let Jaebum finish, but now he wanted to hold on until the end, letting Jaebum come undone first, then let the pleasure rush over him, effectively getting off on Jaebum’s expressions. He still wanted that power even in their position, with Jaebum inches deep and counting, the sweat beading and dripping down from his forehead onto Jinyoung’s stomach. All of his habits couldn’t break in one night, Jinyoung realized as he reached up to hold onto Jaebum’s neck, staring him down as he started to come undone, hips going jagged as he finished inside of Jinyoung, a low grumbly moan and satisfied facial expression to match.

“Fuck,” was all Jinyoung could say, whimpering softly himself as his cock rested heavily back on his stomach, needing the same release. Without removing himself from Jinyoung’s body quite yet, Jaebum reached down, jerking Jinyoung’s cock fast and rough, letting the contents spill across his chest and hand, Jinyoung arching his back up as the pleasure shot from his groin to his heart to his head and fingertips, eyes shut tight as colors danced across the insides of his eyelids, flashes of light from the glow of the surrounding stars encasing him. Never one to be vocal, Jinyoung was sure he said more during that one single orgasm than his past ten combined, the words tumbling out into a mess not even he could decipher if it was recorded and played back a thousand times.

Although it had started and gradually rushed into this moment, Jinyoung and Jaebum were slow to part once it was done, Jaebum careful to move from inside, sliding off the condom discarding it carefully before bringing a damp towel from his bathroom, carefully cleaning their bodies off, much like he had wiped the eyeliner from Jinyoung’s cheeks. As he gently swiped along Jinyoung’s collarbones, their eyes met again, both of them staring for a moment before giggling quietly together. It was almost as if both of them knew this was bound to happen, both of them reaching a breaking point before the good could come.

“Did we just have make-up sex?” Jinyoung asked, slowly sitting up as Jaebum finished wiping away any mess he had unintentionally created. “I think we just had make-up sex.”

“You’re looking too much into it as always,” Jaebum smiled, shaking his head. “First of all, there was nothing to make-up for. We’ve been a disaster since day one.”

“By we you mean me, right?” Jinyoung smiled, Jaebum moving to slip under the sheets next to him.

“I wasn’t going to specify, but if we’re being honest…” he chuckled, leaning over, pressing a chaste kiss to Jinyoung’s lips before he could argue back. Jinyoung only smiled, not minding the teasing after their romp in Jaebum’s bed.

“So…,” Jinyoung started, adjusting himself to lean into Jaebum, the covers draped loosely around his thighs. “What do we tell people now?”

“Hmm,” Jaebum sighed, wiping some sweat still residing on his forehead, forcing his dark fringe up. “Do we have to tell them anything at all?”

Jinyoung whipped his head to look straight at Jaebum’s face, concern and surprise combining into an odd expression. Was he hearing Jaebum right, that he didn’t mind keeping things low-key? That it wasn’t his intentions to shout it from the rooftops that yes, Jaebum had conquered the great mountain that was Jinyoung and his ego?

“Seriously?” was all Jinyoung could spit out, still shocked that it was so simple.

“Yes, seriously,” Jaebum laughed a bit, shrugging. “Do you want to run around telling everyone you’re my boyfriend the minute after we fucked? Give it time to settle… we’ll figure out formalities later. I mean, Mark and Jackson haven’t even made it official…”

“What?!” Jinyoung shrieked, all of this information Jaebum continued to expose shocking him more and more. “But that-that’s impossible! They’re always together, I’ve walked in on them so many times, they’re absolutely soulmates…”

“Such strong words from someone who had sworn off love and relationships in exchange for a crazy sense of superiority and charming wit,” Jaebum giggled lowly, nudging Jinyoung’s side.

“Things can change, people can change,” Jinyoung waved him off, crossing his arms and forcing a pout. “I’m trying.”

“That’s all I wanted in the first place,” Jaebum smiled serenely, reaching over and caressing Jinyoung’s face, causing the younger boy to blush. “By the way, defeat looks good on you.”

Some things could change, like Jinyoung warming up to the idea of falling for a boy who pushed him to open up and drop his tired act of playing into his fears and weaknesses, who didn’t put up with his bullshit ego. But some other things were here to stay, like the way Jinyoung proceeded to grab a pillow to hit Jaebum upside the head, the older boy only able to laugh, eyes curved into thin lines, a new permanent smile taking up residence on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY NO WARNING AT THE BEGINNING - I didn't want to spoil anything and I'm not putting them the rest of the way, so hope you don't mind ;)
> 
> Is there really anything I can say here? Prob not. But thank you for continuing to read and support this.
> 
> My next story is already picked, outlined and ready to be written as soon as this comes to a close. Right now, this is looking to end in about 3 more chapters.
> 
> You guys are the best :) talk to me on twitter! It's the same as my name here, just switch the k and s!


	16. Chapter 16

After spending his Sunday with Jaebum at his apartment, Jinyoung felt so light. After their intense conversations and make-up-but-not-make-up sex, Jinyoung wasn’t sure what the rest of the day would be like, but Jaebum could read him like no other, suggesting that they could hang out like two friends might, order takeout and watch a movie on Jaebum’s small television. What Jaebum had failed to clarify when outlining the plan was that they were _definitely_ not just friends anymore and Jinyoung _definitely_ didn’t mind when the movie was forgotten about, Jaebum’s mouth on his the entire time.

From acquaintances to not-friends to maybe friends to enemies to lovers, Jinyoung was happy that there seemed to be a general understanding between them, no rush to pick what they would be in their own eyes or in other’s. The baggage he had been carrying for so long was nowhere to be found, taken away and stored permanently. Sure, the road to this destination could have been smooth, free of any hazards or warning signs. But Jinyoung was Jinyoung and he had to do things his own way, even if it meant the longest route to maintain most of his ego.

Once the movie credits were rolling and Jinyoung’s lips were nice and swollen, Jaebum suggested that he should head back home as Jaebum would have to be at the library for work the next day, nice and early. Dressed in a pair of Jaebum’s sweatpants and one of his many graphic t-shirts, Jinyoung nodded, gathering up his own clothes from the previous night into his arms, making sure he had his room key, suddenly looking around for something else.

“You have everything,” Jaebum replied, putting on his own shoes and jacket. “I told you, I put it all in that bag for you.”

“There is one thing I don’t have,” Jinyoung stated, rummaging through the random papers and photographs on Jaebum’s counter, sure to find what he was looking for there before glancing over at the older boy. “And where are you going?”

“Walk you home?” he grinned, shrugging a bit. “I don’t have to go all the way up to your room in case there’s an audience waiting for your grand return, but at least to your building…”

Jinyoung would swoon if he could, the tiny act of kindness still a lot to process in his demented head. He knew the gesture was sweet and that Jaebum was trying his best, but Jinyoung still wanted things to go as slow as possible, waiting for potential hidden hazards to pop up.

“Just the building,” he replied with a small smile, returning to look by the couch and end tables, sighing as he realized he might have to verbalize his missing object.

“Seriously, Jinyoung,” Jaebum interrupted his search, grabbing him by the shoulder to face him. “You’re driving me crazy, just tell me what it is.”

“My ears,” Jinyoung replied, a hand on his hip. “The cat ears? They were part of my costume. I spent good money on them and if possible, I’d like to keep them in case of another Halloween emergency.”

“Oh,” Jaebum spoke quietly, his hands fidgeting as his eyes moved from Jinyoung’s face to the floor. “The ears. Yeah, um… I know where they are.”

“Good,” Jinyoung replied, patting him on the back. “Hand ‘em over and we’ll be on our way.”

Jaebum continued to look at the ground, hands nervous and face pink, nibbling on his lip. It was getting ridiculous - Jinyoung could feel his temper rising, hating to be played with like this, especially over something so small and irrelevant to leaving the house. If there was some sort of problem, Jinyoung couldn’t understand because it was a damn _headband_ that was overpriced for being made up of plastic, fake fur and felt. The pair should be in his hand and they should be out the door, but…

“Can I keep them?”

Jinyoung hadn’t expected that, Jaebum finally looking up, even if his shameful expression was heavy on his face. Shoving his hands deep in his pockets, Jaebum kicked at the ground, sighing as Jinyoung refused to give him a response.

“It’s just that…,” he began, sighing even heavier. “You looked so damn… _cute_ in them. And I don’t really have anything here that reminds me of you and yeah, um… I like cats. A lot?”

“Is this some sort of sex thing?” Jinyoung blurted out, sorting through any explanation Jaebum should have expressed. “Because if it’s some sort of sex thing, I think we need to talk more…”

“No!” Jaebum’s face went red, hands up to deflect any more accusations Jinyoung felt like flinging in his direction. “Absolutely not! Is that what you think I’m into? Jesus christ, Jinyoung… I like some shit, but that isn’t really on my list…”

Jinyoung smirked, content with the discourse he had caused, sending Jaebum into a defensive tizzy. He had to admit, watching Jaebum continue to babble and ramble on about how _no_ , this wasn’t a sex thing and _no_ , he would never be into that was really satisfying. Jinyoung found a way that he could still tease and prod without actually inflicting damage and he knew Jaebum would forgive him for forcing such an assumption on a simple Halloween accessory. Having heard enough, Jinyoung cut him off with a giggle, putting his hand on Jaebum’s shoulder.

“I got it,” he wiped a tear of laughter away, smiling widely. “It’s not a sex thing. You can keep them. It’s fine.”

“Thanks for the reassurance,” Jaebum huffed, grabbing his own keys off the table as Jinyoung slid his shoes on. “Make me sound like an idiot, going on and on about roleplaying and cats and how I could never mix the two, you’re a real ass.”

“And you _love_ it,” Jinyoung giggled, leaning in close to Jaebum’s face, the sheer agony from his accusations still lingering between them. “Admit it, _Jaebummie_.”

“Not a chance in hell,” Jaebum smirked, cocking his head to the side. “ _Jinyoungie._ ”

With one last patronizing glance, Jaebum turned to walk out of his apartment, Jinyoung trailing close behind, unable to act like the smile on his face wasn’t because of the mysterious art student who had been able to see through his sarcastic charade from day one.

 

 

It was a mostly quiet walk back across campus, staying close enough to brush arms, but not giving off any indication that something had dramatically changed overnight. Never a fan of PDA, Jinyoung only offered Jaebum a thankful smile once they arrived, entering his building, the older boy nodding and heading back the way he came. After taking the dreaded walk of shame up the stairs slowly, Jinyoung held his breath as he put his key in the lock, squeezing his eyes shut before turning the knob, peeking inside. Instead of the bouncy and playful banter he had grown to tolerate, Jinyoung only noticed the glow from the tv reflecting in his roommate’s face, laying back on the couch comfortably. Letting out the breath he was holding, Jinyoung stepped inside, shutting the door behind him.

“Hey,” he nodded in Mark’s direction, the older boy perking up a bit and smiling. “All alone?”

“Yeah,” Mark replied, staring off into nowhere longingly. “Jackson left a little bit ago. It’s just me now.”

“That’s okay with me,” Jinyoung smiled, putting his bag of clothes in the hallway before plopping down on the sofa next to Mark, sighing as he sunk into the cushions. “Good night though?”

“Totally,” Mark smiled, giggling softly. “Even though you and Jaebum almost ruined it during our game.”

“It’s not like I planned it, okay?” Jinyoung retorted, giggling softly as he remembered exactly what happened. “He used it all as an excuse, it upset me.”

“Upset you enough to spend the night with him?” Mark squeaked out one of his high-pitched giggles, nudging Jinyoung’s side. “I told him to not let you leave his sight and make sure you got home safe. I didn’t expect you to roll back home dressed in his pajamas.”

“I didn’t know where I was when I woke up,” Jinyoung laughed, shaking his head. “Not that I minded…”

Jinyoung knew better than to tease Mark with tiny details, even if the older boy would eventually get every bit of information he could from his roommate. If he could rely on history, Mark probably got a general idea of what had happened from Jackson as he was sure Jaebum couldn’t keep his mouth shut entirely. Still wanting to string him along, Jinyoung waited for Mark’s line of questioning to continue.

“Thank god he was watching you,” Mark said instead, a little more serious. “You literally vanished after he kissed you. Jackson and I urged him to make sure you were okay the rest of the night and I told that Wonho guy if he knew what was best for him that he better leave before Jaebum dealt with him too.”

“You didn’t have to do that…,” Jinyoung wanted to pout, the feeling of dancing with the stranger still a fun idea, but not on the same level as anything he and Jaebum had done in the past 24 hours. “He was harmless, even if I’m pretty sure the hickey on my neck is from him.”

“How can you not be sure?” Mark asked, seemingly oblivious to what actually happened, Jinyoung walking him straight into the answers he needed without trying. “Unless…”

There was a small gasp as Mark pieced everything together: Jinyoung spending the night with Jaebum, Jinyoung coming home so late the day after, Jinyoung in a _positive_ mood after a disastrous night. It could mean only one thing.

“Oh my god,” Mark grinned like a cheshire cat, sitting up and facing Jinyoung head-on. “You totally fucked.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t be so crass…,” Jinyoung smirked, acting like it was no big deal, that he and Mark didn’t completely recite every important sexual interaction they experienced to each other.

“You horny bastard,” Mark laughed, practically hugging the younger boy, acting out of sheer joy. “Holy shit, you really did it! Was it everything you ever dreamed? Did you cry after you finished? Do you want to marry him?”

“Oh my god,” Jinyoung groaned, pushing him away as he giggled some more. “Give me some space and maybe I’ll consider answering one of those semi-truthfully.”

“Wait! I have a more important question I’d rather know!” Mark backed into his corner of the couch, smiling an evil grin again. “Did he let you… you know…”

“What is with you always needing that detail?” Jinyoung tossed a pillow at him, Mark bubbling over in laughter. “I’m not always asking you and Jackson who’s taking it on a daily basis!”

“That’s because even when Jackson’s a bottom, he still acts like a top,” Mark confessed, shrugging nonchalantly. “Best of _all_ worlds.”

“I didn’t actually want to know, you dick,” Jinyoung mumbled, covering his face with his hands for a moment to let that piece of information float away from his memories. “Besides, what does it matter? If I’m happy with the arrangement and so is he, then who cares what each of us was doing?”

“Okay, so you bottomed,” Mark automatically replied, receiving a heavy glare from Jinyoung. “Was he good?”

“Let me put it this way,” Jinyoung began, the words already planned in his head. “I hadn’t been… intimate with someone like that in a long time, so no matter what, it was going to be decent. You know, even bad sex is still _something_. But… fuck, it was good. Holy shit, Mark. He knew just what to do and I’m…. yeah. It was good.”

“Goddamn,” Mark said in amazement, arms folded, shaking his head. “I can’t believe my little Park Jinyoung found someone he actually connected with for him to describe it as _good_. Let me ring the local news station, they’ll need to report on this earth-shattering revelation. Breaking news, Jinyoung had good sex with someone he likes!”

“This is why I stopped telling you shit,” Jinyoung laughed, more amused than annoyed, still nudging and poking at his roommate. “I don’t tell you anything, you whine. I tell you a little bit, you act like the world is ending.”

“The world _is_ ending,” Mark emphasized, a smile still on his face. “You got over yourself for someone else. You weren’t a selfish prick for the first time in your life. This is called character development, Jinyoungie. It’s beautiful to see.”

“Yeah, well,” Jinyoung tried to argue back, but failed, the smile on his face to obvious to hide, the feelings that he had suppressed for months finally able to shine. If he wanted to admit he had a thing for Jaebum, that was fine. He couldn’t let the subtle teasing and chastising he’d receive in return ruin that elation he felt with the butterflies in his stomach. There was no need to lie or bury the truth; Jinyoung had fallen hard for Jaebum and it was going to start to be impossible to conceal.

“Are you guys like… official?” Mark giggled, wiggling his eyebrows. “Did he get down on one knee and ask you to be his boyfriend and say a bunch of artsy shit? He seems like the type…”

“Actually, we’re taking it slow,” Jinyoung shrugged, the relief still resting well on his shoulders. “Exclusive, but without a title. It felt like the right way to start.”

“Right,” Mark dragged out sarcastically, giggling again. “So, you’re dating, but not really, and boyfriends, but not really. Sounds like the typical you.”

“Look who’s talking!” Jinyoung replied a little too loudly, Mark covering one of his ears in response. “Jaebum told me you and Jackson are still fucking around, literally, without sealing the deal. I couldn’t fucking believe it!”

“It’s not like you ever asked,” Mark replied defensively. “You were very deep into your own bullshit to ask how mine was going, but I see you had time to make plenty of assumptions.”

“Whatever, the past is in the past,” Jinyoung offered, still making some excuses. “You can’t deny that it’s really odd you aren’t locked down. It’s Jackson, for christ’s sake. You look at him like he’s the fucking sun, what’s the hold up?”

“I-I’m not sure,” Mark stammered, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “We act like we’re totally committed, right? And I know he’s not with anyone else, we’re almost always together…”

“Did he try to ask and you shot him down?” Jinyoung inquired. “Or the other way around? Or is he too free-spirited for labels or something insanely Jackson-sounding?”

“It’s never come up,” Mark sulked, looking a bit defeated. “And it’s almost like it’s too late to ask, y’know? If I mention it, I’ll feel like an idiot for assuming we’ve been okay, but worried enough to have to flat-out ask what we are.”

“But this is _Jackson_ ,” Jinyoung reiterated. “I don’t know him well enough to predict his every reply, but there’s no way he’d give you shit for that. At least not in a serious way. He loves you, it’s so obvious.”

“L-loves me?” Mark stuttered, taken aback by Jinyoung’s choice of vocabulary. “Jinyoung, please don’t scare me like that. Unless you’ve heard something… did Jaebum tell you something I don’t know? You can’t keep that information away from me, please!”

“Calm down,” Jinyoung comforted, placing his hand gently on Mark’s upper arm. “First of all, Jaebum only mentioned it briefly when we were talking and secondly, I might be an asshole, but I wouldn’t dare to stand between you, fate and Jackson.”

“I’m flattered,” Mark let out a relieved, yet nervous, chuckle, sighing to himself. “But I know I need to make it happen. It’s just scary, you know? To open up to someone who has some weird power over you and your emotions, that can singlehandedly make your day better or worse with how they react to what you feel and what you have to say…”

For once, Jinyoung could absolutely relate to what Mark was saying. He thought about every time he would visit the library, how he could leave in a huff when Jaebum was acting too cocky for his liking, or want to stay for hours when he was kind and gentle with Jinyoung’s fragile ego. At the party the night before, Jinyoung’s mood rose and fell with every interaction with Jaebum, from the confrontation by the drinks, to the kiss during the game. If Jinyoung wanted to continue riding the high points, he had to act the same to Jaebum, to actively give a shit how the other felt, how he wanted to be treated. It was a scary prospect, but knowing that Jaebum had already waited long enough for Jinyoung to come to his senses, he knew the older boy’s patience would welcome him in, giving him time to perfect what it meant to be a good listener and an even better equal in a relationship.

“Yeah,” was all Jinyoung could say, a soft hum ringing in his throat as he slipped into his innermost thoughts, hoping deep down inside that Jaebum would be able to see how hard he’d try in the future.

 

 

When Jinyoung brought up the vague reality of Mark and Jackson’s relationship the night before, he didn’t expect to be roped into Mark’s master plan of setting the record straight before it was too late to not be awkward. Walking to the building where Mark said he could catch Jackson leaving his last class for the day, Jinyoung buried his face in the knit scarf wrapped around his neck, cursing the fact that he decided to look out for his best friend. Once he had reached the entrance, Jinyoung tried his best to not look like a total lurker, playing on his phone to pass the time, continuing to listen to his music.

While he may have initially been worried about not being able to find Jackson in the large crowd of students streaming out after a lecture, Jinyoung immediately righted his expectations as a blond flash blew right past him, cackling with a group of girls who could barely match his level of amusement. Jolting from his standing position he seemed to sink into, Jinyoung took a few long strides, eventually pulling Jackson gently by his shoulder, a look of total surprise on Jackson’s face.

“Jinyoung!” Jackson exclaimed, face beaming. “What are you doing here? I never see you around this side of campus. Or really… any side of campus. To be honest, I’ve never really seen you much outside of your dorm. And even then, Mark is kicking you out. I know he’s rude and I wouldn’t mind you staying there, but he’s weird about it, you know? I told him he shouldn’t worry, that it’s only natural and honestly, I bet you’ve heard worse. Or maybe you haven’t, I _am_ a little intense…”

“Jackson,” Jinyoung managed to cut in, needing to put a stop to Jackson’s incessant rambling. “It’s fine. I get it, trust me… but I’m here on Mark-related business.”

“Oooh!” Jackson squealed, clapping a bit. “What did he ask you? Was it something involving me? Was it something involving you _and_ me? Because that’s really crazy. Jinyoung, look… you’re attractive and I know I’m pretty irresistible, but there’s no way he’d go for-”

“Oh my god,” Jinyoung groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s definitely not that. It will never be that.”

“Gotcha,” Jackson giggled, poking Jinyoung’s cheeks. “Man, Jaebum is right. You _are_ easy to tease.”

“I’m gonna kill him for sharing that bit of information with you,” he sighed, a little flushed by what he had assumed Jackson meant before. “But I digress, follow me…”

“Follow you?” Jackson cocked his head to the side. “But Mark and I always meet up in the gym locker room at this time…”

“But Mark doesn’t even work out,” Jinyoung replied as he started to walk back to the dorm, Jackson trailing behind. “Does he just go to watch you practice or something?”

“Um,” Jackson mumbled, giggling softly to himself. “Let’s just say when we meet in the locker room, we don’t really end up anywhere else. But we still get a good workout in.”

“This,” Jinyoung groaned, shaking his head as he processed the bits of information he had asked for but didn’t expect, Jackson cackling in three different octaves next to him, “is why I don’t normally ask questions.”

 

 

The short walk back to the dorm seemed longer than normal, with Jackson’s never-ending stream of sentences pouring out every five steps. Jinyoung would never be able to understand how Mark, his fellow introvert, could deal with it at all hours of the day, but love makes you do crazy things, and if Jackson made him happy, well, the babbling could be worked on. Opening the front door and taking Jackson up the staircase, Jinyoung knocked on the dorm’s door instead of unlocking it, giving his roommate enough time to figure out when he was ready. After barely ten seconds, it swung open, Mark facing the both of them with a huge grin.

“Jackson,” he sighed happily, almost as if Jinyoung wasn’t a shoulder ahead of him in the doorway, completely invisible to the two lovebirds. “I’m so happy to see you.”

“Likewise,” Jackson grinned calmly, the quiet air almost unsettling after Jinyoung had to experience a twenty-minute lecture on how two people can be intimate in a public locker room shower and not catch the attention of anyone also inside.

“I, um, bought us some Chinese food,” Mark started, Jackson following him inside to the table, Jinyoung awkwardly standing off to the side. “I figured you’d miss some of this and the restaurant right next to campus doesn’t always have the things you’d like, so I paid a little extra to get this delivered from the good place across town…”

“You didn’t!” Jackson squealed, looking inside of every container Mark had perfectly arranged on the table meant for two. “Oh my god, you got everything! You’re amazing, you know that? You’re the perfect boyfriend.”

Suddenly, it was as if the air was sucked out of the room, Mark’s shocked expression impossible to hide as Jinyoung stifled back a laugh. It was too perfect: Jackson’s excited puppy dog gaze, lovingly glancing between the table and Mark, waiting for him to move to say _something_ while Jinyoung could only get a kick out of Mark’s terrible assumptions and lack of understanding what they really were. Before Mark could move or reply, Jackson’s face dropped slightly, moving closer to the older boy.

“You are my boyfriend, right?” Jackson asked, a bit quieter than everything he had previously been saying. “Because we’ve never said it and I know it’s just a title, but I feel like I’m your boyfriend and you’re my boyfriend and we have so much fun together, we do everything together and now you’ve gone and planned this amazing dinner to surprise me. It’s incredible! I never have gotten such a great meal from anyone, and that includes Jaebum. He’s kind of a fool, you know? He never knows exactly what I like and he shouldn’t, because he’s only my best friend, but somehow you know so much about me and we’ve only been doing this for like a month but I-”

“I love you,” Mark interrupted, voice firm, eyes focused and locked on the blond’s face. Jinyoung’s expression went from smug amusement to slight shock, unsure of how Mark’s wariness to address the whole “dating” concept turned into an out-right confession of his feelings deep down inside. Turning to look at Jackson, his face had already softened, reaching out and stroking Mark’s cheek like he did at the party when they were first reunited, a soft hum coming from the older boy.

“I love you, too,” Jackson nearly whispered, leaning in and locking their lips together.

_Ew. See? Did you forget you aren’t a hopeless romantic in the past 24 hours? This isn’t your cup of tea. It’s never been and it never will be. Unless..._

As Jinyoung observed the kiss move from sweet to passionate to obscene, he slowly backed down the hallway to his room, creating an exit plan in his head. If this was how it was going to be all night, big eyes and sugary-sweet confessions, he was going to have no part in it and needed someone to tell him that yeah, falling in love was great and fun, but it didn’t have to be pushed to romantic novel-levels, pulled straight from a child’s fairy tale. Once he had clothes to sleep in and an outfit for the next day, Jinyoung shut the door to his room, unable to hold back the sounds of disgust as Mark had already mounted Jackson on their kitchen counter, shirts off and pants on their way next.

“Leaving,” Jinyoung shouted over their foreplay, trying to hold back a barfing noise. “Practice safe sex. Don’t go in my shit. Thanks!”

Sighing as relief washed over his body, Jinyoung walked back down and outside, headphones playing his familiar playlist as he trekked back across campus, passing by the buildings he entered most days of the week, almost pausing as the library came up to his left, the small smile on his face a reminder that he had a place to go and someone who would totally understand him not wanting to put up with his roommate’s antics.

 

 

Thankful that he could remember the number of his apartment, Jinyoung knocked on Jaebum’s door, waiting patiently as he heard a slight shuffling inside, the older boy eventually unlocking and opening the door a little more than a crack. He was clearly dressed for an easy night in, relaxed black joggers and a long-sleeved graphic shirt, hair flat against his forehead. Smiling as he looked Jinyoung up and down, he leaned against the doorframe, amused by the surprise visit.

“Well well well,” he grinned, trying to not expose his actual level of happiness. “Never thought I’d see the day where _you_ would show up unannounced at my door.”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung rolled his eyes, trying to hold back his smile, not wanting Jaebum to get any crazy ideas. “And I never thought I’d see my roommate lose all inhibitions and nearly bang your best friend on my kitchen counter, but here we are.”

“Ah,” Jaebum’s face fell a bit, an uncomfortable smile resting on his lips, moving to the side to let Jinyoung inside. “On the counters, really? How do you live like that?”

“I’m not sure,” Jinyoung shrugged, stepping into the room, Jaebum shutting the door after. “But I would hope you would take pity on me and let me crash here for the night?”

“Oh, so I sleep with you once and now you think my apartment is fair game?” Jaebum teased, laughing as Jinyoung offered his signature glare, moving to put his overnight bag on the ground.

“Don’t act like you’re not happy to see me,” he smirked, sliding his shoes off. “It took a lot of pride to pick coming here.”

“My poor Jinyoungie,” Jaebum replied, moving closer to the younger boy, holding him by his hips, Jinyoung’s back against the wall as their eyes met. “How will you ever survive such a hardship?”

“Barely, apparently,” Jinyoung scoffed, looking away. Unphased by his faux annoyance, Jaebum only smiled, moving Jinyoung’s chin up with a single finger, dipping his lips down to match the younger’s, sighing happily when their mouths met.

Kissing someone casually without needing to rush to the finish line was something Jinyoung was going to have to get used to. Never one for a relationship, Jinyoung wasn’t fond of small kisses and pecks, touches when they weren’t going to get him off. But something had obviously changed, the lingering softness of Jaebum’s lips so sensational, able to awaken his butterflies and lift his spirits up, nearly forgetting everything that had driven him to show up at Jaebum’s door without an invitation. As quickly as the kiss began, he pulled away, leaving Jinyoung to chase after his mouth once more before they finally parted.

“You got here at a good time,” Jaebum smiled, sighing happily. “I just made dinner and lucky for you, there’s always enough for more than one person.”

Jinyoung smiled, nodding as Jaebum let go, going back into his kitchen. Jinyoung settled down in the same seat he sat in the day before for breakfast, Jaebum going through the same routine to serve him, bringing him a beer to wash it all down. After thanking the older boy, Jinyoung dug in, sighing at how good a homecooked meal tasted on his college budget, drinking some of the higher-end beer he never wanted to shell out the cash for.

They ate in comfortable silence, stealing glances and smiles, the atmosphere a 180 degree change from when they argued and spilled their feelings. It was odd how a place Jinyoung had only been to twice could feel like a second home, the worn in furniture adding a simple charm that could welcome anyone in to feel comforted and relaxed. As they finished up, Jaebum suggested they pick a movie to pass the time, Jinyoung giggling quietly at what he assumed the other was insinuating.

After selecting the first title that popped up on the streaming service, Jinyoung had already pounced on Jaebum, the older boy squeaking out a tiny sound of surprise before surrendering to Jinyoung’s actions, mouths moving at an alarming rate together. Sure, they didn’t need a title or a discussion to know what they were together, but Jinyoung wasn’t going to slow down the physical side, the floodgates already open to the laundry list of things he wanted and craved, so starved from his accidental dry period. They were consenting adults with the means to communicate what they needed, and Jinyoung was going to take advantage of that fact.

It wasn’t long before they had swapped positions and taken off their shirts, Jaebum settling on his knees in front of the couch as he tugged on Jinyoung’s pants to slide them off, taking his underwear with them. This time was clearly going to be different than their first; it wasn’t lazy and semi-romantic, it was rushed and handsy, a little rough and demanding. As Jinyoung’s cock was freed, Jaebum wasted no time grasping it with his fist, mouthing at the tip sloppily. Already letting a moan slip, Jinyoung closed his eyes and rested his head back on the sofa.

_This is what you were missing out on for weeks, you dumbass. Isn’t this alone worth it?_

Thinking back to the first time Jinyoung had received head from Jaebum, the younger boy smirked to himself, reminded of how much Jaebum’s mouth could take, testing the waters in the current time by slightly thrusting his hips up, Jaebum’s gaze snapping back up to him, a smirk seen at the corner of his lips. Seeing it as a challenge, Jaebum took him to the hilt, Jinyoung letting out an embarrassing strangled yelp, fingers fisted in Jaebum’s dark locks.

“Sh-shit, d-dont…,” Jinyoung stammered, Jaebum still slurping and moving his jaw along his length. “Don’t do that, I sound so dumb, fuck…”

“Mhm,” Jaebum mumbled, pulling off, wiping away the string of saliva that followed. “I like to hear you completely and utterly fucked up.”

Jaebum wasn’t even touching him then but _fuck_ , if that wasn’t the sexiest thing Jaebum had ever said to him, lips abused from being wrapped around Jinyoung’s member, eyes watery from how deep it could go. Never one to linger on one act, Jinyoung smirked and reached out, rubbing Jaebum’s bottom lip with his thumb, sighing. What he didn’t expect was Jaebum to wrap his lips around it instead, playfully sucking at the digit.

_Holy. Shit. God. Damn. It._

“Bedroom” Jinyoung barely whimpered, Jaebum oozing enough sex appeal to last for months, the knowing smirk becoming too permanent on his face for Jinyoung’s comfort. Today, he let Jinyoung manage to stumble to the room on his own, following behind the younger boy as he removed his pants and boxers, not even bothering to shut the door behind them. The air was charged and it felt the same yet totally different, Jinyoung finally in his comfort zone after one night together. Smirking, Jaebum pushed Jinyoung back against his pillows, crawling over his body as he resumed their earlier makeout session, tongues intertwined.

If yesterday was all about Jaebum getting what he wanted, from Jinyoung’s simple admission that he actually was capable of feelings and yeah, some of them were for the other boy, that night was going to be about Jinyoung and his needs, flipping Jaebum on his back with a bit of difficulty, the bulky and wide back of the other hard to grasp and move with ease. Granted, the back was amazing, broad shoulders and all, but Jinyoung missed the ease of throwing the other person around, silently taking the loss and filing it away.

Once the other boy got the hint to shift around and let Jinyoung move to where he wanted, the younger boy smirked, giggling subtly as he figured out the perfect position to kiss along Jaebum’s jawline and stroke his length at the same time. It was a new feeling, to enjoy everything leading up to actual penetration of some kind, to like the sounds coming out of the other person’s mouth that might be small and breathy, but pleasurable all the same. The build-up seemed to be half the fun, Jinyoung embracing his urge to tease, dragging his teeth along Jaebum’s sensitive skin, kissing and nipping at his collarbones, not caring what damage he caused along the way.

Feeling like it was finally time to initiate something more as his body hadn’t learned to be patient like his mind yet, Jinyoung met Jaebum’s lips with a comforting kiss as he let his fingers wander down past the other’s cock, slipping down into a much, _much_ more sensitive area. Jinyoung expected a breathy chuckle, a sigh of relief. What he got instead was Jaebum’s knee to his chest, jolting in surprise.

“W-what are you doing?” Jaebum panicked, eyes wide, as if he had no idea where Jinyoung’s mind was.

“Uh,” Jinyoung stared dumbfounded, sitting back a bit, resting between Jaebum’s thighs. “I just figured… you went yesterday, might be nice to let me go today. You know, kind of like a little system. Then you can do it again next time.”

“Oh, um,” Jaebum looked absolutely horrified by Jinyoung’s suggestion, the color vacant from his face as his arms remained limp on his sides. “You see, um, actually, there’s a good reason for it, I swear, but I, uh…”

Jinyoung loved to watch Jaebum fall apart in many ways, but seeing him at a loss for words had to be in his top three, the other so off his game. Jinyoung would laugh if he wanted to risk not getting laid that night, but instead he choose the safe route, Jinyoung rubbing his legs gently, trying to soothe him to an answer.

“What, has it been a while or something? That’s how it was for me last night, and I’m totally fine today,” he smiled kindly. “Or has it never been good? Because I’m fucking _good_.”

“I guess… the second?” Jaebum said quietly. “Because… I’ve never… not… topped?”

Jinyoung was floored. Stunned. Shocked. Annoyed. Irritated.

_Turned on? Well..._

“But wait,” Jinyoung cut him off, waving his hands. “When we texted, you said…”

“I know what I said,” Jaebum replied without missing a beat. “It’s still true.”

“But you never…,” Jinyoung trailed off, baffled by his own assumptions yet again. “Oh.”

“Yep,” Jaebum sighed, awkwardly looking away, hands now folded on his stomach. “I didn’t think you would immediately go for it…”

“What!” Jinyoung replied, surprised once again for absolutely no reason. “Why wouldn’t I? I didn’t fight you for it last night, so you just thought I’d roll over and take it every single time?”

“No!” Jaebum exclaimed, obviously not wanting Jinyoung to take this argument harder than he was on the path to doing. “You’re just… you? And I know we all make assumptions, yourself included. You really got me going that night and yeah, I’ve never actually done it, but ever since we met I’ve had… thoughts…”

“Thoughts?” Jinyoung immediately went from a high boiling point to a simmer, a smirk spreading from cheek to cheek, hands sliding up Jaebum’s chest as he proceeded with his interrogation. “What kind of thoughts?”

“Fuck, I don’t know,” Jaebum blushed, swatting Jinyoung’s hands away as they ghosted over his nipples. “The kind where I want to know what it feels like, but not because I’ve never had the chance, but because the idea of you _inside_ of me? Shit, Jinyoung. You’re the only one I’ve ever even considered asking for it from.”

Silence. Jinyoung was speechless, frozen. No guy he had ever been with either way had made such a confession, especially one that felt so specific to who Jinyoung was as a person. Jaebum had given it so much thought that it would be unfair of him to _not_ go through with it at this point, depriving the older boy of something he had obviously been craving to try. If that wasn’t the sexiest shit Jinyoung had ever been told in his life, he would swear he had died and gone to heaven.

_Um, are you okay? Earth to Jinyoung! Anyone home? Or are you already completely, utterly floating into space? Hello?_

“I want to tear you _apart_ ,” was the only thing Jinyoung could force out, voice gritty and eyes tight, observing Jaebum swallow a bit, letting out a soft sigh.

Jaebum was the one at a loss for words this time, watching as Jinyoung moved his mouth back on his, sucking on his bottom lip as he tugged at Jaebum’s length. Jinyoung should have assumed things with Jaebum would have been anything but routine, the other boy driving him mad even with a single smirk, aiming to please Jinyoung in any way possible. But as Jaebum reached for the lube and passed it to Jinyoung, he still needed a verbal verification that yeah, Jaebum wanted this right now. Coating his fingers and reaching down to Jaebum’s entrance, Jinyoung looked at him once again to make sure that he could begin.

“Don’t look so scared,” Jaebum chuckled lowly. “Just because you’ll be the first doesn’t mean I haven’t been… experimenting.”

Jinyoung watched as Jaebum wiggled his fingers, smiling in a satisfied manner. Sighing out a breath of relief, Jinyoung felt the pressure level drop, able to relax as he began to circle his finger around, forcing the tiniest of moans from Jaebum’s mouth before pressing one finger inside.

“O-okay,” Jaebum sighed, breath already hitching. “S’different when it’s you…”

“Is that so bad?” Jinyoung asked in an overly sweet voice, pressing it in more, Jaebum biting his lip and shaking his head gently. “You’re doing so good already, baby…”

_Baby?_

Jinyoung’s eyes went wide as he felt his face burning up, his gaze now firmly fixed on Jaebum’s dick and his one finger inside of him, ears ringing as he waited for Jaebum’s certain-to-be-a-classic reply.

“If you say so,” was all he heard, looking up to see Jaebum’s eyes shut, basking in whatever good sensations Jinyoung was sending his way.

Breathing out another sigh of relief, Jinyoung continued to take it slow, slower than he ever had with anyone, not in fear of hurting or breaking Jaebum, but wanting the other to see that he was capable of being gentle and giving, not always so rough around the edges. The second finger slipped in comfortably, Jinyoung preparing Jaebum for his first experience like a pro, Jaebum completely infatuated with the new sensations being drawn from his body.

Testing his skills, Jinyoung shifted his fingers inside slightly, curling them gently, Jaebum suddenly bucking his hips up instantly, a whine filling the room. Smirking, Jinyoung continued to apply pressure to the same area, careful to not get too intense too quick, not wanting Jaebum to get off with only his fingers, easing back off to keep stretching him for what was inevitable.

“N-never got that alone,” Jaebum sighed, breath still heavy in his throat. “Not as easy…”

“I know,” Jinyoung smiled in support, rubbing the base of Jaebum’s length as he eased his fingers in and out. “Personal experiences and whatnot.”

Jaebum nodded fast, Jinyoung bending down to mouth at the tip of Jaebum’s cock, unable to keep looking at it without giving it any attention. It was almost criminal how much fun Jinyoung was having, the older boy turning to mush under his touch, finally having that control he looked for in every single conversation he had since their first encounter in the library. After one particularly sensual draw of his fingers, Jaebum whined, pulling at Jinyoung’s hair.

“If you don’t try it now, you’ll lose your chance.”

Jinyoung smirked at the way Jaebum continued to subtly beg, moving his face from his cock and sliding his fingers out slowly. Watching as Jaebum reached into his drawer, Jinyoung applied more lube to the other boy, taking the condom from him and sliding it on before pressing his tip against him gently, barely pressing into him.

“If it’s too much, tell me to stop,” Jinyoung stated, the only rule he needed to express.

“It won’t be,” Jaebum sighed, biting his lip as he looked up at Jinyoung. “Please…”

And with that final request, Jinyoung started to press in, the tight pull hard to resist as his eyes closed at the nearly-forgotten sensation. It had been a long time since Jinyoung was with someone inexperienced in this area and he knew to not get too caught up in the moment as it would only harm the other boy’s enjoyment. But by the way Jaebum’s eyes were gently closed and the way he moaned under his breath as Jinyoung eased inside, he realized that all of his worries were a waste; Jaebum had been ready for this moment for quite some time and it was only Jinyoung that could take this role.

It felt like eternity before Jinyoung had filled him completely, hips still as he rubbed Jaebum’s sides, trying to bring comfort to an initially-unpleasant situation. Even from under him, Jaebum still managed to look like a sex god, subtle muscles tight across his abdomen and chest, a jawline cut from marble. His eyes still remained shut, but Jinyoung preferred it that way as he could take in all of his subtle features without being judged, like the slope of his nose, the pink of his lips, the tiny moles above his eye. It almost felt wrong to be the one on top, the one commanding this man below him to take him for all he was, but it only strengthened Jinyoung’s pleasant feelings for the other, the idea that their natural push and pull suited them better than any person he had ever met.

Opening his eyes to barely a sliver, Jaebum sighed as he motioned Jinyoung to move, speechless at the sensations he was experiencing. Jinyoung nodded in acknowledgement, beginning to slowly move out and back in, never jerking or rocking his hips erratically, focused on keeping a slow and steady pace. If Jaebum’s moans were any indication, Jinyoung had done something right, the wet and tight feeling on his own cock bringing him his own personal enjoyment. Moaning lowly to show that he was also into everything happening, Jinyoung pressed all the way in again before completely pulling out, sighing before entering again, the whine and deep groan from Jaebum that followed kickstarting his darker side. It was hard not to start fucking into him like a madman after that, Jinyoung’s moans half pleasurable, half in frustration that he had to be careful.

_Be fucking patient. He was with you and your “feelings,” now you can do the same, but with his ass. Show some goddamn respect._

Once Jaebum’s body had let go of some tension, Jinyoung finally found a pace that worked better for him, holding the other by his legs, leaning down to share a kiss every so often to assure the other that he was doing great. Jinyoung couldn’t help but stare straight down, Jaebum’s cock weighing heavy back against his body, so thick and needy. He couldn’t help but think again to their first tryst together, feeling like a fucking _king_ as Jaebum sucked him off. But if he was a king then, now he was the King of Kings, the one who got all of the glory, all of the riches and yeah, all of the delicious sex.

“J-Jinyoung,” Jaebum’s panting and grunting interrupting Jinyoung’s personal fantasies of Jaebum sucking him off on a throne. “You’re gonna make me…”

“Good,” Jinyoung rasped, slamming his hips a bit more furiously, Jaebum now gripping onto the sheets. “Do it.”

Watching Jaebum come undone under him was the greatest power trip Jinyoung had ever experienced, the pleasured sounds and facial expressions an added bonus. Hand gripped tight on the older boy’s cock, Jinyoung jerked him in time with his thrusts, the unbearable sounds of impending orgasm ringing across the entire apartment. Jaebum gritted his teeth as he came first, a sticky mess coating Jinyoung’s fist and upper body, completely breathless and spent. Jinyoung didn’t have to do much else until he was done for, another few thrusts and he was grunting unspeakable things under his breath, fingers digging into Jaebum’s thighs. This time, there weren’t any stars or colors or any crazy sensations, but Jinyoung didn’t care. All he knew as soon as he could hear anything but his heart beating in his ears was that he made Jaebum _his_ and fuck, if that didn’t mean _something_.

Once he was able to unfreeze, Jinyoung moved away from Jaebum to do the same routine the other had done the night before, cleaning them up to a certain degree. But after he had discarded the condom, Jaebum reached out to grab Jinyoung’s arm gently, eyes looking up at him.

“I don’t fucking care,” he mumbled, voice hoarse from the experience. “Get back in here…”

In any other world, it would be disgusting to Jinyoung, his gag reflex being tested as he slid back next to Jaebum in bed. But with a deep and reassuring kiss, Jaebum soothed those old thoughts away, pressing Jinyoung into the crook of his neck, their bodies slotting together too perfectly for it to be anything but what fate had planned. Tilting his head up against the pillows as Jaebum slung an arm around his waist, Jinyoung offered a simple smile, their eyes meeting once again before the older boy responded with his own grin.

“Park Jinyoung,” Jaebum sighed, Jinyoung swearing to himself that he could see hearts in his eyes. “I’m so glad it was you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I SWEAR I wrote the ears bit before all of these promo pics from Japan came out, the coincidences are hilarious. But I'm sure that's not what you're concerned about now that you've made it to the end of the chapter :)
> 
> I didn't expect so much to happen here, but there are still 2 more chapters AND an epilogue-ish one, so three more updates until we're home. I'm honestly sad to have to find a way to wrap it up, but maybe I'll toy with some side stories or sequels or something. Who knows!
> 
> Something I'd love to know from you guys is if you had any questions about something in the story that you'd like to see addressed by the end? I know there's a million I could answer, so let me know if something sticks out to you! Your comments are so lovely and wonderful and I look forward to reading and replying to every single one.
> 
> As I mentioned last note, feel free to chat with me on Twitter - same username except the S and K are switched :)
> 
> Thank you all for reading and supporting this story!


	17. Chapter 17

The best part about spending the night at Jaebum’s, Jinyoung was learning, was waking up to the smell of real food being cooked for breakfast on the other side of the wall. They both had a full night of rest, exhausted from the new experience together, and Jinyoung was glad Jaebum didn’t force him into awkward morning after talk, letting him rest until he was ready to get up on his own. As he sat up to push the covers away, Jaebum opened the bedroom door slowly, a coffee mug in hand.

“Oh, you’re up,” he grinned, coming inside and setting the cup on the nightstand, grabbing Jinyoung’s clothes he had brought for the next day. “I was just about to tell you breakfast was ready.”

“Don’t you have to go to the library and work?” Jinyoung asked groggily, yawning as Jaebum handed him his bag. “Or was that a sham too?”

“Not a sham,” Jaebum giggled, unoffended by the subtle dig. “But I did take a lot more shifts once you started coming in. Total coincidence.”

“Oh, yeah,” Jinyoung giggled, dressing himself before taking the coffee Jaebum had brought over. “I’m sure that’s the truth.”

The older boy laughed as he left the room, Jinyoung following behind him back to the kitchen. The coffee was delicious and hot and so was the food Jaebum had prepared, both boys eating up and talking like well-adjusted human beings. It should have been that simple to begin with, Jinyoung getting along with Jaebum wasn’t a totally foreign concept. But his fears had taken over, and by letting them fall, he was able to see what was always there, a true connection that seemed too good to be true.

“What do you normally do on Tuesdays?” Jaebum asked, finishing off his second cup. “I don’t want to keep you from your classes.”

“Off day,” Jinyoung smiled, pouring more coffee into both of their cups. “Normally go to the park, take my camera, nothing serious.”

“That sounds nice,” he smiled, leaning back in his chair. “Mind if I join you today?”

“Oh, I didn’t plan on going,” Jinyoung shrugged, shifting the cup around on the tabletop. “I didn’t bring my gear and I really don’t feel like going all the way back to my place. God only knows what the aftermath looks like.”

“I don’t blame you,” Jaebum chuckled, running his hand through his hair as he usually did, Jinyoung unable to help himself by staring. “But I am an art student. You know, photography and shit. It’s almost like I might own more than one camera.”

“Don’t you shoot film, though?” Jinyoung made a face, eliciting a stern look from Jaebum. “You’re so old school.”

“You’re acting as if I’ve never used a digital camera in my life,” he accused, laughing and shaking his head. “But yes, I shoot film. You should give it a try.”

“It’s too much _work_ ,” Jinyoung exaggerated, accenting his frustrations with a deep dramatic sigh. “You can’t delete the pictures, you only get so many on a roll. Then you have to develop the film and I don’t have a fucking clue how that works…”

“Weren’t you the one who grinded all over me in the lab last month?” Jaebum smirked, eyebrow raised. “Or am I remembering that wrong?”

“You’re mistaken,” Jinyoung smiled, giggling under his breath. “That was one of your many other suitors.”

“Ah,” Jaebum giggled back in the same tone, shaking his head. “I tend to lose track. There’s just _so_ many, you know?”

“But you like this one most, right?” Jinyoung smiled, leaning over the table to get in Jaebum’s face. “Please, fan the flames of my ego.”

“Not a chance,” Jaebum laughed, standing up as he cleared the table. “Even I have my limits.”

Jinyoung watched as Jaebum cleaned up the kitchen, continuing to drink his coffee in peace. While they still had petty arguments and argumentative banter, it was always safe, neither going too far to harm the other, always doing it for fun and a laugh. It was comfortable, but not over the top; Jaebum understanding just whatt Jinyoung needed if he were to be in a relationship with the younger boy. If they could avoid ever taking anything to heart, this was something that could stand the test of time, the idea sounding a little bit more comfortable to Jinyoung.

“I’ll grab my cameras and we can head out,” Jaebum smiled, wiping his hands off with a towel. “We’ll go to the lab after and I’ll teach you how to develop it.”

“You know I’m going to complain the entire time,” Jinyoung reminded the other, grinning as he finished his drink.

“I didn’t expect anything less,” Jaebum replied, the hearts in his eyes too obvious to deny, sneaking a small kiss from Jinyoung before disappearing into his room.

 

 

Jinyoung loved to go to the park because it was his time alone to enjoy the hobby he liked to deny he even had in the first place. He could hide within the trees, soaking up the silence that came from being alone, avoiding other visitors like the plague. Once Jaebum had unceremoniously invited himself along, Jinyoung wasn’t sure how to react. It wasn’t like Jaebum was loud and overbearing like Jackson, but it was a totally different experience to go with someone else and he had to learn to process it. If by letting him tag along and limiting his complaint quota would show that he was actively trying to maintain and build their relationship, Jinyoung was willing to give it a try.

Using someone else’s camera was always a fun task, but when it wasn’t his _and_ it wasn’t digital, Jinyoung struggled at first, constantly wasting shots and going through a roll of film without really capturing anything at all. This setback visibly frustrated Jaebum, the older going on a mini-rant about how expensive film is in the current year and saying how he needed to ask for help if he was just going to waste the film instead. Jinyoung tried not to laugh when he stumbled out an apology, needing to keep in mind that while this may have been a simple pastime for Jinyoung, it was an extremely serious passion for Jaebum, one he planned on using to make a living off of once he graduated in the spring.

It was interesting to watch Jaebum in his element, the things he’d find to put on film so simple, yet Jinyoung would have passed right by them if he was all alone. Jinyoung started to see so much more in the little park he visited so much, Jaebum exposing a new layer of things to see and examine with a close eye, never settling for a basic shot like Jinyoung had captured thousands of times before. He appreciated the way Jaebum would explain the way he did things, never interrupting to frustrate him or belittle his pure joy for the art.

Jinyoung started to file away the different sides to Im Jaebum. There was this artistic side, with a need to find the beauty in anything, from his schoolwork to the open field of the park. Then, there was his sarcastic know-it all side, the one to press your buttons and know exactly how to hit you below the belt - verbally, of course. There was introspective Jaebum, the one who could sit and read a book, looking absolutely peaceful as he kept to himself, passing the time with self-reflection. Finally, there was Jaebum’s dark side, the one where he couldn’t help but be a total prick, the one he saved all of his frustrations and rage for, the temper unable to be controlled.

But Jinyoung’s favorite side to Jaebum of all was the one he could only get, the perfect mix of all of the above, the portions that would be just right to form the way he saw the other boy. Without one of the types, he simply wasn’t the Jaebum he had been falling for this whole time, all parts necessary to make him who Jinyoung saw him as. He wanted the light with the dark, the soft with the rough, everything swirled into the man dragging him around through the trees and leaves, hands warm on Jinyoung’s skin.

After realizing that fall afternoon was shifting into much colder temperatures, Jaebum suggested that they head to the photo lab, Jinyoung agreeing as he wrapped the scarf around his neck tighter. With his hands failing to warm up even shoved deep in his coat pockets, he glanced over at Jaebum, the other boy wearing stretchy black gloves. Not one to ever, _ever_ hold hands, Jinyoung cleared his throat, covering his mouth and sighing.

“Wish I remembered my gloves,” he stated blankly, another exaggerated sigh following. “But my roommate doesn’t like me around when he’s banging your friend…”

“Do you want mine?” Jaebum looked over, already sliding one off his hand. “I’m getting a little toasty anyway.”

Jinyoung smiled and nodded, the two of them stopping on the sidewalk off to the side to let other students pass by as Jaebum slid both off, having Jinyoung hold his hands out so he could put them on for him. It was a simple, yet intimate gesture, dressing the other’s hands like a concerned mother would, but Jinyoung didn’t seem to care. It was better than the obvious choice of locking their fingers together, advertising to the world that they were together. Maybe one day he would get to that level of comfort, but for now, Jinyoung was satisfied with the results.

 

 

Casually strolling into the photo lab felt entirely different than violently storming in, Jinyoung nervous to actually find out what everything was actually used for. Jaebum looked right at home, wasting no time in explaining what everything in the main room was, from framing and mounting, to editing and trimming. Once they had both warmed up to room temperature, Jaebum unlocked the same photo lab he had been using both times Jinyoung had stormed in and yelled at him, smirking as Jinyoung hung his head down, almost embarrassed to return to the same place.

“I see you’re quite fond of this room, too,” Jaebum chuckled, switching on the dim lights before shutting the door behind him. “Lots of good memories…”

“Which ones?” Jinyoung tossed his bag into the chair, wondering if anyone had bothered to sanitize it since the two boys fooled around on it. “The one time when we both left happy or the other where I’m pretty sure you nearly got a book to the face?”

“Both,” Jaebum grinned. “It shouldn’t surprise you that seeing you angry is somewhat of a turn-on.”

Jinyoung tried to keep a serious face, not wanting to laugh at Jaebum’s admission, but he couldn’t help but think of all the times the older boy had tried to agitate him for his own sick pleasure, starting with the first time in the library.

“Why did you come over to help me?” Jinyoung asked, thinking back to that day. “The first time we met, you were already on your way to figuring me out.”

“Well,” Jaebum rubbed the back of his neck, smiling as he shrugged. “I saw you come in from the corner of my eye and it sounds really fucking dumb, I know you’ll think that way at least, but I was drawn to you. I figured, I could just walk up to you and ask if you needed help and you’d be polite and I could gently ask for your number or something. I didn’t anticipate you to fight from the first words out of my mouth.”

“Underestimating me from the get-go,” Jinyoung giggled, shaking his head. “I went easy on you. I didn’t fight you when you told me where to sit.”

“Ah,” Jaebum chuckled, getting the products they would need, pulling down certain liquids and containers to use for developing their images. “The infamous assigned seat.”

“It’s honestly the weirdest thing anyone has ever asked of me,” Jinyoung laughed, leaning against the sink, watching Jaebum set up. “Who does that? You were such a creep.”

“That seat,” Jaebum began, smiling at Jinyoung, “was made for someone like you.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jinyoung questioned, laughing at how vague Jaebum was acting towards such a silly act. “Did you build it yourself?  One of your many other talents? Did you carve it with your bare hands, shirtless in the art studio?”

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?” Jaebum cackled, everything set up for him to begin. “Only the best for my Jinyoungie.”

“That’s disgusting,” Jinyoung muttered. “Just show me how to get my pictures.”

Jaebum pulled Jinyoung into his chest by the other’s neck, showering the younger boy with more affection than he had probably ever received in his entire adult life. Jinyoung was slowly learning how “hands-on” Jaebum liked to be, which may have been a negative in the past, but only seemed to come out behind closed doors. He appreciated the fact that the other boy always understood his limits, even if he liked to press Jinyoung’s buttons. After wrestling his arms around, he finally slipped loose of the grip, trying to not giggle as much as he wanted.

Finally in a more serious mood, Jaebum had Jinyoung stand next to him, taking him through the steps of development, from winding the film from the roll onto the spool in complete darkness (to which Jinyoung complained - loudly - about how working digitally never required pitch black working conditions), to using the correct solutions in the right order. It was almost calm, the precise routine not as difficult as Jinyoung had assumed, letting Jaebum complete some of it for him as he simply watched in awe, learning to appreciate the ancient art. It also was helpful that it was such a manual task, Jinyoung finding himself very interested in watching Jaebum’s fingers get to work during the simple process.

Once the film had gone through each step and was hung up, Jaebum leaned back against the sink, watching as Jinyoung went to get his bag. Gently grabbing the back of his arm, the older boy smiled, pulling Jinyoung in once he had turned to face him.

“What is it now?” Jinyoung groaned, dropping his bag onto the floor. “I was good, I didn’t complain much. Aren’t we done?”

“With the film, maybe,” Jaebum bit back a smirk, Jinyoung’s eyes darting around his face to read his expression in the poorly-lit space. “But I haven’t even started with you…”

_Ugh. These lines… we’ll have to work on that. He’ll get better. I mean, he does have a point…_

“Wait,” Jinyoung began, a small smirk on his lips. “Did you plan this too? Using film so we had to come here to develop it and… oh….”

“I should give you more credit,” Jaebum said lowly, licking his lips and moving his hands to the other’s sides, attempting to show some affection through his thickly-knit sweater. “Sometimes you _are_ able to figure me out.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jinyoung protested, turning his face away but leaning his body in closer, trying his best to look offended. “I’m sorry I can’t always guess what scheme you’ll try and pull next.”

“Ouch,” Jaebum pretending to whimper in hurt, clutching his heart over his chest. “You should watch your language, Jinyoung. You might end up hurting someone.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Jinyoung smiled, almost a little too fondly, locking his gaze with Jaebum’s warm glare. It felt comfortable to argue like this, to go back and forth with no end in sight. Jinyoung had never made a laundry list of the qualities he wanted in a romantic partner, but Jaebum seemed to be checking all of the boxes, leaving Jinyoung no time to contest the traits. Maybe that was Jinyoung’s problem in the first place, that he knew everything he didn’t want that person to be, but never considered what to do if someone did something he _liked_ , immediately rejecting it for his list of cons. But seeing Jaebum deal with his shit, the good and the bad… it was definitely a pro.

“Now you have to apologize,” Jaebum stated, shrugging and acting as detached as someone who was falling in love could appear. “You have to kiss me and not complain about anything I do after.”

“Kiss, yes,” Jinyoung smiled, leaning over and pressing his lips sweetly to Jaebum’s, sharing a quick moment of peace before he snapped back. “Not complain? Give me a fucking brea-”

Just like that, Jaebum’s mouth was back on his own, skipping the tender touches and nervous breaks, sliding right into an intense routine, hands pressed into his sides. Thinking back to his theoretical list he never bothered to start, Jinyoung knew that someone who didn’t treat him like some frail boy who could break when pushed around was definitely one of the bullet points, the demanding nature of Jaebum’s entire disposition an idea Jinyoung could live with. While Jinyoung loved to do the same to others, it took a special touch for someone to do it to him, and no one ever seemed to have the courage to do so. With Jaebum, it never seemed like it’d be a problem.

For the second item on his list, it would have to be a good kisser. Maybe it wasn’t fair to call Jaebum good when he was _outstanding_ , licking and tugging at Jinyoung’s lips, making him understand that _this_ was a kiss and there were no other options. His mouth was also good at, ahem, other things, so maybe it would be better to say a good mouth was a plus in general. As Jaebum kissed down his neck and giggled seductively, Jinyoung sighed, almost feeling impatient at the amount of foreplay he had gotten used to in such a short period of time.

“For someone who likes to sneak around and do it on school property,” Jinyoung sighed between breaths, Jaebum pressing his leg into his crotch softly. “F-fuck, you have a lot of nerve to take as long as you do…”

“If you don’t like the way I do things, take some initiative,” Jaebum growled, pressing a kiss behind Jinyoung’s ear before the younger boy started to work on his jeans, unbuttoning and sliding his zipper down. Hand halfway in Jaebum’s boxers, Jinyoung began to stroke his length, getting excited for what was about to happen next. For someone with as much experience as he had, Jinyoung never considered himself an exhibitionist until he met Jaebum, most of his worries going out of the window as he felt the insane rush of adrenaline the last time they were alone in this lab.

“C’mere…,” Jaebum groaned, looking more impatient than Jinyoung had ever seen him, pulling Jinyoung by his arm to face the sink, reaching around him from behind to loosen the clasp on his pants, shimmying them down to the other boy’s ankles. “Stay like that, okay?”

Jinyoung offered a small nod, looking back behind him as Jaebum removed his pants and boxers, pressing himself against Jinyoung’s back and ass, the rock-hard state of Jaebum’s member becoming extremely obvious. Was this something he would have to get used to if he and Jaebum continued down their path to a serious relationship, randomly hooking up in dimly-lit spaces with running water and chemicals Jinyoung was semi-afraid of touching his skin? Would it be easy to go throughout his day knowing he could just be with Jaebum instead, fooling around to pass the time where no one could see them together? And if Jaebum seemed so comfortable doing this here, how many other people had he tried this with? Was Jinyoung just the next one in line to get bent over the sink to take it like a champ?

_Oh my god, I thought we were done with this. You can’t keep questioning everything he does! You act like everything is so unique, but you know that’s not true. Please don’t bring it up, don’t ruin the moment. Jinyoung, I swear you better not…_

“Do this often?” Jinyoung couldn’t help himself, still learning when to say and not say the things he held in his mind, wanting to continue to poke at Jaebum’s mind, hoping he would give in to the unnecessary questions every time. It was a defense mechanism Jinyoung enacted frequently when he wasn’t given the honor of being the top for the moment, still needing that validation and power over the other. But Jaebum wasn’t any other guy he had slept with and he certainly wasn’t a pushover who fell for Jinyoung’s completely transparent lip service.

“No,” he answered, pausing for a moment as he pressed against Jinyoung’s backside harder. “Just for you, Jinyoung. Because you’re so _special._ ”

Jinyoung wanted that to be sarcastic. If it was something he had chosen to say, it definitely would have been, every word dripping with irony. But it was Jaebum who had said it, choosing to reply to Jinyoung’s snark with sincerity peppered in with pure sex, not waiting for what was sure to be a home run comeback, sliding down Jinyoung’s briefs and giving his butt a firm squeeze. The thing was that Jaebum _did_ make Jinyoung feel special, showering him with more attention than anyone had given him in months, always knowing the right way to handle the other when he was trying to act like the special snowflake he considered himself to be. It was hard to believe they had only met months ago by chance, Jinyoung only letting him in closer that week. Jinyoung knew it was only a matter of time before they would grow even closer, eventually becoming one entity that would sound odd separated: Jaebum and Jinyoung.

As he slipped into a pattern of warm fuzzy thoughts, Jinyoung didn’t notice Jaebum step away to retrieve something from his bag, a cold and slick wet sensation suddenly on him, causing him to shiver. Jaebum wasn’t kidding when he said he had planned this, already applying lube liberally on the other, sliding his fingers in slowly to prepare him for what would be next, his body hunched over Jinyoung’s back. It was a different angle than before, Jinyoung adjusting much faster now that it hadn’t been as long since the previous experience. Soft sighs fell from his lips, holding onto the edge of the tub loosely as he closed his eyes, the tiny bits of pleasure more enjoyable than he’d ever admit out loud.

“You take it so well,” Jaebum murmured, his other hand reaching around in front of Jinyoung, giving his cock a slow, soft stroke. “This view is incredible…”

“I should have known you were into dirty talk,” Jinyoung rasped, sighing as Jaebum flicked his wrist as just the right angle. “I also should have guessed you were good at, _fuck_ , everything…”

“That’s a lovely compliment, Jinyoungie,” Jaebum remarked, smirking to himself. “I’ll keep that in mind, right next to the mental image I’m saving of your ass.”

“Take a picture,” Jinyoung chuckled quietly. “It’ll last longer.”

“I’ll save that idea for another time,” Jaebum quipped, sounding a bit too serious about something Jinyoung absolutely, totally, one-hundred-percent meant as a joke. “You’ll be my favorite muse yet.”

And, _shit_ , if Jinyoung couldn’t get off on that admission alone, letting out a soft groan as Jaebum released his length from his grip, slowly removing his fingers. Whining at the loss of contact, Jinyoung didn’t miss the sound of Jaebum opening a condom and getting it on, the tip being pressed against him gently once he was ready to go. The younger boy couldn’t help but push himself back against Jaebum’s cock, letting it slide in with minimal resistance, sighing in relief as Jaebum held onto his hips. It didn’t take nearly as long for Jinyoung to accept the entire length, Jaebum pulling back out and going right back in with a bit more force than last time, starting to rock his hips in a steady rhythm.

It was so hot to be fucked by Jaebum in public like this. It was a dingy room with the sounds of liquids dripping and pipes running, nothing sexy or comforting about it. But being bent over the sink, completely under the other’s control… Jinyoung got more lost with every thrust from Jaebum, gripping onto the edge of the sink tight as he whimpered quietly. The older boy’s hands roamed over his back, caressing his sides and wrapping around his chest, speeding up and slowing down depending on how Jinyoung’s body would respond. Even if the door was locked, Jinyoung almost wished someone would catch him and Jaebum fucking like they did when it was Jaebum and Wonho in the closet, forcing everyone to see that yeah, Park Jinyoung was getting some and it was from the hottest fucking guy on campus.

_Quite an amazing admission there, pal. Is his dick fucking your brains out already?_

Jinyoung didn’t remember asking to be spanked, but Jaebum’s hand was flat against his cheek, suddenly rubbing it softly before smacking his hand back down onto it in a flash, Jinyoung letting out what he would consider an embarrassing sound, enjoying it for absolutely no reason other than Jaebum had complete control in this moment. The older boy didn’t dare attempt such an act again, focusing on gripping and massaging Jinyoung’s ass before moving both hands up to his shoulders, forcing the younger boy to take it deeper and faster, pounding into him with such fervour that Jinyoung was already seeing stars again. Maybe he should have told Jaebum this was his favorite position and he didn’t need any other stimulation to come, but maybe it would be fun for the other boy to find out by surprise, fueling Jaebum’s ego instead of Jinyoung’s for once.

If Jinyoung had to pick an unusual and highly sexual piece of criteria for his partner checklist, sounding hot as fuck in bed would be his pick, the primal grunts and unexpected moans Jaebum seemed to repeat over and over again playing like a melody inside Jinyoung’s skull, the notes rattling between his ears as he was fucked over the sink repeatedly. Jaebum didn’t seem to care that the room wasn’t soundproof and that other students might actually be trying to get work done across the hallway, mumbling Jinyoung’s name as he forced himself inside again and again. Jinyoung loved that his body held this power over anyone, but once again it would be seeing, feeling and hearing Jaebum come undone that would be the cherry on top of such a wonderful day.

“You better fucking come,” Jaebum suddenly demanded, his breath hitching and becoming more shallow as he continued to thrust, not wanting to finish first. “D-do it, Jinyoung, fuck…”

Jinyoung, being the stubborn son of a bitch he loved to be, held out as long as he could, whimpering and making a dramatic scene as he tried to not give in, Jaebum grunting in annoyance as he wrapped his hand around the other’s length and gave it a rough tug, Jinyoung yelping as he couldn’t keep it back any longer. Spilling all over Jaebum’s hand, the sink and the floor under their feet, Jinyoung gasped and bit his lip as he tried to suppress the sounds he most wanted to make, not wanting to make any more of a disturbance in the lab than he was sure they already had. That must have been all Jaebum needed as well because it was like clockwork that he finished immediately after, fingers pressing into Jinyoung’s shoulders extremely tight, a low groan falling from his mouth.

Jaebum seemed to like things messy, not wanting to clean up last night, to now carelessly throwing his condom away in the photo lab’s provided trash can, letting Jinyoung tuck himself away and get redressed as he lazily wiped at the floor with a paper towel under his foot. Once he felt it looked satisfactory, Jaebum redressed as well, a smirk sly on his face. Jinyoung sighed as he washed his hands clean in the sink, Jaebum joining him, bumping his hip into the younger’s.

“You know what I’ve noticed so far?” Jaebum asked, smiling as he rinsed his hands off, grabbing a towel for each of them to dry off with. “You get really quiet after sex.”

“Yeah, well,” Jinyoung blushed, praying that the lack of appropriate lights in the room would shield him from snide remarks. “Maybe you just render me speechless, or some tired cliche like that.”

“Possibly,” Jaebum giggled, nudging him as he finished cleaning up from their developing processes earlier. “Or you’re just thinking about how you’re falling in love with me more and more each time.”

Could Jinyoung argue that falling in love with Jaebum wasn’t what was happening in that current moment? Because… it kind of was, the thoughts swirling around in his mind too favorable to pin down and delete, sugarcoating his entire brain in sticky-sweet bliss, logging away every touch or mumbled thought into specific compartments Jinyoung’s mind had made without even trying. Sex may have been casual before, but now it was so different, every simple caress or moan of delight something to analyze and dream about. As Jinyoung stared at the other boy as he grabbed everything they would need before leaving the room, he realized that Jaebum was probably in the same boat as him, processing and tallying up all the ways he felt, but doing a much better job at controlling his changing worldview.

“You think you’re falling for me?” Jinyoung asked, the joking tone suddenly gone, curiosity getting the best of him. Jaebum paused what he was doing, looking at the other fondly, a small twinkle in his eye.

“That’s obvious,” Jaebum replied, smiling and leaning back against the door. “It was inevitable from the moment we met.”

“But how did you know,” Jinyoung proceeded, fingers playing with themselves nervously. “How did you know I’d ever feel the same?”

“I didn’t,” Jaebum revealed, gazing at Jinyoung in a bittersweet manner. “I just had to hope you would someday feel the same, as scary as that sounds.”

“And what if I didn’t?” Jinyoung eagerly asked again, stepping closer. “What if for some reason instead of getting to this point, I never started to fall for you, too?”

Reaching out and gently touching Jinyoung’s cheek before resting his hand on his shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze, Jaebum sighed happily, already having a perfect reply in mind.

“I guess we’ll never have to find out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guys feel it ending too? I hate this feeling haha it's been so hard to write knowing things are getting resolved and put into place. Still, it's kind of beautiful watching Jinyoung fall in love and slowly turn into mush. I live for it.
> 
> Like I mentioned before, let me know if there are any burning questions you'd like to see addressed. To update you all on how much is left, basically one normal chapter and an epilogue-like final one.
> 
> @ me on twitter - just switch the K and S in my username here :) I love lurking for your opinions!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading... almost 600 kudos, 50+ bookmarks, over 8,300 views........ wow. I never expected ANYTHING when I posted the first chapter and now I feel so inspired to keep writing more and more. Thank you so much.


	18. Chapter 18

An A.

Jinyoung had just received his report back from his professor and he couldn’t believe the marking in red at the top. Truth be told, Jinyoung nearly forgot about the entire assignment, pushing it into a dusty corner of his mind, not wanting to address any schoolwork he had already submitted. However, this paper was different. It was the key to meeting Jaebum and stumbling down the path he was currently skipping along, head light and thoughts pleasant. Walking into the library that day made him a better person indirectly and Jinyoung had to give credit where it was due, grasping the stapled report in his hand instead of unceremoniously crumpling it up and shoving it into the sea of forgotten things at the bottom of his backpack.

Should it have been a surprise that he did so well? Jinyoung did everything _except_ admit he felt anything for Jaebum during that time period, purposefully distracting himself at his laptop by typing for hours, mindlessly plugging away at his sloppy notes and scribbling down anything that came to mind. Even though the project led him back to the library time and time again, he was still focused, making it an accidental success that he should be proud of no matter the circumstances. Maybe Jaebum did have some sort of impact on his work, considering Jinyoung’s grades in other classes weren’t exactly landing him high praises; the boy had found himself zoning out during his practice labs and pop quizzes, mind drifting off to visions of riding a library cart past stacked newspapers and sun-streaked windows.

The only thing Jinyoung could think of doing once he left his class was to show Jaebum himself, wanting to share a little bit of good news and humor with the other boy. It was a Wednesday in November and Jinyoung had finally started to remember to pack his gloves in his coat pockets, pulling them on before stepping into the chillier air, his thick wooly scarf wrapped twice around his neck. Jinyoung always embraced weather like this, finding it relatable in a lot of ways and also preferring the pieces in his wardrobe he favored for this time of year, long sleeves and lots of layers. As he walked, he no longer felt the need to always have his ears lost in a favorite playlist, preferring to look up at his surroundings as the seasons continued to shift, the leaves on the ground beginning to lose their beautiful colors, preparing to fade away under the inevitable future snowfalls.

Seeing the library straight ahead no longer made Jinyoung queasy or annoyed, forcing him into a defensive mode that no one could break through. Instead, he could smile and think back fondly to the tiny moments he left himself enjoy, knowing that Jaebum was always searching through his unnecessary walls for a tiny glimmer of hope. Thankfully, Jinyoung had no problems walking right inside, never hesitating or stalling at the doors, the familiar old book smell of the reference section correlating to happy feelings and butterflies instead of doom and gloom. Seeing Jaebum stationed behind the large unmovable desk with his feet propped up and nose pressed into one of his many paperback novels was something Jinyoung wished he could capture and keep forever to himself, the picture perfect representation of the older boy.

“Hey,” Jinyoung smiled, approaching the desk as he slipped his gloves off, placing the report face down on top of the counter. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Likewise,” Jaebum looked up, grinning without even needing to do a double take in Jinyoung’s direction, folding the edge of the page he had finished to mark his place. “Just get out of class?”

“I did,” the younger boy grinned, clutching the paper in his hands tight. “And I know you’ve probably heard me say a thousand times how crazy my Wednesdays are and that I never skip because I don’t trust myself, but I wanted to show you something.”

“You can never come here out of the kindness of your heart, can you?” Jaebum laughed quietly, keeping his volume low even though only one fellow student was lurking in the periodicals, engrossed in flipping through some magazines. “Always something other than wanting to visit me.”

“Trust me,” Jinyoung smiled again, unphased by the other’s teasing, handing the paper over to Jaebum. “This has everything to do with you.”

Taking the report from him with a chuckle, Jaebum started to scan the first page, eyes lighting up as he noticed the grade, snapping his head up to look straight ahead at Jinyoung.

“You got an A?” Jaebum exclaimed, beaming with pride, focusing back to flipping through the pages. “Jinyoung, that’s so great… and oh my god, is this your report you were…”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung leaned into the desk, grinning and shrugging, trying to act as casual as he could. “It’s the one I used the book for.”

“You mean, the _goddamn fucking_ book,” Jaebum giggled. “Get it right.”

“My mistake,” Jinyoung giggled back. “I had tried to forget about it entirely.”

“I wish I could,” Jaebum laughed, handing the report back to the other boy. “I walk past that shelf every day and think back to how you were wearing those headphones and I was an idiot to even try to speak to you.”

“Everything worked out,” Jinyoung shrugged, smiling as he filed his report away in his bag neatly, careful not to crush it. “Didn’t you get what you wanted in the end?”

“Mostly,” Jaebum replied, finally moving to the other side of the desk, the formality of standing behind it a bit odd knowing everything they had already been through. “But I’m proud of you, for doing so well.”

“Thank you,” Jinyoung nodded, smiling as Jaebum reached out, delicately taking his hand into his own, rubbing it softly out of view of any wandering public eyes.

Dating was still a very foreign concept to Jinyoung. At what point did someone get over the awkward nature of showing affection in public, throwing caution to the wind to prove to your significant other that you gave a shit about them? Clearly Jaebum knew how Jinyoung felt, but what were they on the path to exactly? If Jinyoung had to make up a title based on their current situation, it would fall on the spectrum between friends with benefits and a secret relationship, Jackson and Mark being the only two who actually knew a bit of what was happening between them. Jinyoung and Jaebum agreed to take things slow and to not worry about labels, but it was starting to eat at Jinyoung, the younger anxious to know exactly what the other was getting at, but still nervous to say certain things out loud or touch the other in public. Jinyoung knew he could be awkward at times, but not having full control over his body language in public was becoming an issue he needed to address, Jaebum willing or not.

_It’s too fast, it’s too slow… you’re so indecisive. At least you’re aware you like him enough to address your crazy thoughts instead of just breaking it all apart. You’re getting smarter. Kudos._

“We should go out and celebrate,” Jaebum suggested, still holding Jinyoung’s hand discreetly. “Tonight, my treat.”

“What? Like a date?” Jinyoung prodded, giggling as he leaned in closer. “Are you asking me out or something?”

“Absolutely,” the older boy confirmed, squeezing Jinyoung’s hand gently. “I’d like to go on a real date with you. Dinner and drinks and wherever else the night takes us.”

“I guess I can rearrange my schedule,” Jinyoung joked, leaning comfortably in Jaebum’s space, his flirting too obvious to hide any longer. “Cancel my crime show marathon, forget about organizing my many pairs of socks, tell Mark he has to buy his own food for once…”

“Whatever you have to do to make it work,” Jaebum played into the joke, giggling as well. “As long as I can pick you up around 7?”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung couldn’t keep his grin away, ultimately flattered by Jaebum’s move into actual adult plans and dating. “Fine with me.”

“Good,” Jaebum finally let go of Jinyoung’s hand, the loss of warmth immediately registering in Jinyoung’s brain, the younger boy putting both hands in his coat pockets. A comfortable moment of silence filled the space between them, Jinyoung eventually meeting Jaebum’s warm gaze, the corners of his mouth tucked up.

“I know I give that book a lot of shit,” Jinyoung admitted, nodding in the direction of the shelf it usually was filed on. “But I’m kind of thankful it exists. For… reasons.”

“I’m thankful, too,” Jaebum said softly, nudging Jinyoung with his shoulder gently. “For reasons.”

It wasn’t exactly a picture out of a romantic comedy or emotional drama, but as Jinyoung leaned over and pressed his lips against Jaebum’s, it felt like a spark, a light to start a fire they didn’t have a need to control, Jinyoung stepping across his predetermined line in the sand, never wanting to cross it in fear of looking weak and vulnerable, scared of the consequences and vague “what-ifs” of life. He was kissing Jaebum in public and he didn’t care who was there or what they would be thinking. It felt _right_ and Jinyoung knew if he didn’t give into the urge at that moment that he would continue to fight with himself to find one deemed “more perfect” even though Jaebum couldn’t care less when it would happen, only that it did. The older boy, while definitely surprised at the sudden show of affection in public, seemed content in Jinyoung’s initiative, resting his hand on the other’s side briefly before they pulled away, both smiling widely.

“So, tonight,” Jinyoung cleared his throat, adjusting his scarf to hide some of the blush on his cheeks. “I’ll be ready for you at seven.”

“Sounds fantastic,” Jaebum smirked, unable to hold back a chuckle at the other’s slight embarrassment.

“Get back to work,” Jinyoung laughed, pushing the older boy away, Jaebum slipping back behind the desk and waving as the younger boy left the reference section, floating on cloud nine back to the dorm he called home.

 

 

“You kissed him _in public_?”

Jinyoung anticipated the reaction from Mark, the older roommate’s mouth full of ramen noodles as Jackson leaned into his side, playing a video game quietly in his own world. It was a routine they all had slipped into easily, Jinyoung never really minding when the couple was around, able to escape to his room or lurk around the library or photo lab if the situation turned dire. Ever since Mark had made his unsubtle confession of love to the blond, their over-the-top antics seemed more subdued, or perhaps Jinyoung was just getting used to having them both around.

“Aren’t you proud of me?” Jinyoung boasted, sighing happily as he sat in a chair near the sofa. “I finally did it. I took the signs the world was giving me and just… kissed him.”

“For someone who likes to brag about the things he’s done in the bedroom, you sure sound like a prude right now,” Mark offered, laughing a bit. “Be sure to let me know when you decide to start holding hands when you’re walking down the street.”

“Don’t be so disgusting,” Jinyoung spat back sarcastically, holding his head with one of his hands. “I wouldn’t dare to do such a thing.”

“You should hear all of the things Mark likes to do in public,” Jackson offered, eyes still locked on the television screen. “Maybe that would better fit your definition of the word disgusting.”

“I did not ask and I will never inquire about the subject,” Jinyoung replied in defense. “It’s bad enough I don’t know where I can safely sit around here, I don’t want to think of what’s happening outside of these doors.”

“Speaking of doors,” Jackson giggled. “Be careful of where you touch them.”

“I’m sorry I even brought it up,” Jinyoung held his stomach, hardly having to act disgusted.

“A real date,” Mark continued, completely ignoring the small detour the conversation took. “That’s another first.”

“I’ve been on dates before, Mark,” Jinyoung proclaimed, sitting up straighter. “They’ve just been… casual. You know, going to the movies, they suck my dick, I never call or see them again, whatever… those kind of dates.”

“You know, he’s probably going to take you somewhere nice,” Mark smiled, a mischievous look in his eye. “Somewhere where it’s obvious that you’re both together, on a date, in public. He’ll order wine and let you order whatever you want and pay for it all.”

“Stop it,” Jackson nudged his elbow back into his boyfriend, Mark eliciting a tiny whimper of pain. “You’re scaring him.”

“He’s not scaring me,” Jinyoung argued, a small pang of worry echoing in the back of his mind. “I’m excited for tonight, really. We’ve been hanging out and it’s been nice to connect with someone on this level but… I think I’m ready to move it to the next level. Like… get a little serious.”

“A little serious?” Mark asked, placing his empty bowl on the table. “Jinyoung, I think you’ve passed that marker a while ago, probably when you were only exclusively hooking up with him. I think the next landmark is _actually_ serious and involves a title change.”

“But you guys didn’t have such a jump in seriousness!” Jinyoung complained, whining a bit as he hit his fist on the arm of the chair. “You were titleless for a long time!”

“We didn’t act it though,” Mark giggled, arm placed around Jackson’s shoulders at an angle. “We had both you and Jaebum fooled. Well, you for longer, but it was still a feat.”

“And Mark was in love with me before we even met up again,” Jackson offered, not even glancing in Jinyoung’s direction. “So, totally not the same situation. At all.”

“You can’t blame me for wanting to take it so slow,” Jinyoung mumbled, focusing on a very interesting piece of lint on his shirt. “It was a lot to process.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mark waved his hand around, dismissing Jinyoung’s tired argument. “It doesn’t matter now. You’re falling in love and it’s adorable. Don’t complain that you’re actually happy for once.”

“Whatever,” Jinyoung scoffed, a small smile peeking from his lips before he rose from his chair, heading towards his bedroom. “I need to pick out my outfit for tonight anyway.”

“Without my help?” Mark exclaimed, jumping from his seat as he chased the other boy to his closet. “Not a fucking chance!”

 

 

It was 6:51 PM and Jinyoung was sitting rigid, staring at his phone placed at the center of his desk in front of him. A date with Jaebum had seemed like an incredible idea at the library, but as time went on, Jinyoung started slipping back into his bad habits, picking apart what could happen and what he would say in case of emergency, practicing witty retorts to things the other boy might casually mention, wanting to be at the top of his game. If he was being honest, Jinyoung didn’t know what to expect that night, preparing for the worst because that way, he was at least ready for _something._ However, he still held onto the hope that this was _Jaebum_ and not some other guy he barely knew and if he had to trust anyone, it was him, as gross as that sounded.

Lost in his own swirl of thoughts, Jinyoung barely noticed his phone buzz with a notification a few minutes later of Jaebum saying he was coming up to the room, that another student had let him inside. Panicking, Jinyoung stood up and knocked over his chair in the rush, tripping over his backpack and nearly face-planting into his bedroom door. Bracing himself with the handle, he slowly stood back up, dusting himself off and grabbing his phone just as there was a knock at the door. He wasn’t prepared for Jaebum to come up and see him before he sauntered out of the building, expecting to just meet him at his car downstairs in the cool darkness. But fate wasn’t so easy, forcing another loud knock to ring throughout the apartment. Taking a deep breath and focusing, Jinyoung opened the door, prepared to face the other boy.

Jaebum stood in front of him in beautifully tailored black pants with a button-down black shirt tucked into them, a silky skinny tie looped perfectly around the collar. His sleeves were pushed up to his elbows and his hair was styled back, Jinyoung focusing on the dots above his eye and the piercings in his ears that always seemed to compliment his looks. Jaebum was dressed up but on his terms, oozing his edgy sex appeal that Jinyoung couldn’t help to be drawn to, holding in a breath.

“Hi,” Jinyoung managed to squeak out, awkwardly blocking the entire doorway. “Did you, uh, want to come inside?”

“That’s okay,” Jaebum replied, a little quieter than normal. “But I… I brought you something.”

“What?” Jinyoung asked, attempting to see what Jaebum was holding behind his back. “What is it, flowers? Jaebum, I hate to tell you this, but I am not-”

“Not into flowers, trust me, I know,” he smiled, rolling back onto the heels of his feet. “It was a habit, I guess. I was going on a date, so I went to the florist to find something to bring to you. I should have thought of it before I was there, that you wouldn’t be into them.”

“So why did you bring me any at all?” Jinyoung leaned against the doorframe, raising an eyebrow. “If you know me so well?”

“I didn’t,” Jaebum expressed, sighing. “But I wanted to bring you something, and I know it’s silly, but you aren’t the flower type and I didn’t know what else to do.”

Suddenly, Jaebum was holding a small potted plant in front of him, prickly and green, the soil a pitch black surrounding it.

“A cactus?” Jinyoung stared at it, looking up at Jaebum. “You bought me a cactus?”

“Yes?” Jaebum attempted to confirm confidently, his tone not exactly matching his words, clearing his throat. “It reminded me of you.”

“I remind you of a cactus?” Jinyoung cackled, taking the small plant into his own hands. “This is me? Because I’m a prick or something?”

“No!” Jaebum pleaded, his face reddening before Jinyoung’s for once. “It’s like… you’re all… thorny and threatening on the outside, but you still need to be cared for. Beyond all that, you’re soft and delicate. You’re trying to live and make it through life just like all the other plants.”

“I’m a cactus,” Jinyoung replied softly, thinking about the words Jaebum had chosen to explain the random gift, eyes curiously observing all angles of the tiny planter. It was the strangest gift he had ever received, but he felt touched, the idea of Jaebum becoming flustered as he sorted through bins of other flowers, realizing Jinyoung would chew up the gift and spit it right back in his face if he had gone that route, readjusting to find something to show Jinyoung that he fucking _cared,_ brave enough to show up at his door with a cactus for no other reason than he _liked_ Jinyoung and wanted him to know.

“You hate it,” Jaebum’s face fell, a deep sigh following. “You can throw it out, I know it was a stupid idea, but I didn’t want to show up empty handed.”

“You need to stop making assumptions,” Jinyoung smiled, placing the small plant on the counter before taking Jaebum’s hand into his own, squeezing it gently. “I like it. Your explanation was gross and I would normally gag if I wasn’t in your presence, but I really do like it.”

“You’re not just being nice?” Jaebum asked, expression unsure, yet hopeful.

“Does that sound like something I would waste time, effort and energy on?” Jinyoung laughed, bumping Jaebum’s hip in a flirty, yet comfortable manner, the older boy cracking a smile. “I’m serious, I love it.”

“Good,” Jaebum replied, nodding in satisfaction. “I’m glad you like your date cactus.”

“I’m sure I’ll love what you have planned even more,” Jinyoung assured, letting go of Jaebum’s hand before going to put on his coat, buttoning the front. “I have high expectations and the cactus gave you a good head start.”

“I just hope you’re hungry,” Jaebum smiled, finally seeming more comfortable post-cactus exchange. “This place is incredible.”

“It better be,” Jinyoung smiled, planting a firm kiss to Jaebum’s lips as he locked the door, sliding out of it to stand next to the older boy. “I demand only the best.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Jaebum joked, arm sliding around Jinyoung’s shoulders as they walked towards the stairwell together, both laughing in an odd unison that Jinyoung never anticipated would sound so good.

 

 

The ride to the restaurant downtown had been smooth, pleasant conversation between the pair flowing easily as it ever did, Jinyoung feeling more relaxed than he was in his room before Jaebum had arrived. If he had to pick one adjective to describe how he felt around Jaebum recently it would be _comfortable,_ never afraid to act like his normal sarcastic self, letting the sly digs and jokes fly without a second thought. Jaebum was always there to laugh and to reel him back in, grounding Jinyoung’s sky-high ego when it would get out of control and too much to handle. Going out on a date would turn the friendly amicable feelings like those into more serious ones, Jinyoung hoped, needing a bit of clarity on where they were heading, hoping their level of intimacy wasn’t limited to only the bedroom.

After parking on the street and sliding a few coins into the corresponding meter, Jaebum began to walk with Jinyoung to their destination, the air a bit quieter now that their background music was gone and other people were buzzing around them. It was definitely cold enough for his gloves, but Jinyoung didn’t want to fuss with them, realizing how sweaty they made him in high-stress moments. Just as he was about to force them into his coat pockets like usual, Jaebum’s pinky brushed against his left hand, slowly intertwining itself with Jinyoung’s.

_What’s more embarrassing, walking hand-in-hand or pinky-in-pinky? You already kissed him at the library, keep up the good work._

One brief mental pep-talk later, Jinyoung slowly spread his fingers apart, waiting to Jaebum to do the same, slotting their fingers together, the warmth circulating between them soothing Jinyoung’s nerves even more. The older boy couldn’t help but glance over at Jinyoung with a knowing smirk, understanding how many internal battles he had to overcome to get to this point to show the world that yeah, they were a couple and the world needed to get used to seeing them act like it. Once again, a tiny gesture had fried Jinyoung’s brain to bits, overworking him to think it would be some earth-shattering occurrence to show even a miniscule speck of affection like this. In that moment on the street, however, Jinyoung was proud of how they must look, never imagining anyone but Jaebum to be the one at his side.

A few moments later, they arrived at Jaebum’s restaurant of choice, the older boy having made a reservation to pass the lines of people waiting for the next available table. It was a modern space with exposed brick and steel fixtures, mood lighting accenting the trendy vibe. Jinyoung felt relieved as he noticed many young couples at other tables near theirs, happy that they wouldn’t stick out as the only people under the age of 40 who appreciated a nice night out. Jaebum, of course, helped Jinyoung by pulling out his chair, the younger boy barely embarrassed as he sat down, beginning to examine the menu.

“Do you come here a lot?” he asked Jaebum, looking across the table. “You seemed comfortable as soon as you walked in.”

“Not really,” he replied, shrugging as the waitress brought them some water to start with as they made their choices. “My parents took me here for my birthday earlier this year and I’ve been dying to come back. It’s not really a place I’d come to without good reason.”

“Yeah, with prices like this I can see why,” Jinyoung bubbled out a nervous laugh, eyes down at the tablecloth as he snuck a sip of water to ease the tension.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jaebum smiled, nudging Jinyoung’s knee with his own under the table discreetly. “I told you, it’s my treat. I want us to have a great first date.”

Jinyoung couldn’t argue with that, smiling as he resumed his examination of the menu. Every dish sounded divine, his mind debating between several meat options, craving a rich sauce and some sort of accompanying starch. His stomach grumbled at the thought, Jinyoung clutching it through his shirt, Jaebum chuckling in amusement. Once the waitress returned, they placed their order, Jaebum tacking on a bottle of wine for them to share.

“Now you’re just showing off,” Jinyoung lectured. “Not all of us can throw money around for whole bottles of wine at fancy downtown eateries.”

“You know I’m not some rich kid,” Jaebum laughed, leaning back in his chair. “You saw the car we drove here in!”

“It’s a decoy,” Jinyoung giggled, arms waving in the air. “Your Ferrari is in the shop and you know I would never get inside one of those death traps.”

“I mean, I have been saving for something else,” Jaebum shrugged, playing with his cloth napkin on the table. “But it wouldn’t replace my car.”

“Oh, so you’ll have _two_ cars!” Jinyoung acted offended, hand flush against his forehead. “The humanity!”

“Not a car,” Jaebum replied, sipping his water. “A motorcycle.”

“A what?” Jinyoung felt his breath leave his body, words circling in his head to form the mental image of Jaebum suddenly on top of a shiny black two-wheeler, his leather jacket zipped up to his chin, Jinyoung riding right behind him, arms wrapped tightly around the older boy’s torso.

“Motorcycle?” Jaebum acted it out, pretending to rev the engine and grip the handlebars. “The thing with wheels that goes vroom vroom?”

“Don’t act so condescending,” Jinyoung replied, nearly kicking Jaebum under the table as the other boy burst into a fit of giggles. “I was just… processing the image.”

“You’re always processing!” Jaebum smiled, shaking his head. “You could just tell me you’re already getting off to the idea in your head.”

“Ew, language,” Jinyoung mimicked a forced vomit-inducing action, laughing as he sat back in his chair as the wine arrived, the waitress preparing a glass for each of them before excusing herself. Jaebum held his up, smiling warmly in Jinyoung’s direction.

“On that note,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “I’d like to toast, to us. For… actually getting somewhere. Even if it’s taken us this long to make it work.”

“To us,” Jinyoung rolled his eyes, giggling and lazily clinking his glass against Jaebum’s before taking a sip. “And to me for being so fucking brave.”

“Don’t make me regret taking you here,” the other boy smiled, the teasing tone like music to Jinyoung’s ears, Jaebum’s gaze as fond as ever.

 

 

The dinner was absolutely phenomenal, Jaebum’s choice of wine pairing perfectly with both of their meals, both stealing bites from each other’s plates. Jinyoung couldn’t remember what it felt to be hungry, his stomach bloated from nearly licking his plate clean. The atmosphere was so relaxing, Jinyoung never feeling watched or observed, able to simply bask in all of the attention Jaebum gave him. From his toes to his fingertips, Jinyoung felt warm and cozy, slightly tipsy yet extremely satisfied, Jaebum picking up the check, as promised. After redressing in their cozy outerwear, the two of them left the restaurant, Jaebum tugging Jinyoung by the arm in the opposite direction of the car.

“Are you planning to keep me out all night?” Jinyoung asked, catching up to the other boy. “I have _class_ tomorrow and my academics will certainly not suffer just because I have a… person in my life.”

“A person?” Jaebum poked, giggling under his breath. “Sounds vague to me, care to expand upon that idea?”

“Not particularly,” Jinyoung huffed, pouting and looking at the ground, the dramatics flaring up. Jaebum’s giggle turned into a full-bodied laugh, his hand slipping into Jinyoung’s as they strolled along the busy streets together, staying close. Jinyoung didn’t know if he should blame himself or the wine, but he felt like he could spill his heart out right there in the middle of the sidewalk, admitting to every accusation that Jaebum, Mark or Jackson had thrown his way, not caring if it meant certain embarrassment because he knew it was real and he knew the feelings were finally here to stay. Pausing his mental victory for a moment, he looked over at Jaebum who had slowed down to look in a storefront window, eyes focused on the winter holiday display already organized in the frame.

“I’ve never… had someone with me around this time of year,” Jaebum began, smiling into the window. “Not that you need someone to enjoy it with, but it certainly helps tune a lot of the bullshit out.”

“I know what you mean,” Jinyoung agreed, looking with him, admiring the sparkling pieces of snow adorning the corners. “It’s like you want all of the cliché moments without feeling cheesy. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”

“As long as it’s not over the top, I think there’s a classy way to do romance leading up to the holidays,” Jaebum grinned, looking over at Jinyoung. “Even if our last holiday spent together was kind of a disaster.”

“You’re the one who kept the ears,” Jinyoung accused, letting go of any responsibility for how messy Halloween had been.

“Guilty as charged,” Jaebum chuckled under his breath, sighing. “You think you’ll act up if we see each other around the next holiday?”

“Ignoring the insult,” Jinyoung began, huffing a bit. “But why wouldn’t we see each other? We’re… a thing. Dating. We’re dating.”

“We’re on a date now,” Jaebum shrugged. “But it’s been a lot of hanging out otherwise…”

_Oh, shit. This is it._

It was the moment of truth Jinyoung had feared: the questioning of where they were going. Begging for clarity, Jinyoung had wanted to know what Jaebum wanted so badly, but didn’t dare to ask, the simple question enough to ruin his reputation that had already began to crumble immediately after their first kiss. By understanding and clearing up this mess between them, Jinyoung would no longer be Jinyoung when he was with Jaebum, they would become one unit, one group like Mark and Jackson, people associating them with one another without a second thought. It wasn’t the worst idea, but it was new and foreign, and Jinyoung was stubborn enough to not want to get used to it. But Jaebum was looking at him now, eyes as wide as he had ever seen them, clearly intruding on his internal thoughts, completely exposed like an open book.

“Well,” Jinyoung began after a moment of silence had passed. “There’s a word for people who like to hang out and also bang a lot.”

_That’s your grand romantic line? He brought you a fucking cactus and your way of reciprocating that with words is “people who hang out and bang?” Pathetic!_

“Is that what you think we do?” Jaebum asked, expression unreadable, a thousand sirens going off in Jinyoung’s head, portions of his brain sending out SOS signals, clearly worried the ship was sinking. He had said too much of the wrong thing, Jaebum was clearly offended and the date would be ruined. Jinyoung had to think on his feet to save the moment, the date, their budding relationship, but he wasn’t sure if he knew the right words in the right order to make it happen.

“It is what we do,” Jinyoung took a deep breath, needing to further clarify. “But it’s why we do it that makes it different.”

“Why do _you_ do it, Jinyoung?” Jaebum immediately questioned, arms folded across his chest.

_Don’t. Fuck this. Up._

“Well, I…. I… um,” he stuttered out, words barely organizing themselves into place before he sighed. “I do it because I like you. A lot. I like you differently than anyone else I’ve ever met, and maybe… maybe it could turn into the other four-letter L word, but for now all I can say is that I really, _really_ like you.”

“And why do you like me?”

Jinyoung didn’t miss the playful smirk Jaebum was trying to conceal as he faced the window again, clearly amused with Jinyoung’s panicked reaction. It was all a ploy to get him to confess, but the younger boy was on a roll, wanting to give Jaebum exactly what he asked for, in his own way (of course).

“Because you know how to put up with my shit and you rarely seriously complain about it,” Jinyoung began, moving closer to Jaebum’s face. “You actually listen to my problems and give me solid advice, you help me whenever I need it. You helped me realize that I’m good by myself, but with someone I can consider my equal I can be an even stronger individual, I don’t have to carry the burden all alone. You helped me loosen up and see the world a little bit differently than I did three months ago, and for that I am extremely thankful.”

As Jinyoung finished, Jaebum turned his head, surprised at the other boy’s giant admission of affection and appreciation, unsure of how to respond. Jinyoung was proud of himself, not only for speaking what was actually on his mind, but for rendering Jaebum speechless for the first time in weeks, the power trip once again being deliciously processed in his mind. He couldn’t help but add in one final statement, Jaebum still quiet and pensive.

“And you gave me the best head of my _life_ the first time we were alone,” Jinyoung revealed, shrugging as if it was a common admission. “I should have asked you to be my boyfriend then.”

“With your dick down my throat?” Jaebum apparently had rediscovered his voice, laughing as Jinyoung joined him, the two boys giggling as their breath fogged up the space on the window directly in front of them.

“But seriously,” Jinyoung smiled, taking Jaebum’s hand again. “I’m happy with whatever we are.”

“Me too,” Jaebum replied, giving a gentle squeeze. “But I’d be even happier if you wouldn’t mind me calling you my boyfriend.”

“Only if I can act super disgusted whenever you refer to me as that title in front of our friends,” Jinyoung giggled. “I have a reputation to uphold.”

“Deal,” Jaebum smiled, eyes flattening as he exposed every tooth in his mouth, the happiest Jinyoung had ever seen him.

 

 

Strolling around downtown was one of Jaebum’s favorite pastimes, the older boy pointing out his favorite shops to visit, the photography shop he frequented on the weekends, some of his past photoshoot locations. It wasn’t until they reached a certain alleyway that Jinyoung recognized any of it from his social media lurking he had done a few months ago, a smile appearing on his face. It was the same space from Jaebum’s cover photo on his profile, the strings of lights still hanging from building to building, creating a canopy of brilliant color. While he didn’t remember the sight being so beautiful when he had passed by it in person previously, Jinyoung was captivated by the gleam and glow, fascinated at how he felt like he was floating amongst real stars, lost within his own personal galaxy.

Slipping into a daze, Jinyoung was startled right back out of it by an electronic click from a camera app on someone’s phone, Jaebum looking guilty-as-charged with his device firmly grasped in his hand, a soft smile on his face. His eyes were warm and full of adoration, the hearts practically shooting out of them, a hundred per second. The old Jinyoung would have caused a scene, finding the nearest trash can to kick over, storming away from the intrusion of his privacy. Instead, the current Jinyoung took a few long strides forward, Jaebum wrapping his arms around the younger boy’s neck before they locked lips, the scene as disgustingly romantic as either of them could handle, old habits dying hard on the sidewalk surrounding them.

 

 

Forgetting what he had said about it being a school night, Jinyoung wasn’t surprised to find himself pressed against Jaebum’s apartment door, the taller boy pinning his wrists above him as he pretended to fuss with his keys in the lock, postponing their inevitable separation by mere moments. The car ride had been tense and twice as long as it felt, Jinyoung’s hand egging the older boy on by wandering around his thighs and crotch, the steering wheel jerking dangerously and making it hard to concentrate on the road. After an empty threat of cutting him off completely, Jinyoung stopped until they made it to the parking lot behind Jaebum’s building, beginning to make out in the front seat before moving their session to the outside of Jaebum’s car, then finally winding up at their current location.

“Neighbors gonna hear you…,” Jinyoung mumbled, Jaebum snickering as he kissed along his jawline.

“Not me,” he giggled. “You’re the loud one, Jinyoungie.”

Finally sliding the key into the lock and twisting the knob, the couple fell into the apartment, Jaebum slamming the door closed, standing up and yanking Jinyoung to the bedroom. If the rest of their night was soft, sweet and romantic, the night was about to be intense, rough and nasty, Jinyoung’s heart rate already at an unsafe level. Jinyoung was already pressed back against the door to Jaebum’s bedroom, the other boy unbuttoning Jinyoung’s top with skilled fingers.

“Looked so sexy tonight,” Jaebum mumbled, kisses rough and tongue lapping at his lower lip. “Bet you knew exactly what I liked to see…”

“Something like that…,” Jinyoung sighed, trying to forget how Mark had selected the entire wardrobe from head to toe, his way of paying him back for helping him win Jackson over completely. He didn’t care if Jaebum thought he did it all himself or not - the other boy clearly liked Jinyoung dressed in his daily clothes or completely dolled up. As his shirt fell from his shoulders, Jaebum wasted no time in kissing along his collarbones, showering the other with attention.

It was easy to let Jaebum take control. While rough around the edges and dangerously sexy in bed, he never made Jinyoung feel like less of a man, always building him up to stand at the peak of the mountain with him, both of them able to feel like royalty, no matter the position. He didn’t mention it in his heartfelt speech earlier, but it was a reason Jinyoung held dear to his heart in figuring out his feelings for the other boy, the special ability to be seen as an equal not always present in other relationships.

Jinyoung tugged on Jaebum’s tie as he moved towards the bed, pulling the other boy with him, formal wear apparently his new favorite turn on. Falling back on the mattress, Jaebum followed right on top, loosening his tie and tossing it to the side as Jinyoung worked on exposing his broad shoulders and chest under his shirt. It wasn’t that Jaebum was necessarily buff and super defined, but the muscles that did peek through did _things_ to Jinyoung’s mind, the younger boy enthralled as he grazed his fingers over Jaebum’s abdomen. Soon after he was shirtless, Jinyoung ripped the belt through the other’s loops of his pants, the button and fly opened next as Jaebum stood up, ridding himself of the unnecessary materials.

“How is it fair that I am almost naked and you’re still covered up?” Jaebum chuckled in the low voice he liked to use in bed. “How did this happen?”

“Because I always get what I want,” Jinyoung replied, smirking as he unbuckled his belt next, pulling his pants and underwear down in one motion. “Maybe this evens up the score?”

“Maybe…,” Jaebum sighed, pushing the other boy completely on his back, hand gently wrapped around Jinyoung’s neck. “But you owe me for what happened in the car.”

“Do I?” Jinyoung questioned, pouting a bit. “I think that was your own fault.”

“Blow me.”

“Gladly.”

Wasting no time once Jaebum had removed his boxer briefs, Jinyoung let Jaebum stand in front of him as he sat on the edge of the bed, taking the head of the older boy’s cock in his mouth. The taste had become familiar, the ease of the task not a problem in Jinyoung’s mind. Jaebum made everything so easy, still touched with care even when he wanted to be rough, never forcing him to take in more than he could handle - unless he was asking for it. Finding his rhythm easily, Jinyoung hummed in delight as he moved his head, sliding his fist along with it.

The sounds Jaebum made were always erotic, small but breathy, completely infatuated with the pleasures he received. It was only a blow job, but Jinyoung made it so much more, the newly exposed statements made in the window a gentle reminder that they were more than hooking up and hanging out, willing to go the distance to see what this relationship could actually become. From that day on, it was no longer just a fuck or just a kiss, it was rooted in feelings and emotions, connecting them together no matter what.

Jaebum couldn’t help himself as his grunts became louder, Jinyoung looking up at him as the older boy began to thrust, unable to control his reactions to the younger boy’s talented tongue and perfect style. Pulling off as Jaebum accidently went too deep too fast, Jinyoung gasped for breath, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“You okay?” Jaebum asked sincerely, eyes still half open, lost in some residual pleasure from what had happened.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung breathed, sighing. “Just surprised.”

“Didn’t mean to…,” Jaebum crouched down, lifting Jinyoung’s face to look at his, offering a soft kiss to his lips. “I’m sorry.”

“I promise I’m fine,” Jinyoung smiled, his breathing pattern slowly returning to its normal rate. “We can’t stop now, you’re driving me crazy…”

Those seemed to be the magic words as Jaebum kissed Jinyoung again deeply, the rough tendencies returning as they wrestled around on top of Jaebum’s sheets. Jinyoung managed to mouth at Jaebum’s neck briefly before being flipped around, Jaebum’s lips wandering from nipple to nipple, the cycles repeating themselves until Jinyoung was able to thrust his hips forward into the older boy’s, a long moan vibrating from his throat.

“I need _something,_ ” Jinyoung gritted through his teeth, growing impatient as Jaebum continued to lick and nip around his upper body, offering no help below the belt. “I need to be touched, do you hear me?”

“So impatient,” Jaebum smirked, giving Jinyoung’s length one smooth tug before forcing him to lay on his stomach.

“Not what I meant…,” Jinyoung groaned, annoyed by Jaebum’s lack of understanding of what he actually wanted, not in the mood to be tossed around and teased without much physical contact. Jaebum didn’t seem to notice or care as he massaged the other’s back, his hands trailing down to Jinyoung’s round bottom, squeezing it with care.

“I love this,” Jaebum sighed, showing it the most attention he had all night. “I am so lucky to see this.”

“You won’t be so lucky if you don’t start making me feel _something_ ,” Jinyoung sighed, Jaebum chuckling again before moving his hands away. The younger boy suddenly felt the weight of the bed shift, the heavy presence on the back of his thighs gone before the bed dipped again, Jaebum settled between his thighs. His hands were back on his ass, but in a different position, kisses being pressed to the outside of his cheeks, sending his mind into a panic yet again.

“W-what are you doing?” Jinyoung shifted to look back at the other boy clearly in between his legs. “I was asking for something…”

“And you’re about to get it…,” Jaebum smiled, rubbing the back of Jinyoung’s thighs. “I figured I could do something nice before my dick got involved.”

“You’re really going to…,” Jinyoung gulped, mind dizzy. “My ass?”

“If you don’t want me to, I won’t,” Jaebum assured, tracing tiny outlines in Jinyoung’s skin. “You know I always listen to what you say.”

“It’s not that I don’t like it, it’s just…,” Jinyoung closed his eyes, sighing. “I don’t want you to feel like you _have_ to do it…”

“I don’t mind,” Jaebum smiled, trying to calm Jinyoung down by any touch necessary. “I promise I’ll brush my teeth before I kiss you again, if it makes you feel better.”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung smiled back, his dick and brain going into overdrive. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Good,” Jaebum grinned, giving Jinyoung’s butt a firm tap of assurance as he turned back around, hugging a pillow as he got in a comfortable position. Jaebum followed his lead, adjusting the was he was laying before resuming his mission, kissing along the dip in Jinyoung’s lower back.

_Normally, you would have something witty to say. All you can think of is “yeah?” That’s it? You’re giving in that easily? And oh my god…_

The slick wet feeling of Jaebum’s tongue brushing against that _place_ was enough to make Jinyoung cry out in that moment, but he bit back any sound, a strained whimper slipping out instead as the older boy went to work on what was arguably Jinyoung’s most sensitive area. He had dabbled in experimenting before, but had written it off, everything always too sloppy and careless, a simple waste of time before penetration. But as Jaebum rolled his tongue and worked it effortlessly against him, Jinyoung’s eyes rolled back, whimpering in soft breaths, hands fisted in the comforter at the top of the bed. He should have known that Jaebum would be good at this too, his mouth knowing no bounds, setting off to break records in every sexual sport it could participate in.

If anyone had told Park Jinyoung two months ago that Im Jaebum would be eating his ass after their first official date, he would have given them a black eye, accusing them of libel, slander and any other crime of a fraudulent nature, the possibility of such an occurrence too wild to ever come true. But there he was, legs spread on Jaebum’s bed, butt in the air as he received the most tantalizing rim job imaginable.

“S-so good,” Jinyoung breathed out, biting his lip. “Are you kidding me with that tongue?”

“Mm,” was all he could decipher from Jaebum’s mumbling, his tongue never letting up to help him formulate a real sentence, Jinyoung completely satisfied without words.

As amazing as the sensations became, Jinyoung clearly needed more, hips bucking into the mattress below his body. Jaebum kept his promise of cleaning his mouth once he finished, letting Jinyoung catch his breath as he skipped to the bathroom quickly, washing his mouth up and returning with lube and a condom in hand. Letting Jinyoung lay on his side for a different angle, Jaebum repeated their usual process: getting his fingers nice and coated before pressing into Jinyoung, kissing away any small signs of discomfort, adding them one at a time as Jinyoung pleaded.

“You won’t break me, you know,” Jinyoung sighed as he lost track of how many of Jaebum’s digits were pumping in and out of him, curling inside to find his most sensitive of areas.

“You say that every time, babe,” Jaebum mumbled, the casual pet names beginning to pop up more in their conversations. “I know. My dick knows, too. Don’t worry.”

Whining at the loss as Jaebum removed his fingers and prepared his cock with lube and a condom, Jinyoung impatiently waited for more, ready to kick things back into high-gear, a tower of sexual frustration ready to come tumbling down inside of him. It wasn’t long before the pressure was replicated with Jaebum’s member, the older boy beginning to push inside with ease, the slick warmth welcoming him in.

“Doing so good…,” he mumbled into Jinyoung’s ear, biting the lobe gently. “So sexy like this, can’t wait to see you fall apart…”

Jinyoung tried to speak, but whimpered instead, becoming frustrated with his sexual desires trumping his control of his choice of words. As always, Jaebum felt incredible and thick, fitting snugly and perfectly inside, the momentary pangs of soreness no longer an issue as Jinyoung had adjusted over time to the wonderful sensations he felt with Jaebum. Grabbing onto his side, Jaebum finally was completely inside before pulling out, slamming his length back into the other boy, a strangled yelp of pleasure forced from his mouth.

“F-fuck,” Jinyoung whimpered, Jaebum attempting to find a pace that fell between teasing and aggressive. The grunts of the older boy were present as always, his rough hands moving Jinyoung’s body however he liked, aiming to pleasure them both intensely at the same time. He had a knack for adjusting their positions without ruining a moment or breaking a rhythm, always thinking ahead to what could feel better, what could get them off harder. It was a thrilling interaction for Jinyoung, appreciating the skills Jaebum was showing in bed, praying that some would rub off on him in the long-run.

How anyone could enjoy the physical sounds of two people having sex was beyond Jinyoung’s comprehension, but focusing on the words that Jaebum chose to say as he thrusted and fucked Jinyoung into oblivion were always telling, none of them making much sense, but always making Jinyoung feel closer to him in more ways than one, getting inside his head. With the pleasure and absolute thrill of being fucked apart, it was impossible to always catch the mumbles and mutterings of the older boy, but he tried his best, responding with his own nonsensical replies, dick swelling and head throbbing.

“Touch me,” was the only thing Jinyoung could articulate as Jaebum rammed against the most pleasurable area, tugging at the younger boy’s length. It was rough and not as in sync as it was earlier in the night, Jinyoung scooting closer and closer to the edge with every flick of Jaebum’s wrist. It was one certain thrust and Jaebum’s thumb swiping over the slit on the tip of his member that made Jinyoung explode, shooting his load on the blankets below him, gasping and whimpering a broken moan, hips bucking at the sensation spreading throughout his body. He must have done something to Jaebum’s cock as the other boy elicited a similar grunt and moan, fingertips pressed hard into Jinyoung’s hips, the bruises overlapping faded ones from their previous rounds.

Their bodies lay together for a moment as a thick air of sex floated around them, breaths heavy and uneven. Jinyoung had gotten used to Jaebum’s desire to not necessarily cuddle after sex, but soak up the feelings of being with that other person, skin on skin, soft kisses exchanged. As Jinyoung moved slowly to meet Jaebum’s lips, the older boy held the side of his face, passionately kissing the other. It was a simple time in their routine to exist without pressure of doing anything else, lying around and finding their balance in the real world again.

Once their equilibrium was restored, Jaebum nudged Jinyoung gently to move, getting up and tossing the condom, returning to remove the soiled bedspread and anything else that had accidently fell in the crossfire. Jinyoung knew the drill, fetching some fresh blankets from Jaebum’s living room bringing them to the bed before Jaebum returned with a damp cloth, cleaning Jinyoung’s body as he kissed his neck gingerly.

“You were so good tonight,” Jaebum sighed, pressing his lips behind the other’s ear. “Make me feel so incredible…”

“Right back at you,” Jinyoung mumbled in a low, raspy voice, eyes hooded and lips plump, catching Jaebum’s mouth in his own. “What you were wearing? Fuck…”

“That’s the kind of shit I need to hear,” Jaebum chuckled, kissing Jinyoung’s lips once again before tossing the towel out of the room, sitting back on the edge of the bed, getting comfortable back against the pillows, patting the space next to him for Jinyoung to join.

“Thanks for asking me out tonight,” Jinyoung grinned, trying not to yawn from exhaustion of a long night, setting under the blankets and into Jaebum’s many pillows. “Best date I’ve ever had.”

“I agree,” Jaebum smiled, arm wrapped around the other. “It must have been the cactus.”

“Oh, definitely,” Jinyoung replied, laughing a bit under his breath. “Thank god you didn’t bring me roses or something, it would have totally killed the mood.”

“Roses, eh?” Jaebum elbowed the younger boy in the side, looking at him. “I’ll save that idea for next time.”

“Please don’t,” Jinyoung groaned, rubbing his face gently, Jaebum pulling him into his chest by his neck, the signature move that seemed to work in any circumstance.

“So easy to tease,” Jaebum chuckled, kissing the top of Jinyoung’s head. “I knew I had you figured out the moment we met.”

“At least that makes one of us.” Jinyoung looked over at Jaebum, gazes locking into place like some overtly sweet scene of a movie, Jinyoung’s eyes sinking into tiny crescents. The fine lines around the younger boy’s eyes were more prominent than ever, Jaebum taking his own fingers to frame Jinyoung’s face in a rectangle, acting as if he were capturing the moment on film, another memory he wouldn’t dare to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all still with me? Good. Hope you didn't mind the extra long chapter :) What were your favorite parts?
> 
> The paper! Jinyoung was so proud of something he hated because it meant he had to talk to Jaebum, funny how that all changed. Their first real date, the cactus, Jinyoung giving in to some light PDA and sharing some of his feelings... who is he?! A changed man.
> 
> It's so weird to feel it ending, it's hard to write and finish everything up. I did decide to add another chapter after this one... lol... so 2 more updates in total to look forward to reading. There's so many directions to take this, which is why you'll see me hinting at a sequel in these comments. They deserve 100 more chapters to explore their relationship. One day we'll move beyond Citation :)
> 
> Thank you so much for continuing to read and give kudos and comment - I LOVE YOUR COMMENTS! You're amazing. I love reading them and replying and speculating with you all. You're the best and I hope you read everything else I have in store. Something will be coming soon (Markson, most likely) so please feel free to subscribe to my future works on my profile as well.
> 
> (talk to me on twitter too!! same username as here, just switch the s and k in jackson!!)


	19. Chapter 19

Jinyoung started to fall into a new pattern with Jaebum easier than he would ever admit, the comfort and ease things he never knew he craved. While living with Mark was routine and easy, they were only ever going to be roommates, nothing keeping them tied together except their friendship. With Jaebum, however, Jinyoung liked having a place to escape to that wasn’t his drab campus apartment, the walls of Jaebum’s bedroom a little taller, making it easier for him to breathe. Jinyoung loved waking up, cozy in Jaebum’s blankets, the smell of a fresh-cooked breakfast always lingering in his nose. The domesticity of the situation should have been shocking, but Jinyoung was floating around in a sparkling haze, oblivious to the blatant changes he was going through.

When Jinyoung wasn’t hiding away with Jaebum in his apartment or watching him work in the art studio, he managed to stay on top of his schoolwork for the remainder of the semester, fidgeting at his desk when he found focus as he tried to replicate the patterns that brought him such a great grade on his Language Disorders report. It was almost too easy to get distracted, Mark and Jackson always giggling and fussing over _something_ one or two walls over, a playlist Jaebum had made for Jinyoung constantly on repeat, the small gifted cactus residing in the corner of the desktop. Jinyoung could feel the procrastination settling in, the familiar mood pushing him to ignore his work, his mind always drifting back to linked pinkies, soft lips, firm grips, quiet moans.

It had been happening since the day they met, Jinyoung wanting more of Jaebum in his life, willingly or not. He tried to ignore the urges to visit Jaebum while he was working at the library or when he knew he would be snuggled up on his sofa, sketching out a new concept for his next shoot. While he was evolving and becoming a normal human being capable of having and processing emotions, Jinyoung still needed a barrier, a lifejacket, some sort of escape route in case things went wrong. It had only been a short time since their first real date and Jinyoung knew it would still take some adjustments to be an open book more than once a year with the person he cared most about.

As much as he tried to hold back, Jinyoung couldn’t help but embrace his excitement of meeting up with Jaebum after his morning classes, the older boy promising to spend the rest of the day out shopping. Jinyoung still hadn’t gone looking for new pieces for his wardrobe and his few pairs of skinny jeans were no longer enough. If that had anything to do with how Jaebum’s hands ended up in his back pockets every time he wore them, well, Jinyoung would never tell. At even the mention of Jinyoung suggesting that he needed someone to tell him how everything looked, Jaebum lit up, happily volunteering to analyze his choices.

Before Jaebum, car rides were only a necessity, inevitable and unavoidable. Jinyoung never looked forward to one, always staring out the window into space to pass the time. But with Jaebum, car rides were his new favorite pastime, turning up his favorite songs as they came on Jaebum’s old FM tuner, pointing out obvious changes in speed limits and, of course, using the fact that his boyfriend had to keep his hands on the wheel and eyes on the road to his advantage, letting his fingertips trail where they honestly shouldn’t, mouth dangerously close to causing an accident.

The car ride that day was like any other, Jinyoung no longer having to adjust the seat every time he got in, sinking in comfortably as he hummed along with whatever Jaebum was listening to. His hand rested on Jaebum’s thigh, no intentions of teasing him more than that, the position oddly routine at this point. Ever since Jaebum had asked him officially to be his boyfriend, Jinyoung found himself accepting every interaction easier, the fight or flight reactions he used to face rarely surfacing. If Jaebum wanted to hold his hand, he’d let him. If Jinyoung felt like kissing him, he would. If Mark wanted to tease him for becoming such a sap, he wouldn’t let it fly, wrestling his best friend into the cushions of their well-loved sofa.

After parking and getting out of the car, Jaebum met Jinyoung on the passenger side, holding his hand out with a smile. Jinyoung flashed one back, cautiously linking his fingers with the other boy’s, beginning to walk inside the mall. Just like the displays Jaebum was fascinated with on their first date, the interior was decorated floor to ceiling, intricate ribbons dripping from the skylights, faux fur and holly strung along banisters and staircases, bows and glitter sparkling from the elevators in the central area. It was a bit nauseating to Jinyoung, but he bit back his unnecessary criticisms when he noticed a twinkle in Jaebum’s eye, sighing happily as he watched his partner soak up the holiday spirit.

They had stepped into a few stores, Jinyoung already purchasing a couple button-down shirts, a sweater and new socks. Jaebum had offered to pay, but Jinyoung shot him down, uncomfortable with the idea of someone else taking pity on his purchases, reminding Jaebum that while sure, Jinyoung was changing and things were good, he was still _Jinyoung_ and wouldn’t be moved so easily, especially when it came to Jaebum’s doting gestures. Stepping back out onto the main stretch of the mall, Jinyoung began to walk with his bags in hand, starting their conversation back from where they had paused it in the checkout line, only to notice the lack of a human body keeping pace.

“Jaebum?” Jinyoung asked aloud rhetorically, doing a quick 360 degree spin to find the boy he came with.

_Maybe this is why couples hold hands. So they don’t lose each other after spending a ridiculous amount on yet another cable-knit sweater. I thought Jaebum would have weaned you off of those by now._

His eyes darting around, Jinyoung noticed the display sprawled out in front of him, a tiny white fence encasing a lavish reenactment of what he assumed was the figurative North Pole; a large sleigh with fake reindeer attached filled up half of it, while a plush red throne adorned with gold trim sat on the other side. A burly man with a white beard was catering to the line of children Jinyoung had accidentally stepped into, coercing them into a smile for a photograph taken by the parents. Once he had noticed the line start to shift, Jinyoung took a few steps away, finally locating Jaebum on the other side.

“Thought I had lost you for a second,” Jinyoung complained, only half serious.

“By accident or on purpose?” Jaebum laughed, arm wrapping around the small of Jinyoung’s back. “I just wanted to look at this, that’s all.”

“It’s cheesy,” Jinyoung groaned, pointing rudely at the over-the-top fake snow and lights. “I could shout right now that this is all a big fat lie and ruin the day for everyone.”

“Jinyoungie,” Jaebum warned, a joking chuckle in his throat. “How can you say all that while Santa is right there watching?”

“You’re gross,” Jinyoung whined, nudging the other boy’s side. “And isn’t he always watching? He’s probably seen us do some _interesting_ stuff.”

“Does that turn you on or something?” Jaebum snorted, arm moving to pull him closer as Jinyoung paled. “Maybe he can’t see us in the dark.”

“Just stop,” Jinyoung sighed, pulling away from Jaebum as the older boy laughed. “You’re too much.”

“Whatever,” Jaebum smiled, taking Jinyoung’s hand back into his own even while the younger boy tried to fight it. “You should at least tell me what you would ask him for, you know… in case he _is_ real.”

“Ah,” Jinyoung couldn’t help but grin, knowing this was Jaebum’s sneaky way of trying to find out the perfect gift to exchange. “But I thought you had me figured out from the moment we met?”

“Touché,” Jaebum giggled, lacing their fingers together. “Guess I kind of set myself up for that one.”

“That’s what being a know-it-all gets you,” Jinyoung laughed, hand cautiously squeezing Jaebum’s. “I know from experience.”

_Of course you do, idiot._

 

 

Two lemonades and one fight over which flavor of pretzel to share later, Jinyoung was finally picking out new jeans to try on, the dozens of different shades of denim overwhelming him in the process. It wasn’t his fault he normally opted for black slacks or roomy cotton pants; they were what his mother bought him, he knew it fit, so he continued to buy them for himself long after he assumed the responsibility for his own style. But after finding joy in Jaebum’s expression every time he opted for something more form-fitting around his bottom, he couldn’t help but crave to see that look every time they were together, grabbing as many pairs as the store would allow him to carry into a changing room at once. Grabbing Jaebum’s hand, he tugged him towards the dressing room, the other boy raising an eyebrow.

“Why do I have to come in?” Jaebum asked suspiciously, hand on the doorframe. “Do you have uh, something _else_ in mind?”

“Don’t be so crude,” Jinyoung waved his hand, pulling Jaebum the rest of the way in and latching the door, hanging up the different styles on the provided hooks. “This isn’t one of your developing rooms with a lock and four real walls.”

“At least I know you considered it,” Jaebum smirked, plopping himself down into the only chair, watching as Jinyoung selected his first choice, sliding off his own pants and stepping into the new pair. Jinyoung faced the mirror as he did so, but couldn’t help but watch Jaebum’s focused expression as he pulled them up by the waistband, the material twice as restricting as what he had on before, struggling a bit as the reached the bottom curve of his ass.

“Enjoying the show?” Jinyoung purred, watching as Jaebum straightened up, clearing his throat, face reddening with embarrassment.

“Y-yes?” He squeaked out, coughing from the forced cover-up. “Butt. Your butt looks good.”

“Thanks,” Jinyoung smirked back, finally able to force the material up over his plump backside, fastening the zipper and button in front with ease. The shape on him was perfect, his long legs even slimmer with the tapered style, hugging every curve and dip of his body. “What do you think?”

“Good,” Jaebum choked out, clearly finding an unnecessary amount of arousal from the act, eyes glued to Jinyoung’s ass, the unflattering light of the store no match for what was honestly bodily perfection. It didn’t happen to Jaebum as much as it did to Jinyoung, but the younger loved when Jaebum was rendered speechless, cheeks flushed and voice cracking, overwhelmed by what was happening in front of him.

“Just good?” Jinyoung asked, feigning innocence and accenting the act with an overbearing sigh. “I guess they aren’t the one…”

“No!” Jaebum exclaimed, standing up immediately. “They… they are definitely the ones. Don’t bother trying on the rest. I’ll grab you two other pairs of those, in different shades. They’re _perfect._ ”

Jinyoung didn’t miss the gleam in Jaebum’s eyes, the poutiness of his bottom lip, the way his jaw was unnaturally clenched. He knew that Jaebum was turned on and if that’s how he looked after Jinyoung had only been wearing the garment for under a minute, who was he to argue with Jaebum’s firm decision in his denim choices? It was always his goal to drive Jaebum crazy, but what Jinyoung never expected was to do it by accident, his own plots and plans always foiled by Jaebum’s quick thinking, but the actions he took without care seeming to affect Jaebum more than he could have ever dreamed.

“Okay,” Jinyoung smiled sweetly, watching Jaebum exhale. “Thanks, babe.”

With that line, Jaebum was out the door, on his way to fetch the other pairs, letting Jinyoung shimmy out of the ones he was currently wearing to change back into his own. It felt like an amazing victory, watching Jaebum ogle him in the mirror without regret, clearly torn up from the inside just at the sight of Jinyoung’s body. He was getting better at using that factor to create tension in the older boy, but he never thought to use it in public like this, hoping Jaebum wasn’t too upset from the lack of touching that wasn’t about to happen.

But just as Jinyoung was planning what he would do with Jaebum as soon as he started the car to head back home, he heard a familiar shriek of laughter, forcing him out of the dressing stall to see what the commotion was about. Jaebum was holding the pairs of jeans Jinyoung needed, just as he said he would, but now in front of him was the inseparable duo of Mark and Jackson, all focused on the blond as he waved his arms wildly, reenacting some outlandish tale. Jinyoung was trying not to roll his eyes because he liked Jackson, he really did, but he didn’t expect to run into any problems from here to home, needing to press Jaebum into his mattress without restraint.

“Jinyoung!” Jackson waved him over, Jinyoung hesitating ever so slightly before moving closer, hoping to make an easy break to the register.

“What brings you both here?” Jinyoung raised an eyebrow, the casual statement a little more stale than he meant. “Date night?”

“Kind of,” Mark smiled. “We skipped class this afternoon to grab a movie, figured we’d walk around until we were hungry again. Jackson bought so many snacks…”

“It’s the only way,” Jackson scoffed, holding his stomach. “I think most of the gummy bears have been digested by now.”

“You did eat two bags,” Mark offered, Jackson groaning at the thought of it. Jaebum could only laugh, nudging the blond.

“Maybe we could all go out to eat together,” Jaebum offered, smiling at his brilliant idea. “That is if your stomach can handle it.”

“What, like a double date?” Jackson beamed, suddenly no longer sick to his stomach, the promise of spending time together as a group music to his ears. “Great idea!”

_Great idea?! Bad idea, bad! What is he thinking? Was he not just fawning over you in the fucking mirror like some sex-starved teenager? Were you not dropping hints that you were feeling it too? Did he not dart out of there to save you both time so you could be alone faster? What is his fucking DEAL?_

“Um,” Jinyoung put on a fake smile, clearing his throat as he took the remaining pairs from Jaebum’s arms. “I thought were were, you know, about to go back to campus… for that thing…”

“What thing?” Jaebum had never acted this dense before, and Jinyoung was furious. He wasn’t sure why Jaebum was being so accommodating to his friends ( _there had to be a reason, some angle, right?_ ), but he wasn’t happy, losing all steam from the tension in the fitting room.

“Whatever,” Jinyoung gritted out, holding back the fight he knew was bubbling inside his chest, almost forgetting how he could ever be so upset at Jaebum ever since he admitted his true feelings. “I’ll check out and we can go to dinner."

 

 

It was just dinner, but it felt like eternity.

They had all agreed to a sports bar attached to the mall, Jinyoung begrudgingly carting around his bags of purchases from the day, the weight of the parcel from the denim store reminding him of what could have been. Jackson and Mark sat across from Jaebum and Jinyoung in the booth, everyone ordering a beer and scanning the menu, all selecting something different to eat. Jinyoung was quieter than usual, not wanting to say anything that could set off a panic inside of Jaebum for whatever reason, the will to fight no longer as passionate inside of him. Mark held onto Jackson’s arm as the blond entertained them all, Jaebum chiming in to correct his old stories and tales of when it was just the two of them doing things like this.

Four beers later, Jinyoung could barely distinguish the differences between Jackson’s tales, all of them mushing together into one long timeline. He had finally gotten to the part in his life story when he had met Mark as their food arrived, Jinyoung hoping that a mouth full of fries would slow him down. Instead, Jackson continued to babble, mouth open in a disgusting sight, Jinyoung holding back yet again, Jaebum’s hand annoyingly resting on his knee under the table.

Nothing felt right in that moment and all he wanted to do was leave. Jinyoung had become more comfortable being around so many people at once, but eating together in such a loud space made him anxious, needing peace and quiet immediately. If it was just him and Jaebum, he would be happy. Jaebum knew how much to say or not say at all, letting Jinyoung have enough time, space and room to simply exist, letting things off his chest or keeping them in if he chose to. Jaebum was understanding and wouldn’t push him to stay in his apartment if he didn’t want to, even if he knew Jinyoung always wanted to. They could sit together on the same bed, flipping through paperback novels Jaebum kept on a shelf near his desk, laying in silence until one of them would make tea. If their mood was lively, Jinyoung would blast Jaebum’s old stereo he kept on his kitchen counter, singing loud and obnoxiously in the older boy’s ear as he cooked them dinner for the fifth time that week.

If Jaebum could sense his unhappiness of being there with their friends, Jinyoung didn’t notice, brushing the other’s hand off his leg as he finished off his drink.

 

 

“You look tired,” Jaebum noted, the drive back completely silent as Jinyoung hadn’t bothered to turn on the car stereo. “Maybe I should just take you home.”

“I’m fine,” Jinyoung sighed, still staring out of the window, watching as the moonlight flickered between powerlines. “Just had too much to eat.”

“You and I both know that’s a lie,” Jaebum focused on the road in front of him, not even glancing in Jinyoung’s direction. “You hardly ate at dinner.”

“It was hard to eat with so much going on,” Jinyoung vaguely replied, shrugging. “I’ll be fine.”

“Whatever you say,” Jaebum resigned, continuing on the route back to his apartment, letting the silence resume its uncomfortable presence.

Jinyoung didn’t want to be so short with Jaebum, but any time he tried to find a clever or witty reply, his mind went blank. It was like that part of him had been closed off, going through a remodel of sorts. Jinyoung couldn’t access his easy one-liners, resulting in a cold expression he didn’t mean to show. Jaebum didn’t deserve to be cut off from Jinyoung’s emotions, but he wasn’t comfortable expressing himself in a way that was different than he always had, so he forced everything in deeper, waiting until his spark returned.

Once Jaebum had parked, he helped Jinyoung with his bags up to his level, walking into the apartment he had to himself. It still smelled of cinnamon and clove, the two of them making sticky rolls from scratch one lazy Saturday, Jaebum offering the excuse that he needed to practice before offering to make something to bring to his family’s house for the holidays. It was a shock to Jinyoung’s skin, the goosebumps crawling up and down his arms to the back of his neck, the same panic he felt at the restaurant when all he wanted to do was _leave_. He had never felt it in Jaebum’s apartment and the scent should be familiar and inviting, but Jinyoung dropped his things and dashed for the bathroom, door slamming behind him.

It was almost like the first time he was in that same bathroom, on his knees, leaning over the open toilet in front of him. However, unlike last time when it was clear why he was bent over at a 90 degree angle, nothing fell from Jinyoung’s mouth, only a rough series of dry heaves, leaving Jinyoung’s body sweaty and overwhelmed. He was sure he was having a panic attack, his mind actually spinning as he gripped onto the cold porcelain in front of him, eyes squeezed shut as he tried to remember to take deep breaths. Biting down on his lip, he heard a series of knocks at the door, Jaebum’s voice of concern following.

“Jinyoung?” He asked, hurriedly but concerned. “Are you okay?”

Was he okay? Jinyoung didn’t know where this all came from, why he was suddenly breaking down every five minutes he was next to someone else. It was happening every time he started to think of Jaebum and the things they had done together or the plans they would make, rooted in his deep annoyance that he and Jaebum never got to finish what had started in the fitting rooms in the mall. It was a mixing pot of emotions, Jinyoung trying to swim to the surface to begin to sort any of it out, leaning his head back against the wall. When he didn’t answer, Jaebum twisted the knob open, looking inside cautiously.

“Hey…,” Jaebum started, voice soft and calm. “Are you alright, Jinyoungie?”

Jaebum hardly ever used the nickname like that, always saving it to tease him or poke at his last nerve. But now, Jaebum was using it to show fondness, care and assurance, letting Jinyoung decide what to do next, not wanting to push him into a corner. Jinyoung looked up and sighed, able to get off the floor, using the wall to balance as he opened the door more to exit, offering a small smile to Jaebum.

“I should go,” was all he could say, moving back to where he had dropped his things in a rush to the bathroom.

“Jinyoung…,” Jaebum moved to his side, touching his arm gently, voice remaining gentle. “You should stay, I’ll make us some tea, we can watch a movie.”

“That’s alright,” Jinyoung waved him off, brushing his hand away from his arm as he picked his bags up. “You were right, I am tired.”

It wasn’t a total lie, but Jaebum saw through it anyway, his hand tightening into a fist along his side.

“Did I do something wrong?”

Jinyoung didn’t know how to answer that. No, technically Jaebum didn’t do anything bad, but he did volunteer the group to go on a double date, forcing Jinyoung into whatever mood he was feeling. He didn’t pick up on every vibe Jinyoung radiated in the dressing room, he didn’t find a way to comfort him when he was obviously overwhelmed by the events surrounding him. But maybe that was Jinyoung’s fault for never asking for help in those situations, always needing to defend himself because _he knew best._

“No,” Jinyoung shook his head, offering a very tiny smile. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay,” Jaebum nodded, eyes flat, expression unreadable. “Are you still going to come to my shoot tomorrow?”

Between his internal battles and Jackson’s inability to read a room, Jinyoung had almost forgotten how he had promised his boyfriend he would visit him on set where he would be working on one of his final projects of the semester. It was a photo shoot that Jaebum’s professors had arranged for him, wanting to help kickstart his portfolio with real subjects in designer clothing and an expensive set. It was the opportunity Jaebum had been waiting for all of his years at school and he wanted Jinyoung there to watch, so of course he had accepted without a second thought. It hurt to know that Jaebum would think that Jinyoung would suddenly cancel on his word because of a misunderstanding, but Jinyoung himself had gotten upset at pettier things, so he couldn’t hold it against him.

“Of course,” Jinyoung adjusted his scarf around his neck, avoiding covering the small smile he had. “You know I wouldn’t miss it.”

“Yeah,” Jaebum’s smile flickered before fading, sighing as he headed to the door to unlock it and open it for Jinyoung to leave. Without hesitation, he still kissed Jaebum as he always did before leaving, wanting some sort of normalcy to remain that night. Without another word, he waved before walking back down the hall, taking the stairs down to the main level, exiting into the cold outdoor air that multiplied the shivers down his spine.

 

 

Jinyoung nearly regretted agreeing to go to Jaebum’s photo shoot. After the night of too many unknown emotions, he barely got enough sleep, covers draped across his body, the heat too much to take. Waking up to the sun shining in his window, Jinyoung slipped into his usual routine of a fast shower before brushing his teeth and changing, opting to lounge around in sweatpants while he had some time to waste.

He found himself in the most uncomfortable spot in his room: at his desk. Barely using the ones provided by the school prior to this year, Jinyoung became appreciative of the space, always allowing himself to think deeply and get ahead of his work, another newfound idea. Normally covered in papers and cups from the kitchen, the surface was mostly clean, only his laptop and headphones taking up most of the space. Jinyoung’s eyes scanned over to the small plant that reminded him so much of Jaebum, the gift he never knew he wanted, flourishing under his care. He swore it looked healthier than the day he received it, Mark shaking his head whenever Jinyoung would approach him with the comparisons. But as Jinyoung continued to stare at it, he felt the same strange avalanche of undetectable weight from the night before when he stepped into Jaebum’s apartment, gripping onto the desk for support, knuckles white. He knew better than to run to the bathroom, obviously not physically sick, something in his mind triggering the sensations over and over again.

Figuring a cold glass of water wouldn’t hurt, Jinyoung waited for the shockwaves to subside, standing up slowly before wandering to the kitchen. Mark was already sitting, downing a bowl of milk and cereal, offering a kind smile as the other boy made himself a drink.

“How are you feeling?” Mark asked, taking another bite. “You didn’t look too great at dinner.”

“You noticed?” Jinyoung asked, sighing a bit. “I didn’t mean for you to…”

“Yeah,” Mark grinned, shrugging as he set his spoon on the counter. “You looked a little overwhelmed. Wasn’t sure if I should have blamed Jackson for it or not, so I left it up to you to lash out if you needed it.”

“Thanks,” Jinyoung laughed softly, leaning his back against the fridge. “It wasn’t all his fault. I know he was just being himself and it was Jaebum’s idea to go out to dinner. It was the perfect storm.”

“It happens sometimes,” Mark offered, going back to scooping the crunchy sugary bits into his mouth. “How was the rest of your night, with Jaebum?”

“Well,” Jinyoung sighed, settling down into the chair near Mark’s, resting his hands in his lap. “Wasn’t much of a night outside of what you saw. Went back to his place, felt absolutely awful, walked back home immediately. I was here almost all night.”

“Good thing Jackson and I went to his place then,” Mark smirked, unable to suppress his giggle. “You would have killed us.”

“Absolutely,” Jinyoung tried to grin, still filtering through the previous night’s events. “But it was the strangest feeling. I can still feel it lingering around. I don’t know how to shake it.”

“Describe it,” Mark put his empty bowl in the sink, leaning onto the counter. “Let’s see if I can help.”

“Alright, well,” Jinyoung took a breath, deciding where to start. “Obviously, the first time I felt it last night was when you guys showed up. I had just finished trying on jeans and Jaebum was… I don’t know. He was turned on, I guess. And I just wanted to be alone with him and couldn’t stop thinking about how it was going to be a rough night because we ran into you guys. I know that isn’t fair, but my mind kept wanting me to tell you both to go fuck off so I could spend the night with him.

“And then the second wave was at the restaurant, when Jackson was talking about how he regretted not asking your name when you were hooking up because he couldn’t talk the sex was so good, or something like that…,” Jinyoung continued. “Jaebum’s hand was on my thigh and it felt like fire, like it was prickling through my pants and into my skin. He wasn’t even moving it, but all of a sudden it felt like it was too much, everything felt so tight and closed in until we left.”

“Interesting,” Mark noted, nodding in his direction. “Go on.”

“When he drove me home, it was quiet, but I just acted like I was tired, you know?” Jinyoung sighed, playing with the glass in his hands. “I didn’t want him to think something was wrong or that I was mad at him. Maybe I was annoyed, but not mad. It wasn’t until we walked into his apartment and it still smelled like it did the last time I was there that I realized something was really off, I thought I had to throw up from something so I ran to the bathroom. I didn’t puke, but I’m pretty sure I had a panic attack or something, everything felt so crazy and intense.”

“Uh huh,” Mark was almost smiling at this point, arms crossed against his chest. “And?”

“I left, like I said,” Jinyoung kept on. “Came here, went to sleep. Woke up, felt fine… then I was looking at the stupid cactus and I felt it _again_ , I had to hold onto my desk to not fall over. It’s the craziest feeling and I don’t know what to do. It’s like I want to tear all of my hair out and scream and cry… I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Really,” Mark hummed softly, a full-on smirk gracing his lips. “You don’t know?”

“No?” Jinyoung frowned, eyebrows furrowing. “I don’t. Are you trying to pull something? Did you put something in my drink last night?”

“Definitely not,” Mark laughed, it was full and loud and Jinyoung swore he was taking on too many of Jackson’s traits. “But I can’t tell you what it is. You have to find out for yourself.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jinyoung gritted, fingers tight around his glass, calculating how he could throw it without it shattering into a million pieces. “Why won’t you help me?”

“Because this has nothing to do with me,” Mark began, “and everything to do with Jaebum.”

“What?” Jinyoung questioned, the annoyance flowing through his veins freely. “Did _Jaebum_ do something? What do you know?”

“Jesus christ, Jinyoung,” Mark laughed again, the sound worse than Jinyoung remembered it being. “Calm down, he didn’t _do_ anything specifically. I can’t say any more than that without embarrassing the both of you. I’m out of here.”

On that note, Mark moved from his place in the kitchen, grabbing his coat and shuffling on his shoes, offering an overly-cute smile and peace sign before slipping out the door. Jinyoung sat in place, completely stunned, mind twice as twisted as before he asked Mark for help explaining the strange feelings shooting through his mind. It shouldn’t have been that hard to get to the bottom of the problem, but Jinyoung felt it taking over his entire body, rendering his explanations useless, forcing a deep sigh from his belly. Hearing his phone chime to remind him that he was supposed to be heading to the studio to meet Jaebum sent another pang of worry into his personal bubble, palms beginning to sweat.

When Jinyoung had agreed to visit Jaebum at his shoot, his boyfriend had apologized immensely that he wouldn’t be able to drive him himself, offering him some money to take a cab downtown. At the time, Jinyoung didn’t mind, knowing he was doing enough just by going, but staring out of the window alone made him realize how he wished he was in the front seat of Jaebum’s dated sedan, without power locks or an aux cord, picking the most embarrassing song he could on the dial, trying to get him to loosen up before the big day. Instead, he played with the worn seat belt strapped across his chest, the driver being kind enough to only speak when he had arrived at his destination.

The building was tall and intimidating, Jinyoung looking sorely out of place in his skinny denim jeans in the marble lobby. Asking the receptionist at the front desk, Jinyoung was directed to take the elevator twelve stories up and follow the photography studio’s listing on the nameplates to the door he needed to get to. Once up several flights and at said door, Jinyoung knocked nervously, not wanting to intrude on any happenings behind it. After a few seconds, the bulky black door slid open, a small blonde woman appearing with a big smile on her face.

“You must be Jinyoung,” she smiled, gripping his arm without a warning, dragging him inside and down another short hall. “Jaebum has been talking about you all day…”

If she had said more than that, Jinyoung wasn’t sure because the swirls in his head returned, the entire floor off-balance as he gripped onto the woman for support, nearly tripping over some electrical cords on the ground. Whoever the woman was took it in stride, yelling at some of the workers on set to tidy up the space so no one would get hurt instead of accusing Jinyoung of being clumsy, showing him to a chair at the back of the room.

“I’ll get you a water,” she stated and before Jinyoung could argue that he wasn’t thirsty, an uncapped bottle was in his hand, ready for his enjoyment. Again, she was off with a smile, running around, buzzing between the workers getting everything ready.

It was so much more than Jinyoung had expected. He had seen shows where wannabe models competed, the elaborate backdrops and rigging always seemed to be more for show than function, but here it looked immaculate, everyone coming together to adjust it to perfection. There were some cameras and external flashes lined up on a table, a variety of different lenses and battery packs right next to that. A large-screened monitor with a computer completed the setup, software that Jinyoung had downloaded illegally from the internet already booted up on the screen. All of these elements seemed to calm Jinyoung’s mind, letting him drink the chilled water as he waited for Jaebum to magically appear, excited to see him get to work.

As if he knew Jinyoung was thinking of him at that moment, Jaebum walked from a door on the side, joking with another man who went to finish assembling the set they were using. Jaebum stopped in his tracks as if he were seeing the final setting for the first time, hands across his body as he analyzed everything in front of him. Jinyoung knew the look well; he had been on the receiving end of it multiple times, usually when he would dress up for a nice date, Jaebum always needing to take a second to appreciate a masterpiece when it was in front of him. Once he seemed satisfied with what had been designed, Jaebum turned around to retrieve his camera from the table, but his eyes fell on Jinyoung’s instead, the biggest smile on his face. Ditching the equipment table, Jaebum was suddenly only two feet away from Jinyoung as he stood up from his chair, suddenly surrounded by a warm embrace. Jinyoung couldn’t help but nearly pass out at the panic settling in again, but Jaebum kept him firmly upright, unknowingly saving him from collapsing.

“You came,” was all he said, his voice in a hushed whisper as if he had questioned Jinyoung’s commitment to being there for him, nose buried into the younger boy’s hair. Jinyoung sighed as he closed his eyes, needing to push away the odd sensations that were still lingering, arms tight around Jaebum’s broad back.

“Of course I did,” he smiled, pulling away slowly to steady himself. “This place is…”

“Too nice for me to be in charge? I know.”

Jinyoung couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips, shrugging in apparent agreement to Jaebum’s joke. The two boys stood side to side, shoulder to shoulder, taking it all in together, the nerves evident by the twitching of Jaebum’s hand.

“You’re nervous,” Jinyoung looked over from the corner of his eye, Jaebum shifting his glance away.

“A little,” he confessed. “I really want to get this right. I have a lot to prove.”

“You’re the most talented photographer on campus,” Jinyoung admitted, Jaebum grinning at the easy compliment pushed his way. “You’re going to do great.”

“Thanks, Jinyoungie,” Jaebum smiled, the flattering usage of the word nearly bowling Jinyoung back to his chair. “That always means so much to hear it from you.”

And he was serious. Jaebum was out of his mind to ever be attracted to an asshole like Jinyoung, one who didn’t want to give anyone the time of day, firmly stuck in his own terrible habits. He had too many redeeming qualities, too charming to waste that effort on trying to get in Jinyoung’s head, but he did it anyway and he made Jinyoung start to feel something, too. Jinyoung’s world had been turned completely upside down ever since they met and the aftershocks he was feeling now were only a result of that acceptance. Suddenly, the woman was calling for Jaebum to get into place, the older boy giving Jinyoung a quick kiss on the cheek before briskly walking away, getting set up for his project.

Jinyoung had to sit down. He finished his bottle of water and once it was empty, another appeared without asking. His brain was turning, the gears click-clacking along as he fought off the uneasy weirdness that kept coming back, the daze beginning to cloud his entire thinking process. He shook his head a few times as Jaebum began to work, models draped across the set in clothes that probably could pay for Jinyoung’s entire college tuition, Jaebum able to direct the entire thing with ease, one eye behind the camera at all times. Jinyoung couldn’t help but think back to when he had stumbled upon Jaebum’s shoot on the street corner the week they had met, how he admired him until he realized who he was looking at, cursing mean sentiments under his breath. But Jinyoung wasn’t hiding how he felt any longer, able to let his eyes wander wherever they wanted, loving the way Jaebum operated under pressure. He was so talented and Jinyoung felt like his heart could burst at any second, the pounding rhythm rising in his ears, cheeks flushed and eyes wide. Fingertips gripping into the arms of the chair, Jinyoung had to brace himself for what felt like the worst sensations yet, the static fuzzy around his head, the white lights of the set blinding him, his mouth completely dry even after two full bottles of water.

And then, it hit him.

 

_You’re in love._

 

It was that easy. All of the signs pointed to Jaebum, yes, Im Jaebum, public enemy in Jinyoung’s world since the end of September until everything changed a few weeks ago, the boy who wouldn’t give Jinyoung what he wanted, which was only a fucking _book_. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Jaebum had the _audacity_ to like him too, never giving up on what could have been a dire mistake. And now Jinyoung was here, watching him absolutely come to life at what had to be the biggest opportunity in his college and professional career so far. Jaebum was Jinyoung’s _boyfriend_ who cooked him dinner and drove him around town, he let Jinyoung stay after hours in the library just to avoid his sexually-deviant roommate and his overbearing boyfriend, he brought Jinyoung coffee and donuts from the shop on campus while he watched Jaebum edit photos in the lab, he brought him a _fucking cactus_ on their first date and shit, if that was love, Jinyoung was in over his head in it.

Jinyoung was staring. He didn’t care who was looking and he was sure Jaebum could feel his eyes on the back of his head. Time seemed to accelerate, the room moving at a neck-breaking speed around Jinyoung who remained frozen in his chair, gaze straight ahead. Models went in and out of the frame, changing in front of everyone, no one batting an eye as Jaebum swiftly exchanged cameras and lenses, swapping things out like a pro. Before he knew it, the set was being torn down as Jaebum settled in with another man in front of the large computer monitor, going over the images. Jinyoung knew to hang back a little longer, not wanting to pry when Jaebum was obviously still working, noticing a bit of perspiration along Jaebum’s collar. Trying to distract himself with his phone, Jinyoung noticed a message he must have ignored from the shoot, lighting up his screen.

**Mark**

_Did you figure it out yet? :)_

Jinyoung was feeling generous, so he opted for a kinder reply, knowing all of the details were bound to come out eventually. 

**Jinyoung**

_If this is what love feels like, kill me now._

 

Once they were done reviewing their work from the day, Jaebum shook the other man’s hand, watching him leave through the door. Finally free to look back, his eyes met Jinyoung’s, another smile easily resting on his lips. Jinyoung felt the air being pushed from his lungs, hands suddenly forcing himself up out of the chair, and his body was moving all on its own towards the other boy. Jaebum couldn’t help but embrace Jinyoung once they were close enough, pulling away with a grin.

“They loved me,” he beamed, holding onto Jinyoung’s shoulders. “Of course, I still have to edit the final shots and submit them in a portfolio, but it’s looking good.”

“That’s so great, Jaebum,” Jinyoung smiled back, wishing he could express how proud he was instead of dealing with his unresolved ‘I-love-you’ issues still rattling around in his head. “So great.”

Never one to be blind to Jinyoung’s wavering emotional range, Jaebum took a step back, rubbing his neck like a nervous habit. The smile fell on one side of his face and Jinyoung braced himself for what he thought would be next: the never ending cycle of three-worded questions. Are you okay? Are you lying? Are you sure?

“Can I take your picture?”

It wasn’t what Jinyoung expected and his face probably showed it, Jaebum giggling softly as he picked his camera back off the table, cradling it in his hands.

“Why?” Jinyoung asked, looking around. “They’re gone, you had all your models…”

“Because I want to,” Jaebum softened his expression, gazing lovingly into Jinyoung’s worried glance. “I’ve always wanted to take your picture and now we’re in a place where I can. So, please?”

Jinyoung couldn’t say no with the way Jaebum was looking at him and the tapping reminder that _oh yeah, he’s a dipshit in love_ still circling his brain. Setting down his jacket and gloves, Jinyoung moved to the middle of the backdrop roll, hands uncomfortably shoved in his pockets. Jaebum took one shot before giggling quietly, looking up for a second.

“Act natural,” he suggested, motioning around the empty space. “It’s just you and me. And I know you, and you know me. Relax.”

_Damn, if he isn’t good at this…_

With Jaebum’s advice, Jinyoung slipped easily into some simple poses, listening as Jaebum guided him through an easy, low pressure shoot. He had to admit, it was fun to be on this side of Jaebum’s lens, trying to watch him work while simultaneously being his muse, creating a comfortable atmosphere between the two of them. Their push and pull dynamic worked best in cases like this, one where each of them played an important role, needing the other to make the situation work.

“You’ve taken my picture before, you know,” Jinyoung reminded Jaebum, the older boy looking up from his camera. “Under the lights by the restaurant on our first date. When we became official.”

“Oh, you’re right,” Jaebum smiled, shrugging a bit. “Does that really count? It was on my phone, it’s more for reference than for art.”

“Reference?” Jinyoung giggled, hands on his hips. “You use to to get off when I’m not around or something?”

“No,” Jaebum stated firmly, a bright red flush on the apples of his cheeks. “Not like that.”

It was like Jinyoung had found an open wound and couldn’t help himself but to pry it open more, poking around until he hit bone.

“You want to print it out, paste it on all your walls because I’m so beautiful?”

The giggling continued, Jaebum fumbling around with his camera, nearly dropping it after Jinyoung’s final comment, a deafening silence falling between them as Jaebum made sure it would still operate. Jinyoung stood in place, mouth forced shut as he waited for Jaebum to say something, anything to move on from that moment, hoping he didn’t press too many buttons for one day. Jaebum sighed in relief once he had finished his quick inspection, setting it back on the table before looking back at Jinyoung, expression completely shrouded in mystery. The younger boy braced himself for whatever scolding Jaebum was about to dish out, hands clammy at his sides. Lifting his gaze to meet Jaebum’s again, he felt himself flinch as Jaebum opened his mouth to speak.

“It was the day I knew I loved you,” he said, quietly and firmly. “And I never wanted to forget the way you looked that night.”

Jinyoung couldn’t believe it. There he was, shaken to his core all day long because he had finally realized he was in love with Jaebum when the other boy had already figured out his feelings weeks before. It was a sigh of relief, a breath of a new chapter for both of them, a clear sign that they were both on the same page. But Jinyoung didn’t move, couldn’t move, remaining frozen in the center of the backdrop, expression on the outside unchanged.

“I didn’t want to say anything because I knew it would scare you,” Jaebum continued nervously, going back to fidget with his camera. “I knew it was too soon. Fuck, the way you’re looking at me like that makes me feel like it’s still too soon, I’m sorry Jin-”

“I love you, too,” Jinyoung instantly rasped out, voice rough and shaky, hands quivering at his sides. His mind was spinning harder, faster, violently shaking as it tried to make sense of it all, piecing together what had been their entire relationship to this point. Jaebum had confessed he had loved Jinyoung and Jinyoung finally had the guts to keep up, spitting it out before he had the chance to fuck things up like he usually did. Yet, Jaebum had prepared for the old Jinyoung apparently, dropping his camera completely to the ground this time, Jinyoung squeaking out a yelp of worry and finally breaking his stoic pose.

“Oh my god,” Jinyoung panicked, rushing over to pick it up from the ground. “I didn’t mean for you to drop it, I’m sorry… was that too forward? Fuck, I should have warned you, you didn’t expect-”

Suddenly, Jaebum’s mouth was on his, camera shoved to the side, hands firmly on Jinyoung’s hips. It was like he had needed this all day, Jinyoung melting into Jaebum’s tight embrace, the kiss firm and passionate, rough and tender at the same time. His eyes slipped shut, sparks and lightning dancing in front of him as his heart soared in his chest. He felt a hand through his hair and one tight around his hip, dipping into the curve of his back. It was so comforting he could cry tears of joy, the experience of reciprocated feelings something he could never understand before he had met this man.

There was no use fighting it: Jinyoung was in love with Jaebum and he knew it was exactly what he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT HAPPENED IT REALLY HAPPENED! After all this time, it's real.
> 
> I feel like I have nothing to say here except the next chapter will be the last and my heart is heavy and I don't want it to end. I know I'm being extremely optimistic in how much I'll write in the upcoming months, but I can see a sequel to follow this eventually. I love Jinyoung so much and I'm so proud of him lol
> 
> If you're here and need more immediately, I did start another story called Twist - you can find the link in my works. I will say this, it starts EXTREMELY differently than this. That's all I have to say (and if you read the tags, you'll get it). That won't be updated again until Citation is finished, but please subscribe to that (and/or me as an author) to stay updated!
> 
> Thank you so much for continuing to read and be lovely with your comments. Thank you thank you thank you. It means so much more than I can say.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is: the final chapter.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and enjoy!

Jinyoung watched as his roommate piled another bag by their door, backpack slung over one shoulder as he balanced them all together. Mark had finished his last final of the semester the day before and was heading out on a trip to meet Jackson’s parents in his hometown of Hong Kong and he couldn’t be more excited, practically dragging half of his entire life along with him. The end of the semester wasn’t usually this bittersweet, but Jinyoung had added a wide array of emotions to his arsenal over the past few months and couldn’t help but get caught up in the moment.

“You nervous?” Jinyoung asked, watching as Mark fussed with the latch on his carry on, the older boy shrugging a bit.

“Not really,” he smiled, the black bag now upright and leaning against the others. “It feels… right. Right guy, right time… everything. I’ve already seen them on Skype when Jackson would call them, so it’s not a huge leap.”

“That’s true,” Jinyoung hummed, swirling the contents of his cup around absentmindedly. “I think I might have Jaebum visit me over break. I guess that means he’ll end up meeting my parents.”

“Wow,” Mark replied, clicking his tongue against his teeth. “Already moving to that stage? Have your parents ever met _anyone_ you’ve slept with?”

“Yah,” Jinyoung scoffed, waving him off. “No, but clearly this is different. You know that.”

“ _Everyone_ knows it, Jinyoungie,” Mark giggled, shaking his head. “I swear, as soon as you both let an ‘I love you’ slip around Jackson, the entire student body heard him scream. My ears are still recovering and I’ve heard his worst!”

“He’s supportive, that’s for sure,” Jinyoung giggled, finishing the coffee in his hand, placing the cup on the counter. It was almost on cue that there was a loud knock at the door before it was opening on its own, Jackson acting like the sun personified as he bounced through the frame.

“Markiepooh!” Jackson exclaimed, Jinyoung holding back a full-bodied laugh as his roommate blushed. “I’m here and ready to go! Oh, hi Jinyoung!”

Jinyoung smiled and nodded, offering a small wave as he watched Mark and Jackson bicker playfully over the pile of luggage sprawled across the floor, the blond fighting to carry it all on his own to show how big and strong he could be for his boyfriend. Mark could only shake his head, keeping his backpack and small carry on as a compromise.

“I’ll see you and Jaebum for New Year’s Eve, right?” Jackson asked, still shining even as the bags weighed on his shoulders. “Mark will let you know the time and stuff when we get back.”

“We’ll be there,” Jinyoung smiled, leaning against the counter. “Take care of my Mark, I’ll hunt you down if he’s unhappy when you return.”

“You know I will,” Jackson smiled in Mark’s direction, the two lovers sharing a brief kiss before walking through the doorway, Jinyoung shouting wishes of good luck in their direction. Once they had cleared the threshold, Jinyoung stood up from his relaxed position in the kitchen, moving to shut the door before there was a firm hand keeping it from clicking closed, cat-like eyes shining in the space that remained.

“Ah, Jinyoungie,” Jaebum chuckled, forcing his way inside. “Don’t make me regret walking all this way here.”

“What are you doing here?” Jinyoung asked, an uncharacteristically large smile on his face, truly surprised by the welcomed intrusion. “I thought you were busy today, I was just going to text you when I was back home…”

“I didn’t think it was fair to let you leave without a goodbye,” was all Jaebum had to say before Jinyoung’s lips found his way onto his boyfriend’s mouth, holding the back of his head, kissing him deeply. Sure, he had basically said goodbye to Jaebum the night before… many times, in _many positions_ , but who was Jinyoung to argue with a sweeter version, more chaste with only kisses and longing glances, hands wandering over clothes and smiles pressed together.

“You had this planned the whole time…,” Jinyoung mumbled against Jaebum’s jaw, a low laugh erupting from the other, “you asshole.”

“I thought surprises are cute in relationships,” Jaebum argued, hands firmly gripping Jinyoung by the back pockets of his jeans.

“Do I look like someone who enjoys surprises?” Jinyoung had to laugh because Jaebum knew he wasn’t, yet there he was, smiling uncontrollably like an idiot because his boyfriend had shown up unannounced only to give him a proper farewell.

“No,” Jaebum grinned, shrugging shyly like he always did when he got caught. “But you look like someone who enjoys me.”

“Gross,” Jinyoung grimmaced with one eye open, watching as Jaebum moved in to kiss him again, the mushy exchange melting away the last bits of remaining ice on Jinyoung’s heart.

Three nearly-visible hickeys and one steamy make-out session later, Jaebum was once again out the door, making Jinyoung promise that he’d call as soon as he made it back home. Looking around at the half-empty dorm, he suddenly felt extremely lonely, apparently getting used to always having someone around no matter what. Jinyoung didn’t have much time to dwell on the new feeling as it wasn’t long before his parents were calling him, letting him know they were there to take him home for winter break. Letting out a heavy sigh, Jinyoung grabbed the few bags he needed for the short time away from school, careful as he balanced a plastic container in his arms containing a tiny cactus that meant so much more than he ever realized it would.

 

 

It used to be fun to get away from campus and the craziness that came with his undergraduate career, but Jinyoung wasn’t too fond of it anymore. The first few days were entertaining, taking time to drive his mom’s car around his hometown to shop or lurk around to see other peers he had graduated high school with. If he got caught up in actually talking to them, there were empty promises about seeing each other soon or to keep in touch once they had all left home back to school, but Jinyoung knew better and he yearned to return to the impenetrable group of friends he had grown to love. Sure, Jackson was brash and loud, Mark was too smitten to tell him to calm down and Jaebum was too amused by the entire dynamic to stop any of it, but Jinyoung was most comfortable in any arrangement with them by his side, specifically Jaebum.

One downside to never having a serious relationship before was learning all of the things you hate while you’re apart from the other person. For example, Jinyoung would catch himself texting Jaebum at all hours of the day, ranting about something he saw in a checkout line at the store or about a new song he had heard on the radio stations back home, but Jaebum wasn’t always as quick to reply, clearly still having his own work to attend to even when school was out of session.

Besides the mundane, Jinyoung was also horny all the time, his own hands completely useless after day three, wondering how he ever went so long between the summer and Jaebum when he was teetering on the edge of sex addiction. He should have appreciated it more, the way Jaebum knew exactly what to say to get Jinyoung going, how he earned Jinyoung’s trust to do pretty much anything he wanted, even switching it up from time to time, letting Jinyoung get his fair share on top as well. But he was back home and Jaebum wasn’t there, so he spent his free time doing the thing he used to love being alone with: photography.

It was another difference Jinyoung hadn’t picked up on right away, Jaebum’s voice quiet in his head as he hiked across a park near his parent’s house. As he lifted his arms up to capture a landscape in the distance, he could almost feel Jaebum’s arms behind him, sliding up his biceps to keep him steady as the shutter closed, the image permanently recorded. The warmth from a hot breath ghosted on his ear, a shiver running from his neck to his lower back, forcing him to pack his camera up, the chill too eerie to continue.

He missed Jaebum. It had only been seven days and he didn’t feel like himself, constantly wishing they could be close again. It wasn’t fair that Jinyoung had come so far in so little time, swallowing his pride again and again to admit he fell in love with a dickhead library bozo, only to be alone during one of the most beautiful times of the year. It was only a few more days until Christmas and then the day after Jaebum would be here, in Jinyoung’s house, and the world would go back to spinning.

Jinyoung was growing tired of the texting and the phone calls where they never said much, it stirred up too much longing rather than ease, forcing him to hang up much earlier than he really wanted to every time, leaving Jaebum hanging on his last words. His parents had expressed their concerns, Jinyoung’s mother forcing him out of his room to join them for dinner every night, encouraging him to perk up and smile, hating seeing him in such a state especially when things could be worse - he could be all alone this holiday.

The only thing Jinyoung really focused on before Jaebum arrived was finding the perfect gift. It was difficult as Jaebum’s birthday was within the first week of the new year, so making sure he selected two items of equal value was his biggest concern. The birthday gift came easy, Jinyoung tucking it in the back corner of his closet so Jaebum wouldn’t find it when he visited, but the Christmas present stumped him for a long time. It was by chance that Jinyoung had found the second, casually strolling around the mall and looking into a jewelry shop’s front display, seeing a pair of earrings he knew Jaebum would absolutely adore. Jinyoung wasn’t used to spending large amounts on gifts except for his family, but he wanted it to be special for his boyfriend as he was sure he’d get something of equal value in return.

Listening to a Christmas playlist was out of the question as Jinyoung wrapped his gifts meticulously on the floor of his bedroom, instead opting for the familiar playlist he was afraid he would wear out from Jaebum’s selections. Instead of each song becoming overplayed and grating, Jinyoung had grown fond of each of them, trying to decide what Jaebum loved most about each one. There was a hard rock song that he knew Jaebum enjoyed whenever the radio would play it, nearly headbanging himself into the steering wheel. The next song was a ballad from the time they would have been babies, Jaebum always reminding Jinyoung that it was the most popular song in the country the week he was born, Jinyoung nearly blushing at the idea of Jaebum researching the exact track. Of course there were a handful of more sensual tracks, Jaebum always adding more of those when Jinyoung wasn’t looking, always surprised when the shuffle picked one next, leaning his head back against his bedframe as the words slid through his ears.

Careful to not bump his precious cactus he had brought from school to take care of even while on break, Jinyoung moved to sit at his desk, finding one of the Christmas cards he had stolen from his mother’s pile to address to Jaebum and give him when they exchanged gifts. It wasn’t anything he would have chosen on his own, the front coated in a thin sheen of white glitter, a smiling snowman who had no use being _that_ excited for a holiday that would forget him not even a week later. Picking up a pen, Jinyoung began to write a simple message, letting the ink dry before placing it inside its corresponding envelope, putting it with Jaebum’s gift until they would exchange them together, the playlist ending as soon as he finished.

 

 

Christmas Day went by quickly, Jinyoung dressed in a deep green sweater and black dress pants as his family sat around all day, taking the time to open gifts, eat delicious food and spend time together. His family wasn’t into big lavish meals or fancy get-togethers and for that, Jinyoung was thankful, preferring to sit back and relax with a movie and a holiday-flavored mug of coffee, adding in a swirl of vanilla like Jaebum would usually make for him back at the apartment. It was hard to hold back his excitement to see his boyfriend the next day, his parents already having an informal dinner planned for them, making sure that they would impress Jaebum as well. Telling his family about his new romantic interest had been a passive exchange, his mother being the only one particularly interested in any details besides his name and how they met. Jinyoung conveniently left out the parts where he claimed to hate Jaebum, how he nearly threw a book at his face and cursed him for eternity, not wanting to taint her opinion before she could form her own.

The next morning, Jinyoung woke up early without the assistance of an alarm for the first time since he was born, saying goodbye to his parents before they headed back to work for the day, going through his usual morning routine. He was about to see Jaebum in a few hours and he couldn’t be happier that he had the whole house to himself, planning to use every minute of alone time with Jaebum to the fullest. Not only did he shower and shave, cleaning up the bathroom as he went, but Jinyoung made his bed and picked up his belongings, room unrecognizable even to himself. He ate lunch nervously as he watched the clock, receiving a text from Jaebum as he was on his way over, Jinyoung’s heart rate naturally increasing. It was stupid to feel the way he did, like he hadn’t seen Jaebum in weeks or months, waiting patiently on his living room couch for the other boy. Sure, they had exchanged the big “I Love You” moment, but they had only been together for a short period of time, still in their honeymoon phase. But Jinyoung tried not to dwell on that fact, instead learning to trust his heart and those emotions, letting himself _feel_ instead of over think and plan, wanting everything to come more naturally.

He had good intentions, but most of them went out the window as he saw Jaebum’s car pull into his driveway, palms immediately clammy and feet pacing back and forth across the floor. The butterflies he had shaken weeks ago were suddenly back, fluttering around his chest and stomach like they had never left. Jumping out of his skin at the sound of the doorbell, Jinyoung had to give himself yet another pep talk, walking one step per minute.

_No big deal. Your boyfriend is here, at your childhood home, where you live. Sometimes. And you love him and you haven’t seen him in a little bit. Why are you nervous? Don’t be nervous. Get excited. No, not that kind of excited! Not yet, at least…_

Hand twisting the knob open and smiling as he saw Jaebum on the other side of the screen door, Jinyoung stood to the side as he came in, taking his heavy black boots off before offering Jinyoung a soft kiss on the lips, putting his bag on the ground. Jinyoung wasn’t a sappy guy, nor was he willing to admit how much he had missed Jaebum, instead opting to wrap his arms around the other boy’s middle, burying his face in his neck, closing his eyes as he was finally able to relax.

“Did you miss me or something?” Jaebum chuckled, arms resting on Jinyoung’s back, rubbing it softly. “Because you can say so. I won’t judge you.”

“No,” Jinyoung sighed happily, taking in the scent of Jaebum’s worn-in flannel and aftershave. “Not a chance in hell.”

“Well, I didn’t come all this way to see someone who didn’t miss me,” Jaebum laughed, nudging Jinyoung away gently. “Show me around, give me the grand tour.”

“Okay, um,” Jinyoung backed up, walking a few steps into the room he was in before, motioning around. “Living room, nice and cozy. Fireplace, for you know… fires.”

“I’m learning so much,” Jaebum continued to laugh, taking the time to look at each of the photographs Jinyoung’s mother had placed on the mantle. “You were so cute, what happened?”

“Puberty,” Jinyoung shrugged, smiling as he glanced at the photo he had zeroed in on. It was from Jinyoung’s 7th birthday party, his face covered in cake and icing. “I’m going to kick you out if you keep analyzing my baby photos.”

“Alright, alright,” Jaebum giggled, following Jinyoung as he went from room to room, showing him the kitchen and more, heading upstairs to finally show him what Jinyoung could only guess was his most anticipated part.

“No snide remarks about anything,” Jinyoung held a finger up to Jaebum’s face, already on edge as to what the older boy might comment on. “It’s a privilege to step foot inside here, so don’t take it for granted.”

“Whatever you say,” Jaebum replied, stepping inside and starting to scan the room. Jinyoung was proud of himself for keeping it clean, but felt panicked as Jaebum’s eyes seemed to wander then zoom in on certain things, his body gravitating towards some framed prints his mother had put on the wall of his work from high school. Jinyoung held his breath as he watched Jaebum take it all in, not used to sharing this side of himself with anyone, hardly able to remember the last person he had ever taken back to this room that he was romantically interested in.

“You took these?” Jaebum asked, referencing the frames on the wall.

“Yeah, long time ago,” Jinyoung shrugged, coming over to look at them closer. “High school, free time during one of the clubs. I never really cared about showing anyone anything, but my mom got them printed and framed. She was really proud of them.”

“And you aren’t?” Jaebum looked at Jinyoung, smiling as he turned back to them. “You’re so good, Jinyoungie. Even then you were. You should take more pride in this.”

Jinyoung missed being an emotionless void on two legs, able to let words and actions pass through him without a second thought. He could ignore insults and take criticism with only a shrug, never caring for compliments or positive feedback, wanting to exist in his own little vacuum. But something had changed since he met Jaebum, his mind slowly shifting and evolving into being able to process these things, to accept when others were kind and to deal with the negativity that sometimes came his way. Hearing Jaebum encourage him and cheer him on, even in his hidden hobby, made his cheeks flush, the complement bearing more weight than the older boy probably realized.

“Thanks, Jaebummie,” Jinyoung said quietly, smiling as he admired his works with a newfound perspective. “It means a lot to hear it from you.”

“Ah, don’t go soft on me just because I said one nice thing,” Jaebum teased, poking Jinyoung’s side as the younger boy tried not to giggle. “Where’s your edge?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jinyoung groaned as he let out a muffled laugh, burying his face into Jaebum’s shoulder.

“That’s more like it,” Jaebum laughed, pulling him into a headlock, ruffling his dark locks. “Don’t let the setting change who you really are deep down inside.”

“Whatever,” Jinyoung wrestled his way out of Jaebum’s grip, moving to sit on the edge of his bed. “If you keep testing me, I won’t be able to give you your present.”

“Your present is me visiting,” Jaebum joked, nudging Jinyoung in the side as he sat next to him. “Hope you’re enjoying it so far.”

“It’s satisfactory,” Jinyoung smiled, trying to not expose how happy he was that they were finally back together in the same room for the first time since the end of the semester. “Barely acceptable.”

“I knew you would say that,” Jaebum grinned, hopping up to leave the room, Jinyoung listening as he heard the other go downstairs and back up quickly, a wrapped box in his hand. “Almost left this back at the apartment.”

“You act like I don’t basically live there,” Jinyoung laughed, getting up to get his gift for Jaebum, making sure to grab the card as well.

“Well, maybe someday…,” Jaebum trailed off, his eyes meeting Jinyoung’s before shifting to the floor, hands tightening around the gift in his hands. Jinyoung felt his breath stop in his throat, processing what Jaebum was essentially suggesting, the seriousness of the insinuation heavy on his mind.

But was he wrong? Was it so bad for Jinyoung to accept crazy propositions and plan years ahead? It wasn’t much of a stretch to think of living with Jaebum in the future since Mark was probably thinking of ditching Jinyoung for Jackson next school year anyway, leaving him to figure out a single-living situation. If he didn’t have a job, there would be no way he could live off campus, making it a huge possibility he would have to go back to the drawing board and find a new roommate, or worse, get selected from a random pool. Jinyoung’s common sense was finally active, guiding him to the right words to say, knowing he couldn’t scare Jaebum away.

“I think so too,” Jinyoung offered a comforting smile as he sat back on the bed. “As long as you won’t mind living with a college senior even after you’ve already graduated.”

Jaebum’s head shot up, finally able to look at something other than the freshly-vacuumed carpet of Jinyoung’s childhood bedroom, a cautious smile on his lips. He had seen Jinyoung when he would joke around, but this wasn’t something the younger boy would use against him, knowing how much it would actually mean if it ever happened.

“Of course not,” Jaebum beamed, joining Jinyoung on the edge of the bed. “There’s plenty of room for your stuff. You can keep the cactus on the windowsill in the kitchen.”

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself,” Jinyoung laughed, nudging Jaebum’s shoulder. “It’s still eight months away. I might kill it before that even happens.”

“The offer will still stand,” Jaebum grinned, placing Jinyoung’s gift next to him. “Cactus or not.”

Jinyoung laughed, his eyes crinkling and sinking back into his face as Jaebum leaned over to kiss him, hand steady on his side. It had been like this since the day of Jaebum’s photoshoot, the two boys able to joke around and have conversation without worry of ruining what they had finally established. In between the careless jokes and painless insults, they snuck kisses and touches, Jinyoung accepting the fact that he was in love and Jaebum taking full advantage of his freedom to express how he had felt for even longer than he admitted.

Once their laughter had settled, Jinyoung handed over his box and card to Jaebum, motioning for him to go first. The older boy looked exactly like a little kid as he opened the card first, careful to unseal it so he could return the card back to its original packaging. Looking at Jinyoung for permission to read it, the younger boy elbowed him, Jaebum giggling as he read the few lines to himself.

 

_Jaebum -_

_I guess I learned to love you after all._

_Yours,_

_Jinyoungie_

 

If Jinyoung’s eyes were seeing things right, which _of course_ they were, he could have sworn he saw a few tears forming on the corners of Jaebum’s eyes, the older boy quick to press the back of his hand to them to cover up any extra emotions he didn’t want to let slip right away. Slipping the card back into its envelope, Jaebum smiled over at Jinyoung before pressing on to unwrap the small box, eyes shining in amazement once he noticed the earrings.

“Jinyoung,” he sounded breathless, hands already loosening them from the backing, needing to wear them immediately. “These are perfect. You have really good taste…”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Jinyoung giggled softly, taking each one as Jaebum freed it from the velvet-lined box, fastening them to empty slots on Jaebum’s earlobes. It was another intimate display of how close they had grown together, Jinyoung no longer hesitating to act on his wants and needs, Jaebum always giving into the younger boy’s desires. Once satisfied with the placement, Jinyoung pressed a soft kiss to his ear, giggling quietly. “They look great.”

“Thank you so much,” Jaebum couldn’t stop smiling, his lips still in a permanent grin as he kissed Jinyoung softly before handing him his gift. The square box was wrapped immaculately and Jinyoung was almost too scared to tear it apart, Jaebum’s artsy side coming in handy in even the most boring of tasks. Once he had shredded through the thin layer of wrapping (on accident, he swore), he held the box of a brand new instant camera, film to match.

“It’s film so you can culture yourself,” Jaebum lectured, a grin still fixed on his face. “But it’s instant so I don’t have to hear you complain.”

“Oh, Jaebum,” Jinyoung swooned, overacting by placing his hand over his heart and fluttering his eyelashes. “You know me so well…”

Giggling as he looked at the box more, Jinyoung noticed a tiny slip of paper sticking out of the top as if the box had been opened, unable to ignore it. Tugging on it carefully, a folded piece of paper came loose, Jinyoung’s name scribbled across one corner.

“What’s this?” Jinyoung held up the note, Jaebum’s eyes going wide as he tried to snatch it away.

“Nothing!” Jaebum objected, trying to pry it from Jinyoung’s tight grip, the younger boy giggling as he pinned him down. “It’s for you to read when I’m not here!”

“Why can’t I read it now?” Jinyoung teased more, taunting Jaebum in his face. “You read my card a minute ago!”

“Because!” Jaebum whined and _god_ , if Jinyoung didn’t always love the sound of that. “Please just save it for later, when I’m not here…”

“Fine,” Jinyoung conceded, slipping the note back into the box, Jaebum letting out a sigh of relief. “But only on one condition…”

“We… have sex right now?” Jaebum suggested, already sliding his shirt off before moving the trash from their gift exchange to the floor.

“Ugh,” Jinyoung pretended to complain as he began to undress as well. “You know me too well, it’s disgusting.”

“Get used to it,” Jaebum chuckled lowly, pulling Jinyoung into his lap as he mashed their mouths together, the younger boy letting out a small squeal of delight. It was unbelievable how their bickering and fighting before they got together had managed to integrate into their sex life perfectly, the teasing and playfulness always making each time unique and exciting. Jinyoung would feign indifference or annoyance and Jaebum would be right there with a kiss or bite, hands wandering around his body.

Once both of them were stripped down to only their underwear, Jinyoung moved to kiss down the other’s body, flicking his tongue across Jaebum’s sensitive nipples before continuing his quest downward. Jaebum leaned back against the wall Jinyoung’s bed was situated against, allowing Jinyoung to settle between his legs, head moving closer to his crotch. Looking up at Jaebum before making any moves, Jinyoung smirked, hand brushing against his package, a low groan slipping from Jaebum’s lips.

“How long have you been thinking about this?” Jinyoung asked, hand tracing the outline of Jaebum’s member against his briefs.

“You don’t wanna know…,” Jaebum replied, eyes closing slowly as Jinyoung continued to tease him. “But I need it…”

Humming softly, Jinyoung dipped his head down, tongue lapping at the head of his cock through the cotton, forcing a few more whines from Jaebum before he shifted his waistband down, cock finally free for his pleasure. Figuring that the older boy had been waiting long enough, Jinyoung darted his tongue across the tip before his plump lips wrapped around the head. It had been so long - too long - since he had been able to do this for Jaebum, the moans and heavy breaths like music to his ears. He was careful to keep things slow, wanting it to last as long as possible as he knew they wouldn’t have time to do this all again before Jinyoung’s parents returned home.

_Can you believe you’re missing GIVING a blow job? You’re not the one even getting it. This is crazy. You’re crazy. But he is, too._

Jaebum didn’t let Jinyoung go for very long, tugging on his hair gently to get him to stop, sighing once the younger boy pulled off with a pop. His mouth was slick and his lips were swollen, but Jinyoung still had a stupid grin on his face, one from doing what he was with someone he _gave a shit about_. That may have been the craziest feeling of all because, sure, Jinyoung would have liked sex with Jaebum without feelings. The older boy was incredible and his cock never failed to satisfy Jinyoung, but that extra pinch of it meaning something _more_ , that Jinyoung couldn’t overlook… it completely changed the game.

“Sorry, Jinyoung,” Jaebum caught his breath, back propped up against the wall as he leaned against it. “Just that… can’t wait any longer…”

“S’okay,” Jinyoung nodded, going to rummage around in his side drawer for some lube, Jaebum pulling him back onto the bed once he had located it. With one swift motion, Jaebum maneuvered Jinyoung to lay across his lap, sliding his underwear down and giving his bottom a gentle smack. Jinyoung whimpered but it almost came out like a moan, his eyes fluttering shut.

“Missed this,” Jaebum rasped, hands gripping Jinyoung’s ass a little rougher than usual, spreading him apart and trailing his fingers along the exposed skin, a strong chill running down Jinyoung’s spine. He should be too proud to admit how much he liked Jaebum teasing him, groping his ass and dangling his fingers around like he owned it. But Jinyoung was infatuated with the way it felt, how Jaebum could hear his soft mewls as he pushed against his entrance before stealing a drop of lube from the bottle Jinyoung had a death grip on, finally dipping a single digit inside. Jinyoung sighed as he felt Jaebum begin to work it in and out, not really preparing him for anything, simply teasing him as he twisted it around.

“Feel good, baby?” Jaebum asked, voice heavy and eyes hooded. Jinyoung didn’t dare to look back behind him, knowing he’d be sucked into his dark irises, put under a trance without his permission. Instead, he only nodded, pushing his butt up more to insist on something more from his boyfriend, Jaebum responding with a second finger immediately. Moaning softly, Jinyoung managed to open his eyes, the feeling of getting fingered so surreal as he took in his surroundings of his bedroom, the two feelings incompatible. As if he knew what Jinyoung was thinking, Jaebum curled his fingers into _that spot_ , Jinyoung whimpering as he reached for a pillow to sink his fingers into.

“P-Please…,” Jinyoung sighed, his cock feeling strained from being pressed between his body and Jaebum’s thigh. “Need more…”

“Likewise,” Jaebum smirked, moving his hand away as he helped Jinyoung sit upright in his lap, passing the lube to the younger boy before Jinyoung began to slick Jaebum’s length up, wrist twisting in just the right way. Then, it was like magic that Jaebum was suddenly passing him a condom he had fished out of the back pocket of his jeans hanging off the bed, going to open it for the other boy. Jinyoung stared at it before looking at the heavy, slick cock in his hand, finally connecting the dots in his haze. He watched as Jaebum slid it on, adding a bit more lubrication as Jinyoung moved himself over it, holding onto the back of Jaebum’s neck as he lowered himself down.

_Fuck. It’s been a while._

Once he had taken all of Jaebum in, Jinyoung crashed their lips back together, a fiery passion flowing between them as he began to rock his hips, holding onto Jaebum’s neck. He hadn’t told Jaebum yet, but this was Jinyoung’s favorite position, allowing him to be in control even when he technically shouldn’t be, leaving Jaebum to surrender some of that power. Staying face to face with his lover was exciting, kisses never-ending, hands roaming all over. Jaebum’s grip on his hips went loose as he fluttered his fingertips around Jinyoung’s flat stomach, moving them up to ghost gently around Jinyoung’s nipples and up to his neck, one hand placed around his collar gently.

It wasn’t perfect; Jinyoung’s bed was smaller than his at school and even tinier than Jaebum’s in the apartment, their bodies constantly readjusting so one of them wouldn’t fall off the edge or hit their head on the wall. Even with the extra effort to keep themselves connected and fucked out of their minds, Jinyoung was floating on cloud nine, eventually having Jaebum lay completely on his back as he continued to ride the older boy’s cock. Taking his time to go painfully slow and speed up before repeating the process, Jinyoung teased and brought Jaebum to the edge and back, smirking as his own loud moans filled the room. Just when Jaebum would get used to one pace, Jinyoung was sitting up more, nearly letting Jaebum’s length completely slide out before slamming his body back down on it, forcing a strangled groan from his lover’s mouth.

Eventually sick of the taunting, Jinyoung leaned back to reach the perfect angle, Jaebum able to thrust up to meet Jinyoung’s hips in a solid rhythm. The younger boy whimpered as Jaebum moved his hand to stroke him in time with their other movements, hand still somewhat slick from preparing Jinyoung earlier. Jinyoung tried to hold off as long as he could, but with one forceful pump, Jaebum had him yelling his name, coming over his stomach, breaths tight and heavy. At the sensations of Jinyoung tumbling over the edge, Jaebum lost it too, thrusting a few more times before finishing with a sigh, head falling back against the pillows.

Jinyoung had to admit it felt surreal. Not only to have sex with someone he loved and cared about, but also to be doing it in the place he truly considered his home, even if he was only there a fraction of the year. Jaebum got to see Jinyoung come undone in probably the least sexy place imaginable, but he didn’t care and he hoped Jaebum didn’t either. It meant the world that he was even visiting in the first place, almost desperate to share this side of himself with someone who seemed to care. He felt lucky enough that it was the boy below him who somehow seemed okay to just lay there, a stupid grin on his face, body covered in an unmentionable substance.

Leaning down to kiss Jaebum again, Jinyoung moved his body to the side as he slid off, sighing as their mouths met gently. It was calm, but still needy, the two boys clearly not getting enough of each other in the short time they had been apart. As Jaebum moved to clean up and throw away their trash, Jinyoung nearly caught himself whimpering like a lost puppy, eyes big and lips pouty.

“You never leave the bed right after we’re done,” Jinyoung complained, putting on his best acting skills. “Don’t tell me you don’t want to cuddle…”

“Who are you?” Jaebum couldn’t help but laugh after he had wiped his body clean, sliding back into bed with Jinyoung as their bodies immediately tangled together again. “I wish I could record everything you’ve said recently, go back in time and play it for you the day we met. Your head would explode.”

“Yeah, well,” Jinyoung rolled his eyes, still pouting from all of the teasing Jaebum was slinging his way, the older boy’s arms suddenly around his middle as they relaxed, warmth radiating between them. “Good things take time.”

“Sure,” Jaebum shrugged, kissing Jinyoung’s jaw softly. “I guess you were worth the wait.”

_Don’t worry, you don’t have to puke. That’s just the butterflies. Again._

 

 

Jinyoung and Jaebum spent the rest of their time alone casually lounging around in Jinyoung’s bed, free of clothing and responsibilities, able to laugh and catch up on all the funny things that had happened since they last saw each other. It was comforting to know they could still pick right back up where they left off before the break had started, a good sign for things to come once their schedules changed next semester. Whenever Jinyoung would bring up how busy he would be, Jaebum hummed in agreement, reminding him of his packed schedule as he would be graduating soon.

As the clock strolled past five, they both got dressed after Jinyoung’s suggestion, his parents arriving back home within fifteen minutes of each other. Successfully appearing as if he and Jaebum hadn’t spent the better half of their time together ravaging each other’s faces, Jinyoung proudly introduced his boyfriend to his parents, both of them seeming to accept him completely without a question asked. His mother had prepared Jaebum’s favorite meal to which Jinyoung blushed, arguing that he had only _suggested_ what Jaebum liked to eat, not insisting on making it exactly, Jaebum’s gaze adoringly affectionate as he snuck a quick peck behind his mother’s back.

At dinner, Jinyoung’s father went down a list of questions Jinyoung swore he memorized only to interrogate them with, Jaebum laughing as Jinyoung tried to argue about the unfairness of this happening during their meal. Jaebum had to physically hold Jinyoung’s hand against the table so he would stop pointing, Jinyoung’s mother giggling every time Jaebum willingly cut off Jinyoung without hesitation. While his father was only asking about Jaebum’s major at school and his family, Jinyoung still felt exposed, like his family had finally figured out he had feelings and most of them were reserved for Im Jaebum, the asshole library assistant he never meant to say a word to.

After the meal, his mother forced the two boys into stuffing their stomachs full of sweets, Jaebum having no problem downing his portion of the cookies on the table. Jinyoung watched as the conversation between them all flowed easily, everything slotting into place once again like this had all been planned from the start, Mark’s voice echoing the word _fate_ again and again until Jinyoung had to physically shake his head to get it to leave.

“Lights,” Jinyoung suddenly said, clearing his throat. “We should go look at the lights.”

“You have somewhere in mind?” Jaebum asked, looking his way, cookie crumbs still stuck to his upper lip. Jinyoung reached out, brushing them away and giggling softly.

“Yes,” he grinned, standing up. “Get your coat and some gloves. It’s time for a walk.”

 

 

Once back into the frosty winter air, Jaebum’s hand immediately found Jinyoung’s, the two boys sharing a brief smile before Jinyoung led the way down to the sidewalk. There was barely a light dusting of snow on the ground, but Jinyoung had worn his heavy boots, not wanting to look out of place next to Jaebum’s leather pair. It was quiet and some houses were still illuminated with different colors, but Jinyoung kept moving, a certain destination in mind.

“Your parents are great,” Jaebum smiled, continuing their conversation from inside. “They really care about you.”

“I know,” Jinyoung grinned. “Almost makes you wonder why I ended up the way I did.”

“Stop it,” Jaebum laughed, swinging their hands together. “I know you too well now. I can see right through your walls.”

“I’m an asshole with a heart of gold,” Jinyoung proclaimed, grin still wide. “Damn proud of it, too.”

“As long as you’re able to keep the asshole part under control around me, I think that’s fair to admit,” Jaebum responded with a smile, Jinyoung flushing under the loving gaze.

A few steps later, the boys found themselves in the nearby park Jinyoung had frequented, lights tangled in the trees as additional decorations were scattered around the open areas. A gazebo in the middle was covered in shiny ribbon and twinkle lights, brighter than any other space in the park. As Jinyoung turned to ask what Jaebum thought, he saw the bright look on the other boy’s face, completely entranced with the perfect winter scene in front of him.

“I figured you’d like it,” Jinyoung admitted, motioning around. “You’re the sappy one in this relationship.”

“A title I’ll admit and wear proudly,” Jaebum chuckled, beginning to walk to look at everything closer, acting like a toddler who had never seen such a sight in his life. Jinyoung couldn’t help but take in how his partner looked as he sighed happily, the taste of Christmas cookies still buttery on his tongue. Without realizing what was happening, Jaebum was suddenly tugging him to the center of the park, pulling him into the open gazebo, hands firmly placed on his sides.

“Thanks for a great Christmas,” Jaebum stated genuinely, keeping his body close to ensure their warmth. “Even if we celebrated a day late.”

“I’m just happy you loved your gift,” Jinyoung smiled, arms resting around the older boy’s neck. “And that you came over at all.”

“Of course,” Jaebum moved forward while keeping Jinyoung in place, resting his forehead against the younger boy’s. “I had to see you.”

Letting out a small laugh and grinning, Jinyoung looked down before glancing back up, his eyes meeting the familiar gaze he had fallen in love with ten times that day. Moving his lips up to meet Jaebum’s as they embraced, the warmth between them was more than he could ever need on a night like this.

 

 

Back at the house, Jaebum packed up his card from Jinyoung as well as some leftovers from Mrs. Park, standing in the doorway with Jinyoung for what seemed like eternity. The younger boy didn’t know what to say, everything seemingly too final, especially when Jaebum would be picking him up in 5 days time for Mark and Jackson’s party. Finding the courage to show some affection in front of his parents, Jinyoung offered a small kiss and a smile, leaning back against the doorframe.

“Text me when you get back home,” Jinyoung reminded him, biting back a grin, knowing all of the flirty nothings Jaebum always would type late at night.

“Always do,” Jaebum replied, squeezing his hand once before waving and heading out the door, back into his car. Honking once he had backed out onto the street, Jaebum was out of sight within a minute, Jinyoung solemnly closing the door and heading up to his room, ready to slip underneath his heavy blankets. However, once he had closed his bedroom door, Jinyoung remembered the hidden note Jaebum had pleaded him to read later, finally retrieving it and opening it slowly. Sitting back against the pillows where Jaebum had sighed his name earlier, Jinyoung’s eyes moved line to line, taking it all in.

 

_Jinyoungie,_

_Merry Christmas. I know you may disagree, but I feel very lucky to have had the pleasure of getting to know you these past few months. I tried so hard to be patient, hoping it would pay off in the end, and it did. You’re not easy to give in, and I don’t think that’s a negative quality. It only makes me feel that much more special that you have given a piece of yourself to me and continue to share your life as openly as you choose._

_You may not see it like I do, but you’re so bright and intelligent, knowing exactly what I’ll try to do and say to make you feel better or to tease you. I’ve never met a challenge like you, but I can’t be mad that you keep me on my toes. I wasn’t lying when I said you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It’s still true, you know. Maybe even more so than before._

_To us, and the new year._

_Love,_

_Jaebum_  


 

***

 

In a flash, it was suddenly New Year’s Eve, Jaebum picking Jinyoung up in the same sedan he had grown to love, his butt settling into the front seat like a glove. Jinyoung had dressed up specifically to get Jaebum going without a chance to stop: tight black pants, skinny down to the ankles, a black button-down tucked in with his favorite belt, a shimmery gold tie hanging from his neck.  Leaning over to give his boyfriend a big kiss, Jinyoung giggled as Jaebum’s hand gripped his thigh, slipping to the inside of his leg.

“Mmm, impatient,” Jinyoung smirked, swatting his hand away before buckling the seat belt. “Though I can’t blame you.”

“Typical,” Jaebum scoffed, chuckling as he forced another kiss onto his boyfriend’s lips, Jinyoung sinking back into his seat happily.

 

 

The party was everything Jinyoung assumed it would be: loud, crowded and over-the-top. He wasn’t sure how Jackson knew so many people, but Jaebum was quick to remind him of Jackson’s personality and his ability to win anyone over, Jinyoung included. Nodding in agreement, the pair followed their usual party-going routine of getting drinks (which Jaebum always insisted on mixing himself), finding a place to drink their drinks (usually the quietest, most secluded corner), and waiting for Jackson to inevitably find them. Normally, they would bet against each other, seeing who could guess how long it would take before the blond appeared out of thin air, but that night they didn’t have a chance, Jackson practically pouncing on them the minute they had grabbed something to drink.

“Oh my god, hi!” Jackson beamed, squeezing both of them into a hug at the same time, his shorter height be damned. “I feel like I haven’t seen either of you in ages. You guys look so happy, are you happy? Yi-En says you’re happy, but I had to ask for myself…”

As Jackson continued to ramble, Jaebum glanced over at Jinyoung, mouthing ‘Yi-En?’ with a questionable glance. Motioning in an unspoken language that he would explain later, Jinyoung turned to Jackson and gently shook his shoulder, smiling at the shorter boy.

“It’s good to see you too, Jackson,” he chuckled, letting the blond catch his breath from his rambling. “Where is Mark anyway?”

“He was right behind me, but got stopped by some lanky kids dancing in the middle of the hallway,” Jackson spun around in a complete circle before noticing Mark coming up behind their group, a drink in each of his hands. Smiling big as he nodded in Jinyoung’s direction, Jackson took one of the glasses, Mark offering a small hello to Jaebum as well.

“Hope he hasn’t scared you off yet,” Mark joked, sharing an amusing glance with Jinyoung. “He wouldn’t shut up about seeing you guys tonight. Something about the whole gang being back together again.”

“It does feel nice to be around familiar faces,” Jaebum shrugged, smiling as he wrapped his arm around Jinyoung’s back to keep him close. “By the way, I think the playlist is stuck on the same song…”

“No!” Jackson shrieked, immediately running off to fix the problem, the others laughing together.

“So, Yi-En, eh?” Jinyoung giggled, Mark blushing a bit as he shrugged. Jaebum looked utterly confused, eyes pressuring the two of them for an answer.

“It’s my birth name?” He laughed a bit, shaking his head. “Jinyoung knows it, Jackson did, too. But once we went to visit his parents and after coming home it’s been Yi-En this, Jia-Er that. It’s kind of… nice.”

“How am I supposed to taunt you now if you’re okay with being called it all the time?” Jinyoung joked, nudging his side. “I thought it reminded you too much of getting scolded by your mother.”

“I guess Jackson gave it a new life,” he smiled fondly, shrugging as he glanced over at Jackson frantically trying to reprogram the playlist he had curated. “Love makes you forget why you fought things so hard in the first place.”

Jinyoung could only hum in agreement, Jaebum’s fingers pressing gently into his side.

 

 

The party continued on, Jinyoung and Jaebum sharing drinks and laughs, waiting for the countdown to start. Jinyoung was proud of himself for only feeling mildly tipsy, enough to loosen up and be a little bit more affectionate with Jaebum, not caring if anyone made assumptions about their status together. If anyone wanted to ask, Jinyoung would proudly admit that he was with Jaebum, happy to be in a relationship and out of the endless cycle of hooking up. As the clock ticked down, Jinyoung found a place for the two of them to share their moment together, Jaebum rushing over to the corner with champagne before the last ten seconds began.

“Thought you wouldn’t make it back,” Jinyoung rushed, giggling from the adrenaline and buzz as he took the glass from the other boy.

“When will you ever learn to stop questioning me?” Jaebum laughed, arm around Jinyoung’s back as the crowd yelled together louder - _three, two, one…_

It was like fireworks. Jaebum’s mouth was soft and warm on his own, eyes fluttering shut as Jinyoung wrapped a firm hand on the back of his neck. It was always like fireworks, and Jinyoung never wanted that to change.

 

***

 

“I told you to not get me anything,” Jaebum protested, already beginning to unwrap his birthday gift Jinyoung had selected weeks ago, before he had even found the older boy’s Christmas present. “It’s not your fault that my birthday is only a couple weeks after Christmas…”

“It’s the first one I get to spend with you,” Jinyoung grinned, the two boys sharing space on Jaebum’s couch in his apartment, the air scented with sesame oil from the meal Jinyoung had fought to prepare for his boyfriend’s special day. “I wanted to get you something to show I cared.”

“I know you care, present or not,” Jaebum paused from opening the gift, smiling at the younger boy as Jinyoung tried to conceal his flushed cheeks. “You can’t get anything past me.”

“What have I ever done that would make you think I give a shit?” Jinyoung snickered as he tried to act offended, Jaebum practically kicking him off the couch. In a full fit of laughter, Jinyoung clawed his way back onto the cushions completely, sliding his body flush against Jaebum’s, shoulder to shoulder as he finished opening the gift.

“Jinyoungie, ah,” Jaebum smiled as his eyes locked onto the new digital drawing tablet Jinyoung had selected, hands running along the sides of the package. “This is… wow.”

“I wasn’t sure…,” Jinyoung sheepishly grinned as he rubbed his own hands together. “I wasn’t sure what was best, so I had to have someone show me. I was nearly embarrassed by the _entire_ experience, you better love it.”

“How could I not?” Jaebum replied, eyes still studying all of the information listed on the packaging. “This is the perfect gift. I’m serious!”

“Guess I’m more boyfriend material than I thought,” Jinyoung giggled, Jaebum nudging him forcefully again until it turned into a total wrestling match, gift placed safely on the coffee table before Jaebum had Jinyoung on his back, arms pinned above his head, body still attempting to squirm away.

“Not fair!” Jinyoung whined, trying to kick his legs free as Jaebum adjusted his weight down onto them. “You weigh more than me!”

“That’s not nice to say!” Jaebum laughed, straddling the younger boy’s thighs. “You need to be punished!”

“Ooh, Jaebummie,” Jinyoung teased, watching as Jaebum’s face went red as he processed what his words implied. “Aren’t you lucky it’s your special day…”

The mood had been light and playful until that exact moment, Jinyoung’s voice dipping down into the lower register he chose to use whenever he needed Jaebum to get serious for what was about to happen. The older boy knew what it meant and was always visibly affected by the heavy drop in tone, body tensing up and eyes suddenly tight. Moving from the legs below him, Jaebum stood up as he cleared his throat, watching as Jinyoung followed, standing too close for how thick the tension had become.

“What, did you not think I would have something planned?” Jinyoung raised an eyebrow, hands moving to casually rest on Jaebum’s hips, shirt riding up as his skin was exposed. “Dinner, a present… we all know there’s only one way to _really_ end the perfect birthday.”

“I don’t like expectations,” Jaebum tried to act tough as Jinyoung’s lips trailed along his jaw, giggling to taunt him. “I’d rather be surprised, just like this.”

“You have the answers for _everything_ ,” Jinyoung purred, kissing softly to the older boy’s ear, feeling Jaebum’s body growing rigid under his touches. “Teach me your ways?”

Jaebum’s eyes went wide at the suggestion, Jinyoung pulling away with a smirk as his hand laced with the other boy’s, tugging him along in a daze to the bedroom. Truth be told, Jinyoung had almost forgotten that he wanted to do something special in this regard for Jaebum’s birthday until a few hours before he had to come over to start on dinner. What he had pulled together in his mind was certainly last minute, but he knew Jaebum would like anything he offered, even if it was a amateur hand job like the one he gave the first time they kissed, knowing the true feelings behind it at this point in their relationship.

Shutting the door behind him, Jinyoung took advantage of Jaebum’s stunned state, pushing him up against it, the kiss intensifying tenfold as he nudged a knee between the older boy’s legs. Jaebum was already whimpering at the soft touches, Jinyoung’s hands unbuttoning his shirt faster than he ever had. Pushing the garment from Jaebum’s shoulders, Jinyoung dipped his mouth down along his exposed collarbones, sucking and nipping away. The final bite pushed Jaebum out of his daze, the older boy pushing Jinyoung down back onto the bed before he was climbing on top, regaining his dominance he was usually known for at times like these. Jinyoung could only chuckle in amusement as Jaebum nearly ripped his shirt off his torso, his belt flying off next as his pants were shoved to his ankles and pushed to the ground. Jinyoung had to fight back to get his hands on Jaebum’s fly, his erection completely obvious through his tight denim. A few back and forth tugs later, Jinyoung had successfully forced Jaebum to rest back against his headboard, laying on his stomach between Jaebum’s legs.

“Your first gift,” Jinyoung smirked, hands rubbing up and down the inside of Jaebum’s thighs, the older boy sighing as he trailed his fingertips around. “Is a mind-blowing blow job, courtesy of my extremely talented mouth and tongue.”

“Mm, don’t I get those all the time?” Jaebum shot back, eyes heavy and mouth smirking. “I thought this was supposed to be special.”

“Sure,” Jinyoung sighed nonchalantly, tongue already darting out to lap at Jaebum’s tip. “But I’m going to make you come. And then you’re going to come again. And again, and again…”

Jaebum moaned as Jinyoung trailed off, mouth fully surrounding the head of his cock as he let it sink in, holding the older boy’s thighs open to give his head enough space to work. Running his tongue from base to tip and back down again, he sucked along all of the tender areas, mouth resuming work of Jaebum’s member once the older boy’s fingers were twisted in his hair, guiding him along. At this point, Jinyoung knew the steps he had to take in order to get Jaebum absolutely wrecked, speeding up and slowing his pace to tease him, hand working where his mouth wasn’t. Jaebum seemed to enjoy every movement, his soft grunts and sighs like music to Jinyoung’s ears.

_It’s his birthday and somehow you’re still feeling like a king. Absolutely typical._

He wasn’t joking about how much work he had ahead of himself, Jinyoung’s jaw getting sore as he looked up at Jaebum, his face in pure ecstasy as his entire cock slotted into Jinyoung’s mouth, a strangled moan slipping from his lips. Jinyoung repeated this process a few more times, the sloppy wet noises unable to distract him from his goal, Jaebum tugging on his hair tight as the tension rose.

“G-gonna…,” Jaebum managed to spit out, not giving much more of a warning as he finished in Jinyoung’s mouth, leaning back to catch his breath as the other boy took his time to pull off and swallow. Jinyoung took only a second to compose himself before his mouth was sliding up Jaebum’s stomach and chest, meeting his lips in a passionate kiss, tongues slipping together as Jaebum let out another soft moan.

It was almost sweet how Jinyoung was treating Jaebum, hands roaming around, pumping his still-slick cock in his fist to get him ready for what he really wanted. Jaebum read Jinyoung’s motions as he always would, hand moving from his hip up to his cheek, breaking the kiss to gently force two fingers into Jinyoung’s mouth, the younger boy eagerly sucking on them erotically. If this had been the old Jinyoung, he would have shoved the hand away, laughing at the idea that he would succumb to offering such a task, but it was his boyfriend’s _fucking_ birthday and he was in _goddamn love_ and if that wasn’t enough to convince him to give him anything he wanted, he wasn’t sure what would.

A few more licks from Jinyoung’s tongue and Jaebum was moving his hand around Jinyoung’s full bottom, sneaking one finger to his entrance and pressing it in as the younger boy whined, mouth mashing back onto Jaebum’s lips. It was messy and rushed, but Jinyoung didn’t care, keeping the pace Jaebum wanted as he added one more finger, stretching Jinyoung out with total ease. It was another misconception Jinyoung had interpreted, thinking he and Jaebum could switch back and forth every single time they wanted to be intimate, but it wasn’t his fault that Jaebum was so obviously meant to dominate him, body and mind more powerful, looks and glances more intimidating. Not that Jinyoung didn’t have his own times to enjoy that other bliss, but it was silly to think he had scoffed at the idea that this could ever be the norm.

“Turn around,” Jaebum barked, pushing Jinyoung up by the shoulders. “And don’t forget the lube.”

Jinyoung should have guessed the view his boyfriend would prefer on his birthday, moving to fetch the tube from where Jaebum had tossed it the last time they were together, dripping the cool substance all over Jaebum’s cock. As his had slicked it up, Jaebum moaned softly, looking impatient before Jinyoung was straddling his lap, back to Jaebum’s face, giving him the perfect view of his round ass as it swallowed Jaebum’s length. It was the first time together they hadn’t used a condom, the two of them taking the serious steps to verify their health as it was grating on Jinyoung’s nerves to be completely monogamous and unable to enjoy all of the benefits. If he was going to bottom most of the time, Jinyoung wanted to feel it all, and so far, it hadn’t disappointed him yet.

“Look so good, Jinyoung,” Jaebum sighed, hands rubbing the sides of the other. “So hot…”

All Jinyoung could do was whimper before lifting himself up and repeating the process, stars darting around his eyes, lips parted and tiny moans sounding. Jaebum took his title of birthday boy seriously, barely moving at all except to use his hands to encourage Jinyoung, the younger boy working his hips and bouncing his body up and down, working himself all over Jaebum as much as he could. The entire night was all for him, the blood, sweat and (fake) tears he had poured into each part had made it really sink in that he was fully alive and in love, willing to go the distance to prove it in more ways than one. Even better than being in love and showing it as much as he could was the total reciprocation Jaebum effortlessly exuded, matching and outdoing his efforts each and every time. It was mutual respect and adoration, two adults falling into roles they were built for, Jinyoung and Jaebum forevermore known as one.

It wasn’t long before Jaebum’s hand was impatiently jerking Jinyoung off, wanting nothing more than to finish together, Jaebum selflessly taking matters into his own hands as Jinyoung’s stamina was wearing thin. At one final drop of his body, Jinyoung forced a boom of a groan from Jaebum as he came, Jinyoung squeezing his eyes shut at the sensation, doing the same into Jaebum’s closed hand. It was a mess, a romantic one that both of them craved, bodies moving apart only for Jinyoung to slide his chest back onto Jaebum’s, arms tight around each other as their mouths became inseparable once again, soft moans and heavy breaths exchanging.

“You could’ve just gotten me that,” Jaebum mumbled into Jinyoung’s ear, biting his lobe gently. “All I really need…”

“Can’t I at least try to be a romantic every once in awhile?” Jinyoung laughed horsely, voice sore from their bedroom fun. “Give me some credit, Jaebum…”

“I think you can guess how much I loved it all,” Jaebum smirked, giggling as he kissed Jinyoung again. “In fact, I bet you already know.”

Jinyoung smiled to himself as he held onto Jaebum a little tighter, face buried in the other’s neck as he tried to avoid the obvious look that yeah, he knew. Jinyoung knew how much Jaebum loved it all, and in turn, how much Jaebum loved him for it.

  


***

 

Jinyoung’s parents dropped him back off at his dorm the night before the next semester began, waving and honking before he stepped inside, taking the staircase to the familiar door he had been pushed into and kissed so hard he could barely stand. After unlocking it, he took a quick look around, noticing Mark’s things were already back and in place, their video game system already hooked back up to their television set, fridge freshly stocked with beer. Jinyoung unloaded a few of his things in their general living space before moving to his own room, hanging up his clothes (including all of his new jeans and form-fitting pants) and sorting away his toiletries. Going back to his backpack, he retrieved the cactus that was still thriving, gently placing it back into its rightful place in the corner of Jinyoung’s desk, fetching a few drops of water to keep the soil surrounding it moist.

It was almost surreal to think of everything that had happened since he moved in back at the beginning of the school year, irritation levels at an all time high as Jinyoung tried to start to school year off on a better foot. But old habits die hard, classes and assignments were no exception, Jinyoung slacking off and forming a bitter attitude towards it all. It wasn’t Jaebum’s fault that Jinyoung had acted the way he did and sure, it wasn’t fair to blame things in the past, but it was a perfect storm that everything got caught in, Jinyoung unable to find his true feelings through all of the shit he had built up throughout the years.

But even through that, Jaebum had managed to break through, to get to Jinyoung’s core and shake the negative things loose, drilling into Jinyoung’s head to force what he could see out. It had taken twice as long as it should have, Jinyoung fighting it tooth and nail, but once one domino fell, it was a chain reaction; Jinyoung had effectively become a new person, save for the streak of biting sarcasm he would never let go of.

Instead of forcing a sugary energy drink down his throat while he booted up some video games, Jinyoung opted for a green tea and a borrowed paperback from Jaebum’s stash, cozy in his blankets the night before the new semester. Before his eyelids grew heavy, Jinyoung remembered to charge his phone, sending one text he never thought he’d send.

 

**Jinyoung**

_I’m back. See you tomorrow at the library?_

 

**Jaebum**

_Of course. Your seat will be saved, as always._

  
  


***  


Maybe the positive thoughts of him turning a new leaf over in his academic life were mostly lip service, Jinyoung struggling to wake up at the sound of his alarm, arms heavy as he went through his morning routine. It was too early, there was too much sun shining through his window, and his jeans were too tight for class, fighting to get them up over his butt before making sure his backpack had at least a pen and some paper stuffed inside. Rushing through his door to slide on his shoes and a coat, Jinyoung noticed a note on the counter, scribbled in Mark’s familiar handwriting.

 

_Jinyoung!_

_Sorry I didn’t say hi when I got in last night, assumed you were asleep or with Jaebum. Dinner tonight, all four of us? Just some pizza - nothing to fuss over. Text me when you’re free from making eyes with the librarian._

_Mark_

 

Jinyoung chuckled as he jotted a quick reply of _yes_ on the page, slinging his bag over his shoulder before darting out the door and down the stairs, eyes adjusting to the early morning light as he followed the path to his new schedule.

It was worse than the semester before, Jinyoung once enthralled by the idea of being through with his core curriculum, now forced to actually pay attention as things became more relevant to his future career. Students around him seemed so engaged, so willing to give their best efforts to not only master the material being taught, but also to become a better student overall. It still wasn’t in Jinyoung to give that amount of care towards academics, so once his final class of the day was dismissed, he breathed an enormous sigh of relief as he practically waltzed out of the building.

Unlike the first time he had taken the walk between that building and the library, Jinyoung was ecstatic to see the picturesque structure come into view, the light hitting the nameplate just as he remembered it. There weren’t many students around the entrance as classes had only resumed a few moments prior, but Jinyoung took his time, walking inside slowly as to soak up the moment.

Once inside, Jinyoung took a deep breath before walking along the hallway he had taken a thousand times to see his book and later, visit Jaebum, the monochrome tile leading him to the reference section he had grown to love. But before he could reach the doorway to the specific area, he noticed the display case along the hall that had remained empty for most of the previous semester had been filled, frames lining the entire enclosure. Jinyoung couldn’t help but be nosy, stopping to observe what had been placed inside, a sudden wave of realization washing over him.

It was all Jaebum’s work, the project he had been tapped to produce and display, the department hand-picking the boy to showcase his work in a public way. There were prints from Jaebum’s shoot on the corner, ones he assumed were from assignments previous to when they had met, a couple frames Jinyoung realized were from their time spent in the park together. The last few selections were from Jaebum’s time at his professional shoot where Jinyoung had nearly lost his mind, recognizing that the sick feelings that had been building inside of him were simply the roots of love, the two boys sharing a passionate kiss in front of a blank canvas, the perfect analogy for their budding relationship.

But it wasn’t any of the professional and tasteful photos that took Jinyoung’s breath away. Glancing to the end of the row, Jinyoung’s heart swelled so much he thought it could burst, dropping his bag from his shoulder to the ground as his fingers couldn’t help but reach out to touch the glass in front of him.

Jaebum had saved the best for last, the photo he had mocked the older boy for all those weeks ago, Jinyoung’s profile illuminated by the bright string lights in an alley downtown by the restaurant where they had their first date. He had seen the photo a million times as Jaebum kept it as his background on his phone, never shy if someone had glanced over. But now, Jinyoung was a representation of Jaebum’s art, the thing he had spent years perfecting, what he would be trying to make into his way of life. There were landscapes and editorial shots and models and _Jinyoung_ , and he could have cried right there if he was any more of a sap, the emotional pull of something so simple as this weighing down on him in a way he never expected.

Unable to spend another second staring at the works, Jinyoung grabbed his bag and darted into the empty reference section, eyes zeroing in on the desk he had grown to love. However, Jaebum wasn’t there and Jinyoung started to panic, his bag dropping again as he went to move, brain moving a million miles a minute.

_You’re kidding me, right? He knew you were coming, don’t worry. You always do this, but things are different now. Don’t freak out, he’s here…_

It was almost on cue that Jinyoung heard someone clear their throat, his face moving to meet the direction the sound came from, suddenly relaxing at the sight. Jaebum was sitting in Jinyoung’s “assigned seat,” the glow from the sun shining through the windows, casting a hazy radiance of dust and light around him. Jaebum smiled as he closed the book he was reading, pushing back the chair to stand up.

But Jinyoung had other ideas, practically sprinting over before Jaebum could even rise from his sitting position, sliding into the older boy’s lap, arms comfortably looping around his neck. As Jaebum went to protest, Jinyoung cut him off with a kiss, one hand moving to frame his cheek softly. Once he was satisfied with himself, Jinyoung pulled away slowly, a smile spreading across his face, Jaebum looking up at him with one to match.

“Never thought I’d get that reaction from you in this place,” Jaebum mumbled, chuckling under his breath as he moved his hands to rest on the other boy’s hips. Jinyoung returned the subtle laughter, shrugging with a fond grin.

“But aren’t I just full of surprises?” Jinyoung laughed again, hands resting on Jaebum’s shoulders. “Thought you had me all figured out from the first day…”

“Like you weren’t assuming the same,” Jaebum quipped, both boys holding on to each other to keep their bodies steady as they burst into a never-ending round of giggles, the only other person in the section shooting them a dirty look and a sound to tell them to _keep it down_.

“So,” Jaebum smiled, a gleam in his eye that Jinyoung could detect from a mile away. “I have some old encyclopedias that need filing into storage…”

“Are you asking me for help, Im Jaebum?” Jinyoung smirked, hand slipping down the older boy’s side, fingers trailing along the hem of his flannel shirt.

“You could say that,” Jaebum grinned, biting his lip as Jinyoung moved off his lap. The younger boy tried to stifle his laughter, grabbing his previously discarded backpack from the middle of the floor to toss behind the desk. As Jaebum motioned towards a cart with only one book carelessly placed on it, Jinyoung shot him a knowing glance before climbing on top, Jaebum pushing it back into the employees only area, one hand gripping Jinyoung’s thigh tight.

So, it was there in the library, during regular business hours, one sole student remaining in the reference section, that Jinyoung climbed off the library cart, smiling at the older boy as he pushed him beyond a flimsy plastic gate marked ‘Employees Only,’ the younger boy’s pants hitting the floor as Jaebum knelt down near rows and rows of dictionaries and almanacs, Jinyoung’s dick (and heart) getting exactly what he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> The more things change, the more they stay the same.
> 
> Thank you to every single person who left kudos, bookmarked, subscribed, commented… especially those of you who have commented every single chapter or reply to me on twitter or do both! You encouraged me to keep writing and keep on a pretty steady schedule until the end and I can’t thank you enough.
> 
> To my beta, jhobee, for reading every single chapter and helping me edit and catch my stupid mistakes before I posted! You’re the best!!
> 
> I’ve said it before in various forms on twitter, but I would expect a sequel to this eventually. And by eventually, I mean I already started to outline it. No idea of when I'll actually work on it as I don't want to have 2 in progress at the same time, but it will happen!
> 
> Please check out my other current work (Twist) as I will be updating that more frequently now that this is over.
> 
> One last thing - I’d love to know your favorite parts from the entire story. Let me know in a comment!
> 
> It’s been so much fun - thanks so much for everything.
> 
> xoxo


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